cottageboypetrichor

[cottageboypetrichor]

Quote, a 14-year-old anti’s bio: “if you don't agree with me, please die a horrible painful and long death since you obviously deserve it”

This is the mentality these minors are being taught; an attitude, opinions and behaviour that’s being normalised by their circles, their peers, and even by adults they trust, who tell them to trust only them.

There is no difference between a child thinking it’s okay to say things like this, and a child being raised by religious extremists to think it’s okay to tell everyone outside of their religious group “you deserve to burn in hell and you will”. None. No difference.

Moral panic is terrifying. Cult mentality is terrifying. Dehumanisation is terrifying. Black-and-white thinking is terrifying. This is what hurts real people. 

[cottageboypetrichor]

For minors and other vulnerable fandom folk

As an adult and kind of a fandom elder in the current meaning of the word I feel compelled to make this post. This is regarding some of the anecdotes and arguments that are brought up constantly in the “problematic shipping discourse”, for example on subjects like Steven Universe and other cartoon fandoms, and what I’ve seen most in the last year in Overwatch on ships like shimadacest, mcreyes and dva76 and so forth. Not only by self-identified antis, but in general by the “we have morals” crowd, sjw-leaning minors, and others who participate in the fandom discourse. These anecdotes being “but your incest/abuse/problematic content is enabling predators in fandom spaces!”

“I was groomed/I know someone who was groomed with ship content! You’re repeating my/their trauma and supporting abuse!”

I’m here to talk to you about these kinds of situations and predators in online fandom spaces.

Yes, there are adults who are preying on minors online. Yes, there are people looking to harm others. There are people who have lost touch with reality and nurse fantasies of toxic relationship in many senses of the word. There are people who will fake interests and lie to people in order to prey on them. But this is true to every space in existence, not just fandom. When you are online, you are in public space full of strangers.

Anyone can see your public posts and read up on stuff you have said. Anyone can pretend to be anything. This is why you think twice about whether you want to post selfies, your name or any location info about you, and this is why you should be a little bit suspicious about any strangers you talk to. Be weary! 

And the truth is that no amount of censoring and policing fanart, fanfic or what people are “allowed” to ship will remove the predators. There will always be people who seek to do harm to others, and they will find tools to do so, anything can become a tool for them, and those tools are not the problem, the predators are.

SO! Let’s take a fast safety course! 

You see, this is not a post about any of those ships or content or what is right and wrong. This is about your safety and what to do if your safety is threatened.

I grew up not only online, but with the Internet, and when I was a little girl part of my education was online safety. A lot of those rules like “don’t give out your real name or picture of yourself” are pretty obsolete by now, but some still stand, such as your right to feel safe, to cut off people who make you feel anxious or threatened and your right to refuse to say or do anything you don’t want to do. Basics of consent, you see.

But what you need to understand the most is how to get yourself help when you need it. No amount of callout-posts and anti-blogs is going to help anyone, no amount of pulling receipts on artists is going to help anyone, even if the whole fandom decided to suddenly make a turn and become pure and wholesome wouldn’t help anyone. Random people, strangers, in fandom won’t be the ones you should first seek help from.

If something is happening to you, like if an adult keeps harassing you and sending you inappropriate messages, material or something like that, you need to tell an adult in your real life. Tell your mom, your dad, your godmother, your adult sibling, your babysitter, a trusted teacher, your school nurse. Find an adult you know you can trust and tell them the truth. They are the ones who should, can and will help you. You go up to them and say “there’s an adult online who won’t leave me alone and keeps saying/sending sexual things to me” or  just “there’s someone online who scares me and keeps contacting me.” 

Maybe you say “But I don’t want my parents to see my tumblr! I’ll get in trouble!” to which I say that that is a very common thing for a child or a teenager to feel, and the predators know this. They rely on this. Don’t keep secrets and protect people who harm you. Trust me, getting in trouble with your parents is a small thing to worry about when someone is harassing you. Parents might make a fuss or even get angry, but that means they care about you. If you have even passably decent parents, they care if you are being hurt and they want to do something about it.

And if things are not that dire but still you feel uncomfortable…

A lot of things can make one feel uncomfortable regardless of age. Maybe someone creeps you out and they can’t “take a hint” and leave you alone, maybe you saw/read something that evoked a strong reaction. There’s a lot of stuff online that will make you react strongly, and that’s okay, and you have a lot of tools at your disposal in these situation. 

You can always just leave. A great thing about online spaces is that physically you are safe, you are in your own room with your computer or on your own phone somewhere. You can always leave a chat, block someone, lock an account, close a window. You can always step away, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s taking control of your own online experience.

It’s also useful to learn to set boundaries, which means say things out loud and to the person who needs to hear them. You can say “hey, this is making me really uncomfortable, could you change a subject?”, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore”, or “this conversation is over”. Unfollow people. Block people. Post things privately or don’t make a post at all but open a chat window with a friend.

If something you came across online scares you or upsets you, you should process those emotions. Inspect your own feelings and what makes you feel like this. Ask yourself “why am I upset about this?” “what makes me scared?”  Bringing a subject up with an adult might be a good idea too. Just talking about it with someone who has more experience and can offer you reassurance, safety and calm rational angle can help you process.

