#so ig im 1 out of 2

[hhhhghhhh]

idk things have changed over the years but i've found it so isolating to be an increasingly feminine/gnc man(kinda) who wants a romantic relationship with a woman and just like loves girls a lot. like im not fooling myself into thinking im the most feminine person ever, i'm not but like. i'm beyond the realm of okayness with heterosexual norms to be sure. and there's nothing of myself to make up for the fact that i am seen as lacking. im the happiest i've ever been im the most comfortable with my appearance ever but im like so lonely all the time. what teh fuck.

#tldr: i need to find a transgender gf #like literally all my cis girl friends have said to me that like. they don't think that women will really b into me and to turn to men #and i like men* like to be clear i am bisexual it's just that i more often am attracted to women* #*these are loose categories and not the only genders i just hate grouping non-binary as this totally third gender when as a #nonbinary guy myself that's not really how it works #i tend 2 b attracted 2 people who break gender norms appearance-wise most of all regardless of gender identity that's just a lot 2 type out #i've been like firmly t4t for a bit now but it's so hard to find someone. im like 1 of 3 transgenders here #and one of them is someone who is like. way younger than me so obviously not and the other actually now lives in philadelphia and is also #way younger than me #so ig im 1 out of 2

[leqclerc]

@f1blrcreatorsfest Week 3: Music Artist-Inspired ↳ Sebastian and Charles + songs released in 2019 Shameless / Piece Of Your Heart / You're No Good

#formula 1 #f1edit #charles leclerc #sebastian vettel #sebchal #*shows up 2 days late with starbucks* #i like the concept and i would've liked to include more songs but im tired of fighting photoshop honestly it took long enough already 😭 #i tried to go for a more moodier mid to late 2019 vibe where the rivalry was kind of intensifying & everyone was talking about the tension #which tbf a lot of that as we now know was blown out of proportion but it was the prevalent vibe in the fandom & fic sphere #and in a lot of the ~defining fics that i consumed when i was first getting into them as a pairing and researching what i had missed out on #and i guess i have a nostalgic soft spot for that darker moodier more sultry rivalry vibe and mentally it's something i like to go back to #a lot of it is a direct product of the narratives and thought processes at the time and sometimes you just need to step right back into 201 #so these are songs that to me are reminiscent of that era ig and what i associate with it and the fics that capture that zeitgeist for me #f1blrcreatorsfest23 #* #*mine: gif

[deus-ex-mona]

i hope they fight (can’t read past this point)

#l e m m e i n n n n n n n n n n #never thought that i’d ever find something in common with mr face reveal but here we are (dude’s a retail pharmacy cashier. poor guy :() #i need to know if the pharmacy manages to survive the encounter #i hope he calls out her bs and enforces the ‘1 lxl gummy per person’ rule to extremes #this is unfair i can’t even skip ahead to the ch 3 previews bc this site doesn’t even have them yet auaaaaaaa #but hm. looking at this and the calendar… plus chizuutan’s planner from doutan kyohi… this encounter takes place on 1 august #july and august are the only 2 consecutive months of 31 days after all. sooooooooo #so ig it’d put the nonfan release somewhere in july… hmmmmmmmmmm #which would kinda make sense i think… in the nonfan novel hiyo’s contract was supposed to end in august… right? i can’t rem lol #hmmmmmmmmmmmm. but that’d only be the case if the chizuutan mvs complement the [redacted] anime/kawaikute gomen manga timelines… #i hope we get to see her pov of the hiyo makeover for the nagisa visit lmao #but then again. maybe lxl have had 2 separate gummy collabs and im just overthinking it. #idk why am i wasting my precious lunch break thinking about lxl and chizuutan anyway i’ve had enough of them ausuxyshxhshhshajsjshshs #chizuutan chizpost

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[ragingbullmode]

man seeing my over active little dog go from a walk a day to barely being able to walk around my backyard fucking sucks. & then i have to deal with dodger feeling left out so hes puking everywhere to get attention orz

#personal #like im not being funny about this im like. genuinely upset seeing kiki basically falling apart over the course of a month like shes #still eating like the glutton she is but since my dads been overfeeding her out of love (unfortunately... im @ work too often to stop him) #her weights become such an issue its aggravating her already terrible arthritis & even tho i cut her food my dads been letting her eat what #dodger doesnt which is usually 1/2 his own bowl (hes bigger so he gets more food but is picky amount wise like a cat smdh) so shes still #overeating & its rly stressing me out lol... #my moms no help & my siblings are barely home so sldkjfslkfdjsldkfj fuck me ig ToT

[windydrawallday]

Gosh! I'm sorry, I didn't expect to be this busy in those few weeks AGH BUT! I wanna continue these doodles info dumps for "The Lighthouse" merfolk AU so, I hope you all enjoy it!

