#you wouldnt think losing an hour would be that bad

[thickest-slimiest-malware]

I lost a kahoot im being boiled alive

[straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept]

for this disability pride month, i want to highlight a couple of things with autism and ahdhd, particularly in girls.

if your teen girl is staying up every single night until 3 am doing homework, and she's been at it since 230 pm when she got home from school... that needs to be acknowledged and addressed. thats not normal, even the insane amounts of schoolwork that a white rich school would require for students in those college level courses wouldnt require almost 12 hours of studying a night. especially if her grades don't reflect that level of attention.

if your teen girl forgets things constantly, if she makes mistakes in sending the right documents or doesnt buy what you tell her to at the store, she is not lazy, stupid or malicious. these are symptoms that need to be acknowledged and addressed, this is not normal brain behavior. there is something going on cognitively.

if your teen girl is amazing and lovely until she's explosively angry, she's not an evil person hellbent on ruining the family. this is emotional disregulation, she needs help. these are symptons that need to be acknowledged and addressed.

if your teen girl is talkative and likes being around you until she doesnt, and if she goes silent until she's allowed to go to her room and sleep off the grumpiness, she's not being hateful towards you. she is likely burnt-out socializing and needs to gain her energy back, let her be. this is a symptom that needs to be addressed and acknowledged.

if your daughter constantly needs to chew on gum, even after you berate and shame her for doing so, to the point where her jaw often hurts, this is not her being defiant. this is a symptom and needs to be addressed and acknowledged.

if your daughter walks funny, laughs funny, dances weird, cries too much at commercials that are overly dramatic, and you make her feel bad for displaying any of these traits, you're harming her. let her exist in this world without feeling the need to box in her behavior into "acceptable" mannerisms. unlearn what it means to walk, laugh, dance "funny" and examine why you feel the need to bully people who don't behave in ways you've approved beforehand.

if your daughter has had trouble making friends her entire life and if you often catch her talking to herself in rehearsing full on conversations, she is most likely exhibiting symptoms of autism and these need to be acknowledged and addressed.

if your daughter learned to do things early on and had an extensive vocabulary or skipped the crawling stage and walked immediately, or if your daughter never learned how to "play properly" i.e. she loved having toys but only to organize and line them up and refused to let anyone else touch them, your daughter is exhibiting symptoms of autism that need to be acknowledged and addressed.

if your daughter often refuses to acknowledge her tone or states that "i didnt say it like that" "i didnt say that" or "thats not what i meant" and if she repeatedly tells you "i dont understand what tone you're talking about" she is not gaslighting or manipulating you. she is not being stubborn, she is not lying. she is exhibiting signs of autism that need to be acknowledged and addressed.

if your daughter only likes to eat certain things, to the point that it affects her health, she is not a picky eater. this is a symptom that must be acknowledged and addressed.

if your daughter is black and white in her thinking, to the point where she will argue with you about things that she thinks are objectively unfair or wrong to her, she is not doing it out of spite. she is exhibiting symptoms that must be addressed and acknowledged.

if your daughter loses her shit at not being allowed to sleep in on the weekends, especially if you know she's been pulling 12 hour "study sessions" all week, she is not being spoiled and ungrateful. she is exhibiting signs of autism/adhd burn out and she biologically needs to sleep more than other people to begin with, let alone in the situation that she is currently in.

please stop demonizing the behavior of your teenage daughters and start looking at each individual situation as pieces to a larger puzzle. if your daughter shows a majority of these signs, please start looking at these behaviors as manifestions of the symptoms that are distressing your child in that moment.

autism in girls is often treated as "bad behavior" that parents often try to "discipline" out instead of symptomatic behavior of a disorder that has gone unmanaged and unaccomodated for probably over a decade and half at that point. please treat your daughters with respect, love and dignity even in their worst times because that is when they need the most.

it doesn't help when you demonize your child as being purposely spiteful and hateful towards you, especially if you feel like you've communicated with them sufficiently and they aren't listening or compromising with you at the very least, because your children *do not* want to hurt you. your children are begging to be heard and you refuse to help them.

please research autism and adhd, especially how it can differ in girls versus boys, and please start treating your teenage girls with more love, kindness, and empathy.

#autism awareness #autism in girls #personal

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[strawberryya]

how to befriend a vampire

Yeosang x reader

synopsis: what could be better when you’re bored of life in every way than a hot vampire fuck buddy?

word count: 2k

genre/contains: smut, vampire au, vampire!yeosang, gn!reader, strangers to lovers/fwb, unprotected sex, general tw for vampirism and being bitten (the word blood is not used but heavily implied), stalker-ish behavior from both individuals, penetrative sex, multiple orgasms

rating: 18+

a/n: first arousal august fic is here! I hope everyone likes it and looks forward to the next little blurb I have ready and waiting in the drafts :>

my arousal august masterlist

original event for arousal august

[navigation post!]

Summer was over and new classes were about to begin. Returning to your normal routine wasn’t too hard, you had done it before. Your friends were the same, your dorm was the same, although your roommates were new, and the classes all felt as usual. Nothing special was happening at all. Of course, it would’ve been nice if something were to happen, anything really. Just something that would make life this year a bit different than last year. Maybe you should drop a class and pick up something that has nothing to do with your goal, perhaps cults would be fun to study for a term or two? 

Nothing was wrong, it was just so very…boring. 

“A back-to-class party?” Not a terrible idea, you reasoned when your new roommates asked if you wanted to come along to the park that first weekend back at campus. 

It could be horrible, but at least it would mean that something would happen other than studying or watching movies with your new, and so far reasonable, roommates. It had been a while since you had been with anyone too. Maybe this party was the perfect opportunity to find someone a bit attractive to hook up with. The one from last year had ended up getting into a relationship during the summer - rather annoying, because he really wasn’t that bad in bed. 

You needed orgasms to get through the school year, and so you went to the party. Dressed up from head to toe, in clothes that hugged your ass and glitter in your hair, hoping that the outfit would be enough to gain someone’s attention. 

Your mission was… sort of successful. It did attract tons of people, some really attractive people, and some incredibly sleazy and creepy people.

You regretted coming after about two hours of nonstop socializing with other students which led absolutely nowhere. Nobody grabbed your attention, everyone fit perfectly into the little presaved folders in your head. It was so predictable, so incredibly boring. 

“Should we just give up?” You shouted to one of your new roommates. At least, you found some hope in the fact that neither one of them had ended up finding someone interesting among the large crowd that flew past one another like ants in the campus park. You weren’t completely alone in yur failure. 

“I’m ready to go, honestly,” one of your roommates agreed, while the other one had already disappeared in the crowd without acknowledging your question. 

You grabbed ahold of one another. Neither of you sober enough to be able to navigate your way home without losing one another in the night. With arms folded together, in a way only possible for two almost strangers when drunk, you two trudged away from the party and the loud bass that made your head pound. 

“I wanted to fuck someone tonight,” you groaned and fake sobbed into the chilly night air, your roommate only laughing at your unapologetic whining. “I’m not kidding, I don’t care who it is. I just really wanna be obsessed with someone! I wanna be in love! I don’t care if it’s actually love or just really great sex.”

It seemed a bit silly to say out loud, but it was the truth. You probably wouldnt have been so honest with your roommate this soon had you been sober tonight. Nevertheless, the truth was that you just wanted someone to think about, someone to crush on, someone to sleep with when the days became too boring to handle by yourself. 

You were wobbling down the cobbled streets on your way back to the dorm. Your arm was still entangled with your roommates, thoughts having moved on from your honest feelings and instead focusing on whether or not it would be possible to order fries to your dorms. 

