5-clocks-on-a-wall

[5-clocks-on-a-wall]

I chase the feeling of your hands on my skin

palm in palm

fingertips tracing outlines

writing in the sand of my heart

before the waves wash the memories away

I chase the feeling of you pulling me closer

the feeling of safety I get

when I am held in such a perfect way

the feeling of wearing your love

like a suit of armor

I chase the feeling of you watching me

and loving what you see

the feeling of being noticed

in a good way

in a way where I am not in the way

the rush when you point out something I do

and you are not complaining

is scrawled across the same walls

that people have previously complained about

after their artwork made those walls

I wish I could stay in those rooms

all the time

I chase the feeling of being twirled

in the street as we walked

when I was in my head

and you so gently pulled me out of it

and reminded me how to live

without worrying

I chase the feeling of being wild and free

the high of being so alive

when you joined me

on all my crazy adventures

when I was not the only one

going through with bad ideas

when we ran into the ocean

the Pacific ocean

freezing

when there was no sun to protect us

and when we drove out

and climbed a hill

at midnight

it really felt like we were on top of the world

I had a song stuck in my head

but you were woven into the melody

I chase the feeling of not being alone

the feeling of being seen

and understood

the feeling that swelled

every time I looked at something

and you knew exactly what I was doing

without a word being spoken

and you agreed

without a word being spoken

I chase the feeling of being appreciated

when I brought home flowers

flowers I should not have picked

at a time I should not have been out

and you did not yell at me

you cried

you put them in water

you said "thank you"

I chase the feeling of you

because now I am 2,724 miles away

and I am feeling the distance of every mile

there is a space where you should be

twirling me

holding me

believing in me

believing with me

but the space is empty

life took us in different directions

and I am counting the days

until those directions are the same again

#original poem #poem #poetry #poets on tumblr

[5-clocks-on-a-wall]

I am greedy

I want more love than I deserve

more than I am owed

more than I am allowed

the universe is rationing love

and I am hungry

but I will not ask for more

nobody else seems to mind

how little is allotted

my heart is dry, my throat aches

I am thirsty

I will walk for miles

I am stubborn enough to keep going

but my feet are blistered

I give all the love I have

hoping I will get more in return

hoping someday I will know what it feels like

to be filled with so much love

that I cannot inhale any more

there is a reason I never say no

why would I refuse

what I can't get enough of

but nobody can afford to give me

this kind of love

I want too much

and my love is not good enough

for it to be a fair exchange anyways

#poetry #original poem #poem #poets on tumblr

[5-clocks-on-a-wall]

I am so glad that I took the time

to memorize your eyes

now the flecks of green are burned

into the back of my mind

and when I miss you

I can look into your eyes again

and I am back in your arms

I am so glad that I took the time

to overthink the way you touched me

now your gentle grip

stays with me

and I can feel your love

even so far away

I am so glad that I payed attention

to which lines you sang

and which songs you knew by heart

now I can listen to them

and hear you in the melody

purposefully off key

and so beautiful

I am so glad that I payed attention

to the way your room smelled like home

now I can wear the hoodie you let me keep

and pretend it still smells like you

comforting and safe

like home

I am so glad I noticed

the way you cared

the way your voice changed

when you talked to me

you were so gentle

only to me

and I still feel special

even so far away

I am so glad I noticed

the way you loved me

unconditionally

like nobody had before

so that when I miss you

I still feel loved

I still feel hopeful

even so far away

and I miss you

all the time

#original poem #poetry #poem #long distance love #long distance relationship

[5-clocks-on-a-wall]

someday my memories will run through the veins of this city

someday my tears will trace lines through the roads

someday my laughter will haunt the stores

I don't need a prophet to tell me that over the next 4 years, my fingerprints will stamp hundreds of crosswalk buttons

countless words will breathe fuel into the hearts of the city

I will sing and dance a path through the forest of buildings

my sweat will drip down a stoplight

and I will hate the cop I run from

but I will also love him

to the city I've fallen in love with:

you have always been home to me

you look your best dressed in fog, drenched in rain, seared in sun

I will memorize your streets

I will find comfort in your doorways

I will love you on your best days and your worst

thank you, dearest city, for showing me how beautiful life can be

hopefully, someday, the city will thank me too

#poem #poetry #original poem #poets on tumblr

[5-clocks-on-a-wall]

there is a poison in me

a dark acid in my veins

it's burning from the inside

and I am worried it will kill my strides

and I am worried that when I kiss you, it will kill us

the hopelessness

the fear

that I am nothing

and I will never be more

that I am overwhelming

and I will never be palatable

that I am just as poisonous as my veins

that I will rip your heart out

as I rip mine away

I will try to convince myself

to keep my hands away from you

to keep the claws out of reach

I am worried I cannot control them

and when I am hurting

I will let go

there is a poison in me

the anxiety has roots too deep to move

the pain will forever play darts with my head

I pray you don't get caught in the crossfire

I will try to convince myself

to keep my hands away from you

to keep the thorns out of reach

when I go silent

and I remove myself from your life

when I quietly pick my things up off your floor

and try not to leave fingerprints on your desk

it is not your fault

I am a broken thing

there is a poison in me

and I would rather it not spread

#poetry #poem #original poem