astrcphobia-blog

[astrcphobia-blog]

hey y’all, i ain’t dead !! but i am moving bones ( and my other indies ) to MY MULTI ( under construction !! ) so i won’t get overwhelmed by too many accounts when school rolls around again --- and so i’ll have equal amounts of time with all my muses for the most part !! follow me there if you wanna continue writing, and don’t be shy about messaging me about plots with bones !!

LOVE Y’ALL !!

#ill probs keep this acc as a backup and archive !!

[astrcphobia-blog]

spaceforkirk:

he’d been through it before— knew the condition by name, tracked his symptoms by the hour in the list he’d saved on his padd, for those moments his body screamed out, i’m dying. look what you did to yourself. they’ll know what happened, the lie of what you are. how jim kirk finally did himself in this time, and no one, not even his mother would be surprised.

he thought he’d pushed through the worst of it yesterday, when the anxiety got so bad he convinced himself just half way through a sixth period astrogation lecture that his heart was beating too hard and he couldn’t _breathe_ right. he wasn’t taking in enough air and had to keep yawning, leg bouncing. really, he took too much. left himself sitting there sweating in a state of self-induced hyperventilation. he’d tried to concentrate but his hand was weak and tingling around the stylus, so he set it down. bloodshot blue eyes strained for words in blurred lines of text. lieutenant seger’s voice drowned on, but he couldn’t understand him. he couldn’t concentrate, could be starring into someone’s eyes, his lab partner’s, as they talked to him, and barely scrap out enough content to make it seem like he was there at all. ( what’s wrong with you? you look sick , just a cold ). he even made it through the day, a few threads short of snapping and crashed hard when he finally hit the bed.

but now it was morning. he had roused with every intention of going to class, he’d even dragged his sweat slicked self into the shower. bones was already gone. he tried to wash his aches down the drain— one step splash of water over his face at a time, one step, one day at a time, but it was worse today. his prickling hands shook when they supported his weight against the wall of the shower cubicle. water rained over him, but his skin was too numb to feel it, even while his insides burned. today, he really was dying. 

what’s bones gonna think? when he finds you dead in the shower, or in your bed? some memory you’re gonna leave behind, jim. just another sad story, another kid too smart for his own good, still dumb enough to get lost to drugs.

his heart was hammering. the shower wasn’t working. he grabbed up a towel and wrapped it around him. the fabric dropped from his hands almost as soon as the door to his bleak, messy room swished open, therein, he resigned himself to his bed again without so much as drying off, 

his chest heaved, limbs coiled under a mound of blanket, too hot, too cold, and there he laid in a shivering stupor, this is it, and the many voices of his anxiety and remorse, all the while, all the day, the only company of his mind.

he drifted in and out until the door swished open again to end his solitude. it was night. jim started, curling himself upright just as leonard’s shadow blocked out the streetlights of his window in his cross of the room.

“ what—time is it ”, he asked, dismissive of the question, and disgruntled to feel fingers prodding his face. he knocked them away with a few swipes of his trembling hand. a snap, because he panicked, “ i’m — fine, bones, christ, just — let me — wake up, alright? i overslept. ”

the lies come so easy, he doesn’t even stop to think who he’s talking to.

bones’ heart pounded in his chest, rivaling even that of jim’s obviously overworked heart. the look of jim alone was enough to make the medical student worried --- but the friend was the one who was sick to his stomach. oh, sure, the student in him ( and even the doctor, who he’d been before coming to this god-forsaken place ) was quick to diagnose the blond laying in front of him, tick off the exam boxes that described withdrawal in perfect harmony. 

oh, how easy it was to recall his professor’s lecture on the subject, how she’d been sure to mention how dangerous it was and the steps and precautions to take --- and how she never once mentioned how impossible any of it would be if you’re sitting in front of the one man who meant anything at all to you, watching him waste away in front of your eyes. that shit wasn’t in the goddamned textbook.

“ s’late. now just lie back, ‘fore you make yourself sick, ” was bones’ quiet reply, his voice lacking any sort of its usual sarcasm or dryness. it dripped with honey-dipped kindness, and a softness that only a handful of people ever had --- or ever would --- hear from him. a gentle, calloused hand made its way to jim’s shoulder and softly pressed, attempting to ease him back onto the mattress.

the words, the lies that fall from jim’s mouth then send a tightness to bones’ face. while hazel eyes remain soft in the glare from the streetlights outside, bones thins his lips in both anger and resentment that jim thought any of that would actually work on him.