To compensate a bit, there you got chibi-kiddo Merfolk!Lockdown with a tail bow ♥ (how and WHO was brave enough to put it to him is a mystery... ).

Anyways! Today we will talk about the general behavior of these critters when dealing with the dry-land-walkers:

PS These pics work as a sequence so, long post ahead!

★ (Merfolk are evasive by nature and defensive even if one insists on invading their space.)

"That's why our field study member of the team didn't get much from his approach... until we learned to leave edible lures (and even trinkets) for them to reach us out of curiosity."

"But so far they never attacked us with force!"

"Tho they are quite... creative when expressing disgust."

"Still, they broke a lot of my precious cameras in the process... "

"There-there."

★ (Merfolk are mostly nocturnal, and so with their vision adapted perfectly to navigate spaces with low to null lighting).

"That means too they are highly sensitive to direct sources of light. That's why we needed to divide our lab in half with an area that's always in the dark for them to be comfortable while we study them."

"... we learned that the hard way, and once more I lose a good bunch of my devices--"

"OH, COME ON! Remember it's all for science, dude."

"Yeah, 'right."

★ (BONUS: chibi-kiddo Drift with MULTIPLE TAIL BOWS because I can! You can easily guess he was happier to be pampered.)

That's all for now! I got a bunch more doodles but I want to wait another moment to sit down and dedicate time to prepare/check again them before posting properly.

#myart #transformers au #merfolk au #tf au the light house #sea monsters #tfa lockdown #tfa drift #really SO SORRY to be so out from here #after i finished 1/2 of pending artwork pics i just wanted to get a break from anything #im currently doing well... and with some IG request in hands hahaha #so ill be busy again this weekend but with fun stuff!

[doinadigitaldnazing]

ehehehe, Backrooms!Wally is done!!! i love him sm

#this is basically his design from level 2 or 3 up #in level 1 the gang is just goofin around #its when the hairspray runs out is when wally panics lol #so ig uhhh feel free to ask me anything about the au? #im think im gonna do sallys design next so ill post that tmrw #welcome home #wally darling #the backrooms #welcome home au

[kyuala]

hmm

#having Thoughts that maybe i shouldnt be having #so i have a friend who's handsome hot nice kind sweet funny etc he's like the whole package #yesterday one of our friends told him i didnt have his contact saved on my phone and we (jokingly) made a whole thing out of it #so he took the convo from our gc to our private messages to let me know he had mine saved WITH A SUNFLOWER EMOJI NEXT TO MY NAME #bc ATTENTION according to him i am little flower and im radiant like the sun so = sunflower #like 🥹🥹🥹🥹❓❓❓❓ #n then he told me i didnt have to change my pfp bc i alr looked pretty in it then he called me his love and today #we're all going to a party our friends' cheerleading squad is hosting right and he won't go bc he'll be busy that day #i was moping in the gc bc i wanted the promotional prices (im the only one who doesnt go to their uni n non student prices r higher) and #they weren't available anymore so he messaged me to tell me he'd help me go?? i said how he said he'd pay me the difference i was like 💀 #so i said okay it's only like 10 bucks and he sent me 20 like hello? i know this doesnt sound like much but we're all broke college students #so like? why did he do it #he said if he wasn't able to go he'd like to at least help me go then sent me extra w a cute little message telling me to enjoy the party #and have fun and calling me a sweet pet name now im like . Confused #bottom line is idk if he's flirting and i probably won't bc a) he's already said he doesnt know to make a move on pretty girls and b) here's #the catch: we have a mutual friend who confessed to me like 3? months ago. i turned her down for a number of reasons n i also knew they had #hooked up before so when i said no ig they started hooking up/going out again? and i wasnt fully aware of that until like. last month #and prior to that i hit on him at a party at our friend's house and all he did was stand there kinda speechless 💀 #so i took it as a no n moved on but now idk if its bc like. he was alr w her or he just got shy or if he actually just didnt want it at all #and im just imagining things. and circling back to it: i guess i wont find out bc 1) he won't do anything 2) idk whats the current status of #their relationship (ig over bc they weren't all over e/o at our last function) and 3) even if theyre not together anymore i absolutely would #not try anything behind our friend's back or w/o her knowledge or consent bc they did have something doesnt rly matter what it was and #shes still my friend above all so i gotta be mindful of her feelings for me AND for him and abt us or whatever #so yea thats something thats been on my mind since yesterday #im not like. suffering over it btw its just something on my mind that i wanted to share #i probably wont even do anything about it and then forget abt it next week lol #mari.txt #but also feel free to like comment on this or something i love it when yall r nosey lmfao

