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mockerycrow · 8 months

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Talk About Sensitivity In The COD Fandom **Important.**

THIS IS NOT A DEBATE POST. DO NOT BOTHER.

Hey, everyone. After the reveal of Makarov in the trailer (as well as general concern), I think a chat about sensitivity is important. Since the trailer’s release, I have seen a major increase in simping for Makarov posts as well as genuine romanticization of Russia and/or Russian Soldiers. First, I want to talk about the romanticization of Russia and/or Russian soldiers because it’s seriously getting out of hand. I need you guys to realize that Russia is an ultranationalist country and yes, maybe not everyone who lives there believes what their government does, but it’s important to know a big portion of their population does. I have seen multiple posts and edits of this man right here (pictures below).

THIS GUY IS NOT SOMEONE YOU SHOULD LIKE, AND PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU. This is one of the most popular Russian Soldiers amongst the internet due to the way he wears a mask, gear, has an accent, and is buff. He makes videos teaching soldiers how to kill people—innocent people in Ukraine who are just trying to survive. I have seen people straight up ignore when someone tells them what this man has done, so let me put it this way—he does not like you. He wants you dead. He is racist, a homophobe, transphobe, antisemitic, etc. He absolutely hates The West, and he does not like you unless you are a cis, straight, white 100% Russian. Even if you’re a woman, he DOES NOT LIKE YOU. If you American, HE DOES NOT WANT YOU ALIVE.

[This part is not targeted; just a general statement.] Second; there is a serious problem with how you guys address Makarov as a character. There is absolutely no problem enjoying him as a villain because I do too, but you guys have to realize that Makarov is an ultranationalist—which is exactly what Russia is right now, an ultranationalist terrorist state. “But he’s fictional, it doesn’t matter! it’s not that deep!” It actually is that deep. I keep seeing content for Makarov and I can’t force anyone to stop making “fluffy fics”, but I need y’all to have some fucking decency towards victims and people affected by the war. I know people who are affected by the war who feel ill seeing posts painting Makarov in a good light. If you are going to write Makarov, do NOT romanticize him as a character—do NOT paint him a decent or good light, because you can’t. Write him like the bastard he is. And no, this isn’t a “let people write what they wanna write” situation. You can do that, but please be expected to be judged and blocked by me and many others. Makarov is quite literally the characterization of everything that is wrong with Russia, and what HAS been wrong with Russia. Makarov is not a bad boy, a rebel, etc, he’s a fucking terrorist. Please be for real. “But the military in general is bad, so why does it matter specifically around Makarov?” Please see above my previous reasons. Thanks.

The overall message of this point is to be fucking respectful. There are actual people dying and slaughtered for no reason other than ruined pride and a lot of Ukrainian folk seek comfort and distractions in the internet and their fandoms. This ruins it for them and quite frankly, sometimes how Makarov is being written? It’s completely insensitive. Anyway, below are a few links where you can directly support the efforts and the people of Ukraine. Peace and love, and please write with critical thinking.

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astercontrol · 2 months

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If KOSA passes

Or if any other form of censorship (there are many in the works!) ever succeeds at stepping in to impede our ability to communicate online:

We have to make plans.

Now, I dunno who'll even see this post. The few followers I have are TRON fans (who despite the fantasy we live in, tend to have realistically dismal views IRL about Disney and the various corporate uses of software).

And this fandom, on average, is pretty tech-savvy. It's where I've encountered the most people under 20 years old who actually know how to use a desktop or laptop computer.

So, if there's any hope for what I'm thinking about, this is prolly a good place to start with it.

(As with all my posts, I encourage reblogging and containment-breaching.)

(Gifs are clips from TRON 1982, mainly the "deleted love scene," from the DVD extras.)

Anyway.

Current society has moved online communication much too far onto major social media sites for my comfort. Whoever you communicate with over the internet, chances are you do it through a service owned by a big company: Tumblr, Twitter, Discord, Telegram, Facebook, whatever. Even TikTok (shudder).

These sites, despite their many flaws, can provide experiences that are valuable and hard to get otherwise. And once all your friends are on one site, you can't just leave and stay in touch with them all, not unless they all go the same place. It's easy to see why it's hard to abandon any social media platform.

But a backup plan is important. Because, as we've seen over and over, social media sites can't be relied on. They change their policies suddenly, without good reason-- and are inconsistent, even discriminatory, about enforcing those policies.

