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Brave little one (Emerie Karr fan fiction)

It was her third birthday.

The only reason she knew it was because she had managed to steal a glance at the medical data sheet when she had gone for a routine checkup to the other side of the Kaminoan facility, one of the rare occasions when she could have felt like she hadn’t been alone. She had had to be placed with the other clones her age, all little boys. Although she had been forbidden to speak to them, the presence alone had been comforting. She had noticed them calling each other by a name and she had wondered how they got one.

She didn’t have a name. Just a number.

Even though she was turning three, she didn’t feel like it; she felt older. And older she was, genetically modified to grow up twice as fast, built for her intelligence. Today was just like every other day, she was brought to the learning room by one of the Kaminoans, left to herself and the datapad, alone for hours. She didn’t mind though, the little girl actually enjoyed studying and the human body was so interesting for her. She got lost in the basic information about the brain and its complexity, studying the structure and what was connected to which human function. She passed the tests prepared for her, not saying a word, not feeling like she ever needed to speak or be heard unless answering questions.

She started reading about the prefrontal cortex and suddenly started to wonder what the boys were doing. Were they together all the time or did they have to live by themselves just like her? She was told she was special- a potential breakthrough in the cloning process- so maybe the fact she was alone was a privilege. She had once sneaked out and had had a brief look at how the boy’s quarters looked like, just a wall full of sleeping pods, tens of the children living there. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like tight spaces. So maybe her room, small but with a normal bed, a table and a private refresher was a privilege? But why was the special treatment so… lonely? Shouldn’t she be socializing as well? She only had the researchers, and they weren’t exactly very talkative. Not towards her, anyway. She wanted to discover parts of the facility by herself, see how many other children were there, if any other girls were there.

It was forbidden.

And today should have been like every other day but still she had this unsettling feeling that it was missing something. What was a birthday anyway? It’s not like she was a nat-born, she was made. And yet there it was, that sense of longing to just be seen, to get a nice word or just something out of the ordinary schedule. She wished she could be allowed to go and talk with the boys, play with them even.

Nothing.

Just an empty room and her, cuddling herself on the bed and trying not to feel the emptiness growing in her chest. But the damage was done- there was this tiny gaping feeling in her heart. Like a piece of it was missing.

____________________

It was her fifth birthday.

She was excellent at what she was studying. She had proven herself that even though she was still a child, she had amazing potential to join the researchers, so the past months were spent in the labs, helping the Kaminoans and observing their work. She was even allowed to go and see the other female clone today, just a three year old. Unlike the older girl, she was so full of energy and smiling the whole time but there was something even more peculiar about her. She was not aging like every other child here. When the older girl had been three, she had already learnt how to read and how to do basic calculations, she had even started to help with the research. This one right here was a lot smaller than she had been, just learning how to read just now. The birthday girl looked up at Nala Se, she could swear the Kaminoan was looking at the three-year-old differently than she ever did at her, there was more warmth to her expression. She even called her by a name.

Omega.

The girl looked from Omega to the Kaminoans, feeling a sting in her chest. That little thing was just three but had a name. Why didn’t she have a name, only a number? Why was she not looked at the way Omega was, why was she left alone to herself most of the time and the little one was treated with such warmth? The newfound longing for the sense of closeness settled in her heart, as she now discovered that there is something beyond studying, tests and research.

Her gaze went back to the data pad, helping to analyze the young clone’s vitals but the gears in her mind were working tirelessly, trying to understand why, even though they both were girls, they had been so different.

The tear in her heart grew bigger, the emptiness taking over more and more of her. _____________________

It was her sixth birthday.

Today she was not brought out to study. She hadn’t been for a very long time and nobody had told her why. She did all the tests, she studied day and night like she was told to, and yet she was now confined to her small room as if she had done something wrong. She was bigger now, grew up quite a bit since last year, and started to ask questions.

Why was she alone?

Why couldn’t she see or even talk to Omega?

Why did she need to study all this?

First jealousy, then longing had overcome her, feeling like she had wanted a sister. She had seen the boys with brothers so why couldn’t she had had been a sister?

At one point she had asked too many questions.

And now she was confined to her room, going out only every now and then to join the research. Even though she always did everything right, she was being discarded to the side.

Of course, she was smart so she could have figured out as much. She would only work in the labs as a child, not have any access to the others even though she had known of their existence, even studied them and analyze their progress. But as far as she knew, nobody was analyzing hers.

Just at the end of the day, when she was already setting in her room, thoughts spinning around in her mind of why wasn’t she good enough, she heard the door open.

Hemlock.

He came to her- to her out of all other children! - and asked her to leave with him. She didn’t know why, he seemed like he was in a rush, and he had a troubled expression, but he was very gentle, his voice calm and stable. And she already knew him, she knew she could trust him as he worked closely with the Kaminoans and was a valued researcher. He was the only one who had treated her like a human while all the other scientists seemed to leave her and focus on the new male soldiers, or Omega. He actually saw her for her potential, even asked her to help with his own research.