[phosphinite]

Woag I haven't posted art in a minute holy shit,, expect not a big thing but still something soon

#guys guys guys #i finally finished my ocs designs tho #after 1-2 ish years ive finally made up my mind #or my like first group ig #the other need more thought but!!!! #i WILL post them in the following months so #keep an eye out #apologies for the bad grammar im eepy atm

[doodlboy]

Local man has an 8 hour shift 2morrow gn every1

#1 of my coworkers asked me 2 cover for him 2morrow bc he knows im barely getting hours rn #which is rlly sweet so instead of only 12 hours this week i get 20 and it rlly helps bc i need to save up for a computer #im gonna open comms eventually but rn im too drained 2 work on anything. even personal projects #i gotta get a computer and somehow save up 4 a car but christmas and me redoing my room & #stuff made my bank acct take a serious hit. which. is fine ig bc I'm not living alone yet #i still gotta set my 401k or whatever its called up. and do the savings/investing thing #work should b paying me 25 an hour man..all my work these last couple months only totalled to maybe 3k #if i was going 2 college that'd be all gone in like..2 weeks bc a bachelor's 4 game design @ snhu is a lil 1k every 8 weeks #with financial aid apparently bc somehow i make 2 much. anyway #its 2am im rambling and i gotta b up at 10 #so gn every1 #ily'all #mwah #xoxo #and such #also im excited 4 valentines day bc all the silly pink lovecore stuff is out and i rlly want to b pink & cute this year idk #elliot rambles

[deus-ex-mona]

it’s that time of week again…

#and M A N today’s getsuyoubi was extra yuuutsu #first i dropped 2 cup things filled with water. cool. a mess was made. nice. #t h e n my workstation shook by itself and one of the cup things toppled down again. only it was filled with (diluted) acid this time!!!! #i wish it fell onto me bc at l e a s t my bad day would’ve ended with just an acid burn instead of getting worse #bc *then* we found out that we were near-out of [insert reagent here] that we need to run blanks for [test thing] yay!!!!! joy!!!!!!!!! #so we had to use a substitute solvent (sadge) #if only it ended there aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #i left work on time -> waited forever for the delayed bus -> decided to get some coffee or sth as a pick me up t h e n… #the coffee place happened to run out of single bags so i decided to put it into my bag instead (mistake)… #…a n d dropped my phone while trying to prop the stupid drink upright so it wouldn’t spill. #unfortunately for me though... some rando picked up my phone some time within the 30s-1 min wherein i realised that my phone was gone… #…and took it home with him instead of handing it to the customer service counter at the nearby train stations. ha. #called my phone a couple of times with the phone from a customer service counter but he~~ didn’t~~ pick up~~~~~~~~~ #and so. long story short. i had to leave the house an extra time to go to this guy’s place to pick up my bb (read: my phone) #bc the dude~~~ can’t~~~~ speak~~~ english~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ so he didn’t understand me when i told him my location~~~~~~~ #and now it’s almost 8.30 in the pm. im waiting for the delayed bus to go home from wherever tf i am now. and i haven’t eaten all day :)))) #(aside from a small cake thing but it’s negligible tbh) #aND HOLY FK I HATE THIS I FLAGGED DOWN THE BUS BUT IT SKIPPED THE STOP HELP ME I JUST WANNA GO HOME #.am i allowed to cry yet. i. just. i just wanna eat my dinner. #…come to think of it my drink ended up spilling in my bag while i was hunting for my phone. so. there’s that to clean up ig. #ughhhhhhhhh i wish that guy had just left my phone where he found it. s o b s #so yeah. if you read this i hope you had a good monday at least… #this truly is my ✨t r a g i c c o m e d y✨

