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🍳 17 Sanity Challenge // Day 6 of 13 🌻

힐링을 쇼핑을 갔어요! 🛍️ 괜찮아, 그냥 마트에세 갔어요 🤭 야채, 과일, 스팸, 돼지고기, 수고기, 그리스어 시금치 만두(?), 등등 살았어요. 할인 있었어서 내 은행 게좌도 행복해 😌 (i went for retail therapy! it's okay, i just went to the supermarket 🤭 i bought vegetables, fruits, spam, pork, beef, Greek spinach dumplings(?), etc. there was a discount so my bank account is happy too 😌)

🍚 advocate for good solutions, testing database things~

😼 Japanese lessons (3x) + Japanese vlog + random vocab point

🐸 세븐틴의 슈아랑 명상

😼 Chinese lessons (3x) + Chinese vlog

⚔️ catch up with friend

🦌🐻‍❄️ read a bit of An Incomplete Revenge (bgm)

🦊 developmental psychology review

💌: 한국어 조금 편해, 맞아요? 하지만 연습해야서 다음 시간 부터 찰렌지의 끝까지 오직 중국어 쓰게요. 많이 기대주세요! (Korean is pretty comfortable, isn't it? however, i have to practice, so from next time until the end of the challenge, i will only use Chinese. please look forward to it!)

bonus: thank you for the tags @valiantcoffeelove, @booksbluegurl, and @solarsapphic this was so random i love it haha 💙

favorite color: 보라해 (borahae, trend word for for i'll love you forever/until the end) gave me even more reasons to love my favorite color since childhood — purple! 💜

favorite animal: bunniessss 🐇🐇🐇 (maybe, i also love dogs and have more experience with them lol 🐶 so maybe a small dog?)

favorite flavor of ice cream: strawberry!!! 🍓

💞: @winryrockbellwannabe @panda-studiesmed @obakanosandoitchi @the-awesomecosmos-studies @tokidokitokyo and anyone else who sees this because tumblr is being stupid and not letting me tag more people 😭

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this post is for anyone who feels a little lost right now. maybe you don’t know what your path in life is yet. maybe you hate your job. maybe you’re still in school and you’ve changed your major three times. maybe you’re confused about what it is that you want. maybe you know exactly what you want but have no idea how to get it. 

you will figure it out. you are not dead yet. you are going to figure your shit out. i believe in you. 

#thank you i needed this

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This makes so much sense

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[research life]

The start of a new semester! Some snippets of the recent study sessions🎀✨📖

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i planned to do a lot of studying today, but all i did was sit in my room stressing about how i wasn't studying :( i didnt do ANYTHING today. and now i have to cram it all into tomorrow

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i think my roommate thinks im not home since i've been pretty much silent in my room since she came home hours ago. And idk why, but thinking about her realizing i was actually just in my room ALL DAY, again for the FIFTH day in a row (currently spring break) is so embarrassing. so now i cant make any noise or leave my room or use the bathroom until she leaves tomorrow morning. Maybe she'll think i have a social life.

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is anyone else feeling stuck and waiting for something that will never come in order to start living or is it just me?

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the exam i spent four days studying for. The one that was one day before career fair so i could only give 100% to one or the other and I chose the exam. i got a 66% on it. i saw the grade last night and cried so so hard. I cried myself to sleep. i feel so stupid.

i havent felt normal since monday. i felt doubley not normal today after binging all day and crying all night lol. at least i only have two easy classes tomorrow and then its spring break.

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I didn't go to career fair. I want to say I really tried to go but I don't know if I even did that. I woke up tired after snoozing my alarm a couple times, I had my special career fair outfit laid out. I showered and fixed my hair and did my make up and ate breakfast and then.. I just sat there. Idk. I really dont know why??? I just couldn't make myself go.

I sat at my desk stressed out of my mind. I binged really bad for the first time in a while. I sat there at my desk binging and counting down the hours until career fair was over. "There's 3 more hours, I could still run to the library and print some resumes and talk to at least a couple companies". "There's an hour and a half left, I could just go check it out, get some practice giving my elevator pitch. I'll bring an empty folder and say I ran out of resumes."

Eventually it was over. Career fair ended at 4, and I had a class that started at 4. I felt really shitty but I managed to go to class at least.

