anelaboratecosmicjoke

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To the 5 people this page goes out to , if this even falls on your dash, damn have you been waiting for something or do you just not clear your profile?

If you're here from the start, hi, hope you're doing well if you're new here, welcome!

It's been well over a year since I last posted anything and tbh even though I have ideas to update this blog I'm just...stuck.

Do I want to post updates about the events I've been experiencing in this thing called "life" I apparently signed up for? Maybe

Am I worried about it developing into a parasocial relationship and giving out too much information about myself that's accessible to basically anyone on the internet that can stumble upon this blog which can potentially be used to harvest all my personal data and be used for evil ? Definitely.

When I did come up with the idea of having a Tumblr blog I don't know why but I expected it to be reminiscent of 2010's era reddit where you can just goof around in certain communities "but damn I have no clue of what's going on". (which could also probably be the name of my autobiography if I ever decide to write one)

As much as I wanted to goof around, I realised I've just talked about more serious stuff on the page. And maybe that's just the theme set for this place now.

Anyhoo, the transition from high school to college has been... jarring, to say the least. I don't really know how or what things have changed really. I'm still the old 'try too hard to get good grades In class' person, making actual meaningful human connections still sounds like a myth even though I am close(?) with a lot of people.

Well, what's it got to do with any of you?....great question! Unfortunately I don't have a great answer to it.

I'm def (fine text: I ain't guaranteeing anything) not going to burden y'all with my own existential crises (yes.multiple.) with the whats and the whys and the hows. All I want to do is just...put a part of myself out in the world, I... guess?

Anyways if you do come across this post I dunno, do interact, if you have anything you wanna talk about, anything you want to put out into the world yourself, stuff you wanna discuss,ask, hit me up! That's my jam!

That's the least I can contribute on this "journey towards figuring myself out" (barf)

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Seek help.

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English...a short essay cuz I think too much

(also cuz I can't discuss this to my language teacher cuz one sided debates are not fun)

Part-1

English...is a weird language. Well languages are generally weird anyway; so what does a language consist of?

Writing systems, grammatical structure and words. Well words are....weird and when you classify words they get weirder.

Just look at Prefixes, there are words that seem like they have prefixes attached to them but they're just spelt that way.... for example:- "prefix" (but spiritualmiracllyricalindividual prefix clearly has a prefix added to it,it's pre-fix)

Umm no. "prefix" is an "affix" added to the front of a word to give it a meaning perhaps,or an antonym for a word that doesn't have one directly. Nevermind though let's get back to the supposed prefixes.... like "detail" now de- when used as a prefix means to undo, reverse, go back; let's go by this rule and remove the de- from the detail and let's look at the word. -Tail. Now if we look at the definition of detail it's an isolated part that's considered separate from the whole so

I guess that means "tail" should mean the opposite of it but well.... Tail is a detail in itself. Other words include "include, result office,offend, offer remember, influence, information" et cetra; maybe. Speaking of opposites and prefixes in- is usually used to make an antonym but what's the deal with flame?

Use it as a verb :-

Flame- to put something on fire

inflame- to put something on fire

Or an adjective :-

flammable- The property of being able to catch on fire.

inflammable- The property of being able to catch on fire.

.... wait a second That doesn't seem quite right; how is something ever on fire? isn't it fire that is on things?

#english is weird #but who am i to judge #eh #whatever #an essay #from the alumni of #Yee Yee High #kurtistown

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⚠️Notice:-The posts on this blog will be on a hiatus (as if I've been following any schedule) until my brain comes up with something better than the shipment puns

#peak shitposting

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Damn I hate to talk about serious things on this blog!

So there's this post going around promoting ' Suicide prevention ' and I completely agree. ( Not reblogging cuz I don't want this page to gather too much attention. sorry)

Suicide should not ever be considered as a potential option. I understand that there are times where you just feel "ending it all". Depression, stress that's something people have to unfortunately deal with, and sometimes it pushes people to that edge. Reaching out to people is difficult because sometimes they're too ignorant or you don't want to 'trouble' them. I don't know who'll read this but if you have suicidal thoughts you can always reach out to me.

If you think that you should end your life to not make others sad then you should think about that one person who'll be affected by the news of you not being there anymore. Putting up a positive persona just for others to see to make them feel like nothing's wrong is difficult. But you do that cuz you care about them.

