Every day I wake up and think today may be my last day. Not in the "live like it's your last" day. As in today may be the day "I have enough courage to finally end all of this" day. Then it dawns on me that I can't even live a remotely decent life because I'm a coward and so afraid of change. I'm used to living with nothing. I'm used to not being okay with myself. I'm used to not having the things I need or want. I'm used to this depression and anxiety that I've hidden from everyone. So what makes me think I'm ever going to have the courage for this to be my last day? Some days I wake up and wish I didn't wake up. Some days I wake up and I wish the feeling of not wanting to wake up was gone.