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Lost In The Suburbs
The two of us, Djamila, we were riding the subway out to nowhere, looking at each other as if there was no tomorrow. Maybe once in a while we looked away to find relieve, it was so intense, like too much to bear in one glance, but I can‘t tell. I don‘t recall much by way of real life facts from what was happening on that subway ride ...
Until the train arrived at the turn around and the last passengers had gotten off. Personnel was moving through the coaches, checking to see if anything had been left behind. You and me the last people on the train, still sitting across from each other, looking at each other ...
I rose and stepped over to you. I held out my hand. You smiled, you took my hand and rose as well, and the two of us got off the train. Hand in hand we left the train station and walked through a deserted suburb that seemed to have fallen asleep from boredom ...
We came to a river and are walking along its bank. Every once in a while we look at each other and you show me that wonderful smile of yours as our fingers gently entwine like a breath of wind about to let go but coming back again. The rest of it shall be ours alone. May the others make up their own song as they go along ...
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Visitation
With the generosity of your trust and beauty, Djamila, you have challenged me and thus allowed for me to grow beyond myself. You have made me the man I am by allowing for me to find and bring to life potentials I hadn‘t known about, potentials beyond my imagination ...
It takes beauty beyond compare to rouse the courage in a man and take on such a challenge. What am I worth if I fail to take you up on those promises waiting to be unveiled in your eyes and on your lips? Your smile inviting me in under the skies in your eyes and to join you as we ride the astral seas you‘ve emerged from ...
Maybe those seas are feeding on all our destinies, each of us contributing by what we make of ourselves and of the chances we are given. The less I deal and haggle the more I may accomplish and thus contribute in all modesty and humbleness ...
What do I know what it‘s worth? What do I know what‘s an achievement and what‘s been my defeat? I‘ll leave it up to you to decide. On your lips I can taste the salt of the future ...
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In Supplication
The only way for beauty to live and stay alive is to give herself away. The more abundant she gives the richer she will receive in return in the joy of those who will celebrate her for her grace born from a generous heart ...
Renewed and reborn in the splendor you‘re lavishing on us. Nothing we might have to offer would be equal to those splendors. That‘s what brings us to our knees in supplication and admiration. And what might and ought to kindle the courage in us to try and see what we can come up with to bring as an offering. To do our best and then move beyond, never to rest, never satisfied because nothing will ever be equal to the generosity of your beauty ...
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Courage To Fail
You, Djamila, are the challenge I needed to try once again with no regard of whether I‘ll succeed or fail. I've never been interested in victory and coming out on top. I was looking for a more rewarding challenge. A challenge I might grow on ...
All I‘d met so far were dunces, fags and bitches with nothing on their minds but the cheapest deal on anything, and to get as much as they can grab. They wouldn‘t recognize quality if it hit them in the face ...
If you smile at them they‘ll ask you how much you charge. What, for free? Can‘t be real. Let‘s see. And they‘ll do their best to f*** you over just to make sure they were right ...
They wouldn‘t know about courage. All they know and recognize is the smartness of smartasses trying to outsmart each other. The game of winning by coming out on top. Screw everybody. Blissfully unaware that they‘re screwing themselves first and last of all ...
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Beyond Compare
Anyone who knows their worth won‘t need confirmation. You, Djamila, beautiful gazelle, didn't know and didn't care about what you might be worth. You weren‘t looking neither for adventure nor for confirmation. Just out for a stroll ...
And I happened by and you looked at me with those beautiful eyes so deep with wonder. Curious in a dreamy way, so you asked me in with no other purpose but to find out what it was you were seeing, what had triggered your curiosity. Who or what might be hiding inside that guy who stared at you strickenly, trying for a wretched smile ...
It takes beauty beyond compare, a beauty so rich she can afford to be generous, not from any necessity but to rejoice in what she can bring about by giving herself away. Maybe ancient voices in your blood were murmuring about the reward to be found in what‘s given away freely and without regard of receiving anything in return ...
The more you give, the richer you are. That‘s the source of your beauty beyond compare. Nothing will ever do justice to you and the generosity of your trust. I‘ll be indebted to you beyond my life, and I‘m grateful, humbled and daunted beyond words ...
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Inadvertently
Never before had I felt challenged. Whatever people had to offer, I knew it wasn‘t worth it before I knew what they would charge. And the price invariably turned out way beyond consideration. People seem to believe the more they charge the more demand they'll generate. Expecting me to show them what they might be worth. If they don‘t know then I‘m sure not going to waste my time on them ...
I'd never have thought that a new beginnning could come about so shy and gently. No questions asked, no haggling, no dealing, just hello and welcome ...
