bleedingcloud

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google is it too late? google can i still be saved? google will i be okay?

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Te libero de mí, de mi esencia, de mi recuerdo, de todo aquello que aún te ata a la idea de encontrarnos.

Karla M.

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At the very beginning of the pandemic, the governor of West Virginia said on TV that the whole ordeal made him want to "pee and throw up"

I struggle every day not to respond to every situation with "this makes me want to pee and throw up" bc I know no one would get the reference u_u

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back in february, i was packaging up valentine’s gifts to send to all of my friends. nothing crazy, but i did my best to remember their favorite candies so i could write them a little note of love and appreciation and mail it their way. i felt so blessed to have so many people in my life i could love and share that with. i know love exists because i am alive and full of it.

as i was packaging these up, a realization hit me like a ton of bricks — no one would do this for me. none of my friends would do this for me. i told myself it was financial reasons and inability to do it, which comforted me. sharing my thoughts aloud, my boyfriend told me i should “get therapy if i truly felt that way,” but i think maybe i should reassess truly who i allow into my life.

i’m not a saint nor an angel. i am not perfect. i never have been. i never will be. but my heart shatters into a billion pieces when i think about all of the time, care, and love i have put into each person that comes into my life, entirely unrequited. now, i’m also not a liar. i have given love and i have been shown love. love has also reached me. i have wonderful friends that have shown me love, which does NOT come with a price tag by any means. i have felt the love i have given.

but there are selected people in my life that i continually attempt to reach out to, check in on, show the same love that i desperately want to feel, completely unrequited. they don’t care about me. they don’t give two shits, actually. i could quite possibly be on my deathbed, and i sometimes imagine in this scenario they would only be glad for the future clout they’d receive via being a friend of mine after my death.

i guess i sound bitter because everyone in the world has stuff going on. how unfair of me to expect anyone to focus their attention on me. how unfair of me to assume these people don’t care. i don’t know, actions speak louder than words. i am going to begin to give the same energy out to others that they give to me. i’m done. if i have no friends left, so be it (which i know won’t be true because the only two (2) friends that have this account i love with my heart and trust them with my life). i am blessed for what i have. i am letting go of what i do not.

g-d, give me the strength to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

“that’ll be thirty-five dollars.”

“oh, thank you! they’re valentine’s day packages for my friends.”

“how kind, i’m sure they’ll appreciate it.”

#lonelly #lonliness #excerpts #testimony #personal story

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good mother by Rachel Eliza Griffiths

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I love rediscovering old music that I used to love.

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Elegy For My Sadness by Chen Chen

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the fact that walls get dusty is ridiculous. you're vertical. act like it.

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i was the wrong damn girl in the wrong damn room

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yeah “i can teach you” is kind and gentle and warm and comforting. it’s also hot. right

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POINTS. MARI.