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Tragedy! You set out to read a negative review of a piece of media you dislike, only to find that the critic is being completely unfair to it and making a bunch of bad, unsupportable arguments.

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Alison Weir's Mary I novel is coming out soon and I'm dreading it. I'm not even going to read it and I'm still dreading it.

Philip II and Elizabeth I were subtle, cautious people. They didn't always say what they thought and often chose silence.

But that's not how Weir characters (in her latest novels) work. Her characters exposit what they're thinking and feeling as heavily as they exposit the story. So I have a horrible feeling that Philip and Elizabeth will be nothing like the real people.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that this prediction will come true judging from this snippet of an early review:

" There’s an interesting line from Philip that stayed with me, from just after he’s spoken to Elizabeth: ‘She is very different from you, my dear. She does not see things in black and white. There is a subtlety in her.’ While Mary is of course incensed that Elizabeth has managed to ingratiate herself with Philip, this ‘black and white’ approach, so similar to her mother’s, bears out a truth that we’ve seen throughout."

Would Philip think that? Yes. Would he say it? NO. Because he's not a FUCKING IDIOT.

#'there is a subtlety in her' things you say when you want to convince your wife you DON'T want to fuck her sister..... #things that make you go hmmm #i'll see if i remain as strong as you bcus i really DO want to see how bad it is #reviews said she made mary's life seem boring #and it was anything but #i want to see how she managed to 'accomplish' that trololol

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"By comparison with numerous ‘workshop’ versions, this rediscovered print from an apparently lost portrait of Anne Boleyn has every appearance of an authentic likeness, with its claim to represent Anne supported by Sir Roy Strong’s Tudor and Jacobean iconography and Eric Ives’s work in establishing a link between the portrait style and the gold and enamel image in the ‘Queen Elizabeth’s ring’, currently held by the Trustees of Chequers. Two copies of the print have so far emerged – one revealing the inscription near the top: ANNA BOLINA UXOR HVIII, perhaps added at a later date, and the other, of lesser quality, showing a little more of the shadowed background to the portrait and of the sitter’s wide black sleeves. It would not appear that the portrait is by Holbein. But in style and pose it does correspond closely to other contemporary female paintings by the German artist, Joos van Cleve, particularly his 1530 portrait of Eleanor, Queen of France (below).

[...] It is further significant that its sitter’s features, unlike those of other ‘workshop’ copies, bear close comparison with the Holbein ‘Anne Boleyn’ drawing in the British Museum, which has been and is still disputed as a likeness. With the ‘Van Cleve’ portrait reversed and the two images set side by side, the lines of forehead, cheek and chin appear virtually identical. The long, narrow jawline – also evident in portraits of Anne’s daughter, Elizabeth, and of her Howard and Carey relatives – is accentuated in the painting by the (invisibly narrow) ribbon which holds the French crépine head-dress in place. The shapes of the nose, mouth and brows, a little flattered in the painting, are essentially similar; while something indefinable in the expression of the dark eyes establishes a common likeness.