When he bumped into your arm, or more correctly, when you stumbled into his arm as he passed, you almost fell over. Enraged at the audacity of this random guy to walk right into you, you turned back around, prepared to yell at him with all your might. But when you began shouting a loud “Hey!”, your anger soon ebbed out as the stranger turned around, revealing his perfect face in the yellow light from the streetlight above. His features were striking even in the dark. His eyes were piercing. His hair was dark and pushed back from his forehead in a light wave. Beside one of his eyes, you noticed a blushy pink birthmark, almost matching the pretty red shade of his lips. His lips… were a lot redder than any lips you had seen on a random guy before. Was he wearing lipstick? 

You had forgotten why you had yelled out to the stranger. His gorgeously handsome face distracted you completely. 

“Y/n, let’s gooo,” your roommate whined, pulling at your arm, evidently not enraptured by the pretty stranger you had bumbled into. How was that possible? You had never seen him before, never known he existed, and you were already obsessed with him. His name, his interests, his favorite place to kiss his lover, you needed to know it all. You needed to befriend him. 

The night was mostly a blur the following day, everything except for the stranger.

For some reason, his face never left your mind. For two weeks you searched every room for him, scanned the streets as you walked down them, and took walks on the campus every shot you got. 

You never found him. He could’ve been an illusion, but you knew deep down that he wasn’t. At least looking for the mystery man in the night had given you something to think about, someone to obsess over, even if you didn’t even know his name. 

It took yet two more weeks and another walk to the convenience store to finally find that one necessary piece of information. You didn’t understand how it had taken this long to find him, it wasn’t like he was hiding. He was walking around in the park, just like the last time you had bumped into him. Dark hair falling onto the sides of his head, a long coat half open to reveal a simple black polo and jeans, almost exactly like last time. You took it all in, stopping mid-step as to not loose sight of him, the plastic bag you had bought filled with snacks and drinks for the late-night studying you had planned on doing was rustling in the wind. He had seen you too. 

He wasn’t moving either, maybe he thought you were a weirdo for simply staring at him in the dark park. 

You drew in a breath. “Hey you! What’s your name?!” You shouted across the grass. If you were going to be a weirdo, you would do it properly. 

He didn’t shout back. Far away someone shouted in the night. You looked towards the sound for half a second out of reflex, and when you looked back the stranger was gone. 

Again?? You thought and damned the universe for teasing you like this. 

“Yeosang.” 

The voice was deep and it sent chills down your back. It made you quickly turn around, finding the stranger right behind you now. He was even hotter this close. 

“Yeosang…” you whispered under your breath. He was rather tall. He gave you a small smile, white teeth flashing cold in the moonlight. Unusually pointy. “I’m y/n…”

His smile got wider. “I know”

Your mind blanked, but you needed to say something. “Let’s be friends!” You hurried to say before he could have a chance to mysteriously disappear again. His smile dropped, eyes looking at you surprised and slightly suspicious. Understandable. 

“Sure,” he said after a moment of only the wind in your ears, a smirk appearing on his face. “If a friend is all you want, I can grant you that.” 

“It’s not,” you said honestly and quickly. His smirk grew. “I want a lot more, but I only found out your name ten seconds ago. Thought I’d give you a chance to get to know me before I tried getting you into bed with me.” 

You felt feverish, the embarrassing reality of what you were telling this stranger hitting you hard.

“I know enough,” he said before his hand found the side of your face and his lips leaned in to meet yours. He tasted like aluminum for a split second but the way you could feel his toned body against yours where your coats fell open distracted you and you soon forgot about the unusual taste. 

A swishing sound made you open your eyes again, the cold from the night air in the campus park seemingly gone and replaced with much warmer air. You were inside, you were inside your own bedroom. You didn’t know how it had happened, you didn’t really know what had happened, and you didn’t know why you didn’t even care. The stranger in the night was named Yeosang, and he was kissing down your neck in your bedroom, pulling your coat off your body, and throwing it into the corner of the room. He was no ordinary person, that you had already caught onto. 

“Can I bite you?” He mumbled against your skin. 

His hands were caressing your body and your mind was buzzing with desire, but the desire didn’t clog your mind yet. You were clearminded and saying ��Yes” before you could stop and think about what a bad decision it might be to agree. 

Small pecks now your throat made arousal pool in your lower abdomen. “Bite me as you fuck me,” you whispered. This made Yeosang smile against your skin, moving up to kiss you passionately once again as he pulled his own clothes off along with yours. Pushing you down on the bed as his hard cock pushed against your thigh. It would be tight, but you needed him to use you and stretch you out enough to make life interesting again. 

That, he did. Nothing was mundane or boring about his hands on your body or his tongue on your chest. He was surprisingly gentle as he began filling your hole with his erect cock, but his pace grew feral as he continued pounding into you. You were moaning and clawing at his sculpted body when he hit the right spot inside of you. When his lips let go of you, you looked at him gazing down at your bare neck, he wanted to bite you for real, it was clear he meant it, and you wanted him to as well. You shifted your neck, inviting him to do what he wished. “You look delicious,” he mumbled before he threw himself onto your neck, piercing the skin ever so slightly. You barely even felt it, but the way he suckled on your skin after the small sting felt like he was trying to mark your skin, sending goosebumps down your body when he continued licking and humming against your neck. 

You came as he pounded into you, his hands working their magic while getting to know your body. He didn’t stop until you came for a second time, whining at the overstimulation. 

He cared for your neck and cleaned you up, his movements swift and gentle as he handled you. He caressed your skin with great care, careful not to be too rough. A world’s difference from the way he had fucked you a moment ago. He didn’t force any small talk, a nice change from most other guys you had been with. He had gotten dressed and given you some of your own pajamas to put on before he was ready to leave. 

He couldn’t leave just like this, you collected all the courage you had left and began with an unsure voice. “We’re friends now, right? So you’re welcome here anytime, we could do this again…” 

“We’re friends, yeah.” He smirked and looked at you as you pulled your shirt over your head. “I’ll be here if you need me, or if you’re just… bored.” The last word he said was paired with a small wink. You chuckled nervously, he had known all along. Could he read your mind as well? Maybe you could find out next time. 

Reblogging and commenting is highly appreciated!! Hearing what you thought is what makes writing and being here overall so much fun! Ty and ily 💕

[navigation post!]

#yeosang smut #cultofdionysusnet #k-labels #kwritersworldnet #kvanity #arousal august #ateez smut #vampire yeosang #vampire ateez #ateez yeosang #kang yeosang #kang yeosang smut #ateez #yeosang #gn reader

[razzmothazz]

rating pjsk characters based on how likely i am to beat them in a physical fight

Ichika: 6/10 im not sure how strong she is but she has this aura about her. i would fight her but i would be so scared

saki: 1/10 i could easily beat her but i would cry. i would let her win just cause i love her too much to even try to hit her

honami: 3/10 shes a drummer. she would beat my ass and she would do it with a funky rythm.

shiho: 5/10 i would put up a good fight but im not winning it. i love her a lot too but i wouldnt feel as bad about fighting her

minori: 7/10 im winning but shes not giving up easy

haruka: 2/10 i just dont think i could do it both physically and mentally, idc how strong or weak she is im losing this one

airi: 0/10 i dont even have a chance. im gone before the fight even starts are you kidding me

shizuku: 2/10 shes an archer are u kidding me. shes definetly stronger than me but she wouldnt want to fight me so i have a bit of a chance. im not taking that chance tho im scared.

