fakemichaelsheen

[fakemichaelsheen]

crowley: …

crowley: what does ineffable even mean?

aziraphale: it cannot be explained

crowley: oh. never mind then

aziraphale:

#aziraphale: I love you ineffably / crowley: ok but is that good? #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

crowley, shaking a magic 8 ball: does aziraphale love me?

magic 8 ball: don’t count on it

crowley: *sighs* I knew it

aziraphale, next to him in bed, snaps his fingers: check again, dear

crowley: *looks at the ball*

magic 8 ball: ✨ ineffably✨

crowley, tearful: oh

#this happens at least once every week #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

crowley, texting: I'm leaving you

crowley, texting: with the dogs whilst I go out (not delivered!)

crowley: good luck

-a few hours later-

crowley, returns: hey, I-

aziraphale: *sobbing into a bowl of ice cream*

crowley: ...

#I had an idea but didn't know how to do it as a chat so you get this instead #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the south downs-

aziraphale: I'm sorry

crowley, amused: whatever it is, angel, I think it's pretty clear you're forgiven

aziraphale, sighs: yes but I didn't notice you were homeless. before. you were living in your car, crowley, and I just let it happen

crowley, shrugs: I never cared about that

aziraphale, takes his hands: yes, well, from now on you are my number one priority

crowley, grins: I think I can cope with that. as long as you don't mind coming second

aziraphale, raises an eyebrow: oh? and what is it that demands your so much of your attention?

crowley, kisses his hands: my garden

aziraphale, chuckles: if it means you'll be out in the sunshine getting sweaty and dirty, how could I possibly object?

crowley, happily: I thought not

#crowley: *gardening* / aziraphale: *watching from a sun lounger like hedonism bot from futurama* #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the ritz-

crowley, glances over at aziraphale: I saw you. telling off the demons in the bookshop

aziraphale, rolls his eyes: yes, well, someone had to. they were being very rude

crowley: yeah

crowley: ...

crowley, clears his throat: you could...do it more often

aziraphale, confused: um, okay. the next time a horde of angry demons invades my bookshop, I'll sort them out

crowley: no, I mean...take control

aziraphale: ...

crowley: whenever you want something. just...do it again

aziraphale: ...

crowley, sighs: I'm just saying you never speak to me like that

aziraphale, frowns: well, of coruse not. why would I?

crowley, deflated: never mind

aziraphale, thinking: do you want me-

crowley: yes

aziraphale: ...

crowley, innocent: if you want. whatever

aziraphale: well, I suppose I could think of something to...tell you off about

crowley, already paying: if you insist, angel

#*the bookshop* crowley waiting: angel... / az at his desk surrounded by screwed up papers: shhh I'm thinking / crowley: ... #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics #how do you follow a 5k note post? not like this

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale: *enters*

gabriel, smiling: hey, your spouse went to get coffee

aziraphale, nods: right. okay

aziraphale: ...

aziraphale, realises: what? crowley isn't my spouse

gabriel, chuckles: yeah, they are

aziraphale, insistent: no!

gabriel, matter-of-fact: well, you knew who I was talking about so *shrugs*

aziraphale, panicking: that- I don't- it's irrelevant

gabriel, mutters: you're irrelevant

aziraphale, folds his arms: for your information, crowley and I are above such basic human social conventions. what we have means so much more than that

gabriel, sighs wistfully: must be nice having a spouse

aziraphale, huffs: *walks off haughtily*

gabriel: :D

-later-

crowley, returning with coffee: angel?

gabriel, appears from behind a bookcase, continues dusting: your husband's in the back

crowley, heads to the back room: thanks

#aziraphale curious: are we married? / crowley tired: I think we invented it angel #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

crowley, enters: hey-

aziraphale, staring out of the window discreetly, waves his arms in a shushing gesture: shh, nina and maggie are on a date!

crowley, whispers: what? *joins aziraphale at the window; smirks* wow, we're good

aziraphale, proud: yes, we are rather *watches nina and maggie hold hands; thoughtful* I've never been on a date before

crowley: ...

crowley, frowns: yes you have

aziraphale, stares at him: what? no I haven't!

crowley, gestures: what are you talking about? we've been on loads of dates! we went to the ritz last night!

aziraphale, realises: oh, no, crowley, I meant a romantic date. with dinner, dancing...

crowley, offended: 1941!

aziraphale, blinks: you could have shot me in the face that night. you think that's romantic?

crowley, folds his arms: yeah and you did too so you can get off your high horse *mutters mockingly* 'a romantic date'

aziraphale: ...