Moreover, there are good reasons for supposing that Van Cleve had the opportunity to paint Anne Boleyn in 1532. His well attested portrait of Henry VIII has been dated for the early 1530s and it has been suggested that Van Cleve came to England for the commission. According to the Royal Collection Trust, this portrait ‘may have been painted to commemorate his visit to Calais in 1532’. In fact, it is more likely that the King sat for the artist in Calais or Boulogne during the visit itself; and it follows that a portrait of Anne Boleyn by Van Cleve could also have been undertaken while she was there with him. It is known that Van Cleve was summoned to work at the French court by François I in the early 1530s, and the 32 days Henry and Anne spent in France in the autumn of 1532 would have allowed ample time for preliminary sketches, if not for completed portraits. The question of how a portrait of Anne Boleyn, sketched in 1532 and perhaps completed in time for her coronation in 1533, survived her disgrace and death in 1536, when other images of her were deliberately destroyed, might be explained by the fact that artists were frequently required to undertake multiple versions of royal portraits. Van Cleve was known for his ‘impressive studio organisation and collaboration’, and at least two versions of his portrait of Eleanor of France survive, wearing different costumes and jewellery. There are also two copies of Henry VIII’s portrait by Van Cleve, both of good quality, in the Royal Collection and that of Burghley House. If Anne Boleyn did sit for Van Cleve in Calais, one would expect official versions of the portrait to feature jewellery obtained for her from Katherine of Aragon in time for the French visit; (e.g. the jewelled cross with pendant pearl in Katherine’s miniature by Lucas Horenbout, and worn successively by Anne in her portrait medal of 1534, Queen Jane in the Whitehall Mural and by Catherine Parr in another Horenbout miniature.) Moreover, if the one surviving original portrait of Anne features a symbolically initialled ‘B’ pendant – with B being for Boleyn, rather than A for Anne – it was very possibly ordered by her father, Thomas Boleyn, for his portrait gallery at Hever, where a later copy hangs today. In similar circumstances, Edward Seymour commissioned his own portrait of his sister Jane. Nor is it hard to imagine a plausible chain of ownership for such a survival – from Thomas Boleyn’s death in 1539 – through Anna of Cleves, who gained Hever Castle and its contents as a part of her divorce settlement in 1541 – to her executor, Henry Fitzalan, who had charge of her effects on Anna’s death in 1557 – to his son-in-law, John, Baron Lumley, who inherited Fitzalan’s paintings in 1580 and included a likeness of Anne Boleyn in his inventory of 1590. It is known that Anna of Cleves personally occupied Hever Castle and would have been familiar with its paintings. If she had decided to sell a portrait of her disgraced predecessor by her countryman, Van Cleve – as a notable art collector, her friend Henry Fitzalan, Earl of Arundel would have been an obvious buyer. Alternatively, if she’d left the painting for his disposal as her executor, he’d surely have taken the opportunity to acquire it, having known Anne Boleyn personally and accompanied her to Calais in 1532. On Henry Fitzalan’s death, his art collection was merged with that of his son-in-law and heir, John, Baron Lumley, which a decade later certainly did include a portrait of Anne Boleyn. The fact that the portrait in the Lumley Inventory of 1590 is described as ‘full-length’ would not have made it unusual (Queens Jane Seymour and Catherine Parr were both painted full-length) or incompatible with other commissions for Joos van Cleve’s studio. We now know that the Lumley portrait was cut down at a later date; and if the rediscovered head-and-shoulders print is amalgamated with another three-quarter-length female portrait by Van Cleve (as below), some idea can be gained of how such a painting might originally have appeared."

#i loooove this one #anne boleyn #@ god drop the full length portrait reveal if you'd like to shift me from atheism. tick tock. #richard masefield

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this is what you must do.

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Most historians concur that Wolsey didn’t kill himself, but there was a contemporary report at the time that he’d bought and drank poison with the intent of dying. It was an anonymous source, and the only, however, so it need not be taken seriously.

I finished season one of The Tudors today, and here are my thoughts:

I have to say that I’m impressed at the chemistry all the actors have with each other. Obviously the characters are hypersexualized, but I think it serves the point of the show, which is that scandal is sexy. Normally I’m not a fan of whisper acting, but, again, it fits the tone of the show.

What I like about the eroticism of the show—beyond the obvious—is that the women get to enjoy themselves and get to use sex for their own pleasure and/or to otherwise get something they want. I do wish more of them had lives and desires outside the bedroom though. I appreciate that Catherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn both get that. For example: Catherine wants to keep England united with the Catholic church and to protect their empire. And Anne is interested in education and religious freedom (to an extent). It would’ve been nice to see Margaret Tudor do something other than fuck and die, for example.

I understand that the liberties taken with the wardrobe is, again, a choice made in the name of sexiness and modern audiences of the mid-2000s/early-2010s wouldn’t have found hoods and other modest clothing all that attractive, and who doesn’t love a fun headpiece (even if it looks like it came from a fairy-core Etsy shop)?

The historical inaccuracies bother me more than the costumes do. For example, Henry Fitzroy died at age seventeen not four as in the show. Margaret Tudor didn’t marry the King of Portugal, and she certainly didn’t kill him. And Cardinal Wolsey absolutely didn’t kill himself. (What the hell was that about!?) I’m sure there are other events I’m missing or don’t know about that were inserted or changed without me knowing it.

Overall, I enjoyed it and will be continuing with season 2 soon!