kohane: 9/10 i would feel bad and she would definitely put up a good fight but i could win

an: 3/10 i would cry, not because shes stronger than me but because i love her way too much and just seeing her would make me sob

akito: 1/10 i have no chance in winning but im trying my best to beat that gingers ass anyway. he canonically works out and has the determination levels of frisk undertale while the only thing on my side is pure hatred for gingers [i love him but if i could fight him i would]

toya: 4/10 i win easily but i dont feel good about it..

tsukasa: 0/10 i cant. i dont think hes stronger than me but if i saw him i would just hug him and sob. there is no fight. he just ends up comforting me for an hour.

emu: 0/10 she folds me in half immediately. i die on the scene. she wasnt even trying to fight me she just hugged me. broke all of my bones.

nene: 5/10 shes not strong so i win easy but once again i dont feel good about it

rui: 9/10 easiest fight of my life. i go for the ankles and without his robots to use he is hopeless. if there are robots involved i eat all of their parts so i win anyway

kanade: 10/10 i tell her to take the fight outside and she immediately collapses

mafuyu: 0/10 fuck no.

ena: 1/10 i have experience in fighting older sisters so i would put up a good fight but she gets my ass anyway. no chance but i try anyway

mizuki: 1/10 theyre not much stronger than me but they wouldnt be afraid to beat my ass if they wanted to and i love them too much to fight back

that is all thanks for reading

#project sekai #pjsk #pjsekai #random #shitpost

[bonefall]

aro firestar so real tbh he has to have it pointed out like 20 times "hey sandstorm likes you" and at the end is like "well. shes strong and nice and loyal so i wouldnt mind being around her more". most iconic qpr

I want them as a qpr so bad, Darkest Hour pisses me off because Firestar starts like, becoming super protective of her because he Wuvs her while she's like, "i am trained to kill you f lea brain."

In general canon FireSand is not a ship that makes me happy. I don't think the characters work romantically. Sandstorm is intense and mean, like a character who would complement someone who needs encouragement... but Fireheart does not need that.

She gets angry over him being oblivious to her advances and loses patience when he's stressed out, snapping at him and giving him the cold shoulder after he says something emotional when Cloudpaw is kidnapped by humans.

His paws are raw and bloody from running down the world's sharpest road, Cloudpaw was screaming and crying for help, he shouts "HE WAS ALL I HAD IN THIS CLAN" and then Sandstorm is like "what about ME. HA-RUMPH!" Like... girl shut up this is not about you??

They're so much better as QPR, emphasis on the mutual respect they have for each other, the idea that they see the other as dependable and responsible. Sandstorm as a clanmate who speaks her mind and doesn't always back him up, but always speaks with respect and wisdom.

Firestar Aro Change My Mind

#Another leaflet in the 'i dont like the canon pairings' booklet really #Bone babble

[keo-k]

sometimes i think i wasnt an injury-prone child and then i realise im gaslighting myself

tw: fair descriptions of injury?? if you dont like blood uhh dont read <3 this is just me reminiscing on being a child who thinks they cannot feel. pain. sorry if its incoherent im very sick and life feels like a fever dream and i did not sleep last night! this is so diary-entry-core TLDR i had a lot of random injuries and a few medical mysteries.

i keep looking at the middle of my chest like "man where the fuck did i get this scar from" and then i remember this one childhood day where i was filled with hubris and slid down a chain in a playground and my skin tore from under my shirt and i started bleeding terribly ill also occasionally look at the permanent callouses on my hands and remember running down a hill at full speed, followed by rolling down a hill at full speed, crashing into rocky concrete, looking down at my hands and being utterly terrified because they're entirely covered in blood???? its all red??????? also spinning on the biggest rock in the rock garden in front of my house after a friend's birthday party blowing bubbles when i lose my footing and land chin-first into the sharpest rock there, getting blood all over my favourite party dress and having to go to the ER for 6 hours and getting, not stitches, but glue. yeowie. i scratched most of the scar off somehow, just tearing the skin off my face because i didnt like the texture. its still kind of there if you look at the right angle. being in gymnastics class, doing beat swings on the high bars, thinking "whey my hands hurt im gonna drop and get some chalk (for some reason. its not like i was slipping i was just yeowch)", dropping down, looking at my hands and LO AND BEHOLD three inches of the skin beneath my ring finger on both hands is sticking up stupid vertical ! i couldnt use my hands too good for the next two weeks, also the skin sticking up WAS NOT DEAD so i couldnt trim it without feeling excruciating pain. like cutting your ear off :( not really a "when i was younger" thing, still valid now, but i have hyper mobility so im stupid flexible. especially in my ankles! like i cant do sports without wearing ankle braces on both legs. even that cannot save me sometimes, i still die. anyway my mum thought i was a piece of shit and was faking my ankle injuries bc the limping would last like. a whole month wowie! then we realised i just have bad joint. also i can hit the splits anywhere without stretching, i can walk on the literal sides of my ankles (not like. the sides of my feet no no no. go even further beyond.), i can fold my fingers backwards into silly lookin curls without any pain and keep them there no issue, and i have gotten many MANY greenstick fractures even after my bones developed a lot because my bones soft and refuse to break like a normal persons. like my basketball coach will bend my leg back to test how far it goes and i wont feel any pain and he'll say like. "oh thats waaaay too far back to be safe." and ill laugh because it can go WAY further back! and i hate it !

BONUS: ME BEING A MEDICAL MYSTERY WOOOOO up to age 8 i would have these ... seizures? all throughout the night. i would shake super aggressively and it wouldnt wake me up. my mum filmed it one night when she finally caught it on video (she would stay up HOURS ON END trying to catch it. wild). the shaking would start like a twitching at my fingers and would travel to my hand, to my arm, to the rest of my body and youd think i got fucking electrocuted. anyway she showed it to doctors and they brought me in immediately to scan my brain for fuck knows what and they didnt. find anything? like my brain activity was completely normal. they didnt let me out of hopital for a week cus theyre like "THIS ISNT NORMAL SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS KID" but. womp womp. we never found out. i dont shake anymore but i do shmove a lot. like, a lot a lot. and im always tired and im capable of falling asleep standing up. and have minor chronic fatigue. also i had a bullseye-type thingy on my thigh that really, REALLY looked like a tick bite! i was in immense amounts of pain and couldnt properly walk. there was a dot in the middle, and this surrounding ring of red would expand and shrink overtime. very reasonable to think of it as a tick bite. anyway my parents carried me out to the car in the middle of the night so we could go to sick kids. they measured how much the ring would expand by (i dont remeber number. it was beeg.) and then they sent me to the ER out of the concern that i would get lyme disease. they tested me or something idk i was unconcious and. IT WASNT A TICK BITE! you may be asking "so what was it, mr gorgeous fish?" um. well heres why this is in the 'medical mystery' section. they never found out. it went away a day later and we were just like "ah. okay." so. whoops. when i was a toddler they put me in an mri thing where they uh. strapped me down because toddlers usually freak out and damage the mri thingy? anyway. was in there for two hours. and i did not freak out. at all. i was asleep for one of the hours, but the second one i just laid there very awake and very still and the doctors thought i had brain. damage. i didnt! yay ! i also have many chronic illness now. weeeee i probably missed a lot of my stories here but anyway. heres me being silly

[munsonssub]

Lets take a ride. Eddie Munson x fem!reader

A/N; literally wrote this in three hours so if it sucks im sorry, not proof read also. ALSO no one can tell me eddie wouldnt ride a motorcycle bc if you think he wouldnt youre wrong also please let me know what you think. I’m not used to posting my writing so I need feedback

Summary: you’ve had enough, being a triple senior, losing your dad, and your mom blaming you for anything, you need an escape, luckily eddie can do that for you.

warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of a slight panic attack, sexual innuendoes (MINORS GO AWAY) 

word count: 2368. (whoops)

;

;

It was a normal day, sorta, you had a rough morning, like usual, no big surprise. Your mom had been meaner than usual, which is fair, you ran out another one of her boyfriends with your attitude, or at least that’s what she yelled at you this morning before you left for school.

