I need to (remembers to not make casual suicide jokes in order to encourage a more outwardly positive mindset and healthy conversational environment in my day to day life) kill myself
I killed the rat king of New York and inherited his throne by right of conquest or whatever, but I never took the rat oaths so I can speak to and command rats and they are compelled to obey, but they formally elected a rat president last year. I don't have any formal power in their social hierarchy but I have very real concrete magical power over them. I guess the title gets passed to my eldest son unless a rat kills me at some point.