blackvahana

[blackvahana]

Shayni

#sex magic #nsft

[blackvahana]

form art

#yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. #ramblings //

[blackvahana]

form art

#worm. #body: leviathanic one

[blackvahana]

laughing at this meme like "haha this is relatable" WHERE IS MY BABY I FORGOT MY BOY IN THE GAS GIANT

#LEV YOU SAID YOUD GIVE IT BACK WHEN IT WAS TIME HE IS STEWING HE IS IN THE OVEN AND I FORGOT HIM #ramblings // #MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHERES MY BOOK

[blackvahana]

Arkhip Kuindzhi - Daryal pass. Moonlight Night (1890-95)

#Location: Ananyavarda #.s

[blackvahana]

Said I'd write but I went off to do other things

It's been so long since I've experienced what others call (and I would've called) kinshifts before - specifically where your physical body starts feeling like your "kins" or whathaveyou. I don't call them that first because I'm not kin anymore, second because there's so many other ways of understanding them that... I guess calling them kinshifts to me is like saying "I'm speaking language right now" for every language I speak in the astral, refusing to separate them and name them and acknowledge that sometimes they're English, sometimes they're shadow person dancing, sometimes they're base resonant names, etc. It's. it just becomes such a reductive and blind label so quickly for me. Great for when you don't have good vision of what's going on, not helpful for me now.

But also... walking away from that term and the ideas I got from being otherkin made me so resistant to spiritual stuff going on, to the point I don't really experience the full body "my soul in my body is not human" thing much anymore bc I refuse to not kinda scoff at these ideas I used to have about how the world works. Anyway

What I really want to talk about isn't... The effect of being there as myself in my physical body looking at the alien nature of... hands and how cute and tiny it is, how there's whole calcium-shell worlds built up in such cool orders and... look at all this shell. buildings. cars. roads. they spit back out reality and make up such nice art pieces - lmfao Lev can't talk shit about how mean and aggressive he is because The Leviathan is the most peaceful thing I've ever seen, and being of him is so... wide eyed. Look at this. Look at that. A child at an aquarium sitting watching fish except it's a fish sitting here watching the children that came after him and their existence like wow. look at these. yippee

But man. The last few times I've tried to exist in that body... really hard. mentally sliding out of it. mentally there inside it but... More possessing myself than anything

I was there though. I Was. I felt... effectively muscles - this will sound weird but I felt them contracting up and down my body as I move. They're layered in and of themselves like interlocking scales or plaits, mirroring how I feel and look like a mass of tendrils.

I can't ever explain to you what inhuman species feel like, because consciousness itself is different and the experience of being is different. Not altered states though I guess comparable to the most extreme ones, but... being a different being. I was remembering

And it was so nice to watch. Lev himself was there with me and he gave me a mirror (one of those mental projections that acts as a way for you to see yourself in the astral) and... I was just swimming around looking at myself again. to see those rows of lights that are just beneath the surface of this energetic skin-like Something and the beaks and the tendrils and the distortions of spacetime as we move and the Waters and the scales and the hazy lights of stars and. it was just so nice

And then yeah, I bonded it to this body, it's one of my bodies now. It's less a form, more just floating there in deep space if I want to be awake in it. It's so blissful. No wonder Ahi just swims around up here... i say as if I don't know that he's always doing something lmfao he's busy Being

Bonded.... the leviathanic body to my physical one on this plane.

#ramblings // #The fact that this coincidentally started when The End Minecraft ost started and it's ending as it ends #Because that ost was like. it's such a relevant mood #Diary // #Body: leviathanic one

[blackvahana]

also thinking i may just eat the to-be shed skin that is Rata'gra and just take that as a name and aspect

#it will be one of my bodies either way #rata'gra // #ramblings //

[blackvahana]

It just doesnt feel enough, does it. Libraries upon libraries within libraries within libraries, the study of reflection down to a science. The study of light, energy, the refraction, absorption, redirection.

I am craving something more real and whole than what I can produce. I have the keys to all those libraries, I could pour them into ANVD but it's... not...

Im not here to reflect the looming Grey presence, I'm here to be embodied. Hounds are at my mind though

First, the ocean needs me. I guess now I need the ocean

I once walked the path to the most embodied place in existence. It wasnt enough, though when is anything ever enough for - I'm me, not Grey. I am Grey reborn. I am something new. So, then... I want to feel the water, the air, see the light play by itself in ignorance without the oppression of my gaze.