What ever doesn’t matter anymore, you thought to yourself as you pushed the door open at Hawkins high. Maybe this year, your third senior year at Hawkins you’d finally graduate. You weren’t alone in your third year though, one other, who you were almost too much like, was there also. Eddie Munson, the metal head cult leader, freak as many of your peers called him, was also on his third year. Which didn’t surprise you.

Honestly you wish you had the same excuses as him, smoking pot, not really giving a fuck, just enjoying existing. But instead, you had a dead dad and a bad attitude and an alarming number of fights with teachers that landed you here.

Surprisingly you hadn’t been handed the title of a freak yet, loser, yes. But freak? Nope. You liked metal music and dressed more punk than your peers would like, but you kept to yourself, which also left you with the name bitch. Not wanting to entertain conversations with anyone you felt alone, but that’s okay, that’s how you wanted to be. But today, God today, you wish you had someone, anyone really that you could talk to.

The day went by slow, the need and urge for something more eating at you, not letting its ugly head hide. Maybe just maybe you could find something to give you the rush you need.

Maybe I could jump into the river, or play chicken on the highway. You thought. Just as you exit the building you hear the roar of a motorcycle to your left, glancing over you see him, Eddie Munson in all is dumb, cute long-haired glory, wearing a Dio shirt, ripped jeans, his trusty leather jacket and combat boots. He’s standing over a Yamaha Virago, showwing it off to his friends. You can hear parts of their conversations.

“So, this is what you’ve been doing with your cut from the hide out gigs?” one of them asks as Eddie nods and then starts on a spiel about how long it took and what year the bike was. 1984, dude its so cool, only took like fours months to save for with both gigs.

That, that’s what you need, some adrenaline from a risky bike ride. You thought, mustering up the courage you walk over, pocketing your car keys you had already grabbed out.

“Hey Munson!” you shout as you get closer, his friends turning to look at you as Eddies eyes widen.

“L/N, to what do I owe the pleasure of you finally talking to me after all these years?” Eddie smirked. Looking you up and down, checking out your black jeans, the chains hanging and the Metallica shirt you had just gotten.

“Was wondering if you’d be up for having a backpack for a cruise? Like the bike by the way, my dad had a Yamaha too.” You cringe, not meaning to bring up your father. Eddie eyes you for a second before nodding.

“Right now, sweetheart?” he pats the handle bar and smiles at you.

“Uh,” you freeze, you weren’t actually expecting him to say yes. “How about later, before sunset? if you’re free. I have my car here and if it isn’t home by four my mother will lose her mind.” You level with him.

“Sure, thing sweetheart, wanna meet me at the arcade for seven thirty? Also make sure you wear your boots and leather jacket, can’t have you getting hurt if we go sideways.” He straightened out and walks towards you, his hand out ready for you to shake, you take it and try not to shiver at the feeling of his hand in yours.

“Sir yes sir, ill bring my helmet too. Seven thirty. See you then Munson.” You let his hand go and wave bye as you walk away, trying to calm the sudden rush of breath.

You get home, thankfully your mom isn’t there. Three and a half hours to kill, you could do that easily, considering it would take you a half hour to walk to the arcade anyways. You go up to your room, putting in the new Dio album on and laying out your home work.

Two hours pass easily, you’re done the work you needed to get done, ate some dinner and now you’re looking for your helmet, your dad bought it for you just before he died. Telling you he was gonna teach you to ride his bike so you could take it when he fell sick. Annoyingly though you mother sold it for money that she owed one of her ‘friends’.You’d gotten over it quickly, knowing she would’ve sold it anyways before you could get your hands on it. Finally locating the black helmet, you smiled to yourself, mentally highfiving yourself as you stood and walked out of the garage.

6:45. The clock read as you walked past, quickly setting down your helmet you ran upstairs to grab your jacket and boots. Writing out a note for your mom that you left tacked to the fridge before you pulled on your boots and jacket and grabbed your helmet, locking the door you started your trek to the arcade.

The walk went by easily enough, your nerves hitting you just as you round the corner to the arcade and see Eddie standing by his bike, a lit cigarette in his mouth as he talked to kids you recognized from his DND club. Shaking your arms, you let out a shaky breath and gather the courage to finish the walk to him.

“Munson.” You nod your head as you get closer, a slight smile on your lips even though you feel like puking. He quickly says goodbye to the kids and turns towards you.

“L/N! you came! Hope you’re ready for the ride of your life sweetheart,” He winked at you. You lightly scoff and put your helmet on. Eddie does the same before straddling the bike and kicking up the stand. “c’mon sweet thing.” He gives you a gentle smile, seeming to notice your nerves.

“Better treasure this Munson, it’s the only time you’ll be in between my thighs.” You say as you get on behind him.

“Oh honey, I wouldn’t say that just yet.” He winks at you as you put your arms around him and he starts the bike.

You ride around town for thirty minutes before he stops at a stop sign, leaning back, which causes you to sit up a bit. He pus his hands on your thighs, patting a beat to a song that must be stuck in his head.

“What do you say to leaving town? I know a place.” He yells over the engine noise from the bike.

“If you think you’re taking me to skull rock you are sorely mistaken. Not making out with you there.” You reply.

“Sweet thing, I don’t have to take you to skull rock to get you to make out with me,” He smirks. “that’s not a no. you ready for some speed?” he pats your thigh again before you nodded against his back. He leaned down and you followed. Keeping your hold around his waist as he took a turn out of town.

You slowly gained speed as you drove out of town, towards the unknown location. You yelled for him to go faster once you hit the open road hoping he heard you. The only indication he did was the bike getting louder as you took off, squeezing him you lifted off of him a bit to watch the sunset and the scenery passing you by. You don’t know where you’re going but honestly you don’t care. He could murder you for all you care right now. Would make this shit easier you think as you hit a clearing with no trees.

Suddenly its too much, your emotions suddenly hitting their peak, all the dread and depression you’ve been holding in, falling out, you could feel tear start to come down your face, a sob escaping your mouth as you clutch tighter to Eddie. The speed and noise suddenly setting off all your alarms.

You can feel him shift down and start to slow down, pulling off onto a look out, you don’t even know when you went up the glorified hill, which locals would call a mountain, but you could see all of Hawkins. Signalling it was good for you to get off Eddie pat your hands the were clutching to him. You quickly let go before putting you hands on his shoulders and pulling yourself off the bike. The first thing you did when you got off was rip your helmet off and throw it at the ground before covering your face with your hands and screaming.

You could hear Eddie get off the bike and turn it off before the soft sound of boots crunching gravel hit. Your hands were still on your face when you felt him hug you, one arm around your waist and the other coming up to the back of your head. He held you for a moment while another sob wracked your body, you took your hands off your face before slipping them around him and shoving yourself into his chest more.

“Hey, sweet thing shh you’re okay, hey can you take a deep breath for me? Just one? C’mon sweets.” Eddie cooed into your hair, his hand rubbing the back of your head.

You feel yourself nodding before slightly pushing off of him, looking up at him, catching his eyes that are full of concern.

“Copy me Y/N c’mon,” he takes a deep breath that you copy, you panicked breathing calming as you keep breathing with him. “There yah go sweets, nice and calm for me huh? Good girl.”

Your breath hitches with him saying that, a blush hitting your cheeks.

“Fuck I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened, I was fine then fuck man. This is embarrassing.” You shake your head pushing yourself away from him and sitting on the ground at the edge of the look out.

