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BLAT SALAD
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If you’re anything like me, first of all, I’m so sorry and I hope you get the help you need. Second of all, you probably love feeding people, but hate finding yourself standing in the kitchen on your fourth failed attempt at black garlic foam while all your friends laugh loudly in the other room but NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM has offered to help you blow the edible gelatin bubbles yet.
It’s alright, we’ve all been there. I can help.
My recipe for Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado and Tomato Salad is a quick and delicious way to feed a crowd sandwiches, which should be good enough for the ungrateful bastards. By mixing everything together, you eliminate the slip-and-slide disaster that BLT's often end up becoming, while sacrificing none of the flavor and texture. This recipe will cure your FOMO all year long, freeing you up to spend so much time with your friends that you realize you don’t actually like them very much.
INGREDIENTS
1 large tomato, diced
1 1/2 cups of romaine, chopped small
11 slices of bacon, chopped
2 avocados
2 tablespoons of mayonnaise (optional)
4 green onions, diced
1 tablespoon of garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon of dill
1 teaspoon of lemon juice
10 slices of toasted bread, or a bunch of tortillas, or even like, half a box of crackers. It doesn’t matter. Nothing’s real.
Fry 11 strips of bacon in a skillet. Set 10 aside to cool, and eat the 11th strip walking around your kitchen like a ravenous animal while you look for a large bowl.
In the large bowl, you want to mash your avocado and mayonnaise together with garlic, dill, salt, pepper and lemon juice. If you choose to skip the mayo because it frightens you, I can’t really stop you, but just make sure you put extra care into making that avocado smoother than Sade taking a bath in coconut oil.
Dice your tomato and green onions, chop your romaine and bacon, and throw it all into the bowl. Now it’s time to stir everything up like you’re a Real Housewife and you’ve come to the fashion line launch party with scandalous photos of Luanne’s husband.
You’re basically done! Serve on whatever starchy crunch vessel you want. You can build the sandwiches yourself, or just put out a bowl and a spoon and let human nature take its course. Also excellent as a dip for potato chips when it’s 3 am, and your shame has gone to bed.
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You Say Tomato, I Say Pierogi
I’ve often said that food speaks, which is not to say that the market’s full of chatty turnips, but rather that food is, itself, an unspoken language. How and what we eat says a lot about not only who we are, but where we’ve been. We tell the stories of our lives through the recipes we pass down, or at the very least we tell the story of Martha Stewart’s life.
I grew up in a predominantly Italian town and all my aunts and uncles married into Italian families. What this means, apart from bottles of wine and saint statues being visible at all times, is that I have eaten a lot of Italian food. My childhood was filled with lasagnas and cannoli and homemade pasta sauces. My mother had a wooden box full of handwritten recipes for Cacciatore and Piccata and Saltimbocca. It came as quite a shock around 10 or 11 years old when I found out I was primarily Polish and Irish.
Still, Italian cuisine feels like home to me and I love to redecorate my home. I have gotten creative with pasta more times than I can count. Sometimes I discover something wonderful and other times I have to bury my sins at the bottom of the trash can and hope nobody ever finds them. This recipe, thankfully, was inspired.
I took lasagna, an Italian classic, and infused it with flavors from my Polish heritage to create something new, hearty, and seriously delicious. It's a dish that feels warm, inviting, and comforting, a food that brings you that feeling of relaxation. A relax food? No, that's not right. Anyways, I rarely make it because it’s impossible to stop eating and I am only one man.
Polish Lasagna
INGREDIENTS
3 cups of whole milk.
1 9oz box of ready to bake lasagna noodles (shh, don’t tell Nonna)
10 oz of chive or onion cottage cheese
1 ½ lb of yellow potatoes, diced.
1 tablespoon olive oil.
1 yellow onion, diced
1 12 oz Polish Kielbasa, diced.
1 ½ cups of red cabbage, chopped
2 tablespoons of caraway seeds
3 cloves of garlic
1 stick unsalted butter
½ cup all purpose flour
¼ teaspoon of ground nutmeg
½ cup sour cream
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
Salt and pepper to taste
Put the quart of milk on the counter so it can come to room temperature.
In a large pot, cover 1 ½ pounds of diced yellow potatoes in lightly salted water until it reaches about an inch above the potatoes. Bring it to a boil and cook until the potatoes are soft enough to pierce with a fork, about 15-20 minutes.
Drain your potatoes and mash them until smooth using the method of your choice. I like a ricer because it’s quick, easy, and reminds me of the Play Dough Hair Salon.
