thecarmillacurator

[thecarmillacurator]

Morning snuggles and forehead kisses

[thecarmillacurator]

“”Excuse me,” she asked. “Can I buy you a coffee?”

       It was a nice surprise. Most people don’t buy me cups of coffee, and I was just sitting at the Starbucks trying to plot my novel. So it was kind of charming, to have a cute girl offer to buy me a free drink. I told her sure. She brought me a nice iced chai, and sat down next to me, and then asked, “So have you heard about Jesus?”

       Now, as it turns out, I’m a Christian, so I’m not opposed to Jesus -– but it was a little disappointing to realize this drink wasn’t done out of niceness, but as a sort of recruiting tool. Maybe I’d have been into a religious discussion if she’d said, “Hey, let’s have a philosophical talk,” but as it was, I felt a little betrayed. So I said that I wasn’t interested, as politely as I could (for I was sipping a delicious drink), and returned to my plotting. The next day, another girl: “Hey, can I buy you a coffee?”

       This time, I was trying to work out a difficult programming solution in my mind, and she asked me at exactly the right moment to have all of my thoughts collapse like a house of cards. “Are you just going to ask me about Jesus?”

       ”Oh, no,” she said, reassuring me. “It’s just that I think you’re cute.” And she was kind of pretty. “…all right,” I said, guardedly. She bought the coffee. Sat down at my table.

       ”But if you were wondering about Jesus…” she said earnestly, and I ejected her from my table. I kept the drink, though. It seemed cruel, but she had been stupid enough to buy it for me even though I didn’t want it.

       Over the next week, it just got worse. Two or three times a day I’d be deep in thought, trying to focus on this tangled plotting that I needed to resolve, and some woman would tap me on the shoulder to offer me a cup of coffee. I couldn’t concentrate, because sometimes they were very insistent: “You sure you don’t want a coffee, sweetie?” they’d ask, sometimes lurking over me after I’d refused them, just in case I changed my mind. Sometimes they just bought the coffee for me anyway, without even asking me if I wanted it, plopping themselves across the table from me and yammering on about being saved.

       It was affecting my concentration. I started to tense up at the Starbucks, waiting for the next Jesus freak’s interruption. If it was a regular thing, like an hourly interruption, then maybe I could have worked around it, but it was erratic. Some days, I’d have four or five at once, other days I’d be blissedly free of interruption. But I had to be continually braced for the next hand on my shoulder, knowing that no matter what I was doing they’d be bursting into my personal space. I wrote less, my programs were buggier.

       My friends couldn’t understand my upset. “Dude,” they told me. “You never have to pay for coffee again in your life! You’ve got it made! Do you know how much money you’re saving?”

       ”But I don’t want to talk to these people,” I said.

       ”You’ve talked about God with us before,” they replied. “Sometimes, we’ll stay up until two, three in the morning discussing the nature of heaven and hell. You dig philosophy, Ferrett. If you like talking about that shit with us, then why not with them?”

       ”Because they’re just one-note and don’t really care what I have to say,” I said.

       ”Just try ‘em, man. Some of them are cute. Maybe some of them actually want to date you!”

       ”I guess,” I said. “But how do I know which ones are genuine without having to talk to a bunch of phonies?”

       Eventually, it got to the point where I started bringing friends with me for cover, so I wouldn’t get interrupted. That didn’t work, either –- while it helped, the more aggressive proselytizers would interrupt me in mid-sentence to ask me if I wanted a drink. Suddenly, the Starbucks wasn’t fun anymore -– it wasn’t a place to hang out, but a place where I’d just constantly be bugged by attention I didn’t want. And the guys who weren’t getting free drinks were calling me stuck-up, jealous that I was getting all these free drinks and not even wanting them.

       So I stopped going.

       Okay. Clearly, that didn’t happen. But I’m trying to prove a point here.

       One of the things that guys don’t get is why women don’t like to be hit on. As a guy, when you get hit on, even if it’s a clumsy attempt, it’s generally a very rare and remarkable event –- it puts a spring in your step, even if you’re not particularly attracted to the woman, because as an average-looking guy, scarcity of compliments is the norm. So if a girl catcalls you and goes, “Nice butt!” and appears to be serious, there’s often this sort of strange pride. Hey, that doesn’t happen often, she must really be into me.

       So a lot of guys have this unspoken attitude of, “I wish I’d be harassed.” And they don’t get why women are so angry when hey, I was just trying to be nice, why you gotta be so mean?

       Thing is, when it’s not scarce, then even the nicest act starts to get annoying. Because you don’t get to control when people are quote-unquote “nice” to you, and it happens all the time, and you know there’s always a hidden cost behind it. You start to question people’s niceness, because they’re not doing it to be kind, they’re doing it because they want something from you. And maybe, yes, that’s something you like to give to certain people, but definitely not to everyone, and almost certainly not to the kind of guy who’s certain you’re going to give it to him if he just bugs you enough.

       Harassment isn’t once. Harassment comes from a lifetime of dealing with people constantly doing things to you, whether you wanted them or not, at random intervals. You learn not to trust people. And what might have been pleasant, once, as an isolated incident, starts to feel pretty oppressive when it’s something you deal with on a weekly basis. It changes you, and then guys call you bitchy when you don’t feel like playing along and pretending this is just about the coffee.

       But I think most of ‘em would feel the same were the tables turned. So please. Think about what you’re spouting.”

Article by Ferret Steinmetz, posted on Jezebel.

[thecarmillacurator]

Catra and Shadow Weaver have one of the most fraught relationships in SPOP, brimming with anger and angst. Catra has been Shadow Weaver’s whipping girl for most of her life, and even in captivity Shadow Weaver continues to torment her, messing with her head and denying her the validation she needs. That never changes… until it does. This is an examination of Catra’s feelings toward her maternal figure and abuser over the course of the series.