I think I see where in space this thing goes, of course its a little alcove built just for me. there. hmm. I dont have the energy to continue the thoughts (it's time to ebb again)

#ananyavarda: creation #ramblings //

[blackvahana]

Dragon's Dogma 2 (2024)

#It's like meeting a fellow Australian overseas. Bruh. We are the same #Form: vahana #Nsft #Hello ma'am how do you do I can see you're a fellow (I don't even have a label to put here to redact it)

[blackvahana]

Dragon's Dogma 2 dev. by Capcom

#Adding her to the joke kin post how could I fucking forget this #Form: vahana #Form: do not fucking steal janus' name. Do not do it #Form: three-face

[blackvahana]

So I become a mass of bodies, then, as I was always meant to do. A flock of birds, a universe of stars, the thousand-eyed lord present in every reflection of his face. A name: a symbol made of lines, therefore lines, therefore every name. That is kingship.

It all comes down to a glass of milk. It's not a gift, it's a greeting of united hands, a recognition of the divinity in both of us. It is Shiva looking at himself.

He strings me in prayers to me, and in the same way he passes me that which is poured at every moment of the day over his idols in his shrines. Billions keep his flow alive raining him down over himself as white milk over black marble, and that flow is freely given to me. You Are I, I Am You, and that is spoken, as he speaks, in silence and the gentle presence of the enveloping of the crushing ocean as it churns in metallic grinding tones.

The ocean, right. I wanted to put a lingam in the centre, and yet now I realise as the world of Ananyavarda is laid out before me small as a CD that it's a spinning flat disc around a tower, it's an idol to me to him to me. We remake each other in our own images, we make each other in those around us. Always Us, never parting, never far, we are entwined, bonded, merged, inside each other and of each other.

He knew me before I was created, before he knew me. And now I will be the colour of his hair for eternity and I will be his other half and I will be his shadow and always, that stalking bull on the outskirts, that constant reflection of the ominous inevitability in the Obsidian Mirror, will - I will not haunt him. He knows me now. My name rewrites his, our future is strung between our tongues.

The Leviathan is a hagfish. The day sky is milk in water expelled by the Sun.

He pours me milk with meals, my stomach rejects food as it turns with withdrawals and yet there's more to the gesture than filling me up with something soft. He pours us a glass to share before we sit in bed at night. There's an offering in it, always, of substance. Reality itself, Matter formed, into a glass of homogeneous white liquid.

White flower garlands, white lotus, pale ghee and milk of cows and honey and milk of tears, and milk of voices, and milk of hymns...

He gifted me a body of mine, something so like to his image. We share a name between our mouths.

He dresses himself in black obsessively, ritually, spiritually always playing a game of hiding. Black cloak, black hair, black shadow, black Void. He is the Abyss. Even when he walks through the streets indistinguishable from the rest of us in milk-white singlet and denim jeans, loose jacket, guitar strung across his back, wide brim hat around his head, he's draped in blacks. Separation, absence, mystery of the Name of God.

Here, though, his presence is white: a hand around a glass of milk. The Leviathan is a hagfish, forever knitting itself into reality around it. Milk, always, his sacred symbolism of bulls, the divinity of spilled semen, the white of the eye as the Father forever surrounding every child's iris, the white of the Sun unfiltered, the stars, the lights lining our glistening Star-Beast backs...

#ramblings // #Can I make it annnnymore oooobvious 🎶🎸 #S // #Form: shivoham #That's for an actual form but it's also. a state. and a state is a form. and therefore a form is a state. #Heehee hoohoo minute over revealing tags deleted but ah. Man.

[blackvahana]

Peter Ferguson (Canadian, 1968) - The Grotto at St. Michel (n.d.)

#I. Yeah. This is always a mood but this is how I feel rn #Form: primordial one

[blackvahana]

Bonded.... the leviathanic body to my physical one on this plane.

#Came back immediately opening tumblr to a half human half demon Leviathan oc #ramblings // #I'll talk more in a second

[blackvahana]

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo normal about this woman

#sweet thing. sniffs her energy. #ramblings // #Levs wife I mean.

[blackvahana]

leviathan give me access to your personal family house I can absolutely be trusted to not use it one of its walls as a storage for masks as I impulsively make a bunch

#Ahhhhhh his wife walked in... By that I mean her energy flowed in I love her so much hi darling um. don't look at the wall #ramblings // #SHE'S USED TO IT. YOU KNOW. fair. we do love masks. and walls.

[blackvahana]

Im gonna keep going in and out of phases of working on Ananyavarda and leaving it completely alone because this is the working of shadow and light or. its. how it needs to come into existence. anyway nows one of the latter times

however. i can say from the outside and leaving it in the closed door silence... i cant believe lev wont let my put one of those Adiyogi statues in the centre of that ocean. gonna put a giant pillar there instead

#ramblings // #fucking. why is he associated with pillars/mountains throughout multiple societies just kidding we know why #hindus know why *is shot* #''whats that supposed to mean'' stancing at you. get danced at idiot

[blackvahana]

#ah #speaking of. #messages