unfilteredrealities

[unfilteredrealities]

First anxiety crippled me from 8pm to the point I was laying paralysed in my bed until like 1am. Then when I decided to take a Gabapentin to maybe take the edge of the anxiety and when I started feeling the relief and the anxiety slowly melting away I started sobbing.

NERVOUS SYSTEM FUCK YOU FOR GIVING ME ANXIETY

I’ll wake up drowsy as fuck. That’s what I know for sure because I’m not asleep yet and it’s 2:49am rn.

Now let’s hope my body is going to finally pass out so I can sleep but knowing myself whenever I have a stressful time it’s insomnia time and nightmares when passing out.

#everyday echoes #unfiltered realities #chronic pain #echo rambling #echoes echo of today #unfiltered life #chronic fatigue #mental health #mental illness #neurodivergent #crippling anxiety #generalized anxiety disorder #cripplepunk #cpunk #cripple punk #chronic anxiety #anxious #just chronic illness things #chronically ill #chronic fatigue syndrome #cfs #me cfs

[unfilteredrealities]

Me when the illness is making me feel ill and the chronic pain is chronic and painful and the disability is disabling me and the fatigue is making me feel fatigued: 🥲

#shared unfiltered reality #shared unfiltered relatable reality #sharing is caring #relatable sharing is caring #disability #disabled #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronically ill #chronic fatigue

[unfilteredrealities]

I’m tired of having to explain to people that my tiredness is chronic and that chronic means it’s here to stay… like what isn’t clear smh

I’m hanging on my last spoon , I’m soon using knives instead of spoons.

Now I’m laying in my bed, half dissociated, half crippled by anxiety bcs I feel like I have to function and push through now…just bcs ppl ask me how I am feeling and how I am and how work was and my answer is each time “exhausted, tired, tiring” and then they are like BUT WHY *shocked Pikachu face*

Like ughhhhh 😑

I already pushed myself today to manage today and now I’m laying in bed since 7pm due to how hard I spiralled due to pushing…

#unfiltered realities #chronic pain #everyday echoes #echo rambling #echoes echo of today #unfiltered life #chronic fatigue #just chronic illness things #chronically fatigued #chronic illness #chronic is chronic because it’s here to stay #spoonies #cripplepunk #cripple punk #cpunk #fibromyalgia #pots #me/cfs #cfs #pem #crash

[unfilteredrealities]

On Saturday I woke up with symptoms of a cold as if I was going to be sick.

Today on Monday I woke up dizzy and drowsy. At work my pulse was going from 70bpm to 136bpm and my body couldn’t regulate the heat at all. My face is so red atm. I have hot flashes and it sucks and there are only 19°c outside rn. Inside work on the floor it’s defo 30°c felt tbh.

Can’t wait to fucking arrive home and strip all my clothes off of me and get dressed in chill clothes that don’t trigger me sensory wise.

My psoriasis is going haywire as well. I hope to god it’s getting better over the summer else I’m gonna be sad and heartbroken but my body won’t care about my feelings.

Thank you to everyone who left their input under the post where I rambled about my suspicion and symptoms of having pots and me/cfs ❤️ It means a lot to me. I am still looking at all the informations and webpages and faqs 🫂

I realised I might have B vitamin deficiency because I’m obsessed with nutritional yeast and that is rich in Vitamin B apparently bcs it resembles meat or something taste wise idk.

I am so happy to go home now. Finally today is over. 8 long fucking hours I survived again. It was such mental strain to listen to the trainer over Google meet when the connection was crappy and the screen sharing thing kept glitching and the headphones where pushing into my skin and my ears hurt and my glasses and the headphones had a fight.

Ya girl is going home now and r.i.p decompressing for at least 3/4 hours to be okay again

#unfiltered realities #everyday echoes #chronic pain #echo rambling #echoes echo of today #unfiltered life #chronic fatigue #mental health #mental illness #neurodivergent #me/cfs #pots #spoonie life #spoonie #cripplepunk #cpunk #pem #chronically disabled #chronic illness

[unfilteredrealities]

being chronically ill is like having the (expected) health of a 70 year old at 20

#shared unfiltered relatable reality #chronic illness #chronically ill #shared unfiltered reality

[unfilteredrealities]

Last night I was reading through the me/cfs subreddit and the faq and damn…fucking hate my life :(( My brain can’t comprehend this new knowledge about ourselves 😩

#everyday echoes #unfiltered realities #echo rambling #echoes echo of today #unfiltered life #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #fibromyalgia #me/cfs #pots #chronic disability #spoonie #cpunk #cripplepunk #cripple punk

[unfilteredrealities]

I might have connected the dots 🤪

So back in April in the year of 2023 I had a Covid infection and it took some weeks until I felt okay again. I wonder if my cardiac issues are related to that. If I might have either post Covid related issues , or maybe even me/cfs and that maybe my Pots might be from that too? Maybe???