“Why would it be embarrassing?” he asks you, coming to sit beside you, knees bent and his arms resting on them.

“Because fuck I don’t know?! You’re so fucking cool and metal and you probably think I’m a fucking poser siting over here crying over nothing important like a goddamn drama queen.” You glower, laying flat on you back to look at the now night sky. Not noticing is face heating up with your compliments

“Drama queen? Lil bit. Poser? Fucking never, actually wanna know something funny?” he lays down beside you, on his side and resting his head in his hand.

“Sure Munson, humour me for ruining the cruise.” You say as you turn your head to now look at him.

“I have wanted to talk to you for months, no scratch that, years, but I was always scared,” you accidentally cut him off with a laugh. He jokingly glares at you before pushing your arm. “Yeah, yeah laugh, but honestly Y/N, I’ve been so scared to talk to you because you have this sick aura about you, you don’t give a shit, about what anyone says, and I know I don’t either but honestly I kinda do, why do you think I do shit just to get reactions.” He pauses and you readjust, copying his position.

“But you god you, you fucking intimidate me, I felt like I was gonna die when you walked up to me earlier, then you asked to go for ride and I swear I thought I had died and gone to heaven.” He looks into your eyes finally as you smile at him.

“Can I level with you?” you asked honestly.

“Always sweet thing.”

“I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while too, just walk up and strike up a conversation with you about bands or anything really, but I always chickened out because I have a lot of baggage and didn’t wanna scare you off.”

“Oh, sweet thing, nothing you could do could scare me off.” He smirks, a sweet smile starting to grow on his lips. You felt your heart jump into your throat and a blush start on your cheeks. With out thinking much you leaned forward, smashing your lips against his.

It takes a minute for him to start kissing you back but when he does the kisses intensity is dialed to eleven, you hand finds his face as he pushes your shoulder back with his and is climbing on top of you, slotting himself between your thighs.

“Told you id get between your thighs again.” He smirks as he breaks the kiss, a scoff leaves your throat before you are pulling him back down again.

Things started to escalate quickly, a moan leaving your lips and he pushed his hips against yours. Your hands pushing the bandana he had on off his head so you could grab his hair as he let out a hiss at you pulling it, you didn’t want to stop, honestly, you’d let him do anything he wants to you if he asked. But you knew you had to, it was already probably past your curfew and you already knew you be in shit when you got home, so reluctantly you disconnected your lips. Only to have him immediately start kissing down your neck, making you moan.

“Eds, eds, baby we gotta stop, you gotta take me home.” You sigh as he groans against your neck.

“You sure sweet thing? Could take you back to my place.” He smirks lifting himself off you.

“Tempting, but my moms already gonna have my head because I’m out so late.” You pat his chest as e helps you off the ground.

“Okay L/N, but we are continuing this tomorrow after school.” He smiles and he grabs your helmet and puts it on for you.

“Gladly Munson.”

#eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #joseph quinn #joseph quinn x reader

[delusional-mishaps]

well guys. since i missed epic's birthday (devastating) have some headcanons :)

he is one of those weaboos who learned japanese so he can watch anime "the authentic way" (his words)

so he's fluent in japanese 💀 he literally only learned it for anime but dude was DEDACTED

he's so cringe guys 😭 i can say that. he's my boyfriend i love him

he would adore those cute anime girl v-tubers. like not in a weird way but he'd watch a lot of them

HE PLAYS GENSHIN 💀 he'd probably main beidou or raiden shogun/ei.. maybe run a full electro team with miko and fischl too 😭 (fischl is his fave character he loves her backstory and her bird thing idk i dont use fischl 💀) he loves the electro characters for some reason idk

HE HAS THE WORST LUCK ON THIS GAME THO. bro has c6 diluc (me too ☹️) and all his artifacts SUCK ASS even tho he'll grind every day

he has to spend money on every banner because he always loses his 50/50 and only gets high pity

ok enough genshin headcanons he's cringe we know this

im here ranting about a game i hate because my dumb boyfriend plays it so much

he hangs out with cross a lot ofc BUT

whenever he hears the word cross used in any context he turns to cross like "CROSS????? BRUH THATS YOU!!" (i always make these jokes. im projecting)

cant believe jesus died on his best friend fr... LMAOOO

he speedruns minecraft. he's NOT GOOD AT IT. but he can do it

he's had his speedruns ruined by creepers like 7 times

one time he somehow got into the deep dark and got killed by the warden??? idk what bro was doing down there in a speedrun dawg 😭

sorry he's a gamer in my head but hes really bad at every game he plays (just like me fr)

he sleeps under like 6 different weighted blankets in the hopes that he wont thrash around when he sleeps but he's too strong and ends up tossing them all off his bed 😭

bro needs to be CRUSHED to fall asleep!! he literally cant fall asleep without the weight

not that he likes to sleep anyway because of the nightmares but whatever. hes gotta do it. unfortunately.

he fights in his dreams ofc thats like canon but bro is throwing punches in his sleep fr

if he gets a partner (me fr!!) they gotta sleep in a different ROOM 😭 he is taking NO CHANCES and tbh thats so fair i wouldnt wanna wake up being beaten up by my bf

he is so ipad baby-core <3 he'll just watch youtube on his ipad all day if u let him but he's an old man and needs his spectacles otherwise he's holding it at arm's length 💀

don't forget bro is literally a doctor?? he's SO smart but he uses his goofy persona as a cover up

im convinced like most of the people that know him actually dont know this. they all think hes dumb as bricks 💀

them he'll casually say smth super smart and everyone is like ???????? HELLO??? SINCE WHEN DID UR BRAIN WORK??

i love drawing epic with glasses guys he looks so cute. but he has old man reading glasses

this the typa shit he wears

AND HE FUCKING. anime glasses 😭

like yk how ppl in anime push glasses up

him fr

AUUGH WHY IS HE SO CRINGE I NEED TO CRUSH HIM

he actually needs his glasses all the time but he doesnt like to look like a NERDD so he doesnt wear them

he makes cross read everything for him

they go out to eat and gotta make him read the whole menu otherwise hes holding it 2cm from his face 💔

"whatd that sign say i cant read it"

"dude the letters are huge how cant you read it"

"oh lol i need my glasses my bad bruh"

"YOU ARE DRIVING A CAR RIGHT NOW????"

actually he cant legally drive. because thats funnier than if he could

id still be his passenger princess <3 i refuse to get my license

anyway guys isnt my boyfriend so silly

im so tiredni needto seelp goodnight smooork mimimumumu

its 3am i neednto get up in 5 hours naioiiooooooo

goodbye guys enhjoy my boyfrien mdgrf

#count how many times i project onto epic challenege #headcanon #undertale headcanon #epic #epic sans #epic headcanon #bruh idk how to tag stuff i dont make real posts anymore 😭 #jester writes

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Important Pokemon Trainers and whether or not I can beat them in a fight

(I am not talking pokemon, I am talking about a fight with the actual trainer. These hands are rated E for everyone)

This isnt about if I would do it. its just what would happen if I did

Brock: If I go by the anime, I would break him in half. If we are talking the games, thats more of a toss up. I would lean towards yes, but I would be skeptical

Misty: I would beat her ass. Misty could yell my ear off but I am 100% sure I could kick her ass

L.T. Surge: He would clap my cheeks. Dude is a war vetern. He probably would break my spine

Erika: Girl is high as s***, I would knock her out before she realizes it

Koga: Koga would kill me easily, Dude is a NINJA! Even if I thought I could hold my own, he got tricks and I cant compete with that.