Dressed in such beauty. A beauty you tried to take back as if to undo or delete something said prematurely or inadvertently. Without premeditation. But that, Djamila, is what makes your beauty rare and outstanding, and what ought to break every heart that isn‘t dead yet ...
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Disrupt Me Gently
In you, Djamila, I‘ve met a different dare and challenge. Disrupting and uprooting my toughened self, your smile sends me spinnning down an avenue I've never traveled before. Turning my life into a kodachrome dream within a blink ...
No pixel dream for sure. Nothing digital or virtual about it. As real as the bouquet of a perfume created from essences harvested on the other side of the astral seas ...
Pulling me in under the skies in your eyes which are resplendent with the pastel hues of a futuristic dawn which is likely to cause the fortresses of science and reason to crumble and fall. The kind of magic I believed I might find in a war or in the sun going down in its own blood ...
So my call hadn‘t gone lost. It‘s gone a long way, all the way to the other side of the astral seas, but you‘ve heard me and you‘ve found me. With a smile on those lips so rich with promises waiting to be unveiled. Those eyes of yours opening unto me like doors, asking me in ...
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Taunt
War, what‘s it about? Never mind what the power farts‘ interests may be who pay you to go out and kill or be killed, but what makes people actually go and join the fighting, the killing and maiming?
Seems useless to ask those who‘ve returned. They seem to have moved or been removed beyond babbling and communicating. And that‘s what‘s so impressive, isn‘t it? There seem to be things lurking out there no one can get a grip on with our ordinary tools of mental and verbal processing ...
Those whispers of doom, the toxic perfume of death make our sedated minds spin in a somber vertigo, catching a glimpse of the abyss we‘re walking along, singing our song to keep the terror at bay which threatens to grip us by our throat should we dare turn around and look ...
Isn‘t that the bullfighter‘s taunt? Isn‘t that what I feel tugging at my wrist when I‘m speeding down the highway, idly wondering what it might be like if I‘d give the wheel a twist. Taunting destiny to find out what it‘s all about. Show yourself, bitch. Show me what else you got in store for me ...
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Son Of A Bitch
I actually did serve with the army. I‘d signed on for four years. There was no war on the horizon and I figured it would take a while. But I wasn‘t the only one itching, and soon our blessed nation went to war again. Only by then I was expelled for disorderly conduct, me being the arrogant son of a bitch who insists on doing things differently ...
The army, after all, is pretty much an enterprise like any other, run by those two-legged animals of the babbling variety. They have no use for heroes. They want smooth operators who prefer to do their killing long distance so their tender hearts are spared to witness the agony they bring about. Oops, sorry. Why they got in the way? Twiddle-de-dumdum-boom ...
Of course there‘s those who like to rejoice in the agony of their victims from close up, drinking the pain from those lips torn in anguish, from those eyes as they break. I guess you‘ll find them anywhere ...
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Beyond Recognition
I've never cared to become a fighter, didn‘t care for being tough. The strength I found has got nothing to do with any macho bullshit. You can keep your balls to yourselves. Real strength is won by growing inward and conquering those spaces inside of you. You‘d be surprised at the riches to be found there, but it‘s a long way ...
I wasn't looking for confirmation, I've never felt reason to celebrate myself. I can‘t recall the last time I celebrated my birthday. Wasn‘t my fault I‘d ended up here. Probably by mistake ...
Embarrassed to be around. Felt I had to redeem myself by accomplishing something people might remember me by. Some replacement. Something to catch their attention and bring them down to their kneees in awe and admiration ...
When still very young I used to envision myself as one of those heroes who walk away into the sun that‘s going down in its own blood, and years later to return from wars beyond anyone‘s guess, scarred and burned beyond recognition. That thousand-mile stare in my eyes shutting everybody up. Myself never to say a word again ...
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Hello
A loner lost in the labyrinth of memories betrayed, I was surviving in the suburbs of destiny. Shoulders squared, heels hitting the pavement, never looking up. Nothing to look forward to, no one to look up at in adoration. The future right there at my feet, waiting to be grinded into the dust ...
Oh, by the way, that‘s how you entered my field of vision, shy like an afterthought. A promise unknown to yourself, you seemed to be holding your breath for fear of disturbing me in contemplating my misery. Stepping high and gingerly like a fawn out for a stroll, full of wonder and surprise ...
It was the stillness in the bustle and babbling around me that caught my attention and made me look up. To be blinded by a smile so kind and generous that I had to look away before I dared look at you again. A smile that said hello in a very shy way. Made me feel as if you knew me from some other time and had been waiting for me to catch up ...
