wandythewitch

[wandythewitch]

“My biggest mistakes in life have all stemmed from giving my powers to someone else - believing that the love others had to offer was more important than the love I had to give myself.”

— Oprah Winfrey

[wandythewitch]

on love as conversation

alice oseman radio silence (via @liriostigre) \ bell hooks

kofi

[wandythewitch]

who am i

[wandythewitch]

—On Love, Marina Tsvetaeva

[text ID: I just want a humble, murderously simple thing: that a person be glad when I walk into the room.]

[wandythewitch]

“A book can teach you, a conversation can assure you, a poem can seduce you, a genius can inspire you but only you can save yourself.”

— Anthony Anaxagorou

[wandythewitch]

bell hooks, All About Love

[wandythewitch]

there is something good in everyday, even if it's small.

you might not even notice the something good if you don't know where to look.

we often look for grand gestures of beauty and major lucky life moments but did you ever stop to realize that sometimes the good thing of the day is your lunch tasting really good?

or maybe remembering you have really yummy leftovers for a snack in the fridge,

or being able to watch a new episode of a fav tv show,

or maybe just a butterfly landing on your car.

sometimes the good thing is small, but i promise its always there.

[wandythewitch]

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

[wandythewitch]

Kazuo Ishiguro, from “Kazuo Ishiguro, The Art of Fiction No. 196,” interviewed by Susannah Hunnewell, Paris Review (no. 184, Spring 2008)

[wandythewitch]

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #books and reading #bookshelf #books and libraries #john irving

[wandythewitch]

relationships with ur parents are so weird, arent they? like... i hate you for what you did, i love you because you bring me soup when im sick. i want to get away from you. i feel safe with you. i want to run away from you. i want your hugs. i wish you understood me. i wish i understood you.

[wandythewitch]

tbh for a long time i really resented the advice "pick a partner that you would want to raise kids with" because i don't want kids and i hated that all relationships had to come from this place of procreation-first. what about toxic friendships, after all.

it took me a really long time to realize it's a bastardization of good advice.

many of us are recovering from being raised by parents/caregivers that were in toxic relationships or were toxic themselves. we learned behaviors, thoughts, and patterns from these people, and we spend our adult lives untangling and dismantling the harm done to us.

the advice should be - is this the person you'd want a child to emulate? is this a person you'd want a child even around? is this a person you can trust alone with a kid - any kid, mind you - and know that the child is safe, looked after, loved? is the relationship you're in one you'd want children to see and repeat in their adult lives? or is the relationship one you hope they won't follow, after all?

to be honest, i knew when i was in a bad relationship. i'd tell people - i know, i know, i should break up with him. i know, i know. she's not actually a good friend. but the reality was that it's incredibly difficult to escape the-devil-you-know. it was easy enough to train myself to be okay with it; i have very little regard for the-self and the process of cutting people out was simply too threatening for my mental state.

but i wouldn't put a younger version of myself through the same thing. i'd picture her in the same situation. i would tell her, broody as she is - leave, you're happier outside of it, never let anyone talk to you like that, you're worth more than this. i'd tell her when you let him cross your boundaries, the fault is his, but you need to understand you're rewarding bad behavior if you don't do something about it. i would wish, fervently, i could restart the relationship and do it all differently, be-young-again.

and then i realized: i am the younger version of myself. a future version of myself is begging me to leave. to take my happiness seriously. i am a kid to fifty-year-old-me. and i need to take my own advice. it's okay if that sets me up to grieve.

pick a partner that you would trust a younger version of yourself with. pick friends you'd want your younger self to grow up alongside. pick love that makes you feel like you want everyone to experience in their life and feel with others, something magical and shareable and full of mist. pick a love that feels like you can grow in it. pick a love like: i will be proud of this.

[wandythewitch]

i have been thinking about the way we, in love, give power to others. this sense - i am allowing you enough room that you could set the house on fire.

when i was younger, people used to tell me it was going to be different after-your-first-love. it has been. it's been easier, most of the time. i know who i am. i used to think it was romantic to say i gave him everything i am. now i know that the right people will not ask for that - they don't want to take from you, only to help you build. i used to think it was lonely, the way adults said we have our own lives. now i know what it is to have that other-life be separated - how wonderful, to have someone i can share with, and someone who celebrates my life and the way i have grown into it.

people said: after you have been hurt, it will be different.

this is true about most things, after all. my experiences were branded on my body. i don't talk about the scars, and you're too smart to ask, and we're both healing. i used to be able to do certain gymnastics tricks - but i fell once, and i haven't been able to get over the mental barrier since then.

the thing is - we learn these stop-measures because someone took advantage of us first. we learn how far is too far because someone forced us too-far. as a kid, i thought there is no too far was romantic. i didn't know better.

it took me a very long time to rebuild parts of my life after him. it took me a very long time to rebuild parts of my character. i think i probably still have rooms without any floors. places that only go down. ceilings full of spraypainted warnings.

i have been thinking about the ways new love comes in. and we crack open each sealed door together, one-at-a-time. and i hear myself in front of her, nervous, saying if you start a fire, please keep it contained in here, it's a place i can afford to lose.

and i hear her, time and time again, utterly confused: why would i do that? it's beautiful in here. i don't want to hurt you.

the way we know it can hurt, and we love anyway. the way we walk the thin ice and say - the risk is worth the skating.

[wandythewitch]

“I don’t seem to want / anything others want. I don’t even know if / I want something. To be perfectly quiet, still alive / with no one pressing me.”

— Alice Notley, from Certain Magical Acts; “I Went Down There”

[wandythewitch]

#life quotes #bookshelf #spilled ink #books and reading #spilled writing #spilled quotes #haruki murakami #spilled thoughts

[wandythewitch]

Each one of us possesses redeemable qualities ..but whether our primary instinct is to act on these qualities , is what ultimately determines compatibility between two people !

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled writing #spilled quotes #random thoughts #writing

[wandythewitch]

“The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.”

— Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me