“ i’m callin’ bullshit, jim, ” he said, pressing harder onto jim’s shoulder to try and make his point. he inhales, but the air gets stuck somewhere between words he wants to say and the words that actually come out --- which was far from the same. “ just --- just lemme help you, alright ?? jesus, jim, you gotta let me. you’re flirtin’ with goddamn death, here. ”

#tw withdrawal #tw drugs #IM OUT OF APPROPRIATE ICONS TOO TBH #also i keep thinking about our discord thread and how this was deadass the time whe n bones realized how he really felt #maybe not completely or fully but he started to realize it just now #when he saw jim deadass nearly dying and just the thought of losing him was too fucking much #and he realized he's do anything for him #more than he's ever do for jocelyn or anyone else in the universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 #and he and i are ujst feeling a LO T1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 #&& ʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᵈʳᶦᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵒⁿᵉʸ »» ᶜᵒⁿᵛᵒˢ #spaceforkirk

[astrcphobia-blog]

empathicstars:

   “I was born feeling, so perhaps.” She doesn’t look up from her PADD. “No, doctor, I am not sick. I am here to be examined in the hopes that I can be taken off of medical leave at some point this year. So then I can go on shore leave for the next two weeks. So then I can, one day in the future, perhaps, maybe, if I am very fortunate, do my job again.” 

   “Sadness ain’t the only feeling y’can feel, y’know,” he says, his voice lacking its usual sarcasm --- even if Aella’s did no such thing. The doctor rolls up his sleeves methodically as she talks, and then crosses his arms when she finishes. “Perhaps, maybe, if you’re real lucky and the stars like ‘ya --- maybe I’ll be able t’help.” He doesn't move to examine her, however, but instead lowers his head to try and catch her gaze. “Wjat’s really bitin’ at you?”

#v: anima andromeda #IM GONNA FUCKING DIE SERENA WHATFHR #bones: wants to sass her back but is honestly pretty worried about her #bones: WHAT DO #&& ʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᵈʳᶦᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵒⁿᵉʸ »» ᶜᵒⁿᵛᵒˢ #empathicstars

[astrcphobia-blog]

I RISE FROM THE DEAD AND ASHES

#in other words: wow look im not as depressed and finally back !!!!!!!!!!!!!! #&& ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᶦⁿᵍ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵘᵖ ⁿᶦᵏᵏᶦ »» ᵒᵒᶜ

[astrcphobia-blog]

#&* ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵇᵉ ˢᵘᶜʰ ᵃⁿ ᶦⁿᶠᵃⁿᵗ »» ʲᶦᵐ

[astrcphobia-blog]

"…is it cool that i said all that?" - cadetxtilly

REPUTATION STARTERS — ACCEPTING !

@cadetxtilly

“Well, s’not like I could’a stopped you, right?” Bones said, raising a bushy brow as the words fell inharmoniously from his mouth. “You’ve been kinda nonstop since y’got here. But no —” He exhaled, pretense of annoyance lost. “S’fine. Talk all y’want. Maybe one of these days it’ll lead to how you got here…”

#answered. #cadetxtilly #bones is still confused bless him #but lowkey he likes her bc she's so Bubbly and he HIGHKEY needs positive vibes around him #&& ʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᵈʳᶦᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵒⁿᵉʸ »» ᶜᵒⁿᵛᵒˢ

[astrcphobia-blog]

"Something is so wretched about this."

HOZIER STARTERS — ACCEPTING !

“ tell me ‘bout it !! ” bones echoed, teeth gritted. “ the whole of GODDAMN SPACE is wretched, but this is icin’ on th’damn cake !! ”

#what are they talkin abt???? who tf knows #im just glad u sent one in tbh #culberr #answered. #&& ʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᵈʳᶦᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵒⁿᵉʸ »» ᶜᵒⁿᵛᵒˢ

[astrcphobia-blog]

“i was born sick.”

HOZIER STARTERS — ACCEPTING !

