walkingoneggshellss

[walkingoneggshellss]

Sue Zhao

[walkingoneggshellss]

Kate Baer, from And Yet: Poems; “40”

[Text ID: “because sometimes it is easier to / write yourself out of the play / than to face another breakfast.”]

[walkingoneggshellss]

[walkingoneggshellss]

{Marya Hornbacher from Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia//stay away but come closer via Altusboy on Tumblr}

[walkingoneggshellss]

I feel like I keep doing everything wrong

[walkingoneggshellss]

“you’re so distant now” you made me feel unwanted so i fell back

[walkingoneggshellss]

Anne de Marcken, from It Lasts Forever and Then It's Over [ID'd]

[walkingoneggshellss]

“Just be fucking honest about how you feel about people while you’re alive.”

— John Mayer

[walkingoneggshellss]

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“I can say with great certainty and absolute honesty that I did not know what love was until I knew what love was not.”

— Unknown

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You are the love that came without warning; You had my heart before I could say no.

[walkingoneggshellss]

“I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly.”

— Franz Kafka

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“I could have left but I did not. You could have stayed but you did not.”

— fckedupfray

[walkingoneggshellss]

[walkingoneggshellss]

If I could turn back time, I'd just dance with you.

[walkingoneggshellss]

No matter how long I ponder at the thought, I cannot settle on which part of him being gone hurts the most.

I can’t tell if it’s the simple fact that the love of my life fell out of love with me while I was most in love with him. You left me over text less than 12 hours after you were holding me in your arms telling me how much you loved me.

Or if it is the fact that in the end, even though he said he was leaving so he wouldn’t hurt me more, he blocked me on everything and didn’t even let the conversation be finished. He left me wondering why I wasn’t even worth a goodbye for the rest of my life.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I trusted him enough to be so many of my firsts, yet it was all just another day to him. I shared with him parts of me that I’d never shared with any other soul and he wasn’t even willing to share what he did on his phone with me. I can never get those parts of me back.

I feel like I can’t ever live again. Every aspect of my life reminds me of him, because I was with him almost every second. I can’t watch tv because we watched so many shows together. I can’t wash my hair with the products I have because they remind me of showering with him. I can’t sleep in my bed because I slept with him in it. I’m completely stuck between never wanting to shower or wash my sheets again so that my skin will forever be skin that he touched, or scrubbing every inch of my skin raw so that I don’t have to live with the thought of him with another woman’s DNA on him being stuck to my body for eternity.

I can’t tell if it is the complete and utter betrayal of laying with me while lusting after another, or the constant lies as he looked straight into my eyes and told me I was the love of his life and that there would be no future of his without me in it.

He was the first person I got to ever introduce to my whole family. I had to go to my family dinner today and have my dad tell everyone that you weren’t coming anymore because you left me. I wouldn’t have been able to say it myself without breaking down.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I would’ve given my life for him. And I know that even after everything he did to me, if he came back I would be there. I didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve any of this. The amount of love I gave him is something that I doubt many people ever experience in their lifetimes. But I still love him, and i don’t know if I ever won’t. I don’t know if I would have ever been able to leave him, and that hurts.

What I think honestly hurts the most, is the actual pain. My heart hurts, physically. Ever since you sent that text, it feels like there are hands wrapped around it squeezing it as tightly as possible. It feels like there is a lump in the back of my throat that will never go away. I have had the worst migraine ever since you left. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been crying so much or because my brain is genuinely in so much pain. When I cry now, I can’t breathe. It feels like something is stealing my breath. And nothing can fix this pain, no amount of distractions, Tylenol, or sleep can fix this. It is always here. The second I fall asleep, and the second I wake up. All I want is for you to come back but you aren’t the person you said you were. Nothing will ever be the same.

#heartbreak #breakup #love #betrayal #the end

[walkingoneggshellss]

Fluorescents // Casey