If they're funded by ads, the advertisers are their main customers, and your posts are the product. Their goal is that the posts most valuable to the advertisers get seen by people the advertisers consider desirable customers.

Helping you communicate-- making your posts get seen by the people you want to communicate with-- is optional to them.

Not to mention that the whole business model of an ad-funded website is generally unsustainable. Many of these sites are operating at a loss, relying on shareholders in a fragile bubble, doomed to fail soon just from lack of real profit.

And the more restrictions --like KOSA-- that the law puts on freedom of online speech, the likelier they are to go down or just become unusable. Every rule a site is required to follow is another strain on its resources, and most of them are already failing badly at even enforcing their own self-imposed rules.

If we want any control over our continued ability to stay in touch with our online friends-- we need to have a backup plan. Maybe it'll be simple at first, a bare-bones system we cobble together-- but it's gotta be something that will work. For a while at least.

There are lots of really good posts about ways to build your own website, using a service like Neocities. I VERY MUCH recommend learning this skill-- learning to make websites of the very simplest, most stable, glitch-resistant type, made of html pages-- which you can upload to a host while you store backups on your home computer. If you value the writing and art that you put online, this is probably the safest you can keep it.

But that's for making your own creative work public.

As for communicating with others-- for example, receiving and answering other people's comments on your work-- that gets more complex. I personally haven't found it worthwhile to troubleshoot the problems that come with having a system that allows visitors to comment publicly on my website.

But what we do still have-- and likely will for a long time-- is email.

Those of us who came of age before social media's current hold... well, we might take this for granted. Email was the first form of online contact we ever encountered… and thus it can seem to us like the most ordinary, the most boring.

But in the current world, it is a rare and precious thing to find a method of communicating that doesn't require everyone in the chat to be signed on with the same corporation.

Email is, as of now, still perfectly legal-- as much as social media companies have been trying to herd the populace away from it. I'm sure there are other ways to share thoughts online that are not bound by laws. But I am not going to go into that here.

Email service is provided by law-abiding companies, which will comply with subpoenas if law enforcement thinks you are emailing about doing illegal things. So, email is not a surefire way to be safe, if laws become dystopian enough to threaten your freedom to talk about your own life and identity.

But it's safer than posting on a public social media page.

For now.

Email is beautifully decentralized. You can get an email address many different ways-- some reliant on a company like Gmail, others hosted on your own domain. And different people, with all different types of email addresses, hosted in all different ways-- can all communicate together by the same method.

Of course any of these people, individually, can lose their email address for some reason or other, and have to get a new one. But as long as they still know the email addresses of their contacts, they can reconnect and recover from that loss. The structure of a group linked by email is reliant not on a single company-- but on the group itself, the friends you can actually count on.

This is why I am trying to promote the idea of forming email lists, as a backup plan to give people a way to stay in touch as mainstream social media sites prove to be unsustainable.

I'm envisioning a simple system of sending emails to several addresses at once, and making each reply visible to everyone in the chat by using "reply all" (or, if desired, editing the To field to reply to only some).

If enough people get used to using email in this way, it could fill most of the needs met by any other group chat or forum …without depending on a centralized social media company that's taking dystopian measures to try and make the business profitable.

So here are some thoughts about how I personally imagine it could work.

(Feel free to comment and bring up any thoughts I haven't addressed, or suggestions to customize how specific groups could set it up. This is meant as more of a starting point for brainstorming than a catch-all solution.)

As I see it, here are the basics of what you and your friends would each need to start out:

An email address. Any kind, hosted anywhere. You should use a dedicated email account just for this group, one that you do NOT use for other communication. Being in this group will result in things you don't want happening to your main email address-- like getting a TON of email, one for every post and reply. Or someone could get your email address that you really don't want any contact with. Use a burner email account (one that you can easily replace) and change it if needed.

The knowledge of how to "REPLY ALL" in your email. This will be necessary in order to add a comment that everyone in the group can see.

The knowledge of how to EDIT THE "TO" FIELD in your email, and remove addresses from the list of all recipients. This will be necessary if you want to CHANGE WHICH PEOPLE in the group can see your comment.

The knowledge of how to FILTER WORDS in your email. This will be necessary if a topic comes up that you don't want to see any mentions of.