“ What’s that even mean ?? ” Bones asks, his voice lilting in confusion — but there was a seriousness in his eyes, nonetheless. “ Were y’born with some sorta congenital disease, or somethin’ ?? ”

#empathicstars #answered. #bones: is this bodily or mindily #&& ʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᵈʳᶦᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵒⁿᵉʸ »» ᶜᵒⁿᵛᵒˢ

[astrcphobia-blog]

do you ever dream of me?

REPUTATION STARTERS — ACCEPTING !

The words came in the dark hours of the morning, when both knew the other was awake but the silence of morning hung over them in a drowsy stalemate. Leonard’s arm tightened around Mika when she spoke, and his eyes drifted close as he leaned his cheek down onto her head. “All th’time,” he said, accent slurring. “Mostly when m’not around. I ain’t had any nightmares yet, though.” He shifted under the covers with a sigh,leaning up to look at her. “Why’d you ask?”

#makeshistory #answered. #this is so sofT !!

[astrcphobia-blog]

look what you made me do!

REPUTATION STARTERS — ACCEPTING !

“ HEY ! i sure as hell didn’t make you get all clumsy and drop y’stuff ! ”

#HERE HAVE A ONE LINER #god bless u for sending one ilysm #snowinabottle #answered. #&& ʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᵈʳᶦᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵒⁿᵉʸ »» ᶜᵒⁿᵛᵒˢ

[astrcphobia-blog]

hozier lyrics starters

taken from random songs / albums, and some were altered for rp. enjoy!

“i was born sick.”

“i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.”

“i’ll tell you my sins.”

“are you sharpening a knife?”

“that’s a fine looking high horse.”

“there’s something tragic about you.”

“don’t you agree?”

“there’s something lonesome about you.”

“something is so wretched about this.”

“my innocence died screaming.”

“don’t take this the wrong way, but ____.”

“i fell in love just a little.”

“jesus christ!”

“i know who i am when i’m alone.”

“i know that look!”

“in some sad way, i already know.”

“honey just put your lips on mine.”

“or we could just kiss like real people do?”

“why are you creeping around?”

#m. #last one for the night fellas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[astrcphobia-blog]

‘reputation’ sentence starters

this is PART ONE. sentence starters from taylor swift’s new album reputation. some lyrics have been changed for rp purposes.

look what you made me do!

i don’t like you.

you said the gun was mine!

i got smarter.

you laugh when you lie.

i rose up from the dead.

i do it all the time.

are you asking me for a place to sleep?

i’ve got a list of names, and your’s is in red pen and underlined.

i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me.

no one has to know.

i see how this is gonna go…

are you ready?

wanna join the heist?

touch me… and you’ll never be alone.

i wanna be your end game.

oooh, i heard about you!

have you heard about me?

you like the bad ones, too?

i’m so stoked, i need a toast.

i don’t wanna touch you!

i’ve made mistakes.

it’s easier to ignore it.

i don’t wanna miss you.

you called my bluff.

i did something bad…

i never trust a narcissist.

i never trust a playboy.

this is the most fun i’ve ever had!

i don’t regret it one bit.

this is how the world works.

don’t throw away a good thing.

you gotta leave before you get left.

if a man talks shit, then i owe him nothin’.

they’re burning all the witches!

don’t blame me!

love made me crazy.

you ain’t doin’ it right.

she/he/they went too far this time.

i’ve been breaking hearts a long time.

i’d cross the line for you.

i just need you.

we can’t make any promises.

look at you!

…is it cool that i said all that?

is it too soon for this?

do you ever dream of me?

it’s delicate.

all eyes are on you.

i got caught up in the moment.

you have lipstick on your face.

i’m yours to keep, or i’m yours to lose.

you did a number on me.

i did a number on you.

but honestly, who’s counting?

come here.

you should take it as a compliment that ____.

so, i got drunk and made fun of how you talk…

you’ve ruined my life.

you should think about the consequences.

what can i say? you’re gorgeous.

i can’t say anything to your face.

i feel like i might sink and drown and die.

there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have.

you make me so happy, it turns back to sad.

guess i’ll just stumble back home to my cats…

#m. #pls.................