[bl00dw1tch]

Ive been having lots of talks lately with my mom abt politics n the state of the world, Good conversations to be sure, and theyre great bc we both make good points and can compare different experiences and all -- but good God the fact that she's still seems to have. More subconscious faith in the moral integrities of the nebulous concept of a government or corporation More than she has faith in the the moral integrity of the nebulous concept of our societal peers. She talks about it like the Second a group like that is founded, its set of ethics just Miraculously appears out from the ether + just happens to Always be morally sound by default. I cant seem to find a way to word things that with like... idk. Help it Click that those corporations are still run by People and are therefore just as fallible 💀 technically More so but she's convinced capitalism is Never going to go away so she doesn't care about the whole "company's and governments in power, as they exist today, Have A Monetary Incentive To Lie To Us As Much As They Can" thing cuz shes such a damn pessimist and assumes All people have been doing that Forever 💀💀💀 SIGH it's nbd i just needed to put it in words bc its been on my mind on and off

#horse.txt #vent // #not extremely sad just like. huffy. #i love my mom to pieces but. man. we all have our issues ig 😔 it would just be nice if she wouldn't talk to me about how #the world is only every going to get worse within my lifetime #with a shrug and a laugh like 'what can ya do?' like ma. to your own adult child's face? when im already clearly upset with the state of #the world? not when im trying to talk about the kind of changes that other people are proposing we make to our overall society? #she gets so bitchy at me for always complaining but never Doing anything to change the world #but then She complains and agrees with me?? and then ALSO denounces all the Suggestions i tell her abt bc 'oh that would never work lol' #and then when i ask her 'ok well what would You do?' and she go well i think we need to get rid of credit cards and the debt system we have #and im like ok sick!!! keep going!!! #and then she goes OH but we cant get Rid of the debt system Completely bc people still need to borrow from lenders to get houses n cars #and im just. MA #shes been stuck on this metaphor of America being 'a house' #and she says all the ideas of overthrowing the government and replacing it with Anything else would be 'burning it down' #and that if America is already On fire then we should just put it out and try to rebuild it #like 1.) America is not a House it is a Cult. America is a group of people on an area of land. not a fucking House. #2.) THERE ARE PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND THE CULTHOUSE WITH FLAMETHROWERS AND GUNS TO SCARE AWAY AND/OR KILL ANYONE WHO TRIES TO PUT IT OUT. #ITS GOING TO BURN DOWN ANYWAY

[publicuniversalenemy]

you CUNT. what the fuck.

#this is abt my new supervisor at work #i changed teams a couple weeks back cuz i didnt have enough to do anymore on my old team #and my new team supervisor??? seemed nice enough but shes literally just being a dick for no reason #shes just being fucking passive aggressive as shit #i sent her an email last week like 'hey im outta stuff to work on already n i just wanted to see if there was anything else i could do?' #esp bc. i literally transferred over bc of insufficient workload yk? #and she gets back to me being like 'well there is actually lots to do but since you havent been trained yet you cant do it' #and then proceeded to Not tell me who i should talk to abt doing said training #and there was a general vibe of 'its YOUR fault that you dont have enough work to do bc of your limited availability' like... #and TODAY????? today i clocked in n checked my email and she had #1) re-assigned work that i ALREADY FUCKING DID to another person on a flimsy fucking excuse #(she said that all emails to a given client should be from the same person so the client doesnt get confused????) #and 2) she sent me ANOTHER email being like #'umm you should have sent me an updated version of this draft with the issued invoice. why havent you done that already' #'also just fyi sweaty you have to actually track these matters until the email is sent. bc you are stupid and clearly dont know that' #'someone else handled while you were out bc you SUCK' #you wanna know why i didnt follow up??? bc i was OUT on monday (when the invoice was issued) #and it wasnt unplanned or anything. i communicated my planned absence HEAVILY in advance #and yet its still my fault that i like. didnt respond to emails that day?? bitch??? #anyways. rip to me ig <3 #whatever the fuck

[suckishima]

rrrrrrrrr im so frustrated with my writing. its just been weeks of struggle and whyyyy. idk i think i need to rework or rethink what im going for with this one or something, its like i can feel the threads of the themes i wanna do are sooo close to tying together but it just isnt quite reaching yet and so it reads like a stilted bland mess but the more i stare at it the further away it feels aaah

i know it can get there i kNOW it can, the ending and like aha moment is so cleaaaar that i think its almost too solid and thats why my beginning feels so fucked—like i just keep asking myself 'well if hes gonna get there in chapter 5, whats stopping him from getting there now in chapter 2??' i tHOUGHT i had reasons but now that im there i just keep instinctually writing him to have the connecting/realization moment anyway and like. if that's how it is then what even IS the story??? i need a break