The knowledge of how to BLOCK PEOPLE in your email. This will be very important. If someone joins this email group who you do not want to interact with, it will be up to you to BLOCK them so that you do NOT see their messages. (If they are bad enough to evade the block with multiple burner accounts, that's what you have a burner account for. Change it, and share the new one only with those you trust not to give it to them.)

Every person in the group will be effectively a "moderator" of the group, able to remove people from it by cutting their email addresses out of the "To" field. Members will all have equal "moderator" privileges, each able to tailor the group to their own needs.

This means the group may naturally split, over time, into other groups, each one removing some people and adding others. Some will overlap, some won't. This is good! This is, in my opinion, what online interaction SHOULD be like! There should be MANY groups like this!

In this way, we can keep online discussion alive, no matter WHAT happens to any of the social media websites.

If the dystopia got bad enough to shut down email, we could even continue with postal mail and photocopies, like they did in the days of print-zine fanfiction.

If it looks like the dystopia is gonna come for postal mail too, we'll use the connection we have to preserve whatever contacts we can with people who live near us.

Not saying it's GONNA get that bad. But these steps of preparation are good no matter exactly what kind of bad stuff happens.

As long as some organized form of communication still exists, we'll have a place where it's at least a little safer to be your true self…

to plan events and meetups…

and maybe even activities a little too risque to make the final cut of a 1982 Disney movie.

They're trying to censor us. We want a Free System. So we're gonna fight back.

For the Users. Not the corporations.

Peace out, programs. <3

#tron #tronblr #tron 1982 #userworldproblems #diy punk #censorship #kosa #internet literacy #email #solutions

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scribbledghost · 4 months

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Kinda need a little giggle so I was thinking about Simon finding out you’re ticklish or something and using it as an excuse to annoy you/be close to you. Like, this guy will randomly poke or grab you where he KNOWS it’s fucking ticklish and then be like “huh, can’t relate” 😑

And you can’t even retaliate because he’s not ticklish (but I do hc that he gets the not good vibes when people touch his ribs for obvious reasons) and his reflexes are like Spider-Man level good.

You can try swat at his hands, it just turns into a silly battle of trying to Kung Fu his hands away and failing because you ain’t Neo 🥲

Getting real sick of your shit, Riley.

Anyway, he at least keeps it minimal unless you act like a little shit back to him, then all bets are off and man will make you laugh until you have abs istg this man can be the biggest, sassiest brat and pain in the ass.

The whole time he’s just sassing you and acting like he’s not doing shit while you’re struggling not to do that stupid ass silent wheeze laugh.

If you’re in a relationship already, I can see him grabbing your face with one hand and squishing your cheeks before kissing you if you try to avoid his affection or look away with a pout.

He will 100% be sweet after to make you forgive him for being a little shit.

Hm. Probably the only way you can retaliate is to catch him off guard with soft affection. I feel like he gets like really really distracted by that.

Now you have the different problem of a wall of muscle practically trapping you as he lays on top of you wherever you guys happen to be and silently demands more affection.

In short, there’s no winning against this man. Simon gets what Simon wants 💀

He’s like a big dog that followed you home and now he’s your problem (in the best way possible).

Yeah, letting Simon find out you're ticklish is probably the worst thing you could do. Even if you're not officially dating, he's definitely using it against you. Often.

Even better when you try to retaliate by poking him in the same spot and he just. Doesn't flinch. He's definitely smiling underneath that mask as you get all huffy when you can't get a reaction out of him.

And yeah, if he doesn't want you to touch him, you're not gonna touch him. You may not be Neo, but he definitely is. And to top it all off, he'll probably start tickling you while he's managing to block your hands. A damn menace, that's what he is!!!

But you can totally get back at him by giving him soft affection. Even just a quick kiss to his cheek with a soft "Love you, Simon" is enough to kinda blue-screen his brain for a second. But beware the consequences though, because once you start that, he's going to expect it. A Lot. You know how big dogs sometimes just hop on peoples' laps when they're clearly busy, but they don't care and don't stop until they have their human's undivided attention? That's Simon.

"Big dog that followed you home and is now Your Problem" is definitely a good way to describe him.

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost scribbles #ghost x reader

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an-otterly-adorable-being · 7 months

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Asmodeus x Fizzaroli x Publicist!Reader Poly Headcanons

Hehe I made more stuff, because I'm feeling good today! Hope y'all enjoy! Also feel free to start sending requests in again!

