waters-and-the-wilde

[waters-and-the-wilde]

How to become self confident

Pretend to be so self confident that the gods will strike you down for your impudence. Your brain cannot tell the difference between being sarcastically self-absorbed and genuinely proud of yourself.

???

You are now extremely self confident.

Uh oh, you're too self confident. Zeus is turning you into a wolf because of your hubris.

Awooooo

Yay hehe I'm dogy :)

[waters-and-the-wilde]

when I see something dated 2019 I think “oh that’s not too long ago” and then I remember that 2019 was not only five years ago but those five years have somehow contained several lifetimes

[waters-and-the-wilde]

Real and implied birds.

[waters-and-the-wilde]

The name of this creature is YOTAcat or POTOOcat.

This creature is a combination of Yotaka (potoo) and cat.

His true identity is one of an alien reconnaissance unit that plans to invade the earth.

His body can change its shape at will by copying other creatures and objects.

When he came to Earth, he first tried to copy the appearance of the planet's main life form.

However, the first thing he saw there was a cat. He decided that the creature was the main life form and tried to copy the cat's form.

However, by some accident, he also copied the information of Potoo, and his body became a chimera of cat and Potoo.

What was even more unexpected for these aliens was that once they copied the earth creatures, the original spirit invaded their psyche.

His spirit was about to be taken over by cats and POTOO!

The human who found the strange creature brought it home out of curiosity. Not knowing it was a vicious alien.......

#a creacher #mayhaps a friend

[waters-and-the-wilde]

Train derailment❗️ it flew up and away

[waters-and-the-wilde]

Anastasia Trusova Born (1989). Russia

“Bedtime stories”. Acrylic canvas 40 x 50

[waters-and-the-wilde]

do you think insight can be gained about an author from the stories they write?

no. authors are like squids and can only be understood through spirited but ultimately futile combat

[waters-and-the-wilde]

and i don't necessarily believe any of this i'm just saying words recreationally

#hanging onto this now that it's in the vocabulary

[waters-and-the-wilde]

[waters-and-the-wilde]

I am extremely online but in like the Loser Way. if you try to make me use instagram or tiktok I fumble around with it like a grandma who has never seen a phone before. if you send me a tumblr screenshot however, I will tell you that not only have I already seen the original post but that I'm mutuals with OP

#me when my mum shares a nice uplifting post that got screencapped on FB #and i see a familiar url in the reblog thread #‘fun fact! this post has been endorsed by the hacker who leaked the no-fly list!!!’

[waters-and-the-wilde]

i think a lot of people would be happier if they viewed labels like homosexual and transgender as social technologies rather than identities

#where the fuck are my gender tags

[waters-and-the-wilde]

I love the old timey phrase "you forget yourself". bro that was so impolite like do you even know who you are rn

[waters-and-the-wilde]

tumblr poems that keep appearing in my head unprompted:

among us babies infected with rabies

there once was a doctor named Freud

underwater temple, underwater monk

kneel, says the demon light with its eye of coal

he's creepy and he's crawling

i love abortion and i love divorce

who was the man who first salted the slug?

#underwater temple underwater monk my beloved

[waters-and-the-wilde]

hi for the love of god hello you got me thinking about. protector goddess Juno. again. the way his voice gets. around baby rabbits and scared kids and Rita when she's down on herself. hell even the way he was around Diamond in the flashbacks. when the nurturing streak is allowed to come through. the care and affection and the way it's been there the whole time, it's not new it's just finally getting more and more chances to flourish.

i am blowing kisses at your clingy Juno take bc like. so much of his pushing people away had so much to do with not being able to trust the idea of wanting good things for himself and getting them, right? like ofcourse god yeah even when he was in the thick of it he wanted connection so bad he'd still kiss that thief before arresting him and know he got more than he deserves. he had to hide it from himself as long as he considered it a weakness but DEAR GOD FUCK I JUST REMEMBERED THE PLANT IN THE DARK BIT AND NOW IM HAVING AN EMOTION AGAIN. ANYWAY. he craves affection and wants to bestow affection soooooo bad he's gonna be unstoppable when he can do that with impunity!!!!

and then. ooouuuugghhhh. Nureyev going off(tm) about the illusion of safety in Heart of It All. like the Thing that haunts me about Nureyev is that it's not like he doesn't know that you have to rely on other people, theoretically and more than theoretically, it's not that he doesn't want desperately to trust and be trusted, it's just that. between Mag and the Dokana mindfuckery and the FRP incident and Dokana Round Two Electric Boogaloo. the other shoe has dropped on him so many times, past experience has created a very convincing case for the idea that letting his guard down is like inherently going to lead to I Am Alone And I Will Not Forget That and/or Terrible Things Happen To People Close To Me And It's All My Fault. like he's got to choose to make that leap to actually accept help and then he's got to keep choosing it Every Time

fuck now you've also got me thinking about. one of the bad days he gets kinda snappish and pulls the haughty condescending shtick on Rita and Juno's about to lay into him for it and Rita's like. 'hold up boss i love you but he ain't said nothing I didn't get from baby Mista' Steel on a good day. c'mon Mista Nureyev is that all you got?'