#aziraphale: next you'll be telling me I didn't realise we've been married for six thousand years / crowley: yeah about that... #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale: *enters*

crowley, bitter: how was your book club?

aziraphale, groans: dreadful. mr brown wasn't interested in discussing agatha christie's works at all. can you believe that?

crowley, narrows his eyes: what did he do?

aziraphale, pouring them drinks: he was more interested in you, as a matter of fact

crowley, takes the wine: me?

aziraphale, nods, sits opposite: yes. what kind of books you were interested in, how long we'd been together, what you do, your likes and dislikes

crowley, smirks: you told him we're together?

aziraphale, splutters: of course not! he made the assumption. I just...didn't correct him

crowley: *still grinning*

aziraphale, embarrassed: oh, yes, it's all so terribly funny. what would you have said in my position?

crowley, laughs: oh you don't want to know

aziraphale, sighs: yes. well. I think his crush on you is the least of our problems

crowley, fond: you're the one he fancies, angel! he was only asking that stuff about me to find out if you were up for it

aziraphale: ...

aziraphale, thoughtful: in that case I'm glad he thinks you and I are together

crowley, clinks their glasses: me too

#mr brown: so crowley... / aziraphale: ok back off whore / mr brown: huh? / aziraphale quickly: what did you think of the big four? #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #no he would not fcking say that I know but I couldn't resist

[fakemichaelsheen]

:: series three crowley introduces aziraphale to his rebound boyfriend played by michael sheen with a moustache: the chatfic part two

-st. james' park-

crowley & not!aziraphale, still michael sheen in a bad wig and moustache: *feeding the ducks*

not!aziraphale: it's lovely here. I can see why you enjoy it so much

crowley, looking around, distracted: yeah

aziraphale, walking with a companion who is just david tennant looking like peter vincent from fright night: ah, crowley, fancy seeing you here

crowley: ...

aziraphale, somewhat smug: as you can see, my friend and I were about to indulge in a picnic *holds up a basket*

not!crowley, gestures: this is the one you were telling me about?

aziraphale, dismissive: yes. we're no longer on speaking terms. are we crowley?

crowley, narrows his eyes: we were just gonna have a picnic actually

not!aziraphale, confused: I thought-

crowley, summons a picnic basket: yep. c'mon *takes not!aziraphale's arm and pulls him away*

not!crowley: ...

aziraphale, unfazed: shall we?

-10 minutes later*

crowley & aziraphale: *sitting just a few meters apart with their companions*

aziraphale, loudly: I am having a lovely time. thank you for joining me

crowley, also loudly: it's finally nice to have someone I can really talk to. we have so much in common

not crowley & not!aziraphale: *glance at each other awkwardly*

#aziraphale: can you believe they ran off together? what are the odds? / crowley: ... #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #good omens #good omens 3 #ineffable chatfics #originally I was gonna have aziraphale with mr brown but then someone mentioned a not!crowley and I couldn't resist

[fakemichaelsheen]

:: series three crowley introduces aziraphale to his rebound boyfriend played by michael sheen with a moustache: the chatfic

-the ritz-

aziraphale: *enters*

crowley, sarcastic: well, well, well, if it isn't the supreme archangel. what an honour

aziraphale, sighs: I thought you weren't talking to me

crowley, sipping wine: oh, I'm not. just having a spot of lunch with my good buddy here *indicates his companion*

not!aziraphale who is just michael sheen wearing a bad wig and fake moustache, turns around: delighted to meet you, dear fellow

aziraphale, about to discover if angels are capable of having a stroke: ...

crowley, dismissive: goodbye

aziraphale, insistent: I have a reservation

crowley, shrugs: not anymore

aziraphale, huffs: fine. then I'll just join you *takes a chair and sits down*

not!aziraphale, smiling: so, you two know each other?

aziraphale, a bastard: you could say that

crowley, also a bastard: I thought we did

not!aziraphale, thoughtful: anthony hasn't mentioned you

crowley, quickly: I don't know him

aziraphale, smug: not what you said when you kissed me

crowley, splutters: ngk shut up

not!aziraphale: *looking between them like he's watching a tennis match*

not!aziraphale, oblivious: well, this is jolly good fun, isn't it?

crowley & aziraphale: *glaring at each other*

#aziraphale sliding into david tennant's dms: so here's the thing... #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 3 #not to be taken seriously at all. I just thought it was funny #tag yourself I'm crowley splutters

[fakemichaelsheen]

series three crowley introduces aziraphale to his rebound boyfriend played by michael sheen with a moustache

#crowley enjoying himself too much: aziraphale this is raphael / az trying not to scream: nice to meet you #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 3

[fakemichaelsheen]

-armageddon, again-

aziraphale, exasperated: what are you doing here?

crowley, shrugs: well somebody's got to stop this from happening

aziraphale, folds his arms: what's that supposed to mean?

crowley, rolls his eyes: nothing *pauses* I'm not talking to you anyway

aziraphale, clears his throat: yes. fine. I'm not talking to you either

crowley, bitter: fine with me

aziraphale, bitter: and with me

crowley: ...

aziraphale: ...

aziraphale, hesitates: it would be beneficial to work together on this matter. despite our personal issues...

crowley, raises an eyebrow: you're joking, right?

aziraphale, desperate: of course not. we both want the same thing here, crowley. and once the job is done, we...go our separate ways. the way it should be

crowley, nods: sounds like a plan

aziraphale, forces a smile: right. so, where do we begin?