If anyone has any tips for me or suggestions if those stuff can be connected with each other?

I know y’all aren’t doctors but just in case anyone interested in the symptoms I experience atm here they are.

My current symptoms I experience since 2023 are: high pulse fluctuations like between sitting and standing 46 beats or 50 beats in the matter of seconds going up, sweats doing like minimal effort , walking a bit is already too much for my body, right leg is half in paresis but that only happened since a month now and for that I am using a crutch for stability, insomnia, restlessness , I sleep 8h but wake up as fatigued and tired as I fell asleep, feeling like I’m getting a cold, hot flushes , sometimes skin rashes, dizziness, seeing stars, light fever from time to time, feeling like I will black out , I think I’m experiencing crashes after I’m pushing myself too hard , trembles , memory issues , dissociation , pain, anxiety, low moods and the rest I can’t recall this moment because my brain stopped working 😭

Any ideas , suggestions, tips and tricks welcome

#everyday echoes #unfiltered realities #echo rambling #echoes echo of today #unfiltered life #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #pots #long Covid? #post covid illness? #post exertional malaise #me/cfs #chronic disability #physical disability #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #cripplepunk #cpunk #cripple punk #spoonies #spoonie life #spoonie #echo needs help #this is a cry for help

[unfilteredrealities]

Life Update

New Project at work seems fun tbh.

My brain seems to still work and I grasped quickly the informations and how the system works. Tomorrow a new work week starts with online training.

Today I used up like 10 spoons to make a medical appointment for an ENMG and I was kind and respectful with the receptionist at the medical clinic on the phone asking if they could maybe schedule me either 8-9am or 6-8pm and then they scheduled me for 3:40pm which nooooo I am at work right then sigh have to see if my TLs are kind enough to let me leave earlier on that day >:(( The receptionist after asking for all my details said ok that’s all and hung up and slammed the phone so hard that I got a tinnitus…

She sounded very “why the fuck did you bother me with this , why did u call and interrupt my gossip session with my coworker” vibes and after the call I literally broke down when in video call with my boyfriend. I felt as if medical professionals don’t even want to help me that I bother them and the audacity from me to call during their work hours.

After I went grocery shopping with my mom which was fine up to the moment I had a 146bpm pulse from just standing and slowly walking. I started to get brain fog and feel dizzy and I was sweating. I’ll assume now that I was having a POTS flare again :)) I was so glad the moment I was sitting in the car hydrating myself with water. Then at home I helped unpack the groceries and later put laundry to wash and hang it up which I had to do sitting bcs standing was too much for me.

Now I feel sickish at the end of the day as if I pushed myself today too much but I feel like I didn’t do enough to deserve feeling fatigued.

#echoes echo of today #everyday echoes #chronic pain #unfiltered realities #echo rambling #unfiltered life #chronic fatigue #mental health #chronic illness #pots #spoonie

[unfilteredrealities]

[unfilteredrealities]

People with low spoons, someone just recommended this cookbook to me, so I thought I'd pass it on.

I always look at cookbooks for people who have no energy/time to do elaborate meal preparations, and roll my eyes. Like, you want me to stay on my feet for long enough to prepare 15 different ingredients from scratch, and use 5 different pots and pans, when I have chronic fatigue and no dishwasher?

These people seem to get it, though. It's very simple in places. It's basically the cookbook for people who think, 'I'm really bored of those same five low-spoons meals I eat, but I can't think of anything else to cook that won't exhaust me'.

And it's free!

#important sharing is caring #sharing is caring #shared references #spoonie #disability #low spoons recipes #the sad bastard cookbook #shared unfiltered reality

[unfilteredrealities]

i hate when i, a completely healthy person (very chronically ill), get sick (flare up) for no reason at all (i exerted myself way past my limit just cuz i didn’t wanna be “annoying”)

#shared unfiltered relatable reality #shared unfiltered reality #chronic illness #chronically ill #spoonie #spoonies

[unfilteredrealities]

May is ME/CFS Awareness Month!

