this may be a weird-ish take but jsyk cis people have dysphoria too. and no i don't mean dysmorhpia, i genuinely mean gender dysphoria. like that story of amanda bynes on the set of she's the man.
and i don't think it necessarily means you're not secure in your gender identity? like idk i feel very secure that i am a woman, but there are days when i feel like people don't see me as one and i get really anxious and depressed about that.
and i know it's not for me and i feel a little bad about it but looking at transfem positivity posts (like the stuff i've been reblogging) makes me feel less dysphoric too! it's reassuring to know there are so many ways to be a woman (and for me specifically, a feminine woman) and they are all okay!
i also think part of this has to do with my intersection of fat and lesbian because both of those identities make me feel like i have less of a right to be a woman or be feminine. like when i first came out i started wearing really butch clothes (for me, which still wasn't very butch) bc i didn't really feel like i had a claim to femininity anymore.
this post has derailed some but it's fine it's just for me
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I'm going to kick myself in the f*cking teeth.
I've been agonizing for days over not being able to come up with anything for the writing event.
(And yes I know I know it's not meant to be stressful, but something something perfectionism something something fomo something something depression)
But I realized, I can write headcanons right? I can use the prompts for headcanons. The only thing you're not allowed to do in regards to the prompts is submit something previously created.
I have been beating myself over the fact that I can't write stories for the event "like everybody else", and I can't believe it hit me so late in the game that there's an option that works for me.
I tried stories and poetry and the well was coming up dry and it was so discouraging at times. Like the ideas were there but the way to put it to paper was not. I kept trying to force myself to go along with what I thought was supposed to be done and making myself miserable cause my brain was not cooperating.
But headcanons, headcanons I can do. I want to give details about Thalia's life? Done. I want to do it in a way that's clear and concise and is easy for me to give form to my thoughts? Done. It's such a perfect solution to the creative block and stress I've been experiencing that I don't know whether I should be elated at this realization or....PISSED that it took me this long.
And sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense.
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HEARTBREAK HIGH S2 ANALYSIS PART 1 (buckle up this is going to be a doozy)
so... it's out (the trailer).
my excitement cannot be expressed...
BUTT! today, i will be doing my iconic mouse analysis of this trailer (this is actually the first time im doing something like this so it's not rlly iconic BUTT it will be soon) with the most comprehensive inspection i can using under 2 minutes of video as a basis....
with that said lets
BEGIN!
the heartbreak highers are back for another "cursed" term....
so glad to see the trio back in action. like. actually so happy. MIGHT explode from excitement... as always, their outfits slaylay.
the boyfriends... friends? boys? BUGS??? found out on hh s2!
these goons are back... gayer then ever,,, seriously. when will these two have an episode long make out 'sesh? unlikely, to much dismay....spoiler alert...you'll see....
MISSY!!!!! and sasha, i guess
SPOILER ALERT AGAINNNN missy looks like she'll be more prominent in this season so...WIN!!!!
also why is she mewing who is rizzing up
and new on the the chopping block-- Rowan Callaghan!
we'll get to rowan when we get to rowan
in other (more important) news-- SHE'S HEALING! HARPER IS HEALING!!!
i... *sobs* i she's growing her hair out oh my GAW...... she's getting better...she... there's a lower chance she'll cock-block amerie (oh but she'll get cock [spoiler-- again!])
butt let's not celebrate just yet-- it's still "everyone hates amerie" up in this joint, smellas
may as well... shot them. huh. well. pop off, i suppose... (amerie asserts her right to bear arms-- truly patriotic coming from an aussie!)
...touché coming from the (still) most hated student in heartly who only adds salt to the wound by... using the pink 'ildo from s1 as a mic... chat... she's lost it.
(unrelated but in the background-- MISSY AND MALAKAI!!! they were building up a relationship between them in s1 and how she and her brother (i think? 'memory's fuzzy) helped him heal from the shit he had to go through in s1 and even better connect him with his aboriginal roots. i hope to see more of these two interact come april 11th and i binge the whole season)
ALSO also ANOTHER new character-- Zoe Clarke!
we will ALSo get to zoe when we get to zoe
anywho-- cue: AMERIE'S ONLINE HARASSMENT ARC! becuz every show needs one...unfortunately. Give a cold welcome to Bird Psycho, heartbreak highers (we will get to bird psycho when we get to bird psycho)
(who ever is doing this shit is a bitch but either way: "you dont get to be the hero" shut your goofy ass up)
oh that's gore. that's core of my comfort character.
ok so maybe this bird psycho cuck isnt fucking around because clearly he's gotten to our girl ams :(
(dw they uh...take her out for ice cream. after this. proabably.)
moving foward-- STAND BACK I SAID STAND BACK WEIRD GIRL QUINNI
oughh im gonna be sick. of course. OF COURSE SHE WOULD GO FULL SHERLOCK HOLMES TO HELP HER BESTIE.
yeah anyways with this in mind she'd totally try and crack the fnaf lore wouldn't she. wouldn't she.
she's slay she's girlboss but at the end of the day she's a weirdo
anywho nuff of my rambling there--
ominous of you to say zoe
BUT ENOUGH OF HER CA$$HHHHHHHHHHHH
ca$h omg eshay eshay eshay pspspspsp,,,
i am so happy to see him (spoiler alert for 2 secs throughout the whole trailer) but anywho remeber? remeber right he's in prison. but seems to be doing okay... (maybe for the best heartly drama is really coming to a boiling point)
<3
and-- oh. uh... chicken dumbell... okay... pop off, missy...
when i said i wanted more missy i didnt expect this
spider seems to be into tho
maybe
what
??1/1/111.1/?!??!/1/1/1
missy x spider was NOT on my bingo card
WHEN MISSY SAID SHE WAS STARTING TO LIKE WHITE BOYS I DIDNT THINK SHE MEANT THIS.
BUUTTTttttt-- i. am. down. for. it... somehow. frankly, spider needs someone to put him in his place and low and behold, missy seems to be the student to do so..........
hey. if they're both happy with their...chicken dumbells, i am too.
amerie dont be alarmed but there's a white boy to your right
in other news this love triangle scares the diarrhea out of me
look at them. they're the perfect couple (malakai x amerie 4life) and rowan is--
well he's a nice boy but cmon
LOOK AGAIN IM DOWN FOR THEM TO BE HAPPY BUTT when it comes in between THE BEST SHIP IN THE SHOW (looks at amerie x spider shippers with affectionate disdain) i draw the line.
but who knows? rowan seems nice enough, and if he's able to make amerie happy, let them have each other! <3
also knowing malakai's track record i wouldn't put it past him to get freaky with rowan too (threesome attempt 2??? actually no wait thats a horrible idea NEVERMIND [gets s1 ep4 flashbacks])
also also "classic love triangle" scene gives major "erm...well this is akward!" vibes from ams (we stan cringey amerie in this household tho)
and well. shart. max limit of 30 photos. oh well-- ill make a second part! tune in for the update heartbreak highers :3
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