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normalize sexualizing that old woman without having mommy issues. maybe i don't want to be her pet because i'm traumatized. maybe i want to be her pet because she's hot. you ever think of that.

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Dream job is 45 year old woman takes me home and keeps me as a pet

#untrue my dream job is stay at home dad #but i can multitask

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why are you even having children when all you want to do is get rid of them legally when they hit 18

#like. fuck. #this describes our dad and ours relationship so well #it's always felt that living with him is contingent on being useful to him beyond the normal like if you live in a house together #it's your responsibility to help out each other in the ways you are able to #like he's made it very clear that if someone upsets him enough they'll b kicked out after they turn 18 #bc like he 'just can't deal with that' or whatever. #he literally did kick my younger brother out for that reason not long ago #and it's like. you know what just because of that i am gonna maintain a relationship with you #for as long as is financially advantageous for me and then im going to fucking bounce #im not even living with him anymore and i think he's starting to get the idea that like. neither me or my younger brother are interested #in speaking to him more than necessary #i hate living like this where we have to talk to him still bc were just starting to venture out and who knows we just might need something #and by 'upset' let me be very clear my brother forgot to say thank you for cooking a few times #and wasn't talkative on a car ride with a man who literally regularly called him slurs until he hit like 13ish and while on 4 hrs of sleep

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Like fucking Christ. I've been moderately suicidal for abt 8 or 9 years now and it's fucking exhausting to go to sleep at night knowing tomorrow or 3 days from now or next week I'm going have a strong impulse to just end it all and know that I'm just going to have to ride it out for an hour until it ends. Literally this is the worst sisyphus and his rock situation bc its like. Sisyphus knowing that he could just let the boulder crush him and be done with it forever and choosing to push the boulder anyways. IM CURSED.

#suicide #suicide m #i genuinely do want to live most of the time #im never actively thinking i should go out and kms #but whenever im deeply sad or guilty or anxious feeling #its like this knee-jerk impulse to escape the situation except my brain defaults to jump off a building every time #im KILLING YOU AAAGGHDG

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Hate having a brain that's constantly like oh you're anxious you should kill yourself about it

#suicide m #girl there are other ways of addressing the issue

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I hate this so much how is otnot over yet??? How are we not done how can I leave without abandoning everyone

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#literalaly literally. though.

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idk things have changed over the years but i've found it so isolating to be an increasingly feminine/gnc man(kinda) who wants a romantic relationship with a woman and just like loves girls a lot. like im not fooling myself into thinking im the most feminine person ever, i'm not but like. i'm beyond the realm of okayness with heterosexual norms to be sure. and there's nothing of myself to make up for the fact that i am seen as lacking. im the happiest i've ever been im the most comfortable with my appearance ever but im like so lonely all the time. what teh fuck.

#tldr: i need to find a transgender gf #like literally all my cis girl friends have said to me that like. they don't think that women will really b into me and to turn to men #and i like men* like to be clear i am bisexual it's just that i more often am attracted to women* #*these are loose categories and not the only genders i just hate grouping non-binary as this totally third gender when as a #nonbinary guy myself that's not really how it works #i tend 2 b attracted 2 people who break gender norms appearance-wise most of all regardless of gender identity that's just a lot 2 type out #i've been like firmly t4t for a bit now but it's so hard to find someone. im like 1 of 3 transgenders here #and one of them is someone who is like. way younger than me so obviously not and the other actually now lives in philadelphia and is also #way younger than me #so ig im 1 out of 2

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#not anymore!

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Who needs a practicum when you have a family to practice all your crisis intervention skills with

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100% agreed still but this does become funnier the closer i become to being a crossdresser

Passings is just a whole fucking thing but at this point it's like hey if you dont read me as male or at least as not a woman that's a you problem

#i've been getting more and more into fem things recently bc like. #idk shit looks cool #anyways i'm basically like. i wanna look like a woman in public but no not like that #i'm not a girl i'm just a big fan <3 it's cosplay

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literally crying screaming begging etc. for people to stop recommending lucifer to me i am not watching that damned show lmao

#listen i've only got one media copoganda show w/ supernatural elements i can take in my life and supernatural filled that like 5 years ago #bro idk how many times i can say 'yeah sorry pilot was too racist for me and it turned me off it permanently' #like fr keep watching idgaf i just can't for the same reason i can't get past the transphobia in insip. like it doesn't matter to me if the #point is that the characters suck i don't want to see it and i don't have to #same with lucifer! it's not my thing it will never be my thing you will not get me to watch it

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Havin a real shit night !

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SCREAMING IM GONNA GO FUCKING APE SHIT

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I'm literally so scared all the time I spend every day of my life trying to navigate with the least amount of risk and I'm so tired of being scared but I have to keep being scared or else I may slip up or I let down my guard and then then then

#literally anything coukd happen and everything does happen

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I am scared of everything happening all the time boy that's exhausting