If you think that no one cares, I'm sorry I was standing right here! and so are other people! if there's no one to reach out to; If you think you can't reach out to even me write down all that you're worried about on a piece of paper and burn it/ rip it to shreds annihilate it.

Just know there's always something to live for. Doesn't matter if it's a goal or your favourite YouTuber's next upload.

I'm not an expert or a counsellor but you can always talk to me as a friend.

Talk to friends, online or offline, you aren't bothering anyone. Please consider talking to people and do not think about going through with suicide.

People need you.

You can always turn to this place to laugh at my lack of sense of humour if that helps in anyway. Probably teach me how be funny for once :)

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Chapter 9

Sirens wailed everywhere. The whole city was in chaos.

People screamed as screaming used-to-be people chased them. The military was dispatched to the city. A martial law was declared. Poh witnessed the chaos from the roof. There were choppers flying overhead.

Media, police troops, military, the common people were all witnessing the disaster. Only one word clicked into everyone's minds. ' ZOMBIES '

Poh's father always said that you should always share the food you enjoy. And so he did. He slashed any who approached him.

"YOU! IT WAS YOUR DOING! I SAW YOU MIX SOMETHING INTO THE FOOD. YOUR FOOD TURNED THE CHAIRMAN INTO THAT MONSTER. OFFICER! HE'S HERE. THE PERP'S HERE. APPREHEND HIM!!!"

A bunch of officers charged at Poh. He swung his blade but It couldn't pierce their armour. They held him to the ground.

"We have apprehended the suspect...give up the evidence now and we'll go easy on you but your death's inevitable."

"The evidence hahaha!!! Don't you see this officer? The evidence?The evidence is in their stomach. The evidence. Is all around you."

Saying that Poh opened up a vile and ingested all its contents.

His life flashed in front of his eyes as he turned into a mindless monster......

The moral:- uhhh I dunno, don't bully the quiet kid cuz he knows about zombies?

Well

The end.

Aaaand this concludes the 9th installment

Also I'm completely sane.

Thanks @darkfor1 for scrolling through millions of messages to find the dumb draft.

Hon'ble mentions a.k.a my fellow potathoes

@musingsfromeve @thebookishhvibe @gracefuldemure @darkfor1 @stardust-musing @kissmeunderthepalemoonlightt @autumnalglaze @halfwitchhalfpoetess @thecaffeinatedresearcher @wrathofmedusax @medhanalekar @sssstufff @iwannabethevillain @w0nt0b3y

P.s. I clearly forgot some people. Please let them know that I'm still a potathoe

Also... thank you for wasting your precious time

#potatoes #potathoes #it's called modern literature #DON'T EAT YOUR FRIENDS #NO DON'T FRY YOUR FRIENDS EITHER!!! #potatoes are great #Poh and Tatum #the evidence is in their stomach

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Chapter 8

Timeskip to around say 5 years later.

"What's your name?"

"S-Solace Tuber sir."

"So... your resume says you studied Food technology in the Yee Yee University....do you have any prior experience?"

"I did work for food companies and restaurants as an intern for 3 years...sir."

"You'd be useful, you work Monday through Sunday 9-5 at the kitchen. And I expect great things from you....SaSolace."

Poh was itching to get his revenge on Tatum. No the whole human race who looked down on him. And he'd found the exact weapon he'd need.

"Yes sir, thank you...sir" Poh tried not to laugh yet. He'd come this far he'd studied all the art of the kitchen, and microbial science for 4 years just out of spite and now the time was here, to carry out what he'd been planning from the past 5 years. A properly thought out plan.

For the next 2 months he worked from the shadows, keeping a low profile. He thought if he were to carry out his plan he'd carry it out in full glory.

Then the day was here.

"Today marks the 14th anniversary of this restaurant and this Kingdom I've established. Today! I hand it all over to my son Murphy Jacques Tatum. And announce my retirement from the culinary world."

Cheers filled the big hall. Poh was grinning wildly from inside the kitchen trying not to implode from the final joy of his life.

"Hey Tuber you done with the starters?"

"Uh yeah just a second." He opened a vile and sprinkles the contents into the fresh plate of nuggets(? I dunno. Just read)

A few moments later the fun chatter and cheers turned into screams of genuine terror. Poh peeked through the see through glass on the door. It was a bloodbath!

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Chapter 7

"*Static* th--- ---as smart....now you can carry out your business uninterrupted... though your ways were a bit bru--al."

