dysphvric-blog

[dysphvric-blog]

PASS THIS ON.

The first transgender suicide hotline is now up and running in the U.S. You can reach Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860.

[dysphvric-blog]

Every time she blinked, there was a wishful thought in the back of her mind that hoped in one moment her vision would be dull, and in the next, she would finally start to see. But when she looked up at the angered male standing before her, he had the same monochromatic face as everyone, complete with the added frustration glinting in his eyes. She stood up and cocked her head to the side slightly, her chair sliding back with a screech that was covered up by the conversations buzzing around them both. “Is this table that important to you?” she asked. “Aren’t there a few tables left to sit at?” She was bluffing. Celie didn’t even bother to glance at anyone else around her, and only peered up at the person before her. By the sound of the room, she was pretty sure that she was just kicking up a storm of horrible excuses except for one that wasn’t horrible and a valid excuse--she was goddamn hungry, but she wasn’t going to say that aloud to some stranger. “Unless I see your name somewhere on this table, I don’t think I actually need to leave this spot.”

You know that feeling when your entire life story is set in stone and you are content with that? Yeah, well that’s not what Finn is feeling. He couldn’t deny it — seeing the world in color is beautiful. The sky is blue, firetrucks are red, sunflowers are yellow, and everything is just wonderful. Color is electric, you want to paint yourself with every shade and every shadow; you want to be swallowed by the colors because shit, living in monochrome is dull. Living in technicolor is vibrant, it’s like a dream, an imagination, a hallucination. It’s not rolling in black and white scenes anymore, you’re finally entering the world of reality. However, the real cause of earning that color is frightening. Soulmates. It feels like a forbidden law that everybody wants to have, or some just want to avoid at all costs because it seems too risky. He loved Lila, he really did. But he never felt that spark. He felt something for her, and truthfully, that feeling is just platonic. However, that isn���t currently relevant due to the fact that his brother is yelling into his ear and this brunette female decided to take his table. Finn Blair is having a terrible day, and the goddamn brunette is making it worse for him. “Yes, we do, madam. The problem is you,” he narrowed his eyes at the girl as he looked up and down at her. “You’re sitting in my table that I reserved. Get out of it.”

#DAMN IT CELie #also finn my tiny son #( ; * — reply | celie. ) #( ; * — verse | was all of it a lie to you? ) #orthcdox

[dysphvric-blog]

(  ; *  — @orthcdox​ ! )

She didn't know any other colors in her world except black and gray and white. That's how it always was--until you found your soulmate. That the world was bland until you met your soulmate, and that was when you would learn of the colors people had to imagine: like purple, red, and other colors of a rainbow people speak of. That's what they all told her, anyways. But right now, she knew her feelings, at least a small portion of them. And she knew a part of them was hungry. Celie had walked into the restaurant that night with food on her mind. She needed to get away from home, and the bustling place seemed to do the trick. People were milling around the tables and avoiding the waiter's and waitresses' paths. Without thinking, she sat down at one of the tables, and she opened the menu, scanning all the words individually until a shadow passed over the words, stretching passed the laminated paper and onto the white tablecloth. She thought it was someone that had come to wait her table, until Celestine saw his face. “Is there a problem?” she asked, eyebrow raised.

#THIS IS SUCH SHIT WRITING BUT I JUST NEED CELINN IN MY LIFE SO #orthcdox #( ; * — starter | celie. ) #( ; * — verse | was all of it a lie to you? )

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Me, writing: Have I already had someone shrug recently? Yeah I think she shrugged like two minutes ago already. I'm pretty sure I've written someone chuckling like five times. Everyone chuckles so goddamn much. Maybe everything is just super amusing here. How about I switch it up a bit and have someone raise an eyebrow curiously yeah that'll work hell yeah

#ME #GOODBYE

[dysphvric-blog]

#[aim people voice] period. #( ; * — verse | say you don't love me. ) #( ; * — verse | you'll always be my hero. )

[dysphvric-blog]

FINN.

He laughed harshly. He wasn’t a fool, like hell he would fall for that crap again. “Yeah, if not getting over me and is having sex with a different guy and saying “I love you” to each other is called not getting over me, then alright.” He stood up from his chair, not standing to even look at the female he was in love with anymore, just moments before he couldn’t look away from her. It fucking hurt, and he won’t fall for it anymore. She tore his heart into a million pieces, and she left him on the ground. Left for dead. Left alone. “Nice to catch up with you, Leslie. Wish you and Aaron the best.” He grabbed his coffee, then walked off, barely brushing the female’s shoulder. He could finally breathe. Not in a good way, and not in a bad way. He could finally breathe. (He felt empty without her, but he chose to ignore that sinking feeling in his chest.)

