cheenitalks

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my internal monologue is better than any podcast. wish you guys could hear this shit

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white eyes and chinese looks: the observation effect in fandom racism

this essay originally looked a lot different. it was originally just about whitewashing in the mo xiang tong xiu fandom. however i’m uncomfortable writing that essay. and not because i’m scared people will be mean to me, or because i don’t know what to say.

the problem is that in mxtx fandom, public incidents of racism are consistently mined for entertainment. and whether or not the white people who enjoy drama sleuthing intend it, turning racism into a spectacle creates a chilling effect on people of color’s ability to talk about racism. 

i’m going to talk about this in three parts: first, a case study in racism as entertainment; second, my personal reflections on that event; third, the broader historical-cultural context for talking about china, suffering, and entertainment.

Keep reading

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<3

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SAMSTEVE angst question for you, because i feel like Sammy never gets the angst/hurt/comfort end of things. What do you think Sam's bad days look like? Is he anxious? Shut down? Susceptible to flashbacks? How does Steve comfort him? :DD

ALRIGHT! HERE WE GO *cracks knuckles*... FINALLY at a keyboard to type out my thoughts on this. And I'm totally in this headspace since we've been talking about the Steve replaces Riley idea...

Poor Sam.

I feel like Sam has a few triggers that he just knows to avoid. I think they're simple things... but things you can find anywhere...

Sam doesn't go to Starbucks because the sound of the steam reminds him of something he can't quite place and takes him back. If he ever goes, he'll tell the person he's with that he'll grab a table outside while they get drinks. For this reason his order is usually very simple.

Something about the slamming of a screen door does it too. But that's not a sound he runs into much in DC... it's mostly when he goes home to visit his sister and her boys. Everyone back home has screen doors, and he hears it often. The boys know not to let the door slam when Uncle Sam is visiting. They close it softly. One time they forgot and Steve had to take Sam to their room for a while, and he was quiet for a good day or two after.

His response to these things? He shuts down entirely. Sam, normally outgoing and extraverted and always good for a laugh, just completely turns blank slate. It's his way of trying to keep everything inside. He doesn't want to hurt anyone because of his PTSD... so he refuses to externalize. Instead he just forces himself to shut down while he struggles internally. He loses so much time this way. Triggered... sitting down midday... blinking and realizing it's night, and not knowing if it's night of the same day or the following.

Up until Steve, he always went through it alone. The only way to get through was to let time pass... to let himself come back to himself. But with Steve... Steve has slowly learned what helps and what doesn't. Quiet helps; Steve finds a quiet place for them, whether it's inside a car with no radio on, or a bathroom with everyone else closed out but him and Sam. He also knows that Sam does best when touched, but not held; he doesn't like feeling confined when he's been triggered. Feeling confined makes him curl in on himself too tightly and hum until he feels safe again. Steve's voice always helps, acting (best as Steve can tell) as a lighthouse to bring Sam back to the world again; it seems to be the most useful of Steve's tools against Sam's PTSD. Crying helps. The few times that Steve's been able to use his voice to convince Sam to cry and let it out instead of keeping it in, Sam has improved more quickly.

But it still takes time. Steve isn't the immediate solution he would like to be. And when Sam comes back to him the recovery time is still significant. Several days, usually, until he starts to really smile again, and not just smile for show.

Phew!!!! I knew this would be a long one. I'm glad I waited to be at my computer... THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!

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White people who base their entire personalities on the fandoms they’re in have consistently been the most racist people I’ve ever interacted with on this site aside from actual white supremacists. But at least the white supremacists are blatant and obvious about it. They don’t try to trick you into thinking they care about racism.

White people obsessed with fandoms know how to say the right words to make it seem like they care about racism on a very surface level but then throw complete tantrums when you call them out for anything and they dig their heels in and cry their white tears and guilt trip you or deflect instead of listening and taking the opportunity you are giving them to learn and do better because they’re convinced that their ability to say the right surface levels things means they’re the ultimate “ally”. They embody white fragility and white fragility is one of the most exhausting and frustrating things to deal with when you’re a poc asking white fans to do the bare minimum to not contribute to your dehumanization.

This is the main reason why I’ve become fandom adverse. I do not fuck with any fandoms anymore whatsoever because white fans are fucking insufferable.

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WHAT IF… Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, and Steve Rogers Retired Together ✨

#mcu #team cap #omg?????????? #OMG #i want this

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you just KNOW that if Bella had idk, worn eyeshadow? edward would have been like “oh, i can’t read the WHORE’S mind. that’s weird. anyways” and the book would have ended right there.

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everyone shut the fuck up about literally anything else because today is a national holiday

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https://twitter.com/andraydomise/status/1439587213801558017

LMAO

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i mean this absolutely seriously people who do custodial jobs should be paid at minimum 80k

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Black Panther (2018) / The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (2021)

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The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (2021) /  Black Panther (2018)

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we're really all learning and growing constantly evolving

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Saying Uma Thurman is too old to reprise her role as Poison Ivy at 49 is a weak and sexist take. How old do you think Robert Downey Jr and Mark Ruffalo are? Let Harley have her milf.

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Drawing for work.                                     Drawing for yourself.