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• There's a lot of rumors going around that the Prince of Lust himself has been all cozy with one of the Lust Ring's top performers, so it was only natural that you would end up getting a job to "make things right."

• Afterall, you were one of the best PR people in Lust, why wouldn't you get the job.

• Maybe that's a bit egotistical, but there's a reason for it.

• You can spin stories better than most demons, even covering up a handful of true stories.

• You've worked for Leviathan, a number of Goetias, and even the Morningstars.

• Being hired by Ozzie and Fizz was a lot more work than you expected, though.

• Not only did you find out that they were together romantically, meaning that you'd need to keep the secret as hidden as possible, which was difficult when they decided to be sweet "behind closed doors."

• Dealing with the servants who had found out was a blast.

• (That was sarcasm, btw.)

• On top of that, you also began to develop a whole range of feelings for the both of them as you became a part of their lives.

• Turns out those feelings were somewhat reciprocated.

• After a few months, the three of you came up with the best plan you could.

• A lot of the controversy was directed more at Ozzie, as he was the one big on carnal desire over romance.

• Fizz was not as big of a deal.

• So, you and Fizzarolli began to "date."

• There was definitely some push back, but it was a decent success.

• A couple of public dates, love letters, and pictures taken by paparazzi(you, actually) later, and things were relatively calm.

• It wasn't a permanent solution, though, so you set to work on a separate project...

• Making the Lust Ring cool with Ozzie and Fizz's "non-existent" relationship.

• It did take a while.

• Scratch that, it took way too long.

• Turns out most people in Lust were actually okay with it, it was the press and other rings that were the problem.

• The other rings of Hell would take far too long to deal with, so you set your eyes on the newspapers.

• Lots of papers in Lust are actually sponsored by either Greed or Envy.

• Greed goes where the money goes, so theoretically, if the tabloids and rumors weren't as profitable, they may drop those stories.

• That left you with Envy, which had always been a pain for you.

• While Greed takes the actual newspapers, Envy picks up the cheesy tabloids. It's less about making a profit and more about making people feel terrible, especially when it's something the writers and bosses don't have.

• Luckily, you still had some good will with Leviathan, and so you doubled down on getting the stories stopped.

• You still were working with Asmodeus and Fizz, and even though you weren't in a real relationship, Fizz was getting worried about you overworking yourself.

• They both were, actually.

• You were dead set on this going, though, so they couldn't talk you out of it.

• They took the next best thing, though, forcing you to stay at their very luxurious penthouse.

• You even slept in their bed. If you wanted to, that is.

• You probably would've picked up on the fact they were trying to romance you, but alas, you were too focused.

• It took a long few months of persuasion, company scandals, bribes, and an unhealthy amount of blackmail, you got most of Lust on board, at the very least.

• And when you told them, they were thrilled!

• You organized a little interview with a local news channel (the host owed you, after all) and they finally came out as a couple.

• When you were asked about, you were expecting Ozzie and Fizz to tell the truth about your fake relationship.

• But they said you... could be a part of it for real?

• Yeah, they asked you out on TV, and you accepted.

• Even if the pressure from the show wasn't there, you would've said yes anyways.

• Your final task for them was getting an article in a paper out, talking about how beautiful Fizz and Ozzie's relationship was.

• And now that the job is finally done, you can cuddle up to your new boyfriends without a care in the world.

#headcanon #helluva boss headcanon #helluva boss x reader #fizzaroli x reader #asmodeus x reader #asmodeus x fizzarolli #polyamory

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rfswitchart · 26 days

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Obligatory Huntlow post for ASIAS anniversary

So, I might as well do an anniversary post for Any Sport in a Storm, shouldn't I?

Pop quiz: When did Willow Park fall in love with the Golden Guard? There's a lot of answers you COULD say for this. Maybe she started realizing it when they were in the Human Realm. Maybe she realized when he grabbed her out of the sky or was in the detention pit with him.....

You COULD say that.... but you'd be wrong. She realized it the moment Hunter stood between the Entrails and Darius. "Wait, how do you know that?" you might ask. Simple. Because as a writer of 25 years and someone who has had many crushes and relationships... I know that kind of body language and tone of voice well.

"After all, it will be 52 weeks until 'Caleb's' next day off..." Note the way she SAID that. Sly, coy, definite tongue in cheek. The way she's looking over her shoulder back towards him. I mean COME ON, there's a heart shaped cloud just above her head. Hearts being between the two of them is a big tell for that. It's called THEMING. "Ok, but that's just one moment..." Au contraire, did you think I'd come into this with one example? Remember, I WROTE THIS ALREADY. Now, pop quiz #2: Why did Hunter, who had only ever met Willow ONCE know the difference between the real and fake one?

