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9 Games that Defined My 2010′s (pt. 2)

NOTE for 7/5/2023 - I sat on this article then never published it. 3 years later I figured just to preserve this article as it was intended to be read by me from 3 years ago. My thoughts & feelings have changed. The final 2 entries had little text & my memory is not strong enough to remember the context carefully enough to really add onto what was there.

4) Bloodborne (played on PS4)

Lovecraftian horror saw a huge resurgence in the 2010s, and Bloodborne was the first thing to show me that you could easily harness the author’s distinct sensibilities while avoiding all the racist/sexism/homophobic/pro-eugenics bullshit that informed H.P. Lovecraft’s worldview.  Bloodborne sidesteps these pitfalls entirely by merging the aesthetics of Lovecraft & Victorian-era gothic fantasy horror to weave a tale of politics, the abuse of power, and how those abuses destroy the lives of ordinary people.  Truthfully, so much of the actual story & sequence is so obfuscated that the only way to really grasp it is to dive into community-built Wikis, watch plot explainers, & pour through archived Reddit threads. Bloodborne’s world is horrific.  Chilling soundscapes, unsettling environments, and increasingly distressing monster designs evoke an almost nihilistic sense of doom.  I heard unseen NPCs cry out in pain and read descriptions about mass suffering, and it became clear that Yharnam was not only haunted by werewolves and aliens, but the despair.  ALSO, there’s a game you can play too!  Unlike Dark Souls, the combat loop revolves around aggressive play, leading to a faster, twitchier feel.  Even though I played Dark Souls first, I didn’t like it.  Bloodborne’s loop was super compelling, though years out, the setting still lingers with me.

3) Pokken Tournament DX (played on Wii U & Nintendo Switch)

In 2013, I was a frightened closeted trans kid that just escaped the Midwest, heading towards an unfamiliar city.  In my new home, I started developing interest for competitive Smash Bros: Melee thanks to the surge of popularity the game was having online.  I quickly saved up for a Gamecube and started I grinding Melee, but ultimately this first foray into competitive fighting games would be a lonely experience, as I struggled to find friends or local meetups. I dropped Melee and wound up neglecting the genre until around 2016, when I reluctantly tried out Pokken Tournament on the WIi U (BTW f--- 2016).   Picking it up initially was rather bewildering, as Pokken is just, fucking  WEIRD.  Matches constantly switch between a 3D arena-fighter arena with 6 degrees of movement, and a 2D state that plays like a traditional fighting game. Moves & inputs change across both settings, meaning that every character has 2 unique kits to learn.  Despite this curve-ball, I quickly came to adore Pokken’s lightning-quick pace.

Also, it’s deeply important to note that the game has Suicune, my favorite Legendary Water Dog.  Pokemon Crystal (for Game Boy Color) was the 2nd game I ever owned so YEAH, Pokken DID mine some unearned affection from me right out of the gate.  I’m ashamed of nothing. Solid fighting games were certainly common in 2016 (BTW fuck 2016), but, unknown to me, Pokken Tournament had something uncommon: decent online matchmaking. Even in 2020, Japanese-developed fighting games still implement delay-based netcode that doesn’t scale well from Japan to America, which infamously makes online play a struggle for many here in the US. With Pokken, online matches came quickly and felt responsive, even on my average connection. This ease of access allow me to spend 100-ish hours in the game’s competitive modes.  With hindsight, I was lucky super that my reintroduction to fighting games was so accessible and opened my heart up to the genre.

2) Tetris Effect (played on PS4 & PSVR)

I have two special interest that do not overlap: Electronic Dance Music and video games. This game merged those two things awkwardly, but in a way that helped me celebrate my love for commercial dance music.

1) Warframe (played on PC & Nintendo Switch)

I have ADHD & Warframe’s loops sucked me in. 600 hours and $600 dollars spent on a game that let me press buttons.

Is it good? Kinda. Narrative stuff is a bit Warhammer-y, which like, fine.