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spring break is next week (but really it starts Friday 😉), and I just had my last midterm, actually my biggest midterm, that I've been studying hard for nonstop for the past few days, and now I'm in that post-exam haze where it's like, that giant pressure that was on me, that one thing that was my entire purpose for four days is over now. It feels like I can relax now..

except it's only Tuesday and I still have plenty of assignments due, not to mention the CAREER FAIR tomorrow??? I didn't prepare for it as much as I wanted to over the weekend because I was so focused on the midterm. I barely got it together enough to last-minute edit my resume tonight, but.. career fair is tomorrow morning. Editing my resume now doesn't do me any good if I can't get it printed 😭. I'm sure the library is gonna be SLAMMED tomorrow with every student on campus printing their last-minute resumes too.

I considered not even going, everyone is telling me its a waste of time, its crowded and sweaty and stinky and you stand in a line for 25 minutes just to get 30 seconds to handoff your resume and elevator pitch yourself to some recruiter who's brain numb from hearing 80 elevator pitches before you, and do that as many times as you can bear, only to never hear a word from anyone. It's gonna be cold and rainy tomorrow so I'll have to change into my nice shoes when I get there and carry my muddy, wet sneakers, and my wet, bulky jacket around the entire time (unless I stand in an even longer line for a locker rental). My two morning classes are canceled for career fair, and that would be such a great opportunity for me to catch up on the sleep I've been missing. And yeah I'm not looking forward to figuring out how to get my resume copies printed, or what that line to the printer is gonna look like.

But I have to go, on the slim, slim chance that I can make a just memorable enough impression on a recruiter who needs butts to fill spots. I NEED an internship. It would be stupid of me not to go.

It would be so so stupid of me not to go but oh my god i do not want to go.

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🍋 adulting diaries // how i'm learning to love my life again ⛅

these aren't things that you just do once and then you're done — you'll never feel trapped or lonely or insecure ever again. life happens, we get waylaid. so gently remind yourself too, "again and again and again, i will come back to love" 💛

🪟 listen to your body

✨ it's really difficult to get to a good place emotionally without getting to a good place physically, which isn't to say it's impossible, there are just some ways you can make things a little easier for yourself:

sleep early (at least before midnight) 💤

don't stay in bed if you're awake — get up and start your day slowly opening your mind to new possibilities 😌

don't just go through the motions of your personal grooming — look yourself in the mirror and appreciate the details only you possess 😍

eat breakfast!!! don't start your day hangry or... sangry? (what's the word for sad and hungry?)

🤝 do something you're interested in with other people

✨ even if you don't have time for your hobbies during the week, "interest" can also be defined as "having a vested interest in" and this mindset shift alone can work wonders.

attend focus groups or town halls to participate in improving the quality of life at your institution, company, department, and/or neighborhood

if no such meeting exists, take the initiative to gather a group of friends/colleagues to hang or even hash out a collective issue

the point is to engage socially (giving good reactions to others more extroverted than yourself is also engaging!) to give yourself an opportunity to feel like part of a community

💝 invest in yourself

✨ the more time and effort you put into something the more you come to value it. this is the psychology of commitment, so why not commit to yourself?

do a workout that makes you feel strong, powerful, and healthy 💪

gain clarity by journaling, talking to a therapist or someone you trust, or meditating

advocate for yourself — put yourself up for a promotion/award/job opportunity, go to an event and introduce yourself to new people, and in doing so, remember that other people's reaction to you doesn't matter half as much as the fact that YOU see the value in yourself enough to put yourself forward

nourish your mind — read a book, learn a new skill or practice an old one, be observant of others and your surroundings

💌: i hope these help you as they've helped me 💐 how do you show love to yourself and your life?

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coding is so fun. there is something meditative of just listening to your brain think of how to solve a problem

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Study Strategies

For everyone asking "What does 'playing' with the material even mean when it comes to studying??"

Well, basically when you think about the material in a way that applies to your real life or interests, or that entertains you.