Sabrina: No, I will not fight sabrina, she would turn me inside out with her psychic powers

Blaine: I could beat blaine, but I would feel guilty about it

Giovanni: Gonna be honest, I think He would beat me. Giovanni would fight dirty and probably have his grunts jump me if he started losing. But if its solely one on one, I might have a chance, but i still say The Rocket boss.

Lorelei: I could probably fight her, I wouldnt want to. But I would win

Bruno: F*** no. He would BREAK my head like an egg. Dude is YOKED. No thanks

Agatha: I would kick her cane away. Then I would win. I would probably get cursed. But, I would win

Lance: So... this is a tough one. Because Lance would totally just cheat and call out his dragonite to hyper beam me. But... if I manage to knock out all his mons, then I would flip his cape over his head and beat his ass

Blue/ASSFACE: I would crush Gary like a grape

Falkner: I would send him crying to his dad

Bugsy: I would squish him like a bug

Whitney: I would just make her break a nail and she would weep

Morty: Honestly I think it would be a close fight, but I think I could pull up and win

Chuck: No, He would grind me into the dirt

Jasmine: I would win, but I would feel awful about it

Pryce: Mainly cause he's old. I would win. I got a feeling he would kick my butt if he was in his prime

Clair: I would personally enjoy the catharsis of beating her ass. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT KINGDRA ROBBED ME! ITS PAYBACK TIME B****.

Will: He might have psychic powers... but I think I can take him. He seems brittle

Karen: I am pretty sure Karen would beat my ass, and I would probably say thank you.

Roxanne: I would drop kick her easy

Brawly: This is 50/50. I feel like he is in great shape, so he got stamina. But I wouldnt consider him a fighter.

Wattson: I am gonna beat his ass and then ask his wife out

Flannery: I could beat up Flannery. I wouldnt feel good about it. But I could

Norman: I would beat this mans ASS! I would spend 2 hours doing it. TWO SLAKINGS IS BULLSHIT NORM!

Winona: I feel like it would be a tough fight, but I could pull it off

Tate and Liza: I would PUNT those children

Juan: I would beat his frilly coat wearing ass

Wallace: I could win, but then I would be MURDERED by his fangirls. So I wouldnt

Sidney: I think this is a closer fight then I would say. And I would arguably say Sidney might edge me out if he fights dirty

Phoebe: I could win, but I would rather not fight her. It feels wrong to do so

Glacia: I dont think I can beat her, I feel like she is hiding some s*** and might actually be really strong

Drake: 200% WOULD LOSE to him. Drake is clearly tearing me a new asshole.

Steven: I would say 50/50. I feel like with all the s*** he does with looking for rocks. He would be tough. So either way

Roark: He's a nerd, I'd give him a wedgie.

Gardenia: Id win, but she would be probably be into it...

Maylene: She is beating me senseless. Girl hiked up a cold mountain in nothing but her GI. I am not f***ing with that

Crasher Wake: No. I would get triple Suplexed into next week

Fatina: I would win, but I would feel bad about it. Mainly cause she would go to a contest after

Byron: unless he wields that shovel then I think he got me beat

Candice: I would win, but I feel like I am fighting a normal teenager so...

Volkner: beating his ass like its a piñata

Aaron: stomp him out like a cockroach

Bertha: I feel like I could win... but she reminds me of my grandma so I wouldnt fight her

Flint: I am beating his ass

Lucian: He's a nerd. So I would take his lunch money

Cynthia: There are a few certainties in this world. One of them is that Cynthia would beat my ass, and I would thank her and ask for another

Cress, Cillan, and Chilli: I would beat EACH of them at once

Lenora: No, I am not fighting Lenora, I would die.

Burgh: I would Obliterate that Twink

Elesa: Part of me thinks I would beat her, but she has BDE, so... I dont know

Clay: I would beat his Hokey Pokey ass

Skyla: As long as we on the ground, I am winning that fight

Bryce: This one goes to him, guy can sense those ninjas that Ghetsis hired.

Iris: She is a child, I would punt her

Drayden:

This Man is an absolute unit. No way I can beat him

N: I would beat his scraggily ass

Ghetsis: I would get no greater pleasure than beating him to death

Cheren: I am beating him easily

Roxie: I just need to avoid her swinging guitar and I am fine

Marlon: He has stamina to swim MASSIVE distances, so I think he would outlast me.

Shauntel: I would just knock off her glasses and be done

Marshal: He kicks my ass, no question

Grimsley: In a fair fight I win, but I am 100% sure he will have a knife

Caitlin: I ... I think Id win, but I would feel bad

Alder: Considering how casually the man jumps off cliffs... No I would lose

Viola: Easy fight

Grant: He can rock climb, but I am pretty sure I win

Korrina: She beats my ass. I would put up a fight, but I would lose

Ramos: I wouldnt need to fight him, id just let him die on his own. Man is ancient

Clemont: Even with his robo arms, I would bully him

Valerie: I am pretty sure she isnt human with those eyes... so I think I would lose

Olympia: She is sabrina with Mommy energy. I would die

Wulfric: I feel like if he landed a hit he would win, but he would be too slow too. So If I can keep in the fight, I would win

Malva: I think I could win, but it wont be simple

Siebold: I would roast that cook

Wikstrom: Now you would think with the armor he would win, but That armor would slow his ass down. I would just keep punching him in the face

Drasna: I feel like I could win or it would be HORRIFICALLY one sided. there is no inbetween

Diantha: I feel like I could win, but like her fans would kill me

(I am skiping the island trial teens. I would beat up all of them except Kiawe. He would be a pain)

Hala: He would beat me, and I would accept it with grace

Olivia: I couldnt fight her, I would be too attracted to her

Nanu: He would beat me, I know that man has seen s***

Hapu: She is a child, I would punt her

Kahili: I would beat her with my 9 iron

Molayne: I would bully him relentlessly

Professor Kukui: He would beat my ass in a circle. And I would say thank you

Hau: I would steal his Malasada

Milo: That man is 200% beef. I would lose

Nessa: I could beat nessa, but I would probably let her beat me up because I couldnt bring myself to hurt her

Kabu: He Kicks my ass. No question

Bea: She would beat me like a punching bag

Allistair: I would win no diff, but I would feel bad about it

Opal: I dont care how old she is, she wins

Bede: I beat that kid no questions asked

Gordi: I would beat him easy. Then Marry his mom

Melony: I WANT to lose to her. I want her to suffocate me.

Piers: I would use his long hair to beat him,

Marnie: I could beat her, but... her fans would jump me in an alley

Raihan: I would beat him on his livestream

Leon: I feel like I could, but the man has guts so it would be a tough fight

#pokemon trainers #can I kick their ass

[b0nelessworld]

some meanspo bc i need it and youre welcome to use it

look at you. you think anyone will love you when you look like that?you want love so bad but you would willingly let someone love somebody as fat as you? the funny part is you know they wouldnt. you think theyre looking at you? hell no they are looking at your skinny friend(s) the ones who are pretty with no effort. you take hours getting ready just to look “presentable” and you think a guy is gonna look at you instead of your friends who are effortlessly stunning? YOU ARE FAT , NO ONE IS GOING TO LOVE YOU IF YOU HAVE NO CONTROL IN MAKING YOURSELF SKINNY. YOU WANT UR PROBLEMS TO GO AWAY? get skinny. you want someone to love you? get skinny. you want to wear something and not feel repulsed when you look in the mirror? GET SKINNY. What the hell are you waiting for? the less you care the fatter you are going to get. you keep failing with the “ i deserve to eat” when you damn well know you don’t deserve to eat if you deserved to eat you wouldnt look like a god damn cow. youre distasteful and sick if you think anyone is ever gonna love an ugly pig like you . and the sad part is that it can be so easy to lose all this weight just stop eating and workout alot but no you cant even do that because youre a lazy peice of shit . you arent ill enough to say you have an eating disorder you post on here wanting praise as if you didnt only starve yourself for one day and then go back to binging for the next three days. you make me sick. the fact you think you even have the right to tell urself you have an eating disorder but you’re too lazy to keep up with the things you need to do. you arent gonna get pretty or skinny with that mindset. no one is going to love you. you are nothing but a poser wanting attention over the fact that youre a lazy fat cow. do better you disgust me. i dont think you deserve to eat for atleast 3 days. your body should make you sick to your stomach as it does me because everytime i look at you it makes me want to run 10 miles hoping i never end up like that. get your lazy as up and go do something about it you pig.