#pokken tournament #pokken #Wii U

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Super Struggle Bros: Learning B0xx as a Melee Newbie, Pt. 2

This controller is a LOT to learn.

Once I got down how to “move” again but not run off the edge of the stage & die immediately (internalizing the placement of the jump button took time), I then had to learn that using Mod 1/2 (also referred to as mX/mY) allow my character to walk at two speeds while holding them. Turns out, you’ll need to be using those mX/mY buttons for special attacks as well, but only if you’re not in a full dash. Rookie stuff, but complicated thanks to this controller. After climbing over those hurdles, I then needed to internalize the general button layout. Understanding where Shielding (L/R) was was tricky. Not triggering accidental Specials (B) took time. Relearning the timing of short-hops was tough. Learning that I needed to move my fingers from top row to bottom row for wave dashing took getting used too, despite the benefits it has for certain characters. After a week, I felt that I was getting the basics down. Once I got to angles, my head exploded. Press pressing any of the 4 cardinal directions, you get an angle. Add in mX/mY with, say, holding Down and Left, you can change a 45 degree angle to either 30 degrees of 59.5. This is extremely important as it gives you access to new wavedash angles, recovery tools, etc. Now, with this in mind, lemme tell you that you can add any of the C-stick buttons in for extra precision. So, combining two directions + mX/mY + a C-stick button means you’re hitting 4 buttons in nearly a split second to land precise angles

It cannot be said that the mental stack of learning this controller on top of learning Melee, a fast & technical game with a 20+ year meta, complicated the learning curve for me, a beginner with nearly little experience with competitive games. This journey was just simply hard and frustrating at times! There’s a possibility that my overall progress has been slowed thanks to learning how to playing Melee in this unintended way. It didn’t help that I couldn’t really follow the logic of B0xx’s various design nerfs & considerations, as I didn’t have a deep knowledge of Melee to really understand the implications of 4f SDI lockouts, 2IP methods, etc. What’s really funny about all this is that B0xx is regarded as “questionably optimal” for Sheik, my chosen main. While explaining specifics is beyond the scope of this article, the various nerfs & button placements of default B0xx wind up being a detriment in some ways (nerfed Reaction Tech-chasing thanks to B0xx angles), and a blessing in others (easier access to tilts). This is unlike other characters like Fox, Falco, Marth, Puff, or Captain Falcon, who all experience few downsides on B0xx despite the nerfs to wavedashe lengths. In 2021, I had a huge heap of work in front of me, and the only remedy for all of this was a lot of extra work, studying, & time spent playing. Over time, not only has it become much easier to learn about new things B0xx provides (Melee is a deep game & this controller offers alternative ways to access the various tools & techniques found in the game), but this controller frankly is the only way I’ll ever play Smash Bros again. After all, to me, the Gamecube Controller is an input peripheral made for a console that was aimed at kids, not a tool intended to be used for thousands of hours by adults. To be fair, I did later learn all the ways I could be stretching & exercising my hands to be in optimal health, and there are great guides now that can help you learn how to put yourself in good health: This video below is actually pretty good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qtn_uoLQHQ For me, the B0xx was the only way I could have gotten into Melee. Even though learning B0xx was a struggle, at least my hands were not searing with pain throughout the process.

#melee #super smash bros #b0xx

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Super Struggle Bros: Learning B0xx as a Melee Newbie, Pt. 1

Despite being the target audience for the “Smash Doc” in the early 2010s, it was not until 2021 that I took the plunge into learning competitive Smash Bros: Melee. The reason for this was twofold: I didn’t have a convenient way to attend locals at the time (I could not find the locals location), and the Nintendo Gamecube Controller proved to be a painful controller to use.