Mix your potatoes with the cottage cheese, season to taste with salt and pepper, and set them aside. This is going to be our pierogi-filling layers.
Fill your pot with water again and bring it to a boil. Blanch your cabbage for 12-13 minutes, drain, and set it aside.
In a large skillet, heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil over medium heat. Sauté your onions and kielbasa until the onions become translucent and your sausage is browned, about 7-8 minutes. Add the cabbage, caraway seeds, and garlic, and mix together well. Cover, reduce the heat to medium low, and cook another few minutes until all the flavors are incorporated.
Preheat your oven to 375F
In a large saucepan, melt 1 stick of butter over medium heat. Gradually add ½ cup of all-purpose flour, whisking constantly until the mixture is golden brown with large bubbles, about 2 minutes. This is called a roux, and it’s used to thicken most cream sauces.
Add your milk gradually to the roux, continuing to whisk so there are no lumps and everything is incorporated and smooth. Bring the mixture to a boil and then immediately reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook until the sauce is thick, stirring occasionally, about 1-2 minutes. Remove from the heat and mix in the sour cream, 2 teaspoons of salt, and a dash of nutmeg and SURPRISE! You just made a béchamel (with sour cream), one of the fundamental French sauces for your Polish-Italian mash-up.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but this lasagna will be! Spread a layer of your sour cream béchamel, about ¼ cup, on the bottom of a 9 x 13 inch lasagna pan. Lay 3 noodles in the pan and top it with 1/3 of the potato mixture. Make sure to spread the pierogi potato out evenly. It’s going to be messy. There’s nothing you can do about it. Acceptance is the only way out.
Put down 3 more noodles and top them with half of the kielbasa and cabbage mixture, followed by ½ cup of the béchamel. Repeat alternating fillings until you have three layers of pierogi potato and two layers of kielbasa and kapusta (the Polish word for cabbage) between them. Five layers total.
Cover the whole lasagna with a final pour of béchamel, and sprinkle shredded mozzarella over the top. Then cover your Polish Lasagna in tin foil and bake it in the oven for 45-50 minutes.
Remove the foil and bake another five minutes so that the cheese gets bubbly and golden.
What does this lasagna say about me? I’m sure it says a lot of things. It might say that I’m easy to talk to and have good TV suggestions. What I know it says is that I’m a Polish boy who loves trying new things and grew up surrounded by one of the greatest cuisines on earth, and I just can’t help myself once I get an idea in my head. But most of all, I hope it says what all great food aims to say; Sit, relax, and have some more.
Here's the one I made for Christmas. Yes that's a meat tree.
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I Want it All... I Want EVERYTHING (bagel seasoning)
I remember it like it was yesterday. There I stood in my local grocery, thinking it was just another Tuesday. But it wasn’t just another Tuesday. Something felt different about the air that day, something electric which meant a change was on the horizon, a new day dawning. I turned the corner and there it was, like it had been waiting for me my whole life.
Everything. Bagel. Seasoning.
What wonder, what joy, I thought, to live in such an age. To extract the essence of an Everything Bagel, undoubtedly the reigning queen of all bagels, was a stroke of pure genius.
I bought two jars.
The question remained, however, what to do with such a gift? What unexplored reaches of the culinary universe did I now have a passport to? I couldn’t sleep until I found my answers.
As it turns out, Everything Bagel seasoning is an incredibly versatile tool in the home-chef's arsenal and we’re only just beginning to understand its many mysteries.
Here are 8 ways Everything Bagel seasoning can change your life too.
Avocado Lox Toasts
Avocado Toast, much maligned as a Millennial extravagance, is delicious, and mind your own business. In this recipe, Everything Bagel seasoning brings together avocado, smoked salmon, and feta cheese all on warm toasted sourdough bread, which is great for when you want something filling that feels light. It’s still a slice of bread, but it feels light, which is nice. Ready in just 5 minutes, this is perfect for those who enjoy looking very fancy, very fast.
https://thefeedfeed.com/kalememaybe/avocado-lox-toasts
Cheese Ball
Coco Chanel once said, before you leave the house, take one thing off. This ball of cheese said “Nah, Coco. I want to wear EVERYTHING” This idea is fairly simple, taking an everything bagel with cream cheese and turning it into a fun group activity. It’s a great alternative to the classic holiday appetizer, achieving that nutty coating without actual nuts. For folks like me with a nut allergy who love cheese, but hate dying, this is pretty much the ideal solution.