ME/CFS stands for Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Chronic Fatigue (CF), a symptom of many chronic illnesses, is not the same as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). There is a push for ME/CFS to be exclusively known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) in the future

ME/CFS is a complex, fluctuating, chronic medical condition affecting multiple body systems and symptoms can change unpredictably

Post-exertional malaise (PEM) is the hallmark of ME/CFS

More on symptoms: Symptoms of ME/CFS

ME/CFS affects an estimated 836,000 to 2.5 million Americans, the majority of those diagnosed being AFAB

An estimated 90% of people with ME/CFS are undiagnosed

About 25% of people with ME/CFS are bedbound or housebound for long periods

Most of those diagnosed never regain their pre-disease level of functioning

The root cause of ME/CFS is unknown

Possible triggers include: viral infections (such as mono, the flu, or COVID-19), bacterial infections, physical or psychological stress, and immune system changes. There may also be a genetic component

There is no cure or approved treatment for ME/CFS

However, some symptoms can be treated. For example, PEM is treated by pacing. More on treatments: Treatment of ME/CFS

ME/CFS costs the US economy about $17 to $24 billion annually in medical bills and lost incomes

The ME Association and the CDC have more in-depth articles on ME/CFS for more information

#me/cfs #me/cfs awareness month #me/cfs awareness #myalgic encephalomyelitis #chronic fatigue syndrome #chronic illness #disability #invisible disability #neuroimmune disorder #important sharing is caring #sharing is caring #shared unfiltered reality

[unfilteredrealities]

I need for my new work Project new coping skills. I will work now Front Office with Calls so that means my headphones I used as coping skill won't work anymore :((

I need other ideas of things or stuff I could do to prevent meltdown, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, shut downs, sensory overstimulation.

So if anyone has ideas and could share that would be lovely <3

Its a miracle tbh that im at this Company since 2 1/2 years already without a full blown nervous breakdown at work tbh and I wanna keep it this way if possible. Bcs this is the one thing that still keeps me feeling sane.

#everyday echoes #echoes echo of today #echo rambling #unfiltered realities #unfiltered life #neurodivergent #mental health #working while autistic #working while neurodivergent #working while disabled #disability resources #i need help with this #call center #front office #need for skills

[unfilteredrealities]

I'm still alive, in case anyone missed me. Just difficult times again.

My leg is still in paresis. I still habe a long list I need to work off. I luckily had some free days from work bcs we weren't doing shit anyway only sitting there for 8h. So I was able to rest now for 4 days before tomorrow the new Project starts.

I'm nervous I must say. It's a miracle I survived 2 1/2 Years of Backoffice for DHL. But I was allowed to use my headphones to focus better and drown out the noise of my coworkers.

Unfortunately now the new Project will be mostly front office. Which means I can't use my headphones because I am working with Headphones already for Calls with the Clients.

Luckily the Training will be with 2 Coworkers I grew to have a good bond with and it gives me safety and stability going through with them through this new change. So I don't have to mask way too much bcs both of them know I have ADHD and that I'm neurospicy. Tbh my one Teamleader she is defo neurospicy which why we have a good bond and we are often on the same wavelength.

To go back to my health. I'm kind of grieving all the possibilities I used to have before my body decided to crumble and succumb to chronic illness. I noticed the past times I showered and washed my hair that I am close to fainting at the end of showering and this is unusual for me. So many things that in the past wouldn't fatigue me this badly do now and it's scary. I already have Fibro, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue, now my leg paresis :(( Its exhausting. When will I have a normal day again *sobs*

#unfiltered realities #everyday echoes #echo rambling #echoes echo of today #unfiltered life #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic illness #chronic disability #fibromyalgia #cripplepunk #cpunk

[unfilteredrealities]

I'll take what I can get 🪐

#shared unfiltered reality #sharing is caring #chronic pain #pain day #chronic illness #disability #spoonie #chronically ill #art

[unfilteredrealities]

the orange by wendy cope 🍊

[unfilteredrealities]

... the urge to carve out my spine and crack it like a whip

#shared unfiltered relatable reality #shared unfiltered reality #chronic illness #chronic pain #fibromyalgia #spinal decompression