Sorrow, guilt, relief--all of them had been hidden in the shadows that followed her and had finally chosen to show themselves. Every single piece of her heart broke. It was like every step that he took to get away from her and every single letter he spoke to her was like tearing heart so easily she could have sworn her heart turned into paper once or twice. Maybe this was what it felt like when she walked away. Maybe this was his heartbreak that happened everyday. If she opened her mouth to call for him, she knew he would look back once or none, and keep walking. If Celie even tried to speak, she knew she'd just sputter without clear subjects or proper sentences. She just wanted to talk to Finn, the first and only other person who mattered to her at all; she just wanted to talk because the months of silence that spanned between them was unbearable. Because talking with Aaron wasn't the same as talking to Finn. So she sped her walk to catch up with him and she caught his wrist. Her brain was sending alarms, telling her to stop, this is not a good idea. And yet her heart retaliated. "I've never had sex with him," Celie whispered. "I-" I've never gotten over you completely or ever, she wanted to say, but that was so unfair to him, unfair to Aaron, unfair to both of them. "I just--I want to talk... Please." Talk indeed, to the heart she broke and to the heart she knew too well.

#CELIE IS A COMPLETE PIECE OF SHIT #(modeled after me) #( ; * — reply | celie. ) #( ; * — verse | was all of it a lie to you? ) #orthcdox #ANYWAYS I HATE THIS SO MUCH GTG

[dysphvric-blog]

dysphvric​.

     Throughout the course of the last few weeks, small bits of memories were returning to the girl, and she soon hoped that she’d be able to remember everything in order to go back to being the ranger she once was. Although the bits and pieces she had recalled were only flashes of a BIGGER PICTURE, it was better than nothing. Letting out an exhausted sigh, Artemis turned towards the other female who had continuously accompanied her for the last several weeks and she desperately tried to aide the girl in recovering her lost memories. “It’s frustrating, I can only remember so much, bits and pieces and…” The girl’s voice trailed off as she let out a frustrated sigh, leaning against the counter as she faced the other ranger, the one who was apparently the leader of their team. “I just want to remember. I need to remember. Maybe we should backtrack, to how all five of us met. How did this.. team become a team? No one’s told me yet, how we all became rangers.” 

     Adeline was certainly glad to have her best friend back... but it was like her best friend was an entirely different person. There was always that twisted part of her that felt like giving up. But she knew that she couldn’t change a thing. Artemis lost her memories and Adeline was stuck with having to try and give back those memories. Sometimes she wondered if the world loved playing cruel jokes on her. “Right,” she replied, collecting her thoughts. That was such a long time ago... “Well, I don’t think any of us really knew who the other was. We were all selected to be a part of this, and we all had to accept it. I know I wanted to back out originally...” Adeline remembered the day vividly. All the information about them being rangers and stopping evil seemed to come down on her all at once. “But you stopped me. You made me come to my senses... and now we’re here.” From strangers, to friends...and back to strangers. “It’s not much, but since that day, we’ve all been close for the longest time.”

#tf is my reply hoenstly #arteline eats @ my heart ... #( ; * — reply | adeline. ) #( ; * — verse | just in case there's no later. ) #pctience

[dysphvric-blog]

Zoey Deutch for Heroine Magazine #2

#( ; * — visage | elodie. )

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do i wanna know // arctic monkeys

#( ; * — verse | was all of it a lie to you? ) #i hate thiS

[dysphvric-blog]

FINN.

He didn’t blink. He couldn’t blink, fuck, she was here. He thought if he blinked, she would disappear like she always did. Why does she always walk away? She still looked beautiful as ever, she was still gorgeous. She was still herself, just not his anymore. (She was probably never his, she probably never loved him. Maybe, love was just a lie and their love was a lie.) She was his, the other man. Aaron, or whatever the fuck his name was. Have you ever been so in love, and so heartbroken, that you kept the ring in your pocket? He felt the weight of the small box in his pocket, and it was a reminder. A reminder that he could never fall in love again. Love was a fucking shitty concept, and it hurts like hell. “Yeah. The last time I saw you was when you said no to my marriage proposal, and ran off to your new boyfriend.” He laughed humorlessly, a bittersweet smile on his lips. He loved her, and their fucking love was a lie. Yeah, he was bitter.

