arachx

[arachx]

..

to the little mx who dreamt of undying bouquets

who looked for comfort in bold statements

who anticipated surprises in every box,

every unmarked bag, every sentence

to the little mx who watched couples proclaim “this is my one. they are my only.”

the couples who were “1and2” in conversations; never “1 and 2”

the couples who embodied “if they break up, love isn’t real. relationships are a scam”

to the little mx who chased and chased and chased and chased and chased and chased and chased and

to the little mx who grew up afraid to love.

pinned their heart up on display at a carnival game,

just waiting for someone to play for the big prize

without having to scream for their attention.

to the little mx

who only knew of heartbreak, heartache, and “we’re better off friends”.

who only knew that they would be left behind when a new attraction came.

who only knew they are a fleeting thought, never in their subconscious.

to the little mx,

the sensitive, romantic, obsessive, possessive little mx.

who wanted someone to happily call them theirs; someone to whisper it in their ear; someone to always look for them in the crowd.

to little mx;

you’ve always loved a little harder than others

spread your affection a little louder than others

sang sonnets, wrote novels, painted murals dedicated to your love.

to myself:

as you heal from the trauma, the abandonment, the instability

as you are loved in a way you’ve needed to be

we can be loved in the way we have always wanted to be

and if we cannot

then that’s alright too.

because we will love ourselves

up on that pedestal of rose petals.

#arach’s writing #love #healing #hello i’m back because i had a breakdown #and i’m currently in a relationship #with someone who i cherish #so i need to let these feelings out #without hurting them

[arachx]

#Yike!!!! your honor this hits hard #moi

[arachx]

I’m always reluctant to explain to a friend that they can’t criticize me because if they were to, I would split on them. It even has the potential to distort my entire perception of them because I start to see them as threatening.

#moi #mmmmm this

[arachx]

I hate that I don’t feel alive if there aren’t people to pay attention to me

#moi

[arachx]

#moi

[arachx]

sexuality is tough when you’re attracted to attention

#big OOF! #moi

[arachx]

all the time

#me on my priv twitter w/ like 11 friends #moi

[arachx]

Me: *has talent*

Someone: *has talent too*

Me: Oh look I have been replaced

#moi

[arachx]

Please tell me I’m not the only one 🙃

#moi

[arachx]

BPD is shitty and all but those rare moments when you’re so happy, so overjoyed you feel that emotion filling you to the brim and making you cry? That’s amazing

#bpd #moi

[arachx]

the bpd thing where you spiral over the tiniest things so much to the point you can’t tell if somethings actually wrong or if you’re just that fucked up like you don’t know what to believe and all your time is spent unsure of what is actually happening, like you’re never going to fully trust anything because your reality is just that distorted

#moi

[arachx]

Me: *is paranoid that I’m being stalked/hacked*

Also me: *watches videos about stalkers/hackers/murders for 3 hrs*

#FUCK MOOD!!! #moi

[arachx]

anything: *happens*

my sensitive ass: *cries*

#moi

[arachx]

Yeah, emotional stability is cool, but can you do this? *Goes through every emotion in five seconds*

#moi

[arachx]

#moi

[arachx]

my friend: hey are u doing ok? :)

me: yeah!! I’m great!! 💞

me, someone who is scared of being perceived as manipulative if I express my problems:

#moi

[arachx]

i feel left out but i dont know what i feel left out from 

#moi