Writing a tumblr post about it (my blog started out as a study tool when I was in nursing school, because I re-wrote what I was learning in fandom/fic terms)

Talking about it or explaining it to a friend that is NOT in your field of study

Trapping your blorbos in a weird situation they can only get out of by learning the material (I once went through a whole scenario in my head about my blorbo getting injected with insulin and his friend having to figure out how long they had to give him sugar before they died to learn insulin onset-peak-duration)

Flash card "war" where 2 or more of your friends bring their flashcards and every time you or a friend puts down a card, the one that gets the answer the closest first wins the cards (google allowed)

Make a comedy routine about the material using only jokes that would be funny if someone understood it

Order a list of facts from least to most interesting- bonus points if you do it with a friend and you both have to agree, bringing your own arguments to the table as to why a particular fact deserves a certain rank

Finding an old textbook on the material at your school's library and figuring out what still holds up to today's knowledge

Find a group of people on the internet that are really interested in what you're studying and get the latest in DiscourseTM

Make the most misleading fact sheet you can make on the subject, with everything you say being technically true

Make a fact sheet that holds up to the reading comprehension of tumblr dot com

Basically anything that reframes studying from "I hate this and it takes up so much time" to "something I was probably going to do anyway for fun, but this time with more [subject]".

#study #studying

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Took me until about halfway through college before I realized “study” means “play with the material in a variety of ways until you understand it” and not just “read the assigned chapters and do the homework” and I think that probably should have been discussed at some point prior to that.

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2/3/24

yesterday was my birthday. I had a good day.

My first class yesterday was fun, we came up with project ideas as a class, then someone would pick one of the ideas, and those who liked it could come together and form a group. I'm excited about my project topic (developing a daily outfit picker), AND everybody I secretly hoped to be in a group with JOINED MY GROUP!! I'm so lucky!

Between this and my next class, I ate a granola bar. I got these Sunbelt banana granola bars and they're probably the best granola bars I've ever had. They taste like dessert, it made me happy lol. Now I have to try all the flavors.

I worked a bit on the project for my next class, its writing python methods and unit tests for a postgres database. I found that it seemed to be pretty straightforward and kinda fun. As long as I don't leave it to the last minute like last time :p. This next class was just lecture, so not too bad, but then we ended class 20 minutes early?? lucky again!!

After this I have 4 hours till my next class. I got a bagel and a brownie from a cafe on campus. I asked for a plain bagel with cream cheese. I kinda expected to get it how you get bagels in NJ, loaded with cream cheese, sandwiched together and wrapped in foil. They handed me a parchment bag with a bagel and 2 of those mini Philadelphia cream cheese cups. Honestly I was a little disappointed, I mean, as disappointed as you can be over just a bagel lmao. But you mean I gotta make it myself?!? I took it home and toasted it, and had half with cream cheese and half with butter. Tell me why this was one of the best bagels I've ever had?? The outside was crispy and shattering, the inside was still soft and chewy, it was so good omg.

A few days ago my mom sent me a package with my meds, and some "other stuff" that she wanted me to call before I opened. The "other stuff" was birthday presents!! In the box was a lovely card, a pack of mini red velvet muffins, some of my favorite cashews and macadamia nuts, a bag of these lattice cut chips I really like, a packet of fajita seasoning I really like lol, a cute purple pepper spray that goes on your keychain, and a really nice mug. So much stuff, I really wasn't expecting it haha! I had a quick call with my mom before I had to get to my next class.

Physics can be pretty boring and annoying sometimes. Idk if it was just because it was my birthday so everything was great, but class wasn't that bad. Pretty average. It is a two hour class though :/

After class I went to check out a "no-sew blankets and hot chocolate" campus event thing. When I went in they said they were out of blanket materials, and the line for the hot chocolate was crazy long (especially when I have hot chocolate at home lol), but then they gave me a $5 dunkin gift card?? huh?? That's pretty cool lol.

Then I stopped by Salsaritas for dinner, I got a burrito and chips and queso. This was a birthday treat for myself cause one small burrito and a bag of chips with queso was $15. That's crazy to me. I guess that's probably normal, but idk I can't justify that cost, so its a once in a while thing. It was good tho.

I stayed in for the night, watched Bocchi the rock, ate my burrito, had a red velvet cupcake. It was a good time.

I told my roommates it was my birthday and they asked if I had any plans. It's always so embarrassing to be like "ahh no, no plans I'm too tired and too busy with homework and stuff haha". But screw that! I DID have plans, and those plans were to enjoy my peaceful solitude in my cozy dark room (I didn't say that though lol).

It's very easy to be sad and sorry for myself because I didn't have any "plans" or do anything special. But I stayed in and watched anime, which is exactly what my INTP self likes to do on a friday night after a socially exhausting week of classes.

I had a good day and a good birthday :)

#journal