96xie

[96xie]

i wish the world could slow down. everything is happening too fast and my mind and body just needs to rest.

[96xie]

A heart’s a heavy burden

[96xie]

A windy day with a moderate temperature will make you feel like you got reborn into a world that really loves you this time

[96xie]

late rainy nights

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[96xie]

[96xie]

I'm rooting for all women but especially the fucked up and silly ones

[96xie]

[96xie]

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[96xie]

Flooded Forest

by Konsta Punkka

[96xie]

keeping myself afloat

the past 8 months have been absolutely terrible, honestly im waiting for this pain to go away. i have cried countless nights unlike before and i have begged god to relieve just a tiny bit of pain of mine. i dont want to be here anymore but i cant grant that wish because i dont want to cause sadness upon my loved ones.

i dont look like myself anymore, my eczema has gotten so much worse to the point where i cannot recognize myself. i grieve every. single. day. i look at my old photos and wish i can go back to what i deem as normal. i feel so sorry to my boyfriend and friends because i look so embarrassing. my skin is on fire, its itchy 25/8, wounds open and scab up and its a cycle. i hate this so much.

i am currently on medical leave (currently unemployed) but i dont think i have benefits therefore i cant keep my financials afloat: i barely have enough saved for my car and its insurance for a month. my return date is in a month and HONESTLY i dont think i can recover until then. my entire body is in physical and mental pain: it hurts to bend my hands, arms, legs, body, i cannot twist my neck, it hurts to open my mouth at times, its like im not living. im literally crying as i type. i probably have like ONE good day every two weeks and i just dont want to live like this anymore.

i am trying my best to keep myself sane. i am trying to play games that i once loved but its difficult because my face is so dry to the point where my eyelids get dry too and my eyesight becomes blurry. when i go out, i become so envious of everyone because they get to wear short sleeved shirts, short skirts and shorts, and i have to cover because of my scars and open wounds. my boyfriend still holds my hands, hugs me, kisses me, but deep inside im crying because i feel so embarrassed that he has to be seen with me. ilove him so much but i feel so burdened because he has to put up with me.

my body is so dry its like scrunched up, its entirely red, i cant stretch, my eyesight is constantly blurry, i have no eyebrows, its been 8 months and no sign of healing. i dont know why i have to go through this. i have always always always tried to remain hopeful but its no use. healing is not linear. i know this very well. but each day has become discouraging. i am physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially in a bad place.

i have visited my dermatologist and she has been extremely condescending each visit. i just want to get better except she has been prescribing the very medicine that has ruined me in the first place. she has no empathy and i teared up in the office because she has given me no hope.

it is the same for my mom, i wish she had been more emphatetic of my situation. yes she understands my situation, she knows very well. i am so grateful she feeds me healthy food and herbal teas but the constant yelling and berating, i feel like im trapped in my child-self. i just want her to tell me it will be ok.

i want to be ok. i want to feel better. i want to look the way i have been. i am pushing myself to stay alive each day but it is very much becoming difficult each day. i love my friends and boyfriend but i feel like my breaking point is near.

this is not a cry for help i promise you! just a place for me to vent.

if you have reached this far, thank you for reading! i am finding ways to keep my mind busy despite the difficulties. if you can spare few dollars towards my car insurance or car, i would be forever grateful! my v3nm0 is @/alexieemreen

i will try to live another day being hopeful!

[96xie]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CFa-wglgFSQ

[96xie]

Me tonight for some reason

[96xie]

@tkfkdgotb

#fave

[96xie]

like or reblog if u save <3

#xg

[96xie]

#this shit has been on repeat since it came out #music

[96xie]

[96xie]

mymyhyemi

#home