boom. devastation: comprehensive. mortification: absolute. the last time Nureyev had his bluff called that fast by someone who knew exactly what they were doing. was probably the Con Bono conversation with Buddy. he evaporates from the room. slinks the fuck off with his tail between his legs. picks every single lock in his collection. takes a stress nap. Disappears for a while and comes back with an apology and the weirdest chocolates he could find. Rita wasn't even that upset bc she wasn't even taking it seriously and just wanted to make sure he knew that he was being a bit of an ass but she doesn't tell him that bc she's not about to pass up weird chocolates.

also while i'm here i bet overblown gestures are like enrichment for him and it does him good to have someone around for whom that goes over well. he's probably a little fucked in the head about stuff like reciprocity and 'trying to make up for something only it's never enough' so being able to fuck up in small ways and offer something tangible as part of the acknowledgment of it and having it accepted and forgiven is like. also a very necessary part of that healing process and a very neat and symbiotic thing to have as part of his relationship with Rita who is both a lot better at standing up for herself now but also generally finds it easy to let other peoples' nonsense roll off

Juno. Feels Weird About the fact that just the threat of being compared to baby Mista' Steel is enough to get Nureyev to catch himself but hey, a lady can't argue with the results

hehe scenario. jupeter coming out the other side of All That with a bit of 'wow you're just straight up a bit codependent but maybe that's actually the best-case scenario for you right now carry on fellas'

oh they've Had Their Talk in the aftermath, and, okay, it's agreed that they are Not Doing Romance because Nureyev needs Time To Grieve and it would be better to Take The Pressure Off Of Being In A Relationship and they will Reevaluate when Nureyev's had a chance to be a guy who doesn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from. but also Like Hell is Juno just going to Leave Him Alone after all this. and the result is that they spend the Big Crash just. completely unhinged about each other. Nureyev's shot past 'feeling vulnerable around Juno scares the shit out of him' and well into 'raw nerves and gaping wounds and compound trauma and feeling vulnerable about literally anything and everything all the time and being around Juno is integral to not spiraling into the abandonment hell vortex'. meanwhile Juno's like 'holy shit Nureyev is letting me be there for him. this is already incredible progress'

u think they were insufferable on the Carte Blanche well. on the Carte Blanche Nureyev was still working on things like trusting Juno enough to let him back in at all and he Had An Image To Maintain and lots of Private Stuff to Deal With and Juno was still figuring out how not to be a prickly ass all the time and 'when is it appropriate to give your bf his space when your default mode is to Investigate Shit' and none of that is a going concern right now

'sometimes you gotta be a little bit mentally ill to handle the mental illness' they have so much separation anxiety and they are clipping their carabiners together. hooking pinky fingers and following each other when one needs to do something in the next room. where's Nureyev? sitting in Juno's lap again. his ass is experiencing 'nervous system doesn't know how to respond to the sudden removal of constant crushing dread and just goes fucking haywire at unpredictable intervals'. he gets random-ass panic attacks and there's only so much the breathing exercises and the grounding exercises and self-soothing techniques can do compared to 'Juno is here and he's fine and he's safe and he is more than happily providing prolonged physical contact' to get him to calm down on a physiological level

meanwhile Juno's like 'i chased this idiot across half the galaxy because he wouldn't ask for help and had to deal with him being all stone-faced and cold about it, do I look like i mind that he's clingy now? a lady does not need his personal space at this time. a lady is living for this. a lady is also maybe feeling clingy have u considered that'

everyone who isn't rita (idek who. melee? the other vivopolis refugees??) is assuming they are just getting a very bad grade in taking it slow and are barely humoring them about it. and neither bothers with denying the boyfriend allegations but it's not bc it's true it's they're just. too exhausted to get defensive about it

rita: and i mean they ain't actually smooching too loud in the kitchen or whatever

melee probably: he just came out of Juno's room wearing Juno's shirt

juno: he's a thief that's his shirt now

(12 hours earlier:)

nureyev: (shows up to juno's room at 3am) im sorry for waking you i had nightmares about [the bomb/the carte blanche raid/dokana capturing you] i just needed to see that you were alive and make sure im in the reality timeline and then i will go back to-

juno: get in loser we're watching bad cops

rita: hi mista' n do you want some of this blanket

nureyev: that's very kind but im afraid im

juno: yeah hold up he's like really sweaty im gonna get him a clean shirt

nureyev: you really don't need to-

juno: how are you even still standing up when you're shaking like that

nureyev: that is. an excellent question

juno: anyway welcome to the club i fired rita like an hour ago bc i had nightmares about her dying on the asteroid

rita: i had one where i was gettin chased by this big stompy plant monster with lotsa teeth and i had to distract it by throwing all my snacks behind me and then i was outta snacks and then i was up getting more snacks when mista' steel fired me

rita: you know i think only reason i ain't got separation anxiety about mista' steel is because we spent all that time in the ruby together while we were chasin' after you and that gets a gal over it real fast

juno: thanks rita :P

#i am gnawing on the differences i am gnawing on the similarities i am gnawing on the way their decisions are coherent in their context #i think i had like five different directions to bounce off thoughts here but these are the ones that happened #GOD OKAY WLB 1 AND THE BIT ABOUT LETTING EACH OTHER TAKE OFF THE BANDAGES #I AM ALSO THINKING ABOUT THAT #*POINTS AT IT* YOU UNDERSTAND #zeph thank u you're a delight #the penumbra podcast #juno steel #peter nureyev #team janus beast #team buddy system #jupeter