Every word of his used to make her calm down, but now, every word of his stung, and the laugh only made it that much worse. Maybe that’s what it felt like when she had said, “I can’t. I’m sorry.” There was that small piece of her that wanted to forget their entire relationship, because then maybe both of them wouldn’t be as hurt. But forgetting them, their promises, Finn--no, that wasn’t possible. They were friends from childhood and now they were broken hearts. There was no going back this time. And sometimes, she regretted her decisions. “Finn...” she whispered. Celie didn’t want to cry in front of him. "Do you really think that I just ran off to him like that? Do you really think that I could ever get over you?” She stopped looking at him, and suddenly her shoes became very interesting. Why was she still standing here when she knew this conversation was solely for the worse? Inaudibly, she kept mouthing apologies to the floor. He even mentioned Aaron. Aaron who talked to her and kissed her and hugged her--Aaron who she had fooled herself to not compare him to Finn. And maybe that was her heart saying that she missed Finn. Her silent words became whispers of “sorry.”

#THIS IS MAKING ME SO EMO I AHTE HTIS SO MUCH #( ; * — reply | celie. ) #( ; * — verse | was all of it a lie to you? ) #orthcdox

[dysphvric-blog]

how do you edit the things in your theme? aka add links and edit the description that you wrote and put pictures in the muse? btw the theme is great!

first of all tysm!!! and okay well when u enter the html i would suggest using ctrl+f to find

and underneath that is where you should be able to put in ur muse pictures!! (if you dont know how to insert images just copy and paste the image url inside the quotations of ) 

as for the links and descriptions and things just use ctrl+f again to find 

!! then under that should be where u can edit the rules, about me, links, etc. if you need more of an in depth explanation let me know or come to me privately and ill help the best i can !!

#htmlq #anonymous #answered

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will you ever release the theme you're using currently? :~)

possibly! a lot of the time i dont release codes to my personal themes and only give them out privately (which i did on my main blog once) but for now its really just a maybe since ill probably release it when im finished with it and even then its all up in the air.

#a wild alina appears akjsdafnjsdf #anonymous #answered

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No matter how much the blonde continuously tried to deny it, the result would always be the same. It was inevitable. In the end, she - just like all the others, would come crawling back.to him. That’s what he liked to believe, anyway. His signature smirk stayed plastered onto his broad face as he kept his focus on the blonde, not daring to break eye contact for even a second, as if Silas was trying to put the girl in some sort of trance. “Well it’s because of one thing. It’s because I’m bored, and I’ve missed playing with you.” Despite the fact that she was leaning away, Silas leaned in, brushing a strand of hair away from her face as he placed a kiss on the girl’s cheek, then leaning in a bit more to whisper in her ear. “I can’t let you go. Not yet, not until I’m done with you.” 

She had always told herself to be brave, ever since her mother told her so--but in this instance, those sayings were lost in the words in her thoughts and the words escaping the boy’s mouth. Astria tried to push off the wall, but it only put her in a closer position to him, nose almost touching nose. She wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face, wanted to show him that she wasn’t some girl who was afraid and always hid in the corner. Or maybe she was proving that to herself. “You won’t keep... playing with me. If you’re bored, why not find another victim?” she questioned, her eyes glinting with the same false confidence she put one everyday, steady on him. It was always about him. “Done with me? What if I’m already done with you?”

#do i know what the fuck im typing???? ofc not #pctience #( ; * — reply | astria. )

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BADLANDS inspired plots – PART ONE [disclaimer: despite how these plots are presented, they are meant to be used as any pairing you choose]

CASTLE - muse a is a young girl who is studying abroad in [insert foreign country of your choice here] with two of her closest friends from college. muse b is the prince of said foreign country and is getting ready to take the thrown since his father is ill and only has a limited time left to live. muse a and muse b end up crossing paths somehow and he is falls madly in love with this wild child from america. when he decides that she’s who he wants to marry, he has to prepare her for life as a future royal (and the future queen of the country). but it doesn’t end there. muse a also has to win the approval of muse b’s father, who is always telling her to censor herself and to behave like a proper lady. can muse a be the queen that muse b’s country deserves? or will she decide it’s too much and go running for the hills?

HOLD ME DOWN - muse a is a straight up druggie and works at a strip club somewhere in new york. muse b is part of the bachelor party for his brother which is taking place at this strip club, which is how he sees and becomes infatuated with her. he sees her talking with the owner of the club (who also whores her out in exchange for feeding her drug habits) and can tell that this man is just destroying her life. he keeps coming back to the club and pays for private dances just so he can talk to her and try and get her out of this life she is living, knowing that it will eventually kill her. muse a finds herself falling for muse b and quits her job at the club which doesn’t sit well with her boss. now they are on the run from the man who claims to own her and both their lives are in danger. will love lead them to safety or will she fall back into the life that once held her captive?