"....A little bit of brutality is necessary if you want to rise up the food chain; no more s--all talk! Let's get to business shall we?"

"Very well... now da *static* mafia has decided to raise the offer by --irty percent, but they want the stuff to increase by 20 pounds"

"20 pounds! That's bullshit! Don't take the offer boss."

"Ey T think carefully 'bout this those rednecks have the closest ties to us, we don't wanna lose that good shit now do we?"

"But they almost got caught by the F.I.B! They may be laying low since, but this ain't worth it boss."

"We took care of the officers once, we can do it again, right T?"

"Enough, Leon. What are the other of--rs?"

"Eh alright, the Rénròu shìchǎng has asked the usual shipment. $500000 for 1000 pounds, the others haven't said anything yet."

"Right, sign up both the offers"

"But.... alright"

".......Yeah, now remember, this conversation never happened, nothing goes outside these 4 walls."

"You got this, but how do you manage the officers?"

"I....make soup."

"Soup?"

"Yes, soup, you finely chop the vegeta--les and let the water excract all the flavour, then. You consume it.Ahhhh the flavour! The aroma! The texture! A few officers can't stop me enjoying my soup."

*Gunshot

"Yooo T! Why'd you shoot him?"

"I'll tell you when we meet in h--ll."

*Gunshot.

*Ringing* *static* *footsteps*....................*click*

*Gunshot.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh, this would make a spl--ndid dish."

......................

"Hey, what's this?"

"Seems like an mp-3 player, anyways don't bother with that shit, we need to take care of the body first or there no

S--ying what boss'll do?"

"Isn't this the chef from the morning, Poh?"

"Ooh yeah, guess he went out of his way to scout on boss."

"Maybe... now move your hands quickly, we need to dispatch before morning."

"What about this?"

"Here keep it in this box"

*Thud*

*Static*...............

End of tape.

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Chapter 6

Poh changed his blood stained shirt with Paul's and wrapped the cleaver with his. He found a key in one of the pockets of Paul's trousers. He tried unlocking the shutter to no avail. He tried pulling the lock with all of his strength; his grip loosened and he stumbled backwards and slammed into one of the racks behind knocking boxes down on him.

One of the "fallen stuff"(sorry I was too lazy to remember the right word for 'stuff that falls out of boxes') it was a Sony M-447, the kind that his father owned back in the day. That hit home...he was filled with nostalgia, it was his father that got him into cooking until they made meals for each other every other day.... until his father disappeared, then it was just him cooking for a dysfunctional family.

The shutter opened up. There were two men of average build.

"What're you doing here?! How'd you get in?"

"Hey! Kids aren't allowed here!"

One of them advance towards Poh, but slipped on something. He looked up and stared in utter shock at Paul's body lying a few feet next to him. But before he could scream his throat was slit by Poh's sharp edged blade.

"Hey!" The other man charged at Poh, but he was met with the same fate as his friend.

"Arrgh now I've got to change again!" Poh picked up the recorder and put it in his bag and exited the scene....

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Chapter 5

Poh was furious, he understood the value of food;The effort that goes into preparing it, the tenderness that's required to grow endemic plants that provide the savoury flavour, the love and thought put into the dishes to see that smile on the consumers' faces.

He understood the satisfaction that one gets after eating their favourite dish after a long day's work where it just calms one from the inside out lowering the tension on the muscles, as the aroma and the flavour clear your mind from the stress build up from the day.

He'd been cooking even before he joined the kitchen. He was happy serving the people that came in. He treated food like religion, just as he did science. And anyone who disrespected his religion sickened him.

As his breathing steadied, he sled his hand into the bag on his shoulders and pulled out the cleaver; he charged in shouting and sliced cleanly along the back of Paul's neck.

Paul screamed in agony as blood sprayed out the back of his neck onto Poh's face before he collapsed.

Poh was thrilled, not by the fact that he just killed a person but because he never expected blood to taste good, he couldn't help but gawk at the scar on what used to be Paul. The crimson liquid glinting like red wine in the evening sunlight seeping in through the windows. His mouth waterd as he coloured his lips bright red...... the ghoul had had his first taste of blood and he yearned for more.

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Chapter 4

Poh was on his way to the library as he usually did after his school, though he needed to make a stop at the market to buy some things for the kitchen today. A few packets of "traditional" spice and seasoning, some vegetables and a meat cleaver (I just want to progress the plot.)his father's friend specially instructed to not store with the packets in order to prevent any waste. He bought the stuff and went his way.