[waters-and-the-wilde]

I HAVEN'T BEEN DRAWING REGULAR FOR MONTHS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH forcing myself to do something

#!!! #i love himb #are birds important? studies say yes

[waters-and-the-wilde]

never over juno seeing nureyev for the first time in ages, absolutely gone breathless and aching with it. you know who he's describing, there's only one person who makes him sound like that. i want to jump into the ocean

#yeah #...yeah #juno steel #the penumbra podcast #jupeter

[waters-and-the-wilde]

hehe scenario. jupeter coming out the other side of All That with a bit of 'wow you're just straight up a bit codependent but maybe that's actually the best-case scenario for you right now carry on fellas'

oh they've Had Their Talk in the aftermath, and, okay, it's agreed that they are Not Doing Romance because Nureyev needs Time To Grieve and it would be better to Take The Pressure Off Of Being In A Relationship and they will Reevaluate when Nureyev's had a chance to be a guy who doesn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from. but also Like Hell is Juno just going to Leave Him Alone after all this. and the result is that they spend the Big Crash just. completely unhinged about each other. Nureyev's shot past 'feeling vulnerable around Juno scares the shit out of him' and well into 'raw nerves and gaping wounds and compound trauma and feeling vulnerable about literally anything and everything all the time and being around Juno is integral to not spiraling into the abandonment hell vortex'. meanwhile Juno's like 'holy shit Nureyev is letting me be there for him. this is already incredible progress'

u think they were insufferable on the Carte Blanche well. on the Carte Blanche Nureyev was still working on things like trusting Juno enough to let him back in at all and he Had An Image To Maintain and lots of Private Stuff to Deal With and Juno was still figuring out how not to be a prickly ass all the time and 'when is it appropriate to give your bf his space when your default mode is to Investigate Shit' and none of that is a going concern right now

'sometimes you gotta be a little bit mentally ill to handle the mental illness' they have so much separation anxiety and they are clipping their carabiners together. hooking pinky fingers and following each other when one needs to do something in the next room. where's Nureyev? sitting in Juno's lap again. his ass is experiencing 'nervous system doesn't know how to respond to the sudden removal of constant crushing dread and just goes fucking haywire at unpredictable intervals'. he gets random-ass panic attacks and there's only so much the breathing exercises and the grounding exercises and self-soothing techniques can do compared to 'Juno is here and he's fine and he's safe and he is more than happily providing prolonged physical contact' to get him to calm down on a physiological level

meanwhile Juno's like 'i chased this idiot across half the galaxy because he wouldn't ask for help and had to deal with him being all stone-faced and cold about it, do I look like i mind that he's clingy now? a lady does not need his personal space at this time. a lady is living for this. a lady is also maybe feeling clingy have u considered that'

everyone who isn't rita (idek who. melee? the other vivopolis refugees??) is assuming they are just getting a very bad grade in taking it slow and are barely humoring them about it. and neither bothers with denying the boyfriend allegations but it's not bc it's true it's they're just. too exhausted to get defensive about it

rita: and i mean they ain't actually smooching too loud in the kitchen or whatever

melee probably: he just came out of Juno's room wearing Juno's shirt

juno: he's a thief that's his shirt now

(12 hours earlier:)

nureyev: (shows up to juno's room at 3am) im sorry for waking you i had nightmares about [the bomb/the carte blanche raid/dokana capturing you] i just needed to see that you were alive and make sure im in the reality timeline and then i will go back to-

juno: get in loser we're watching bad cops

rita: hi mista' n do you want some of this blanket

nureyev: that's very kind but im afraid im

juno: yeah hold up he's like really sweaty im gonna get him a clean shirt

nureyev: you really don't need to-

juno: how are you even still standing up when you're shaking like that

nureyev: that is. an excellent question

juno: anyway welcome to the club i fired rita like an hour ago bc i had nightmares about her dying on the asteroid

rita: i had one where i was gettin chased by this big stompy plant monster with lotsa teeth and i had to distract it by throwing all my snacks behind me and then i was outta snacks and then i was up getting more snacks when mista' steel fired me

rita: you know i think only reason i ain't got separation anxiety about mista' steel is because we spent all that time in the ruby together while we were chasin' after you and that gets a gal over it real fast

juno: thanks rita :P

#good morning i am once again committing my little scenarios #hypothetical denouement nonsense #this is not even remotely legit speculation i am just saying words recreationally #the penumbra podcast #juno steel #peter nureyev