[climaxbattles]

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

#sorry if u know me and think this might be about you #not trying to like vaguepost abt them though i just dont even know if its worth bringing up. and i cant even rly communicate #i forget if my irl friend has a tumblr #its not your fault i feel like this though if anyone does read this #i just feel like i keep saying the same things in vents to friends and i want to stop bothering tgem

[nancydrewwouldnever]

But Ghosted's problems have nothing to do with what is going on in his personal life. Its problems are all its own.///

I agree that Ghosted has several problems outside of Chris, but dont you think his fandom for the most part would have watched it to support him and helped the movie get views and now he's kinda lost that. Unlike his other lead movies this was a streaming movie which means fans wouldnt have to leave their homes and spend money on tickets. DJ did well enough for Apple and I think most of the people watching that were his fans. So by losing some of his fanbase it might be an issue for the streaming numbers. And I think with Apple a lot of success is based on critics as well. They're biggest hits always seem to have the best reviews which really helps spread word of mouth.

Well, though, Defending Jacob premiered into a different situation, didn't it? First, it was when he was still riding at the highest point of his popularity, after the huge successes of Endgame and Knives Out. It was also during the beginning of pandemic lockdown, so a lot of people stuck at home looking for things to watch. It was sorta the perfect situation, in a way, for it to do big numbers for Apple. (And Apple was very happy with the numbers that DJ did.)

I think we might see two possible scenarios with Ghosted numbers. First, though, we have to acknowledge we may never hear a thing about it. Apple is very close to the vest about streaming numbers. One, yes, we might see how the erosion in his fandom impacts it. I think that's a very real possibility. (However, some people might still hate watch. It happens.) Two, and this is an interesting possibility - some people watch movies they already think are going to be bad simply to see how bad it might be. It's like watching just to point and laugh as you watch; watching while mocking. But does your intent behind your watching matter, when the streaming hours add up all the same?

#ask #ghosted

[emmetofthestars]

can i ask 'guilt' for charon, break for blu soldier (i gotta write down their names somewhere, apologies!!) and 'alone' for blu demo!!!! ohh i loveee awesome questions so yummy

i can write down all the names for you in a seperate answer/post if you want grins :)

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

everytime that charon has genuinely screamed/yelled at people and seen them flinch/seen their face scrunch. everytime he thinks about it and how he felt when he actually heard/saw them tear up, he wants to rip the skin off his face it hurts him so bad. and it makes him even madder that he cares at all because he hates giving people the impression that anything matters to him.

he does not. he does not handle guilt. he avoids his guilt so hard he tries so hard to pretend not to care or to pretend he doesnt feel bad about it.

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

(answered this one before so im copy pasting)

i imagine that for carl, most likely, itd be something like a small inconvenience that would put him off just enough. its not that that small thing makes him break down, its a bunch of little things that stack up over time and when he finally reaches his last straw he loses it. besides that, if he cant wear his helmet or something over his eyes for longer than a day, by the next day he'll break over anything

when he does, he doesnt leave his room, and he doesnt speak to anyone, verbally or not, until he feels better. he doesnt let anyone in regardless of who they are and he'll only take things if theyre small enough to slide under his door, like letters. he wont open his door a crack either.

i doubt anyone would see him like this because hes very quick to lock himself in his room but if anything its most likely to be daisy (heavy.)

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

i dontttt think achilles does well with loneliness. he really likes being around people in general even if hes not talking to them so it would make him really nervous and uneasy if he had to be alone for hours at a time. he wouldnt really deal with it because he couldnt distract himself well or long enough. if this extends beyond a day or several days i think hed find it a little easier to concentrate after the first day, but he would still feel very unenergetic and irritated, and if he has to do a job he would hardly do it. he neeeds someone to talk to or atleast someone to be there

he does put on a bit of a mask when hes around other people but hes not too different when hes alone

#emmet answers

[dramamines]

TW Vent below, mentions of SH

ugh ive never vented here and im not planning on making it a regular thing, but i recently had to delete discord so im gonna be talking into the void abt this instead. last night i had to take melatonin to sleep for the first time in ages, and read my book for an hour to calm the anxiety i was having. my mum went through my phone (she does respect my privacy, so she wasn't reading messages or looking through my pinterest, just checking what apps i had downloaded and the screentime has done today). she did find some tumblr screentime, not a large enough amount for her to think i use it regularly, and i made up a lie on the spot that saved me. she's become rlly paranoid abt my internet usage again bc she just had a cybersafety talk at school (shes a teacher) and was told horror stories abt online murders and child p0rn exploitation and shit. she kept asking me if i talk to strangers online, which i do, and how she wouldnt be mad or surprised, but just wants me to be safe. i kept lying bc i was too scared to tell her, and am sure that ill be made to get off tumblr and abandon all my online friends. i just dont think she would understand the benefits of it, even if i told her, and is too scared of me getting hurt, despite that fact that i AM safe on here and block weirdos and dont share personal info. if i didnt have tumblr i wouldnt have gotten in to lots of my favourite fandoms, wouldnt have continued doing art, and until now, ive been much happier being online. she would never let me get tumblr, its listed as a 17+ app on the app store, and she's too scared to allow me anything remotely online, pinterest and yt are as far as she'll go. i know it wouldnt put me in danger if i told her, i would be in more trouble if she found out, cause then i would have been lying to her, but i dont want to lose what ive created. im just so angry at myself for getting into and online community, bc despite loving it and knowing that i wouldnt be as into art or happy, its causing me so much anxiety rn, and i just want to hurt myself for being so stupid. last night i didnt SH, but i wanted to, because i was so angry with myself. ive never SH'd before, and i dont want to start, but i should have known better. my parents both have such high expectations of me, and think they've 'won the lottery with their perfect daughter, who would never do anything wrong or do anything her parents didnt approve of'. i just dont want them to be disappointed in me, bc im sure they would, and they claim nothing i do can surprise them, but i honestly have no clue how they would react if i told them everything. i hope that in a few days my mum will go back to normal and stop being so paranoid abt the internet, but im honestly terrified, and have been feeling anxious since last night. the problem is if i told her how anxious i was feeling, and the reasoning behind it, she would blame it on me being on social media, and i wouldnt be allowed it ever again. im not going to tell her anything unless it gets rlly bad or she finds out, but im just so angry with myself, and i dont think i deserve to be feeling this way bc i have an essentially perfect irl life. i get good grades, i have good friends, i live in a good neighborhoood, and my parents arent bad peole, theyre not conservative, and it wouldnt be the end of the world if i told them, but im not ready to give it all up yet.

if you read this far, im sorry, i was just rambling theres no sense in what i said, this is just an outlet for me

#ballena rambles #vent #tw self harm mention

[istherewifiinhell]

Reading progress: chapter 300 (what the fuck)

reading highlight: this time with. so so many probably inaccurately copied quotes. forgive me. i was trying to eat my own pen. and also notebook. and also arm.