[astrcphobia-blog]

It had started off simple. A fight or two about chores, the house, the car payments... It was normal couple fights, with normal endings --- stale I’m sorry’s in the dark of night, poorly blanketed with civility by the thought of what was best for the little girl sleeping upstairs.

                     But then they started to ESCALATE.

Quarrels became louder, and fights became screaming matches. Leonard’s hours in medical school took a toll on the both of them ( and undoubtedly JoJo, too ), and him being away became the highlight of each fight, brought up like a sore splinter each night he came home.

“I’m always gone ‘cause I’m tryin’ to provide for her! I ain’t goin’ t’medical school for FUN!” Would be Leonard’s argument, always standing up against Jocelyn’s slurred words of hatred, saying he didn’t love his own daughter. Which couldn’t have been MORE UNTRUE.

She’d say she wanted him to leave, but he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to leave JoJo. He didn’t want to leave Jocelyn, but then...

                    “Why d’you want me gone s’much, huh? ‘Cause you wanna marry CLAY?”

She started seeing her old high school sweetheart, Clay, when Leonard was away with school. She wasn’t even good at hiding it --- he was forced to watch her stumble home after a night with the other man, but he never acted on it other than a few words in a fight. He thought he deserved it. He looked down on himself so much so that Clay seemed a better fit for his own wife, the same woman who tried to convince him JoJo loathed her father --- which Leonard was slow to believe. But under the tainted roof with one bottle too much of whiskey shared between them both, Jocelyn’s words rang in his ears...

                      “She don’t even want you here, Lenny! She says it herself!”

Whether her poisonous words were true or not, Leonard didn’t know --- while he didn’t think his little girl was capable of feeling anything but love, he did see ( especially through the lens of Jocelyn’s insults and screams ) how JoJo could want him to leave. He was never around anyway, right?

Soon, Jocelyn was shoving him from the kitchen and towards the door, all but forcing him to leave with threats of blackmail and manipulation. He was so distraught that he stopped fighting her, stopped trying so hard. The marriage was as good as over. And if Jocelyn was right about Jo...

                      He didn’t dare look back,tires SCREECHING as he sped away.

Leonard never looked back. He couldn’t --- both because Jocelyn wouldn’t let him ( she ignored his calls, and wouldn’t answer any messages ), and it would be too damn PAINFUL to look into the eyes of his little girl, knowing he’d left her alone. So he joined Starfleet. He made a new life. He wasn’t happy with it --- but he planned on getting used to that. It was a deeply buried pain by now; all he thought about was the day’s activities, leaving the thoughts of his little girl for when he attempted to sleep every night...

                      “Nurses, meet Chief Medical Officer Doctor Leonard McCoy.”

Leonard began to turn around, face gruff and hardened --- but the sound of a strangely familiar voice rang out and reached his ears, and he could almost see her running in his rearview mirror, the view shrouded by tears in his eyes ---

“Joanna...?” He mumbled, brows furrowed, barely audible as he caught sight of her. He saw her eyes, his eyes, behind glasses --- but she was unmistakable. His PADD fell to the ground with a CLACK, but he didn’t see or hear it. He took one step forward as she ran towards him, and braced himself ---

“JOJO?! His voice rang, louder this time as his daughter jumped into his arms. He caught her easily, adrenaline coursing through his veins as his arms wrapped around her, mirroring her strength around his neck. “It’s ---” His voice uncharacteristically broke, and he had no idea of the amount of eyes ( or rumors that would start ) that were on them both. “S’me, darlin’,” he said, his voice quiet against Joanna’s hair.

Quiet feet bolted downstairs into the kitchen, fear dancing deep in those sweet hazel eyes. “Mama? Where’s Daddy goin’?” Joanna asked her chest heavy with the answer she feared most. 

Her mother took back the rest of her whiskey as she looked at her daughter with nothing but exhaustion and heartbreak. “Your father’s leavin’, Joanna. Say goodbye.”

One step, two. Joanna began to back up from the woman she called her mother, tears filling her eyes. “He.. .N-No! No he ain’t goin’ nowhere!” Then she wasn’t looking back, she was already halfway out of the house. 

“Joanna you come back here!” Her mother yelled drunkenly, but it didn’t matter. Joanna was at the end of the driveway. Rain soaked her to the point no one could tell if she was crying or it was just rain. Stringy hair fell in her eyes as she watched the taillights of her father’s truck fade away into the night. 