(I have done a lot of Catra vids in the last two years but tbh this one might be my favorite.)

#catra #she ra #shadowweaver #adora #she ra and the princess of power fanart #fan vid

[thecarmillacurator]

[thecarmillacurator]

gay🖋irl

[thecarmillacurator]

Related: Albuquerque is also providing mobile showers to the homeless — and they’re doing it in a wonderfully sustainable way.

[thecarmillacurator]

Fic title?

I’m trying to find the tiny short fan fic (and also I think there was fan art?) about Carmilla using Laura’s tampon as a tea bag. Can anyone link me it?

[thecarmillacurator]

The Gut Wrench Mechanic That Tightens The Screws on the Soul

do you ever wonder in awe when you cry at how your chest contracts like a vise but your core racks and how

it is the same as vomiting

it is the body spasmatically intervening helplessly doing the only thing it knows to help the soul expel

© 2020 Jessie Michelle Deering

#poetry

[thecarmillacurator]

Fucking Love Me

at all costs give a damn about me make me your priority if i retreat, hem me in if i go silent kiss me harshly

and if that doesnt work, open my mouth reach your fist down my throat and forcefully make me surrender my heart

© 2020 Jessie Michelle Deering

#poetry

[thecarmillacurator]

The Curse of the Listener™️

if you love me, notice i purposefully make space and time for you. in return, maybe invite me to share the dance floor. if you love me, dont use the start of my story as a springboard to interrupt and launch your own, but then forget i was talking in the first place. i should be more than hands you grab for only when it’s you who needs the reliable friend. my mind holds things of interest; the facets of my life merit query as much as do your own.

if you remember to love me at some point remember: i am in actuality a breathing, human thing not a pair of machine-vended ears a no-water-needed plastic cactus

i, also, exist: and am don’t use me in a way that makes me feel i’d rather be alone. 2020© Jessie Michelle Deering

#poetry

[thecarmillacurator]

Icarus, come take my hand

[thecarmillacurator]

A Not So Happy Season

I don’t mean to be problematic, but as someone who has been very excited for The Happiest Season for months and months... I found the movie extremely problematic on a host of levels.  I know popular opinion on Tumblr seems to praise it, although most of that is in praise of Kristen Stewart who does indeed deserve all the love for her acting (and her character deserves all the comfort for the absolute, not funny, genuinely traumatic hell she went through), but I simply cannot see it. I don’t want hate, because I respect people’s right to like it. But if you also found it troubling, please feel free to hmu, because honestly, I’m going to have to process this for while.

#happiest season

[thecarmillacurator]

Pop-Up ‘Blue Thanksgiving’ Discord Server

Hey everyone. The Holidays are a really tough time for many of us. Even without Covid and lock downs, social distancing and tumultuous politics, just even the normal difficult or unaccepting family situations, missing loved ones, loneliness, and even boredom or the reduced amount of sunlight, can be overwhelming. Please don’t be alone this week. I’ve set up a pop-up Holiday Discord server to go through this Holiday Weekend. Feel free to join, hang out, reach out, chat, vc, play games, etc. On Friday at 7pm EST we’ll have a time for a shared meal, where we can all have a meal together, toast, talk about traditions, swap stories, or basically just chat like we’re at the same table. When that winds down, I’ll host at least one group for games. People are free to run as many groups for games or VC as they want. If there’s only a small few of us, so be it. If there’s a ton of us, I can easily make more channels. So, the server is officially open as of now, 24hours a day until I close it Monday morning at 0:00 EST. Whatever your world time zone, please feel free to make it a home and hopefully we can eek out at least a little bit of found family. Share this invite to anyone you think might want to join. https://discord.gg/DWzfE8acJN Whether you join the server or not, hang in there. Don’t give up. <3 -Michelle

[thecarmillacurator]

Pop-Up ‘Blue Thanksgiving’ Discord Server

Hey everyone. The Holidays are a really tough time for many of us. Even without Covid and lock downs, social distancing and tumultuous politics, just even the normal difficult or unaccepting family situations, missing loved ones, loneliness, and even boredom or the reduced amount of sunlight, can be overwhelming. Please don’t be alone this week. I’ve set up a pop-up Holiday Discord server to go through this Holiday Weekend. Feel free to join, hang out, reach out, chat, vc, play games, etc. On Friday at 7pm EST we’ll have a time for a shared meal, where we can all have a meal together, toast, talk about traditions, swap stories, or basically just chat like we’re at the same table. When that winds down, I’ll host at least one group for games. People are free to run as many groups for games or VC as they want. If there’s only a small few of us, so be it. If there’s a ton of us, I can easily make more channels. So, the server is officially open as of now, 24hours a day until I close it Monday morning at 0:00 EST. Whatever your world time zone, please feel free to make it a home and hopefully we can eek out at least a little bit of found family. Share this invite to anyone you think might want to join. https://discord.gg/DWzfE8acJN Whether you join the server or not, hang in there. Don’t give up. <3 -Michelle

[thecarmillacurator]

[thecarmillacurator]

i noticed my burnout comic was making rounds but the full comic is no longer available after the collegehumor website went offline…. so here it is!!!

i wrote/drew this back in 2018 when i was struggling w hella burnout and depression. i hope everyone is taking care of themselves :3

[thecarmillacurator]

This is why AOC was down people’s throat about why the dose is only $8 in Australia and yet here people pay $1700 bc the patent still protects it... even though, if I remember correctly, the government helped fund the initial research for the public good. Someone correct me if I’m wrong on this, bc I honestly haven’t done a due diligence research yet, just listened to a bit of hearings.

FACTS!