#leaving for my parents for christmas tomorrow and while its always a little lowkey stressful there esp during holidays #itll be nice to at least have a different stress than this one for a few days lmao #mandatory writing break coming at a good time ig #anyway a lot of the real problem is that a big reason i wanted to write this fic is bc i wanted to explore tsukkis mental space during #the ball boy arc bc i feel like its an interesting transitional time for him in terms of like being after his big moment but then #he slightly regresses in that post match bathroom scene until yamaguchi sets him straight and like. i love just how furudate is showing #that growth isnt linear and so i wanna explore how tsukki would feel during the camp (which he didnt seem stoked to go to) #and in contrast with hinata who couldnt go but weasels in anyway and like how does tsukki deal with #that intensity of stupidity and passion in regards to how he feels about his own relationship to volleyball now #like i dont think its a straight line from blocking ushijima -> admitting yeah sometimes volleyball is fun #i think theres some wavering in there and oooo i wanna explore it but FUCK its hard?? #why furudate why does tsukki deny extra practice the first night of rookie camp but accepts the second night?? #i know why he accepts night 2 im excited abt that. i'm big time struggling with pinpointing why he says no night 1 in a way #that doesnt come off like 1 hes fully regressing 2 like im having him say no purely bc thats how it is in canon so magical ~plot reasons~ #truthfully furudates reason is probably just 'was funny to have tsukki and kunimi say no in unison' and it isnt out of character for #tsukki to say no either but i also can feeeel it i can feeel the threads of a solid character developmental reason that will fit with #all the OTHER stuff im also trying to do lmao #i just need to piece it together in the right way in the right order and right emphasis #and its so cloooose rn but ugh it just feels wishwashy atm #and so. i struggle lmao #eesh anyway fun tag rant yay #heres to hoping not thinking about this for a week will help #x #....who wants to take bets on whether ill delete this later lol

[welcometoteyvat]

read baizhu’s stories. he wins for most balanced character of all time

#and i mean this in terms of lore vs plot relevance and personality traits #i still haven't pulled him but thats fine (coping) sigh he's so idk enriched as a character #like his stories are obv focused on. well himself but they have a lot of nice lore details like his contract w changsheng and some immortali #immortality mentions ig. idk how to describe it also the elaboration on the r/ship between life and death >>>>>> #can't believe he goes to dinner at wfp sometimes lmao?? him and hu.tao be like 'cant stand this bitch 1 min later me and the bestie' /jjjjjj #just kidding i could never water down a nuanced relationship to a joke meme #when they mentioned how he hu tao and zhongli come together and only truly meet heart to heart when conducting last affairs... good stuff #anyways i like him. please come home now i dont want to have to go to 80 pulls for you #back to the lore relevance its nice that his story quest also elaborated on like how god remains affect people and callback to the chi of yo #yore world quest wayyy back #think im pretty satisfied for how his character personality etc turned out after 2 yrs of waiting like some of the hate was so bad lol just #bc of qiqi's stories but like his stories did a nice balance between selfless but sees all transactions as useful ones and does good but wit #with knowledge that it will also benefit his own reputation and image. selfishly selfless search for immortality clever but caring etc etc #he's got a solid head about him and now i want in depth character analysis fics when there are none on ao3 pensive pensive #ramblings! #baizhu

[jewdog]

gonna be real im like At the end of my rope

#ive been stuck in my g-d forsaken mold-ridden apartment for TWO MONTHS!! #i tried to go back to work and i was somewhat ok for like 1 week #and then my symptoms 1. came back and 2. became worse #like some days i literally cant even get out of bed #i hate my job but holy fuck i hate this more #the only time i dont feel like complete and utter SHIT is when im high #so ive been spending what Tiny cash i have left over after bills on weed #and im running out of both. lol. #like everything hurts i cant eat i cant sleep i can barely keep fluids down #and ig the weed just makes everything numb. so its not better but its at least not Worse #aaaaaaaa im so tired. #drugs tw #idk ask to tag #j barks