Back in 2014, I grabbed a copy of Melee & practiced in isolation. I spent time here & there, fighting bots & practicing beginner tech documented in YouTube videos. During those sessions, my hands often felt numb & stiff. I didn’t realize that I was stressing out the muscles in my hands, and being a kid isolated from the broader Melee community, I wouldn’t come to realize just how important hand-care was Around 2021, I’d take the competitive Melee plunge with Slippi, the unofficial online Melee client, but once I started grinding out tech & playing matches, I began to notice that my hands HURT when using this controller. I actually recall having an entire day go by with my thumbs searing with pain. I’d soon learn about hand exercises, but the pain was harsh despite stretching appropriately. No video game is worth physical pain, and after 40+ hours of trying Melee out I thought it was time to walk away. However, all this changed once I learned about “B0xx”, a stickless fighting stick designed to provide an ergonomic alternative to the Gamecube controller:

This 20-button controller was touted as being an alternative to the GCC, a controller that is easier on the wrist, thumbs, and hands. After a chance-encounter with another B0xx owner, I was delighted when I could simply move in the game without the strain induced upon my thumbs. I was over the moon for this controller & couldn’t wait to order my own. Once I started using mock-B0xx layouts with a keyboard for Melee, I quickly realized that this controller would be extremely complicate to learn. Turns out, when create a digital controller designed for a game looking for precise analog values with nearly 360 degress of precision, you wind up with something that assumes you have a decent working knowledge of Melee’s basic & intermediate mechanics to better understand how the B0xx’s various inputs, modifiers, & design nerfs work. What resulted was a protracted period of me struggling to learn the basics of beginner Melee on top of trying to internalize this complex controller. The brilliance of Smash is that it’s controls are deeply accessible & easy to use, and all of that completely thrown out the window with this controller. If you want a sense of how that is, answer this question: “Which button is Up?” (specifically, up on the Control Stick) Answer: the circled button below. And yes, that position is as awkward as it looks. And this is ONLY the tip of the iceberg.

#super smash bros #melee #b0xx #fgc

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9 Games that Defined My 2010s (pt. 1)

9) Undertale (played on PC)

I didn’t finish Undertale, but I still feel its influence today.  The massive reach Toby Fox’s quirky, unassuming indie mega-hit had on me, my own group of friends, and the internet at large is beyond measure.  The game forced me to think about game design from a holistic perspective, how game mechanics can possess weight, and the value of empathy.

I still remember being brought to tears with the game’s opening act with Flowy.  His menace and cruelty shocked me to tears, but thankfully Undertale refutes Flowy’s nihilism by diving into a whimsical story that treasures empathy and kindness.  Maybe the story goes into some neat places though, it would help if I fucking finished it, right?

8) DOOM 2016 (played on Nintendo Switch)

I am not a good critic; I often fail to pick up subtlety, and if it had not been for intelligent essays, videos, and think pieces out there (shout outs to Errant Signal, Innuendo Studios, and Feminist Frequency), I think I would really struggle to even talk about how I value games. DOOM showed up to let me know something about myself: I like big, dumb, loud, snappy games action games.  Maybe that lessens my critical assessments and observations, but I am who I am!

BUT LIKE, DOOM slaps.  It’s fierce, indulgent, and drowning in comedic levels of bravado & viscera. The gunplay is snappy, fast, and mimics retro-shooter sensibilities without the game feel becoming weirdly detached and floaty, like your Quakes and such.  DOOM is a joyous big-dumb time. (also the Switch port is pretty solid, provided you can stomach the Switch’s limitations.  Also that port by studio Panic Button was instrumental in getting 3rd party devs on Switch, which is something I think we’ll come to appreciate down the line). 

7) Devil Daggers (played on PC)

Run-based games have exploded this decade, with dozens of rougelikes/rougelites/run-based titles having come along and sunk their hooks into my brainspace (Into the Breach, Dead Cells, Downwell, and Nuclear Throne are among my most memorable).  Devil Daggers has next to nothing in common with these aforementioned games, mechanically-speaking, though I’d argue the flow is similar..  Lacking any kind of persistent progression, deriving joy from Devil Daggers required me to learn the ins and outs of the game’s quirky shooting, movement, and mob-management gameplay.  Getting a run over 4 minutes felt like a monumental accomplishment.  Darks Souls was supposed to be the game that taught me the importance of system mastery, but that it wasn’t until Devil Daggers that I came to appreciate that journey.