“DADDY!!!” The youngest McCoy yelled at the top of her lungs. That usually made him turn around – it ALWAYS made him turn around… 

      …So why wasn’t he turning around? One step, two… Joanna ran as fast as she could… 

“DADDY!! DAAAAAAADDY!!!” But it wasn’t enough… 

       It would NEVER be enough… 

            …Not anymore. 

She tripped, she fell… She didn’t care. Hazel eyes looked up from the rocky asphalt, scraped up, bleeding hands and knees held her up as the youngest McCoy watched her best friend fade from view. 

                                                         “DADDY COME BACK!!” 

Bright lights SURROUNDED every step she took as she boarded the big, bright ship known as the U.S.S. Enterprise. This was it. Running away from home, joining Starfleet young, working to be assigned to the ship some referred to as the BEST… It all came down to this ONE moment. She had been told her ENTIRE training that he would be here…

      ..He HAD to be here. 

Person after person she met knew exactly who she was. How? She had no idea who they all were, or how they knew OF her. Did word get around she had been looking for him? She doubted it. She didn’t think she was anyone special. However, THEY all knew of McCoy’s baby girl. She looked like him, and had his eyes, his smile… 

      …She was HIS little peach. 

She had been guided by the new recruiters to Medbay where she would call, her new home for as LONG as she wanted it to be. She held her bags in her hands, standing in the center of the white space. It smelled like any medical room, she had ever seen. Nurses bustling about, jumping from patient to patient. Seemed normal enough. 

Daddy isn’t here… She thought. Maybe she had the wrong ship. She was about to turn to leave to ask someone who would know when she heard something that made her freeze before she could even take the first step. 

“Nurses, meet Chief Medical Officer Doctor Leonard McCoy.” 

Hazel eyes widened behind wire glasses frames. She stared straight ahead at the man who turned around at the introduction – who she knew without a shred of doubt in her heart. 

“Daddy…?” The name was a whisper, but not for long.  “D-Daddy?!”

                                                                 “DADDY!!!” 

Before she could stop herself, just like she had done all those years ago, “DADDY!!!” Joanna was running toward her father as fast as her feet would carry her. She JUMPED, hoping he would catch her like he used to, arms firmly around his neck as tight as she could muster. He smelled just like how he used to… 

“I-It really is you…”

      ..He smelled like home. 

[ [ @astrcphobia | | Starter ] ]

#me?? finally responding ???????? astonishing #sorry it took so long !!!!! #love u <3 #&& ʰᶦˢ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ ᵈʳᶦᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʰᵒⁿᵉʸ »» ᶜᵒⁿᵛᵒˢ #thefleetssweetest #long post #tw long post

[astrcphobia-blog]

one mORE THING !! i’m cleaning out my inbox because everything in it is 2 weeks old because i suck, but i’m gonna reblog a few starter memes so if we haven’t interacted ( or if we have !! ) hit those suckers up !! 

#&& ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᶦⁿᵍ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵘᵖ ⁿᶦᵏᵏᶦ »» ᵒᵒᶜ

[astrcphobia-blog]

henlo !! i had some shit go down ( my dog got hella sick and i’ve been d.epressed ) and i’ve been distracted by thor, but i’m here to do a few things !!

#my dog is fine now btw !!!! #she got into some dark ass chocolate smfh #but the vet took care of her <3 #&& ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᶦⁿᵍ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵘᵖ ⁿᶦᵏᵏᶦ »» ᵒᵒᶜ

[astrcphobia-blog]

Susan Ee, Angelfall

#&& ᵃ ʰᵉᵃˡᵉʳ'ˢ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃ ˡᵒᵛᵉʳ'ˢ ᵐᶦⁿᵈ »» ᶦˢᵐˢ #* what the ever loving queue!

[astrcphobia-blog]

remember, kids: karl urban owns my entire ass !

oh btw does this icon style look okay shhh 

#no but srsly remaking these icons.......... it's gettin real fam #he looks So Good w this psd im gonna scream into the VOID #&& ˢʰᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᶦⁿᵍ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵘᵖ ⁿᶦᵏᵏᶦ »» ᵒᵒᶜ