artanogon

[artanogon]

i think the suckiest part about cptsd is it will just mess up your day for no reason and then you don’t know how to be honest about it without feeling like a perpetual trainwreck and like you keep dragging other people into your shit for no reason

#how do i grab people by the shoulders and yell that im sorry and im trying my best #it’s just that this is the best i can give rn #man. healing from trauma is so good but it sucks so much sometimes #delete later #please ignore this. For the love of god

[artanogon]

yes yes acts of violence often evoke eroticism and stabbing someone is potent penetration imagery but sometimes when i kill someone it's just because i want them to die

#i think leo would write this after being hounded by the party enough about his unintentional sex jokes

[artanogon]

There’s still debate about split attraction on my dash why do you people even care

#gay aroace here. thanks man #it’s appreciated

[artanogon]

#yknow i wish i could drill this into my head #but i think i’m just cursed with people that even if they do love me they don’t show it #so it’s hard to be working with the horrors and then feel you get nothing for it #ignore me. i’m feeling down today

[artanogon]

I always am about to go to sleep at a beautiful 11pm and then something happens to me

[artanogon]

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥 😛 this strain is called "house of leaves" 😳 you'll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude i swear this house is bigger on the inside

my buddy zampanò, pacing: King Minos did not build the labyrinth to imprison a monster, but to conceal a deformed child - his child

[artanogon]

shoutout to people who don't have a "before" the trauma.

shoutout to people who don't have any sweet or nostalgic childhood memories. to people who don't remember enough of their childhood to know what the before was like. to people who lost their innocence before they ever learned the word for it. to people whose pasts were too painful to keep around in any form. to people who only knew trauma, and don't have an idea of what life would be like without it. to people who can't long for "the better days" because there weren't any.

you deserve a good future. i hope it's there for you soon.

#thanks :(

[artanogon]

breaking your partner’s brain is free, entertaining, and liable to consume your thoughts for the next few hours

#sorry about posting abt him so much. however you signed up for this when you followed me

[artanogon]

in the google doc. straight up "writing it". and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. Nothing

#me working on my language final

[artanogon]

note from OP: I'm a trans man who feels "trapped in the wrong body" but I see a lot of people saying that that's not how they feel about it, or even that it's not a real experience, just made up by cis doctors. Made me curious

#trapped is close enough but it kind of just combines with my dissociative disorder to be like damn. this body is not mine #i would rather not be in this. but i sure am #but man. those hands don't look like anyone's that i know. i kind of wish they were different hands. #this is unideal. wish i could change it. can't do much. wish i'd been born as a cis guy though.

[artanogon]

i think one of the most important things you learn about making connections with others is that a significant portion of the time people just do not know theyre doing what theyre doing

#man. yeah #save

[artanogon]

being down bad for your partner is one thing but being down bad for their dnd character too is like a whole new ballpark

[artanogon]

emotional support dolls (we keep smacking their heads together to make them kiss) (they are so touchstarved it's insane)

Writing about mine and my partner’s D&D characters being so silly and forming a bond is so nice and healing. I am such a huge fan 11/10.

[artanogon]

#yes. 100%

[artanogon]

genuinely 3 hours of cuddling with my partner has soothed so much of my lingering stress it’s fucking awesome

#i am mr relaxed 1000

[artanogon]

i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

#oh this is timely for popping up on my dash #calix blackwood

[artanogon]

#finals week