(Also the sound design and low-poly presentation is absolutely wonderful).

6) Fast Racing NEO & FAST RMX (played on Wii U and Nintendo Switch)

So imagine this: Wipeout, but actually fun.  Enter: Fast Racing NEO and it’s expanded Switch port FAST RMX.  FRN/FRMX’s blistering sense of speed and flashy visuals are attractive the second you see the game in motion.  The racing is fierce and layers some extra mechanics via a boosty-pad system that rewards track mastery (your ship can change into two colors; hit the boost pad with the matching color and you get extra boost). Add in super tight controls and a thumpin’ OST and you have a real jaw-dropper of a game once you realize that 4 people made this thing.   I loved this game so much I tried speedrunning it, and last I checked I placed 7th for the Wii U version of game.

Also the Switch port is by far superior, thanks to extra tracks, songs, future-cars, better visuals, and the fact that it isn’t on the Wii U.

5) Pocket Card Jockey (played on Nintendo 3DS)

In 2016, I got involved in a fun-yet-rapidly dissolving relationship. I had picked up a 3DS to play Monster Hunter with that person, but we wound up splitting. Inevitably, I wanted to justify the money I spent on this totally-not-an-impulse-buy of a console, and in my search for something to play, I stumbled across this wonderful little gem. Pocket Card Jockey bundles a casual Solitaire game into a wacky horse race-management thing governed by a preposterous amount of stats and sub-systems.   Essentially, you have to manage your horse’s stats/position on the field stats WHILE simultaneously trying to not fuck-up your Solitaire matches, ALONG WITH taking into careful consideration your horse’s stamina bar, power-ups on the track, & an ever-shifting hot-zone on that can make amplify your Solitaire match’s RNG and make your horse lose energy.If there is any real flaws with the game, it lies within the RNG, obfuscated stats, poor tutorialization, and depressing absence of any kind of community (as of 2020 the fandom-wiki is still woefully undocumented).  It’s unfortunate, but when Pocket Card Jockey clicks, it transforms into this weirdly graceful & sublime experience that can get your mind off a breakup really quick.  (Also I still play this in 2020 and it’s my feelings with the game have only grow stronger since 2016 lol)

#doom #Switch #PC #undertale #pocketcardjockey #FastRMX #wii u

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I really like this scene from Given because it’s very sweet, but also because I really like how swiftly and casually they brought up and destroyed the idea of “being into boys is scandalous and wrong.”

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What other series do you think would be considered lgbt friendly?

As in animes that don’t rely on queerbait for fanservice and actually portray LGBT+ characters as normal people? That’d be a big list. Here are some of the titles that I think deserve recognition in this regard:

Banana Fish

Onii-sama e

Card Captor Sakura (and quite literally anything else by CLAMP)

Yuri!!! on ICE

Versailles no Bara

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Yagate Kimi ni Naru

Hourou Musuko

No.6

Shoujo Kakumei Utena

Keep reading

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Just a little something for Pride Month

This is a list of my fav (canon) LGBT+ characters. Or any LGBT+ characters that pop in my head.

Nitori (trans girl)

Tomoyo (lesbian)

Justin (gay) *I would like to add that he’s a character in a children’s (or at least early teens I believe) graphic novel, and outright told the mc his sexuality. I remember buying this book from my Catholic school’s book fair lmao 

Todd (asexual)

Jaehee (bi)

Akise (bi/pan) 

Isabella (trans woman)

Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus (both lesbians)

Yoshino (trans boy)

Nishima (lesbian/bi)

Seiko (trans girl) 

Niles (bi/pan)

George (bi) 

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2017/1/22 - The Joys of Posting Nudes, Overwatch, & One-Way Relationships