NEW AMERICANA - muse a and muse b are both college students living in southern california, getting ready to graduate and start the rest of their lives. they walk around getting high all day and listening to old school music, knowing that they will never fit in with the rest of the world. but when muse a finally gets her dream job as a fashion designer and creates her own line, everything changes. she doesn’t smoke anymore, she doesn’t go to grungy night clubs anymore and muse b feels like he hardly knows the girl he claims to love. he tries to bring her back down to earth but it never works, muse a always claiming she never has the time. their relationship goes through ups and downs and finally muse b walks away and leaves muse a alone in her new self-made world. it’s then that she realizes all the money and success in the world means nothing when you have no one to share it with. but will she win muse b back or will it be far too late?

DRIVE - muse a and muse b just graduated high school and are free for a long, hot summer. they have been dating since junior year and have never been more in love than they are now. on a whim, the two lovebirds decide to take a roadtrip from southern california to seattle, wanting to see all of the state they call home together as well as exploring some new ones. on this road trip they really get to know one another and learn things they never knew before, some of it good and some of it really really bad. will the young lovers survive the road trip or will they slam the brakes on and decide that this isn’t what they wanted after all?

HURRICANE - muse a is an innocent young flower who moved from a small town down south to the bustling city of new york for college [or for a job if you want them to be older]. she comes across muse b one night when she attends a poetry slam, hoping to meet some people like her and make some friends. he reads his poetry and speaks such wisdom that it disarms everyone in the room, including her. upon getting to know more about him, she realizes that he’s the type her parents warned her about; drugs, alcohol and tattoos. but she sees something in him and they have a very passionate and sexual affair, never putting a label on what they are. but when muse a’s family gets wind of it and wants to move her back home and stop the behaviors she’s been exhibiting, muse b has to try and stop it from happening. will he be able to keep her or will her interfering family ruin the first chance at love he ever had?

ROMAN HOLIDAY - muse a is the textbook definition of an insomniac, never sleeping at night and always going on late night adventures. on these adventures to local convenience stores, she meets muse b who works the overnight shift to make more money. she becomes a regular and she ends up waiting for him to get off so they can go on these adventures together. they do everything from sneaking into public pools to driving out of town and exploring new places where no one knows who they are. they fall in love and before they know it, muse a is able to sleep again and muse b finds the inspiration he’s needed to finally finish school make a better life for himself. but muse a’s family doesn’t approve of muse b and his family doesn’t think highly of her either…which only gets worse when muse a discovers she’s pregnant but suffers a miscarriage shortly after. the two lovebirds drift apart and muse a’s insomnia creeps back in. can they go back to who they were on those late night adventures or did the real world push them past the point of no return?

#( ; * — plots. )

[dysphvric-blog]

ya’ll i’m two away from my next hundred. 

#GO :~D

[dysphvric-blog]

He gauged the girl’s reactions, finding amusement out of the female’s reactions, the sheer fear that she had displayed which was evident by her body language. “That’s the one thing I liked about you, your confidence even when face to face with a situation you know you won’t be able to escape from.” He then slammed his free hand onto the wall on the opposite side of the female, giving her no route to escape. Silas leaned in, his lips ghosting over the girl’s at this point in time. “I won’t let you. You can’t leave me, you’ve come to far. You think you’ll be able to leave me? Me? You can’t. You won’t.” He muttered in a low voice as he looked down at her lips, then back up at her hues. “Should I remind you why you stayed in the first place?” 

She forced her eyes onto his, exhaling both her cowardice and bravery all at once. He was too close, too goddamn close, and she needed to exit, needed to leave... She should have done it sooner, too. “Just. Let. Me. Leave,” she forced out in each breath, but it was as if she was saying it more to herself than him at all. Astria just shook her head at each claim he made, all statements that were true. She probably couldn’t walk out without taking a look over her shoulder. She had let her threads become attached, and for God’s sake, she should have known what would happen. Yet here she was. “Why keep me here when you use ‘like’ in the past tense?” she inquired, leaning farther back into the wall if possible.

#THIS IS SO BAD GOODBEY #( ; * — reply | astria. ) #pctience

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“Do you think you can leave that easily?” An amused expression came across the male’s face as he looked down at the other, a laugh escaping his lips. Placing his right hand on the wall, he backed the other up against the wall as he leaned in and whispered, “You can’t leave me.” 

Her back greeted the wall so suddenly she took a sharp inhale of air. Or maybe it was the close proximity, and how she could feel Silas’ breath. Her senses had been thrown out of the window as soon as she started talking to him. Astria immediately stiffened as he got closer, and finally, she found her voice. “Watch me leave,” she lied, boldly. She didn’t even know if she had the capability to walk out the door.

#( ; * — reply | astria. ) #pctience #tryING AGAIN AKDNASDjnasd