He felt a tug on his collar and was dragged into an alley.

"Yo I just saw Tatum's gang that way! You gonna get your butt kicked again if you go through there."

"Do I look like I give a damn? Craig? I can handle those guys easily."

"Haha very funny, you can't do shit about a fly. Come with me." They went further down the alley and took a turn.

*SLAM

Poh's head hit a wall.

"You're more reliable than you seem loser. Now scram before I bash your empty skull too."

" 'Kay 'kay, chill out, you remember the deal right?"

Paul tossed a bundle of cash at Craig. "Here $20."

"We agreed on 50"

"SCRAM!......See, your life just worth $50 dollars to your loser friends! PohTato. Tatum's being washing his hands all over you, I needed to have fun too! Soooo where do we start?

Ah I see! Running errands are we? Let's see...."

Paul picked up the bag and dropped everything to the ground. "What's these?" He picked up one of the packed spices and took a sniff...

" *Cough* *cough* Gross!" saying that he opened up the packet and dumped it into the eavstrough nearby along with the other spices.

Poh was breathing heavily, his forehead bleeding. When his vision cleared up he found himself in what seemed to be a store room

"Stop!" He groaned weakly.

"What's that? Speak up... can't hear ya." Paul kicked the bag to the side where all the veggies got soaked in the drain water.

"No! Stop!!!"

"Man you're no fun! I'll leave you to Tatum, he likes boring shit anyway." He spit on the ground in front of Poh and started walking away......

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Chapter 3

".......Yeah, now remember, this conversation never happened, nothing goes outside these 4 walls."

"You got this, but how do you manage the officers?"

"I....make soup."

"Soup?"

"Yes, soup, you finely chop the vegetables and let the water excract all the flavour, then. You consume it.Ahhhh the flavour! The aroma! The texture! A few officers can't stop me enjoying my soup."

Mr. Poh was shocked to his core, he was careful to not make any noise. One wrong move and he'd be the soup next. He stopped recording and secured the tape in his pocket. He turned around carefully and *BANG!

The smell of blood filled the room....

"Yooo T! Why'd you shoot him?"

"I'll tell you when we meet in hell."

*BANG!

Mr.Poh, trembled in fear as blood flowed down the door; no matter how hard he tried his legs wouldn't budge. The door opened and before him he saw a dark figure. It pointed a gun at his chest.

*BANG!

As life flowed out of his body he saw the dark figure lean in towards him, he saw the face of a monster. One that would stop at nothing to accomplish his motives. The monster wiped the would with a napkin and brought it to it's lips.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh, this would make a splendid dish."

Those were the last words he heard, as he lay on the cold floor, his heart slowly losing its rhythm as he descended to nothing more than blood bones and flesh.

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Chapter-2

Poh knew he was helpless against Tatum. Trying to act tough was plain pathetic, he knew that. He could never intimidate anyone. His brains were all he had.

'I'll show him one day... I'll show everyone what I'm capable of.' he thought to himself everyday.

Nobody stood up to Tatum because he was from one of the most influential families in town.

Some few years ago Poh's father and his friend owned the most successful kitchen in the whole province with no competition until Mr. Tatum arrived. He quickly took over the culinary world leaving most other joints in his dust. The people who questioned him got a free one way trip to swim with the fishes; soon there were no fingers being raised in question against his instant success. One eventful day the two titans decided to go against each other head on... the pact was signed.

Coming food festival, the side who loses will have to leave the cooking biz forever, never to return.

The battle began. Fire raged on the stove, the smell of blood filled the air, waves of boiling olive oil engulfed the frying pans. Countless vegetables were lost, premature chicken were turned to a mere dish to fulfill the hunger of the spectators. But in the end it all narrowed down to survival of the fittest. The individual that finds new ways of survival thrives, no matter how brutal the means of living are. Mr. Poh's hands trembled in utter shock of defeat as he bestowed the title of 'Greater Titan' on Tatum.

Sleep didn't find it's way to Mr Poh's eyes that night. The Titan that ruled the world for past three generations defeated by a mere toddler! No, he knew it wasn't a fair fight. As the night got darker he got restless, he decided to scout for the answer himself. Kissing his son on the forehead, the Titan left his cave and disappeared into the thick fog.....