To the 1 person that stumbles across this in 6 years from now: apologies for missing last week’s post.  1) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ There is this amazing Trans girl I met by accident on Tinder in October (my location was set to New York? X_x).  After talking to each other constantly, I feel really safe to say that I developed really strong feelings for her.  She’s smart, confident with her self and body, is unapologetic, and a huge nerd (she got me into Overwatch).  Essentially a dream girl.  A dream girl that has found a girlfriend, and is probably really happy dating this new person. I never presumed that anything material would ever come from this relationship; distance and personalities dictated that our relationship was, more or less, that of a traditional female friendship. The shock of finding out what I had already assumed (that she found somebody) was both expected and still remarkably painful. I feel like I’ve gotten over it.  After all, this relationship was a One-Way Relationship.  I poured over my insecurities, failings, fears, and stress of both the day, and my life in general.  Rarely did I hear about this girl’s troubles, but this was tacit detail that haunted me with every exchange we had.  I tried to comfort and support her as best I could (because SHE FUCKING DESERVED EVERY GODDAMN OUNCE PRAISE I HEAPED AT HER ^U^), but I do feel like I was a sort of time/energy investment that didn’t emotionally fulfil her needs, hence why she never bothered even suggesting long-distance relationship in the first place (she said she was interested in dating me at one point, but that was under the hypothetical scenario that I lived on the East Coast.  LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, NO?) Sometimes, lives converge and dating happiness fun times happen.  This serendipitous encounter really helped me navigate emotionally extremities that periodically crop up in my life (suicidal tendencies always seem to crop up every 3-4 months.  Weird, no?) But like, I’m happy for her.  I still feel a sting in my heart when I think about her, but even if these things don’t pass, the weight of this ordeal is eclipsed by the realities of the situation: I don’t live in New York, and that’s that. (Also, this girl got me into Overwatch) 2) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2016 was a shit year for me, but it was a GREAT year for video games.  Overwatch isn’t just fun, it’s like a goddamn safe space for me. My mains aren’t slutty girls, they’re FUCKING WOMEN that SHOOT SHIT and HEAL SHIT and KICK ASS with the same level of efficiency and effectiveness as the male characters (and even bring womanly flair to the proceedings as well). It’s a space where I can express myself in a multitude of ways.  I can exude the values of both masculinity and femininity in ways not other game lets me (even if all this amounts to is a giggling Mercy pose before a match starts, I LIKE THIS STUFF DONT JUDGE). I main support, and am currently on Level 95. This game is an obsession for me, and I REALLY want to get good.  I play about 1-2 hours every day (though this week I set it aside due to stressful events cropping up). It’s an incredible experience, please check it out. 3) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I posted nudes on a sex positive girl-gang Facebook post, and talked about my grievances of being a trans girl that isn’t super pretty and completely terrified about coming out, and how my transition will go. The support was really incredible.  It’s empowering to be both emotionally and physically naked in the same post.  The support I got really helped, even if all these people were strangers. I find accepting my own narrative (I’m kinda cute, I’m trans even though I don’t have traditional ‘signs’ of trans, this way of life isn’t completely fucked up) is really hard.  Resisting the urge to believe in yourself over others is extremely difficult. I feel like I’ve yet to truly internalize everything I’ve heard; this takes time.  But just knowing that somebody saw something in me gives me hope that I can believe in myself. Join a girl gang, or a support group, or whatever you can find.  Kindness and support go way further than I ever suspected. ~~~ End

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2017/1/7 Radical Self-Acceptance

~ ~ ~ At a random party, I discovered two things about myself: 1) Being misgendered is one of my deepest fears (and not the minor nuisance I thought it would be) 2) Rape scenes in films triggers me.  I cannot handle rape in films like I used to. The pain of being born male lingers over me constantly.  I often have to be reminded that my body, my status, and my mind are just as deserving of love as anybody else.  And the first place that has to start is with me. Nobody else is going to love me if I don’t love my flawed, imperfect self.  Which sucks, because there’s this wonderful trans girl I have the biggest crush on right now, but she has her shit figured out really, really well.  She’s exploring her life, her limits, and meeting people who see what she already knows to exist. I wish I felt that way too.  I bet I will, someday.