So young, how could that be? How come I deserved your trust? With your light and high stepping feet you‘d broken down the walls of my indifference I'd hiding behind for ages, and your smile broke the mask of my face as I tried to answer in kind. It hurt. I couldn‘t recall the last time I‘d smiled ...
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Call Again
Once upon a time I must have had an hunch of you. Someone waiting for me, someone I was calling for. But it‘s been so long ago that I‘d stopped trusting and believing in any hunches. I didn‘t want to spend the rest of my life reminiscing about things that didn‘t come about. And I‘d stopped believing in any kind of future that might be different from the present ...
Back then it had been a different girl I was looking at when I called for you. And she seemed to know, or at least feel that I was mistaken. She said I didn‘t know her, that she wasn‘t who I was looking for. Sometimes, if rarely, people are smarter than they themselves are aware of ...
Didn‘t apply to me back then. The one I was calling for had been hidden by that other girl. You were not merely hidden by her but too far away for me to see you. But you heard me alright and you came looking for who‘s been calling you ...
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Abundance
Giving it yet another try without trying at all, just repeating their routines of making do. No hope for things ever to change. Afraid any change might turn to the worse. But what can possibly be worse than their mentholated nightmare of boredom?
They have no idea, so they‘re content to keep going the way they were doing. Their idea of 4-letter-word affairs is to find someone who supports and cuddles them like mommy used to or ought to have done, telling them what an amazing fellow they are ...
The future may belong to those who have nothing to lose, not even hope. Those consumed by yearnings that have never been answered. The others who make do and those who succeed will long be forgotten by then. Those who succeed don‘t know how to receive, to open up and say welcome. Those who give may one of these days receive in abundance, maybe they already do without anyone noticing. The things you give and what you receive in return may be invisible and nothing you can cling to, but they're all the more valuable ...
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Entropy
Babbling and grinning their faces off their skulls, people are merely echoes of each other, copying what everybody else is saying and doing. Refractions of reflections fading away into meaninglessness ...
Life a never ending orgy of procrastination. Everybody waiting for it to be over but no one daring to take the first step and be the first to leave. Oh, lemme go and go to sleep, never to wake up again ...
That toxic allure of the night whom no one dares look into her eyes. Dimly aware of that vertigo threatening to suck them in. Yearning to let go but too afraid to give in. Meek with relief when they wake up the next morning, ready to give it another try ...
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Crush Hour
On the subway on my way back to the hotel something happened I wasn‘t prepared for. It was rush hour. I‘d managed to get a seat and sent my mind on vacation, myself hiding inside the white noise of people babbling and bustling about ...
But then, amid the noise and bustle of people, a stillness opened like a wound, and my eyes were drawn to a pair of heartbreakingly frail and elegant ankles as they moved into my line of sight ...
I wasn‘t the only one taking notice. A hush spread through the coach and two or three people rose simultaneously to offer their seats ...
She accepted with a graceful smile and sat down right across from me. Arranging her beautiful legs by slightly tilting them to the side, and folding her hands in her lap just so as if it were no big deal and didn‘t mean a thing ...
Next she raised her eyes and looked at me as if the two of us had a date and she was waiting for me to introduce myself. In that first moment as her eyes opened on me she looked almost serious, like somebody who knows what she‘s doing and sees no need to fool around ...
But then she smiled. A smile like I'd never been smiled at before. The first true smile I'd ever been granted. No dealings, no checking, no demands, just hello ...
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Ceremonial
The leopard was shot and the body of Marie-Jo cremated. I didn‘t attend the ceremonies. Didn‘t care for people celebrating their sanctimoniousness. The very same people who‘d made life hell for Marie-Jo. All of them with the best of intentions, naturally. That‘s civilization for you, the road to hell paved with good intentions ...
I was ready to go into hiding and be on the run again, but first I wanted to make sure that things Mari-Jo had left behind would be safe and out of reach for the sanctimonious ...
I leased a safe box at a bank, not the one where I have my account, and deposited her few belongings there. I couldn‘t have explained why. Marie-Jo certainly wasn‘t to be reduced or even to be found in those things, was she? Still, there was a persistent tugging in my guts telling me to go ahead and do it ...
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Messenger
The leopard wouldn‘t let anyone come close and he refused to leave the site. I myself hadn‘t called anyone, neither police nor an ambulance or whatever. I was prepared to let nature run its course ...
I felt the leopard had come to do what I myself wasn‘t prepared, maybe not even meant to do. He must have been sent to bring Marie-Jo home. All I could hope for was that soon I'd be allowed to join her. There was nothing to keep me, and nothing left for me to do on this here planet ...
The dog of a young couple out hiking in the woods led them to the scene. They whipped out their smart phones before even introducing themselves. From then on it was back to civilization running and messing up things ...
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