#The rest were obviously blatant inaccuracies #but even most of historic inaccuracies in the Tudors had basis in REPORT if not fact #like opener of season 3 henry says ‘everyone knows’ Elizabeth was the child of Norris #now we know he never said that #BUT there was a report from Chapuys where he asserted a source had divulged that this would be declared via statute #… and a subsequent report that this was false . #which is rather clumsily dealt with by narrative suggestion that henry was just blowing hot air #as he accepts Elizabeth as his child once his wife chooses to ‘surprise’ him with her presence (a wise choice ? to surprise an unstable man #but I digress) by like what .:. The next episode ?? It was smth like that #but tl; dr they did embed contemporary reports in their scripts #to an extent I’d argue wolf hall— the tv and theatre adaptation anyways — really… didn’t ? #also despite there being a ‘corroborating’ report for Wolsey’s death #they definitely made it needlessly graphic . #and they didn’t depict like. yk. Geoffrey pole’s suicide attempt #or any items which could be weapons being taken from jane boleyn during her breakdown #so … perhaps revealing choices there …. #suicide and mental health issues being portrayed in a frankly exploitative way (instead we see jane smearing shit on her wall) #and just darker historical anecdotes as well #(portraying Katherine Howard practicing with the block but deciding to have her do so NAKED… #a particularly egregious half-‘accuracy’ which comes to mind ………)

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Fuck your biblically accurate angels and fuck your non conventionally attractive male love interests. They should be hot..... They should all be hot

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 “Natalie would be uncomfortable in her costume and not say anything. “She’d tell me, ‘My rib is killing me.’ I’d be like, ‘Natalie, why don’t you say something?’ I’d have to be like, ‘Hellooo, someone, Natalie’s rib is hurting! Can you fix her zipper?’” - Scarlett Johansson 

#the other boleyn girl #bts #always thought this was cute lol #them having a reverse dynamic to the actual boleyn sisters #and scarlett more the 'forward' elder sister role even tho in the movie she's supposed to be the youngest lol

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James Corrigan, Lucy Phelps & Freya Mavor as George, Mary & Anne Boleyn.

#the actor playing francis weston is very cute however #maybe im weak... #the other boleyn girl

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Veep - 1x02 “Frozen Yoghurt“

#henry viii #in the gm

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How different our history could have proved had Henry married his mistress Mary – a county-loving girl with no pretentions of power and who delivered him a son out of wedlock.

my therapist: pgregified history is not real and it can't hurt you.

me: *slides this article across the table like a $1 bill*

#i think they mean country but agtgrqfvshjfs #pretensions?? WHO WROTE THISSJKADNFDSLF #the portrayal of mary as a woman that disdained court life and only desired 'simple living' #is A) really narratively boring and B) not in the least borne out by the evidence we have..... #backlash against feminism ftw ig #'wouldn't it just be so dreamy if the woman upon who we have projected having 'no ambition' became queen #and was rewarded for her docile self-abgenation and humility by the crown....wheee' #also this line of reasoning im just...? reasons it would have been better for mary boleyn to be queen > bessie blount? #what are they?

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CATHERINE OF ARAGON with PRINCESS MARY TUDOR

THE TUDORS (2007-2010) | S01E5

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James Corrigan (George), Lucy Phelps (Mary), and Freya Mavor (Anne) as the (Boleyn) siblings in Chichester Festival Theatre's The Other Boleyn Girl. (Photo: Stephen Cummiskey)

#I WISH I COULD UNRECALL HOW WE ALMOST HAD IT ALL-

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But Anne and Robert are partners in posterity. For centuries after their deaths, their legacies have been besmirched and muddied as histories were written based off of stories and accounts written by their enemies, not their friends ... Only in the past few decades have Anne Boleyn and Robert Dudley’s reputations been given proper reassessment, almost in tandem with each other. What has emerged is a clearer, more nuanced portrait of these two remarkable people: passionate, ambitious, intelligent and yes, volatile and ruthless, but above all – human. Both of whom’s biggest crime, in the eyes of their contemporaries, was to dare to love a monarch.

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TTPD is a very olivia pope album, tbh.

#wrong blog but i can make this tudor related if i squint... #ab on a chart is somewhere in the nexus between mellie and olivia #thomas cromwell is a hetero cyrus beene

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‘It’s Barbie’s dreamhouse, not Ken’s dream house’ = H+A planning Whitehall, tbh ….

#glad to place a tiktok sound bite #’aha right as always’ his era for that .

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"B" is for Barbie.

#im finally watching this btw... #been a pop culture philistine/poseur for a year+ now