generaldecay

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Louise Glück, Poems 1962-2012 / Cynthia Ozick / Adonis, tr. by Khaled Mattawa, from ‘Celebrating Childhood’, Selected Poems / Gregory Orr, from “Origin of the Marble Forest” / Rainer Maria Rilke, tr. by. C.F. MacIntyre, Sonnets to Orpheus / John Boyne, The Absolutist

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If you've found yourself in that childhood hell with a narcissistic parent, where every year you gain you get treated worse, and the older you get, the more unworthy and unlovable you are, this is why it's going on.

Narcissists are unwilling to be parents, but they're ready to take advantage of every possible benefit they think parenthood has. The perceived benefit is how the world sees them, someone feeling sympathetic or engaged with them, getting popularity based on your kid's talents, abilities and successes, people having compassion for their 'parenthood struggles', and of course, the idea of unconditional love. For them, not for the kid. They also then go on and take extra stuff, like having their personal emotional caretaker, or a target for all of their anger, someone to feel superior to, someone they can violate, insult, touch, beat, and blend with, without any kind of consequences from the outside world. There's very few scenarios that would allow them such power over another person, and parenthood happens to be one of them.

So, why do they prefer small toddlers rather than grown-up children? Because toddlers gain them attention. They can go with a toddler in public, and have people gush and admire the cuteness. They can sometimes teach toddlers to do little dances or sing for the audience. They can do pretty much anything to small children, and children won't complain or understand what is going on. They can neglect their toddlers and nobody will know. They can punish small children for crying. They can convince small children that they exist only for to make the narcissist's life easier.

Once children start developing boundaries, start saying no, and no longer gather the attention of the crowd, that is where narcissists are no longer getting as many benefits from parenthood and start emotionally abandoning the child, and shaming the child for 'growing up' and 'not being as easy to control and manipulate'. And this is not how normally things work, you don't stop loving your kid when they're growing up, you don't value them according to how much attention you can get using them. Sometimes, if a kid has a special talent and is able to get them attention via child contests or tournaments, this kid will not be obviously immediately abandoned. But it will be clear to this child that the 'love' is completely dependent on how well they do and how far they succeed. The second they stop, they know that the parental love will be withdrawn and they'll be rendered a failure.

Narcissists will ask you to go not just out of your comfort zone in order to give them what they want, they will ask the downright impossible, and when you inevitably can't give it to them, you will be discarded, and possibly punished. You will degraded from 'special' and 'important because you can do this one thing for your parent', to nothing but a target for rage, forced to feel like you deserve it because you couldn't do what no child can - make a narcissist act like a normal parent. They convince children that they would be loving and thoughtful parents, if only the child was not so x, and y, and z, and the list is endless. Endless excuses not to love their child, because withdrawing that love will make the child absolutely desperate in their attempt to please the parent, and be good enough to deserve love.

This is not what would normally happen to a child. We're meant to be celebrated for growth. Our progress into adulthood should be about us, about what we can do now, how much new experiences and excitement it brings to have a bigger body, how much more capable and safer we are, what new skills we can develop, new games we can play, better connections and understanding with others we can now achieve. It's not supposed to be about whether we are of a benefit to someone, our growth is about us becoming a happy adult! Appropriating this entire process and reducing it to 'grovel endless to deserve love, and feel guilty for growing because you're of less use now' is absolute torture to a child, who doesn't understand that it's not meant to be this way, that they were never supposed to be a tool to use.

As we mature with the narcissist continually building this narrative of us not being good enough to deserve love, we end up having no other narrative, and believe that we're fundamentally, intrinsically lacking in something, and this makes us unlovable. It has nothing to do with the truth, and everything to do with a continuous lie that someone made up about us when we were still small, that we exist as a tool and a resource, and every hint of free will and desire and personal goals and boundaries is us failing to live up to that use. We were never meant to be exist for them, there was no achievable goal, us even trying to 'deserve their love' was nothing but a waste of our time and energy. We're not unlovable. We just don't a parent. We had someone leeching off of us, taking instead of giving, convincing us we don't deserve attention, care or resources, unlike them, who deserve to take it all.

For any normal parent, everything about you would have been good enough, you would have been a source of joy and celebration without ever even trying to deserve it. Nobody has to deserve parental love, it's either given by default, or there is nobody willing to be a parent to you. Being unwilling to parent you, they have no right to expect anything from you. You did not break the parent-child bond, because there never was such a thing in the first place, they betrayed you from the start.

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this

This is why I also don't really believe it when a narc says people always end up abusing them, considering how they're always the ones making themselves out to be the victim. I mean I'd bet good money that they're out there traumatizing people then crying victim the second the person they abused starts calling out the narc on their shitty behavior.

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i just discovered today some people believe narcissistic abuse ISN'T real? are they fucking stupid? narcissistic abuse ruined my LIFE, i'm not going sit here and be gaslighted into thinking it never happened. that's crazy. victims of narcissistic abuse i see you, you're valid, and i love you.

Narcissistic abuse is real and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve a space to think about what happened to you and find a way to healing.

#i'm acc shocked? #“narcissistic abuse isn't real” well good for you that your life wasn't fucking ruined by a narcissist but don't #use that as a reason to gaslight real victims #i've been in therapy for years and i'm still living with effects of that trauma every bloody day

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and you'll spend your whole life thinking everything is your fault. like you are bad

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⭐Vitamin Cheat Sheet⭐

Vitamin A: Vision, immune system, skin health.

Vitamin B1 (Thiamine): Energy metabolism, nerve function.

Vitamin B2 (Riboflavin): Energy production, skin health.

Vitamin B3 (Niacin): Cellular energy production, skin health.

Vitamin B5 (Pantothenic Acid): Metabolism, hormone production.

Vitamin B6: Brain function, mood regulation.

Vitamin B7 (Biotin): Healthy hair, skin, and nails.

Vitamin B9 (Folate): Cell division, DNA synthesis.

Vitamin B12: Nervous system, red blood cells.

Vitamin C: Immune system, collagen synthesis.

Vitamin D: Bone health, immune function.

Vitamin E: Antioxidant, skin health.

Vitamin K: Blood clotting, bone health.

Calcium: Bone and teeth health, muscle function.

Iron: Oxygen transport, energy production.

Magnesium: Nerve function, muscle relaxation.

Zinc: Immune system, wound healing.

Potassium: Fluid balance, nerve function.

Iodine: Thyroid function, metabolism.

Selenium: Antioxidant, thyroid health.

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my life advice is if anyone ever says 'let me know if there's anything i can do' think of something for them to do even if you feel like they didn't mean it. if they didn't mean it they shouldn't have said it and if they did mean it u will both feel closer to each other for it.

[generaldecay]

Don’t Hesitate by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

#this acc happens to me but it might be borderline personality idk

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Okie rule

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#what do i have to do to get a pure heroine summer #please #mentally ill meme #idfk what to tag this lmaooo #shitpost #lorde #pure heroine

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an anonymous love poem found scrawled on the inside of a grocery store's bathroom door

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*maniac laughter followed by wheeze-crying*

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💛☢️💛Neon Glowstick Stimboard💛☢️💛

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