https://tatertotsandjello.com/everything-bagel-seasoning-cheese-ball-recipe/
Salmon
Nothing is better than something that looks impressive but is actually extremely easy. Meals where everything is roasted in one pan always make you appear like the palace chef setting a feast for a medieval king, but in reality, it’s the quickest way to a balanced dinner so you have more time to play Wordle. This salmon and asparagus dinner cuts the time even shorter by letting the Everything Bagel seasoning do the heavy lifting with flavor, so you can work on getting a higher score than Judy from the office.
https://bitesofwellness.com/everything-bagel-salmon/
Biscuits
I love biscuits. I love their soft, buttery centers, and their crumbly, flakey outsides. If a fresh baked biscuit came up on Tinder, and I swiped right but we didn’t ever match, I’d be hurt, but I would understand. Biscuits can have anyone they want. I bet these cheddar biscuits have never experienced heartache. Not only are they perfect inside and out, but they’re on trend too. Everything Bagel seasoning is the hottest thing since pretzel buns.
https://www.savoryexperiments.com/everything-seasoning-biscuits/
Avocado and Cucumber Salad
Everything Bagel seasoning is friends with everybody. It’s down to party if you want a hearty cheesy dish, but it can hang if you’re watching your figure too, which sounds way less fun than watching The Office or Supermarket Sweep, but to each their own, I guess. This dish is light as air, and full of divine texture. The crunch of the cucumber and the sesame seed making sweet music with the funky garlic and the zip of ginger, and then that avocado comes in smooth with the saxophone solo. Ok, maybe I have synesthesia and I like 80’s music too much. But the fact remains this dish is quick, light and tasty, and would be welcome at any picnic or cookout.
https://forksandvines.com/everything-bagel-avocado-cucumber-salad/
Chicken Tenders
These baked chicken tenders are master manipulators. They’re in cahoots with Everything Bagel seasoning, and they’re using the hearty texture of those sesame seeds to add more than just flavor. It’s no secret that while baking can give you a crust on chicken, it never comes out quite as crisp as it does when it's fried, but the seeds add to the crunch factor. Top it off with a sweet and spicy maple mustard sauce. Remember chicken nuggets and honey mustard? You won’t believe what she looks like now.
https://reciperunner.com/everything-bagel-chicken-tenders/
Seared Ahi Tuna
One of the finest attributes of this seasoning is the texture it adds to even the softest foods, elevating them immediately. In this seared Ahi Tuna dish, that crunch isn’t satisfied with playing small anymore, you hear? It has dreams! It’s going for glory! It’s forming a thick crust around slices of velvety, tender Tuna! Add a drizzle of horseradish crema and you won’t soon forget the name Everything Bagel! Not least of all because I’ve typed it about 300 times by now.
https://www.atbbq.com/thesauce/recipes/everything-bagel-crusted-seared-ahi-tuna/
Manhattan Dirty Mary Martini
There’s no telling where Everything Bagel seasoning will show up next. It was last spotted frequenting bars on the Upper East Side, and learning mixology from a man with a curly mustache and a bow tie. Branching out into the world of cocktail garnish was an unexpected move, but if Everything Bagel seasoning has learned anything in its illustrious career as the It Girl of the spice rack, it’s that if you want longevity, you have to be brave, take risks, and never stop growing.
http://bloodymarysociety.taxidev.com/manhattan-dirty-mary-martini.html
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It’s Gotta Be A Yolk
There’s nothing in this world quite like a luscious, golden egg yolk. If you know, you know, and runny yolks are the way to go. There are a couple of tried and true ways that bring us to that creamy oasis of joy; you can always fry your eggs sunny side up or over easy, and poaching them is an excellent low-fat option, but what if you want a little more oomph in your egg? Well, I’ve got a treasure trove of tricks to elevate your breakfast game to the next level.
Garlic Bread Egg in a Basket
Egg in a Basket, or sometimes Toad in a Hole overseas, is a beautiful love story between two classic breakfast staples; toast and eggs.
A very simple dish with only three necessary ingredients, Egg in a Basket is full of customization opportunities. Whether it’s choosing a different bread like rye or brioche, or mixing up your seasonings, this dish is an excellent quick and easy breakfast.
My favorite version is one that brings together some of the best things life has to offer; runny egg yolks, cheese and garlic.
INGREDIENTS
2 slices of Italian bread, not too thick, and wide enough for a 3-inch hole in the center.
2 eggs
2 tablespoons of butter at room temperature, ready to spread
1 tablespoon of olive oil
2 cloves of garlic, minced small
2 tablespoons of parmesan cheese.
Salt and pepper to taste
First, cut a hole about 3 inches wide in your bread. You can do this with a cookie cutter, the lid of a mason jar, or just a knife. Butter both sides of your bread, and set them aside.