He said that he valued her and saw her potential to be great. This was the first time in her life she heard someone say it. She felt… important. Seen. Why else would he have come to her?

“Come, little one. Be brave.” His smooth deep voice had something she had longed for, a hint of warmth to it. So this was what it felt like, to be spoken to softly.

Little one. Finally, a nickname.

But she wanted more.

“I’m not little one” she replied, putting on a brave face. “I’m Emerie.”

“Emerie. It suits you, little one. Now come, we have much to do and I cannot do it without you.” Hemlock chuckled as he reached towards her, offering her his hand. The sound of her name spoken by someone else made her stomach flutter with happiness and excitement.

For the first time in her life, she was no longer a number.

She had a name.

Emerie.

________________

Emerie woke up early and headed to the lab, like everyday. Ever since Hemlock had taken her out of Kamino, she has never been alone unless that was her wish. The place he had brought her to, some faraway planet, was empty at first but started to fill up with people sooner rather than later. And she was introduced to everyone she was supposed to work with as Emerie Karr, she had been given that surname by the scientist to feel more socialized with the others. Less odd.

She was eternally grateful to him. Hemlock had done so much more than just taking her out of the solitude life on Kamino, hopeless and with no endpoint in sight- he had given her back her humanity. Her autonomy. Ambition.

Nobody knew she was a clone; it didn’t matter where she was from. As Emerie was one of the most promising students, more diligent and thorough than most, the doctor took her directly under his wing soon enough. He valued her research and opinion, trusting her with different types of research and since she had been taught by the Kaminoans, she had the knowledge of the process, however limited. The girl was a rising star due to her intelligence and devotion to the man who she considered her savior,eagerly sharing everything she knew, finally feeling like she was needed and appreciated by someone.

That’s not to say that it didn’t come with a cost. Emerie wanted to prove to Hemlock that she was better than most, that he made the right choice by taking her with him, so she devoted her life to research. She never wanted to disappoint him, even if she had to ignore some more inhuman aspects of the research. Following the doctor meant that something like a boundary doesn’t exist, she had learnt it in a painful way.

One of the test subjects had been a parrot. It had been closed in a small space, barely able to move. Emerie felt for it and had wanted to help it, so she had let it out to fly in the closed space just for a moment.

Hemlock was notified.

The next day, the parrot had been delivered to her door, dead.

The reason? It tasted the flight, so it hasn’t been that willing to come back to the cage. It had been useless now. As Hemlock explained to her, the bird had been a source of a specific enzyme that would be able to save the heavily wounded as it had made binding the flash faster and with less blood loss. Needless to say, she felt awful as he was scolding her and she swore she’d trust him and never disappoint him again.

As she reached the lab, she took her datapad and started on testing the blood samples they have taken earlier that day. If she was correct, this research could be groundbreaking and she would have a chance for a promotion.

She went over the data and came up to her desk, sitting down to write the newest reports. However, before she could get to work, she noticed a quite small package laying just by the keyboard, a card attached to it.

Happy birthday Dr Karr

-Hemlock

Right, her tenth birthday. She forgot.

Opening the package revealed new glasses, with new visors that made the research analysis easier. Emerie smiled to herself, touched that he remembered and even got her a gift. She put them on, in awe in how much difference they made when it came to research.

_______________

Now, Emerie finally is in the moment she waited for so long. She has finally proven herself to be trustworthy, good enough to lead the biggest project Hemlock oversees.

She always wanted it, to prove herself to Hemlock, to be someone.

So why, the sense of accomplishment, pride she should be feeling now, are not there? Why does this feel so wrong? Image of Omega comes to her unconsciously and she starts feeling… guilty. Did the teenager leave that much of an impression on her that she felt responsible for her?

Emerie is walking to finally get access to the vault, the privilege only a few obtain, and she was one of them. The protection around the area is like nothing she has ever seen, something this safe should be insanely valuable. Considering the M-count was an important asset, she expected nothing else.

Anticipation eats at her as they enter the restricted area, a mix of anxiety, curiosity and pride.

Children

The assets are children.

They have no names, just numbers. It brings back memories Emerie doesn’t want to remember.

She, too, was just a number. She, too, was separated, tested and closed off from others.

And now, as an adult, she is supposed to do the same towards these kids as was done to her.

She looks around, suddenly aware how deep into the research she has been. Remembering Omega. Was the girl right all along? Was the woman not freed like she had thought, but taken from one prison to another under the false guise of humanity, of empathy?

Emerie glances at the date.

It is her birthday, the fourteenth one to be exact.

The day the world she knew shattered to pieces.

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