[TL;DR] There’s a lot of things online you can’t control. You will be exposed to a lot of things and meet bad people. That’s the thing in this world and life in general; you will disagree and be offended, you will meet people you don’t like, people who creep you out and insult you, people who seek to harm you. But you can also control your own behavior, you can set boundaries for yourself, you can help yourself and you can ask for help when you need it. 

And the absolutely most important thing you should take away from this is: Seek help from adults IRL. They are the ones who have the ability and the responsibility to protect and care for you, not strangers online.  

[cottageboypetrichor]

ANTI-SHIP PRIDE FLAGS ARE DISCRESPECTFUL TO THE LGBTQA+ COMMUNITY YALL FUCKERS NEED TO STOP

ME

[cottageboypetrichor]

I just.

You don’t need a reason to not like a ship.  You don’t need a reason not to ship a ship, canon or otherwise.  You don’t have to prove it’s “problematic” or “abusive” or any of that shit.

You’re allowed to just not like it.  You can literally just say “eh, I don’t like it, it’s just not my thing” and that’s valid.  You don’t have to explain it or excuse it.  Just say you don’t like it and move the fuck on, for fuck’s sake.

I am BEGGING y’all.

[cottageboypetrichor]

Me: (minding my own business)

OCD: what if you hurt that person? What if you've wanted to hurt someone this whole time you just don't do it beca-.....

Me:

[cottageboypetrichor]

The morally gray mind and OCD

The cancel culture on this website is so fucking harmful. Enforcing the idea that if you made a mistake you should be condemned by society, never allowed to change, make amends, or learn from your mistakes. The idea that you must be forever defined by a version of yourself that is no longer alive.

For people who are mentally ill (especially those with OCD), having someone constantly enforce this black & white idea of never practicing forgiveness, never teaching instead of punishing is so damaging.

For many of us who suffer from OCD, we already beat ourselves up for actions we did years ago. We condemn ourselves for bad thoughts because culture is teaching us that if you arent 100% unproblematic, 100% clean, then you must be a bad person unworthy of empathy and connection.

The amount of times I've compulsively confessed bad thoughts or memories to the people I love is ridiculous. I felt like an imposter, because surely if they knew xyz about me they would stop loving me. Every time I've done it has only puzzled my loved ones. I've been met with the same response dozens of times. "I could never stop loving you. What matters is who you are today."

I've had to learn how to forgive myself, and most importantly, love myself. All of myself, including my flaws.

As my therapist once told me, "it's okay to be human."

[cottageboypetrichor]

i don’t really like these but they took me Forever so i’m gonna post them

[cottageboypetrichor]

[cottageboypetrichor]

transmeds: You should have to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist before recieveing any kind of trans healthcare

also transmeds: Why does it take so long to access trans healthcare? Must be the tucutes

[cottageboypetrichor]

This is it. This is the entire stupid debate. You’ll never see a more accurate representation of transmeds and alleged neutrals. 

[cottageboypetrichor]

Everyone deserves a livable wage, because there is no such thing as unskilled labor.

Art by Liberal Jane

[cottageboypetrichor]

Reblog if you support Demigirls and Demiboys 💕

[cottageboypetrichor]

Your Favorite Is LGBT: Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird is bi 

[cottageboypetrichor]

i think cancel culture started off as a good thing but now people on the left just rip each other to absolute shreds and frankly its fucking terrifying to me

[cottageboypetrichor]

Hey, remember Kalvin Garrah? The transmed that bullied several nonbinary creators, pushing one off the Internet altogether?

That trans creator is back. He’s still trans. And he deserves to be heard. Kalvin Garrah knew exactly what he was doing, and no, he hasn’t changed. Brennan was not the only one hurt by Kalvin’s rhetoric, but he was the first. He set the platform for Kalvin to walk on and now it’s our turn to help him rip it out from under that boy’s feet. 

Fuck Kalvin Garrah.

[cottageboypetrichor]

It has always been strange to me when people use to defend Kalvin Garrah, he always scared me and made me feel like absolute shit. I always thought his way of approaching topics was cruel and really out of line but people always gave him a second chance. “Oh he’s just sharing his opinion” you can share your opinion without being a fucking dickhead. This man was really over here making fun of people for their looks and calling it a valid opinion lmao (which it isn’t). I don’t care if anyone you put on blast was a “trender” Kalvin, you made no valid points or brought in any good discussions to the table. I’ve never cared about how my transgender friends looked, I loved them either way. They may look like some dumb SJW to you but they were sweet and kind people to me. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.

#trans boy #trans #lgbtq #trendercore #transmed #kalvin garbage #kalvin garrah

[cottageboypetrichor]

Trendercore isnt making a light out of people who pretend to be trans for attention, clout or money.

Trendercore is about reclaiming the word "trender" from radical truscums who use it to bully gnc trans people, trans people who cant bind and people who cant pass.

Trendercore is about loving and accepting yourself as a trans person.

Trenders dont exist it was created by terfs to invalidate non binary people.

Fuck kalvin garrah, fuck truscums and fuck LGBT exclusionist.