Square brackets are. when not quoting text. my own meta reactions or clarifications

280 Cheok jungyeong tries to uplift the ppl and fight outer god. I do love him.

sword saint and kyrgios. battle couple

Indescribable Distance. great name for a (baby girl) unknowable horror.

281 kdj bullshit. commence.

[often i lose track of whose taking but in this section they were focusing on jhw] "I can't let you go! don't go alone again! please! Dokja-Hyung!"

swk (looks at) his friend ABFD (looks at) his adversary CJY (gives) furious yell

oh yjh baby

live and death companions is silent

yjh spoke in a trembling voice

282 txt revision yjh is fucked up and depressed

kdj told ysa the plan in ADVANCE

indescribable distance -> Oh like the pale? (DE)

■ final chapter OR eternity. inch resting

283 sprawling chaos

SP "I don't agree with your methods but I'm curious" the kdjc story

284 SP and wenny man ominous interlude

(bunch of constellations dying in front of him) kdj picking up video game items

"For a brief second I felt my heart stop. Scarred muscles could be seen through the torn sleeves of the coat. I looked at the trajectory of the sword against the ground and emotions filled my heart."

285 middle school kdj made a yjh whisperer chart

"Son of a bitch you have to let me talk to you" classic

kdj lack understanding to 2nd level orv (ugly crying meme)[on kdj side]

4th wall trying to fry yjh brain with the greatest hits comp

286 only person who can debuff yjh? yjh. regression depression [YOUD THINK THAT WOULDNT U]

the angels are just chilling with kdj?

"He will commit terrible destruction and shall destroy the mighty and holy people" gabriel girl what the fuck

kdj literally "you dont have all the facts" the facts being? "i love him..."

gabriel has seen uriels amvs and okays it

kdj aggravates regression depression. hold his hand and tell him happy moments. you know. to torment. him.

Ethics??

288 giant baby monster. skyscraper height

angel conversational interlude -> "they were fighting and holding each others by the collar a few hours ago". welcome to dokhyuk

kdj seemed to be stroking yjh head. -> excuse me?

gabriel comparing dokhyuk to her and uriel. HELLO?

kdj making yjh eat soil. ETHICS...

289 "bear like man lhs" i stay winning

↳ kdj are u gonna cry about seeing him

knw! hi!

290 this patient is allergic to animal related stories

HDH! hi!

this is a hospital and base of operations?

mjw!

hsy... did what kdj would have done. but without yjh.

hsy... two of them

291 hsy multiplicity moments (orv doesn't work)

ppl crowd yjh like an attraction

yjh eyes became hot and his heart stuffy -> crying? anger?

yjh remembers from 4th wall. uriel doll... like a child first learning to speak "uriel"

292 hankim. dressed the same. playing mind games. socratic

lhs gives piggy back to hsy

hsy power b/c nothing is truly original + TWOS is just that bad

Damnit. I had no choice but to agree. In order for this world to be complete, Yoo Joonghyuk... Han Sooyoung stared at me. She seemed to understand what i was thinking. "You know by now, I don't need him in this world." The plagiarist, who dreamt of a world beyond the original told me "I know how to kill YJH"

293 Hsy probability based arthritis

HSY grabbing YJH chin. pulling out a cig. howd you get so cool hsy...

294. 1863 lhs is still a sad dog boy huh

knw... kdj is giving girl advice?.... no never mind hes talking about how handsome yjh is.

1863 got to read orv... and it reg deps him

295 SP really wanted 1863 to die huh?

hsy to kill yjh by sealing the earth. an eternal sleep. no dreams no waking. (to die. to sleep. No more, and by a sleep to say we end the heartbreak and 1000 natural shocks that flesh is heir to)[the final chapter... or eternity]

"It is a deception" "Some call it salvation"

defiance to yjh sponsor... always

296 YJH ORV JFC

"I watched Yjh, I heard it clearly. I was still listening [I want to live]"

kdj would see the end with these ppl and find a way back

"The world that you showed me? Does it really exist"

297 "Does the world where you live really exist?" [its the emphasis change thats killing me here]

hsy "Is it cause of this guy? Did this guy do something to your spirit? Didn't you want to die so badly? Aren't you tired? Don't you want to stop preforming scenarios?"

yjh desperate for hope hsy begging for pragmatism kdj (deluded) faith in a only win scenario

yjh agreed to become enemy of the world, lost everything -> unites the world

yjh "does it (exist)?" kdj "I didn't know if saying would be comforting to yjh. I cried out with all my might [It exists]"

kdj ready to spend 3-5 years here to win both 1863 and then return to 3rd turn. yjh wont let him

"the dazzling light filled the air with ashes, revealing a pale reality. In it yjh was walking towards a world we didn't know."

298 "Yjh escaped from being a character"

lhs beautiful bear like idiot. knew hsy was tricking them. went with it anyway

yjh "wanted to write a new story in a very sincere manner. that's the condition for the author trait"

TWOS written by? large baby?

299 yjh dead "It's no longer a novel" 4th wall activated

oh no (checks notes) Jophiel dont sacrifice yourself

J: I don't believe in you (kdj) but i have something to ask.... bruh

"Someone was left and someone was leaving. No matter what was chosen, everyone would eventually reach their end." (Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.)

lhs continues to imprint on kdj

"Even without me the 3rd round would be fine for a lone time" "How can you be so sure?" HSY stared at me suspiciously. "You are there" -> WHAT THE FUCK AFFECTIONATE KDJ HANKIM MOMENT

rotating: okay. okay. alright. where to even fucking start. small. start small. kdjs friends have even cottoned on pretty well to his bullshit. jhw in particular doesnt want him to do things alone. shouldnt you give people the choice to stand (and die) with you. than leave and die and force them to keep living alone. this is a secret tool that will help us later

im considering. the weight put on endings. ■■. the closer it is to meaning, truly, an end. the more... auspicious? and is an end a finite or infinite thing. final chapter or eternity. death or endless sleep. life or forever regression

im considering. stories. and ownership. and what does it mean to end one. rewrite one. does it change you. does it change the original story. are they gone forever. could they every truly stay. the moment you reread the story. isnt it different. kdj cant let go of 1863 by his own volition (always... volition). it meant everything to him. from middle school to 28 years of age. TWOS yjh saved him. HSY, who, in so many ways is kdj, and in so many was, is not. has no loyalty to yjh. she can make this world without him, she can write beyond it. she will put this world to bed and she will create something else. 1863 yjh has nothing. no companions, no hope, just loss. and 4th tells him the story of our 3rd turn. OF. ORV. and this is what he needs. to live and die. to leave. to try again. to person himself once more, to act and not react. possibly. killing himself, killing this story, is an act of creation too

and. speaking of yjh and being a person. we. i gotta talk about this. and im gonna try and make sense and use sentences but. i have. just. why did they have kdj caress yjh and put him in a highly suggestible state by whispering sweet (tormenting) nothings to him. what... what what what. do you think they meant by that (they meant to torment me....). With making him follow kdj very command. With making him incapable of acting *without* the command. He's an attack dog. Bodyguard. Instrument for violence. Kdj also makes him eat dirt. Kdj also tells him to go to bed (and then to sleep. He needed to be told to *sleep*). The people in the 1863 base crowd around him. They gawk. The world's enemy and most dangerous person. Docile. A toy? Hsy grabs him by the chin, inspects him. He's a thing. Kdj. In knowing everything about him. With tenderness. In an act of terrible love. To avoid having to kill him. Unmakes his person. What the ever living fuck am I supposed to do with that.

#some shit #orv blogging #got frazzled cause bus issues... have at...