Mince the garlic as small as you can. A trick that I use is pouring my olive oil over the garlic as I’m cutting it. This helps the garlic stay together instead of flying all over your cutting board. Put your oil and garlic into a nonstick pan over medium-low heat and sauté until it softens. Then remove it from the pan and set aside.
Turn up your pan to medium heat and toast one side of your bread slices. Flip them over once they are a golden brown.
Now it’s time for the egg. In each hole, put half the garlic and ½ tablespoon of parmesan, followed by the egg, a sprinkle of salt and pepper, and another ½ teaspoon of parmesan. Cover and cook for one minute.
Before you know it, you’re ready for the garlic bread / breakfast crossover event you didn’t know you needed. Crispy, cheesy, chef’s kiss.
Avocado Baked Eggs
Avocados make everything they touch better. They are the plant world’s answer to the egg yolk; creamy and rich and decadent. Avocados and eggs even have similar shapes, which seems like a sign because it is. This dish was meant to be. It’s the absolute best of both worlds, replacing the hard wooden pit of the avocado with a much more delectable center.
INGREDIENTS
2 avocados, halved
4 eggs
1 teaspoon of cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon of garlic powder
1 teaspoon of salt
chives (optional)
diced tomato (optional)
First, preheat your oven to 425º F.
Cut your avocados in half lengthwise and remove the pits. Use a spoon to scoop out a big enough hole for your egg, and place your avocados on a muffin tray to keep them upright.
Crack each egg gently into your avocado halves.
Mix all your spices together, and sprinkle them over your eggs to taste.
Bake for 15-18 minutes, until the egg whites have just set, but the yolks are still runny.
Serve immediately.
You can garnish with chives or diced tomato for some added freshness if you like, but you might have trouble waiting that long. The yolk is looking at you. It’s calling out your name... “Stephanie...”(maybe)
Sunny Omelet.
Sometimes, you can’t choose between the yolk of your dreams or the hearty flavors and texture of a good omelet. What if I told you that you didn’t have to choose? What if I told you dreams could come true?
Believe it, because if you can separate a yolk from an egg white, you can have it all.
INGREDIENTS
2 eggs
Salt and pepper to taste
1 tablespoon of butter
½ cup liquid egg whites
¼ cup of cheddar cheese
¼ cup diced onion
¼ cup of diced mushrooms
¼ cup cooked bacon
Separate your yolks, and put them each in their own bowl to keep the precious things safe
Mix together your separated egg whites with the ½ cup of liquid egg whites, season with salt and pepper, and set aside.
In a nonstick pan over medium heat, sauté your mushrooms and onions with your butter. Throw the bacon into the pan once the onions are translucent, and then add your egg whites over the top.
As the whites start to cook, sprinkle cheddar cheese over one half of the omelet, and cover for about a minute
Once the cheese has started to melt, place your egg yolks gently on top of the cheese, and cover the pan again for another minute.
Uncover, and check that your edges have started to lift from the pan. When they have, fold the side without the yolks over, and cover for one final minute.
Slide your omelet gently out of the pan to keep those yolks intact, and then marvel at your own wonder.
You will be the envy of all your friends when you slide your fork into your omelet, and a waterfall of yolky sunshine pours out. They’ll ask you “How did you do that?” And you’ll just laugh and laugh.
Mean Green Shakshuka
Shakshuka is a Middle Eastern or North African dish of contested origin, because it’s so good everyone wants to take credit for it. Traditionally, it consists of Eggs poached in a spicy tomato stew, but traditional gets boring sometimes. I make it green and mean.
INGREDIENTS
¼ cup of olive oil
4 large eggs
1 medium zucchini squash, diced
½ yellow onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
2 cups of spinach
1 cup of collard greens
1 tablespoon of harissa (2 if you’re feeling extra mean)
1 scallion, chopped
The juice of one lime
Salt
Heat your oil in a large cast iron skillet over medium heat, sauté the onions and chopped zucchini until the zucchini is very softened, about 12-14 minutes.
Add the garlic and harissa, and salt to taste. Then stir until incorporated.
Add your collards and toss for 4 minutes before adding your spinach.
Add 1/4 cup of water and lime juice, and reduce the heat to medium-low. Cover and cook for 9-11 minutes.
Use a spoon to make 4 pockets for your eggs. Crack one egg into each, salt your eggs, and cover for another 3-4 minutes until the eggs have just set.
Garnish with your green onion, and serve with warm toast or pita, and now you too can see what all the fuss is about.
The power of yolk compels you. You are helpless to resist.
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