analogousanybody

[analogousanybody]

I interviewed for a job I really wanted on Thursday and thought I bombed, thought they left the interview hating me and thinking that I was incredibly underqualified. Was depressed for the rest of the day because of it and told everyone that knew about the interview that I probably wasn’t going to get it. The following morning they called to offer me the position. 

Anyway I guess moral of the story is we’ve all got a lot of shit going on in our heads that is simply not there in reality and I know this anecdote has virtually nothing to do with eating disorders, but I think in a way it does. I’m just hungover and can’t really articulate how to relate it back to them. 

If you can get help, please do. 

#ana #ed #I deadass texted my friend when I got the call #and was like 'idk i thought i bombed but idk how much of that is reality and how much of that is me needing therapy' #and she was like girl its probably all your anxiety #plus it was a virtual interview #and those just suck anyways

[analogousanybody]

i found the culprit guys. i was getting my period

*jerry seinfeld voice* WHATS the DEAL with my binging habit lately?!?!?!?

#ana #ed #i thought i was going to skip this month bc i was late #not bc im underweight or anything just bc i skip a lot i dont have a reliable cycle #but alas i was just like two weeks late #which is fine #i didnt gain a considerable amount of weight #i usually eat more the week leading up to my period #and then when i have my period its not as bad #ive been losing the past couple days #and yesterday i went out to eat with the fam so i didnt count calories and i still lost a pound overnight #so i really cant complain

[analogousanybody]

binging is cancelled on account of my mother harassing me 

#ana #ed #kinda grateful #kinda living in fear #my dad is going to start building a case for a restraining order

[analogousanybody]

*jerry seinfeld voice* WHATS the DEAL with my binging habit lately?!?!?!?

#ana #ed

[analogousanybody]

i gotta stop going ham on the food during the weekends

#its like i make a ton of progress throughout the week #and i just undo it all over the course of two days #ana #ed

[analogousanybody]

i binged soooooo hard and my stomach hurts so fuckin bad

#i dont think ive ever binged this hard #im starting a 24hr fast bc that was my plan for this weekend anyway #not that that's going to fix it #but damn #ana #ed

[analogousanybody]

don’t talk to me or my seven million low calorie snacks that i hoard but refuse to eat because i can’t justify the calories ever again

#ana #ed #meme

[analogousanybody]

I simply do not feel that I’ve effectively worked my muscles if I am not so incredibly sore the following day and I just know that’s not healthy buttttttttttt that’s kinda my MO so.

#ana #ed

[analogousanybody]

I gained :) 4lbs :) overnight :)

#I know it's probably all water weight #but i ate a lot yesterday #and the day before yesterday too #and i went a little overboard today but nothing crazy #so much for my binge free streak #im getting back on track tomorrow mark my words #ana #ed

[analogousanybody]

ate way too much today and didn’t count my calories but we’re vibing because i was hungover and needed food

#ana #ed

[analogousanybody]

[analogousanybody]

Me, trying to look normal while making and eating food in front of my family, all the while trying to count calories with my one braincell that barely works 🤡🤡

#ana #ed #meme

[analogousanybody]

daily reminder that recovery isn’t the enemy, your ed is.

[analogousanybody]

Dinner with the family went okay. I feel like I ate a lot but I lost 0.8 pounds when I weighed this morning (I weigh every morning) so I guess we’re okay??? 

Also got very drunk and lost track of my glasses soooooo I’ll have a headache until I find them again.

#also they were all asking me about how i lost so much weight #and my aunt was like what are you eating?? are you eating ENOUGH?? #i was like yes!!!! #i count calories i make sure i get enough to eat!!! #i promise!!! #ana #ed #i also got v drunk on wine and tequila #i ended up throwing up twice #but it was hours after i finished eating #i dont purge ever so i dont really know if that had any effect #and if it did id probably rather not know #thats one ed habit i never want to form

[analogousanybody]

ed tumblr? you mean

#ana #ed #meme

[analogousanybody]

*has destructive intrusive thoughts* feels good, feels organic

[analogousanybody]

Gonna hang with family again this weekend and I know nothing about what the plan is/if there will be food/what that food would even be/what times I will be with this family and therefore what meals I will be on the hook for so I’m stressing again

But I’m sure I’m stressing for no reason because every time I’m stressed about these situations and then I post about that stress on here I come out the other side lighter so hopefully that trend keeps up

#im not even joking #the last two family dinners i restricted more than i would otherwise #but also i restricted higher today that i would normally #and im on my period so the fear of my low cal day triggering a binge tomorrow is very real #ana #ed #im also just a freak about planning meals #so not knowing the plan is just all around stressful