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2016/12/28 - Tumblr Plans

Had an idea, and I am going to see if I can roll with it:: Every Saturday, from now til the end of 2016, I will be posting a brief (or not-so-brief) look back at my week. I plan to talk about whatever interest me: transition, beauty woes, the struggles of being isolated, what I'm reading/playing/watching, existential musings, and other various topics. My hopes are two-fold: illuminate my experiences and perspective, and maybe get a point across occasionally. Let's see how this goes! XD ~ Zoey P.S. Hoping this nightmare of a year ends smoothly for you too!

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Words to replace said, except this actually helps

I got pretty fed up with looking for words to replace said because they weren’t sorted in a way I could easily use/find them for the right time. So I did some myself.

IN RESPONSE TO Acknowledged Answered Protested

INPUT/JOIN CONVERSATION/ASK Added Implored Inquired Insisted Proposed Queried Questioned Recommended Testified

GUILTY/RELUCTANCE/SORRY Admitted Apologized Conceded Confessed Professed

FOR SOMEONE ELSE Advised Criticized Suggested

JUST CHECKING Affirmed Agreed Alleged Confirmed

LOUD Announced Chanted Crowed

LEWD/CUTE/SECRET SPY FEEL Appealed Disclosed Moaned

ANGRY FUCK OFF MATE WANNA FIGHT Argued Barked Challenged Cursed Fumed Growled Hissed Roared Swore

SMARTASS Articulated Asserted Assured Avowed Claimed Commanded Cross-examined Demanded Digressed Directed Foretold Instructed Interrupted Predicted Proclaimed Quoted Theorized

ASSHOLE Bellowed Boasted Bragged

NERVOUS TRAINWRECK Babbled Bawled Mumbled Sputtered Stammered Stuttered

SUAVE MOTHERFUCKER Bargained Divulged Disclosed Exhorted

FIRST OFF Began

LASTLY Concluded Concurred

WEAK PUSY Begged Blurted Complained Cried Faltered Fretted

HAPPY/LOL Cajoled Exclaimed Gushed Jested Joked Laughed

WEIRDLY HAPPY/EXCITED Extolled Jabbered Raved

BRUH, CHILL Cautioned Warned

ACTUALLY, YOU’RE WRONG Chided Contended Corrected Countered Debated Elaborated Objected Ranted Retorted

CHILL SAVAGE Commented Continued Observed Surmised

LISTEN BUDDY Enunciated Explained Elaborated Hinted Implied Lectured Reiterated Recited Reminded Stressed

BRUH I NEED U AND U NEED ME Confided Offered Urged

FINE Consented Decided

TOO EMO FULL OF EMOTIONS Croaked Lamented Pledged Sobbed Sympathized Wailed Whimpered

JUST SAYING Declared Decreed Mentioned Noted Pointed out Postulated Speculated Stated Told Vouched

WASN’T ME Denied Lied

EVIL SMARTASS Dictated Equivocated Ordered Reprimanded Threatened

BORED Droned Sighed

SHHHH IT’S QUIET TIME Echoed Mumbled Murmured Muttered Uttered Whispered

DRAMA QUEEN Exaggerated Panted Pleaded Prayed Preached

OH SHIT Gasped Marveled Screamed Screeched Shouted Shrieked Yelped Yelled

ANNOYED Grumbled Grunted Jeered Quipped Scolded Snapped Snarled Sneered

ANNOYING Nagged

I DON’T REALLY CARE BUT WHATEVER Guessed Ventured

I’M DRUNK OR JUST BEING WEIRDLY EXPRESSIVE FOR A POINT/SARCASM Hooted Howled Yowled

I WONDER Pondered Voiced Wondered

OH, YEAH, WHOOPS Recalled Recited Remembered

SURPRISE BITCH Revealed

IT SEEMS FAKE BUT OKAY/HA ACTUALLY FUNNY BUT I DON’T WANT TO LAUGH OUT LOUD Scoffed Snickered Snorted

BITCHY Tattled Taunted Teased

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                                                        Link → Twilight Princess Manga

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Eevee House - Espeon

Psychic cat and psychic kittens!

Available on Society6!