#HOW WE FEELING BOYOS #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 3 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

’and they’re not talking.’ okay and how long is that gonna last? they both suck at being alone, we’ve seen that. I give it a week before aziraphale is bursting into crowley’s flat like ‘ok I know you’re mad but I cannot stand another SECOND up there’

#obviously this is a joke. but is it #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 3

[fakemichaelsheen]

-give me coffee-

aziraphale: *slumped, his head on the table *

nina, places coffee in front of him: you alright there?

aziraphale: *shakes his head*

nina, smirking: your fella wearing that turtleneck again?

aziraphale: *nods*

nina, takes the coffee away: I’ll get you something stronger

#crowley wearing a crop top: my shirt shrunk in the wash / aziraphale: *discorporates* #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale: *reading*

crowley, saunters in: morning, angel

aziraphale: *slowly turns a page*

crowley, sighs: what?

aziraphale: *still reading*

crowley, frowns: oh, like that, is it?

aziraphale, bitter: how was breakfast?

crowley, confused: breakfast?

aziraphale, still bitter: I saw you. at nina's. with furfur

crowley, rolls his eyes, sarcastic: well, that's it, then. I'm having an affair

aziraphale: oh, very funny

crowley, folds his arms: what's the problem, anyway? you're not jealous are you?

aziraphale, sutters: of course not!

gabriel, dusting: you are actually

aziraphale, pointing: no, I-I'm just...concerned for your safety

gabriel, curious: is that why you tore his photo in half?

aziraphale, clears his throat: go away

crowley: *grinning*

aziraphale, huffs: shut up, crowley

#crowley: ... / furfur: ... / crowley: ... / furfur: so why am I- / crowley notices az watching: *starts laughing* oh you / furfur: ?? #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale: *pacing*

crowley: *enters*

aziraphale, exasperated: where have you been?

crowley, confused: I thought you said-

aziraphale: I need your help

crowley, suspicious: okay…

aziraphale, wringing his hands: whilst you were gone, mr brown visited and he…well, he made it clear he wanted to…take me out on a date

crowley, bitter: I see

aziraphale, clears his throat: I, um, to get out of it I-I told him……..you’re my husband

crowley, raises his eyebrows: you did what?

aziraphale, flustered: I panicked! I didn’t know what else to say. he was rather persistent

crowley: so what…we have to act like we’re married around him?

aziraphale, dismissive: oh, I wouldn’t worry. I doubt he’ll be back anytime soon

mr brown, enters: hey mr fell-

aziraphale: *grabs crowley’s face and kisses him*

mr brown, coughs: err, sorry to interrupt…

aziraphale, lets crowley go: oh, sorry, mr brown, we didn’t see you there

mr brown, awkward: yeah just…forgot my hat

crowley, dazed: do you want to stay for dinner?

aziraphale, hisses: crowley!

#*at dinner* mr brown: i had no idea you were married / az sitting in crowley’s lap: we do hide it well #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale: *hanging mistletoe*

gabriel: what's that?

aziraphale, dismissive: oh, it's nothing. just a human tradition I'm rather fond of

gabriel, steps closer: cool. what happens?

aziraphale, happy: ah, well, during the holiday season, humans would hang this *gestures to the mistletoe* above people's heads and whomever was caught underneath would be required to share a kiss

gabriel, nodding: okay *pauses* why?

aziraphale, sighs: because it's fun

gabriel: I dunno. seems like it would cause a lot of problems, if you ask me

crowley: *enters*

aziraphale & gabriel: *standing underneath the mistletoe*

crowley: ...

aziraphale, frustrated: oh, crowley! you're too early. you've ruined the surprise!

crowley, looks between them, horrified: whAT?

aziraphale, confused: I'd thought you'd like it

crowley, stuttering: are you mad? this *gesturing frantically between them* is my worst nightmare! I don't want to see that!

aziraphale, rolls his eyes: no, not him *shoos gabriel away; grabs crowley and pulls him under the mistletoe* that's better

crowley, melts: oh...yeah

gabriel, smiling: I like this tradition

#*many many MANY years ago* crowley: so there's this plant... #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable chatfics