After all, there is no way he could have known that after just one encounter. You can not determine a person's entire personality based on a sole encounter, no matter how much of an impression it left on you. The answer, again, is simple...

Because they had been talking over Penstagram since ASIAS. Probably took a while due to Hunter not being used to typing and stuff, but I cannot imagine they weren't talking since that night. It also explains why Willow trusted him so easily during the scout invasion of Hexside. Because it couldn't JUST be the breathing technique that swayed her. After all, Hunter had lied and betrayed her and her friends before.

...Again with the hearts. THEMING! Anyway, even if we discredit ASIAS and Labyrinth Runners, or how she totally went to kill Kikimora for trying to hurt 'him' (and stopped when she could have hurt him) and ran after 'him' specifically when 'he' was captured (remember, it was Luz, she just THOUGHT it was Hunter) Fine, let's forget all that then...

Because even if you discount those things, she definitely had a thing for him while they were trapped in the human realm. How do I know? Ok, time to teach you kids about flirting 101.

"I'm gonna borrow that book when you're done with it! ;)" She's not saying "I want to read that" because she's curious about Cosmic Frontier. She is saying "I want to know more about your interests," and saying it with a tone that says "I want to turn this into a date if I can." Even before when she's taking a picture and shutting down Amity's snarking on Hunter's costume, her body language, her words, her tone. They are all suggesting there's more than just 'friendship' there. When it comes to flirting, it is not WHAT you say, it is HOW you say it.

Also, while I'm on the subject. Willow is canonically Pansexual, she is not Ace. Also, she is not Demi/aromantic, she is heavily guarded and has trust issues from years of bullying and nearly everyone looking down on her or using her as emotional support. I have the same problem for the same reasons, and I know for a fact I am not aro. I am guarded because I've been hurt before, same as Willow. Hunter is the only one who ISN'T like that.

He doesn't see her as weak and frail, he doesn't rely on her for stuff, and he wouldn't be caught dead hurting her or looking down on her. That is HIS captain, and he'll be damned if he won't see her as anything short of incredible. And boy did he let her know that, more than once.

Anyways, sorry for rambling. Let's all appreciate these two amazing, powerful witches who really do compliment each other's lives.

#huntlow #the owl house #any sport in a storm #willow toh #willow park #hunter toh #hunter deamonne #hunter noceda #willow x hunter #Never underestimate a flirter

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violet-butterflies · 9 months

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❥︎ yandere! Villain Headcanons

❥︎ Warnings ! ☞︎︎︎ stalking, violence, gore, angst ☞︎︎︎ A/N If you recognized this character then you probably read my work from Quotev. Or I might be wrong and my story might be more generic and/or similar to another author's work than I thought lmao. ( male yandere! oc x gn reader )

❥︎ yandere! Villain who disguises as a hero he killed earlier that week. He purposely caused a huge chaos in town where he can come in and pretend to help! After that, he can always go into the hero's circle and infiltrate the hero's defense systems and take the hero's powers all for himself!

❥︎ yandere! Villain who is betrayed as a child by the very heroes that are supposed to protect him and his small village. Now, equipped with shadow powers that allow him to absorb and transform into the heroes he's killed, he is gonna hunt for the most powerful hero in town!

❥︎ yandere! Villain who meets the hero's overworked sidekick. No matter, you won't be a problem in his master plan at all.

❥︎ yandere! Villain who is frustrated about how the hero barely shows up to most of the chaos he and his minions have caused. For god's sake, he made sure to cause trouble for the whole week so he could pretend to be friends with the hero and gain more intel! Why are you the one showing up to deal with all this?!

❥︎ yandere! Villain who has to change his plans due to how much the hero was not showing up. Maybe he can use you to hunt the hero down! After all you are his sidekick and, he must say, your company is not half bad!

❥︎ yandere! Villain who spends a lot of time with you to gain your trust; hoping that is he gets close enough you'd take him to the hero's hideout! But wait, why are you actually interesting?

❥︎ yandere! Villain who finds out you were betrayed by the heroes too. He can't help but sympathize with you but he just doesn't get how you still want to join forces with them. In fact, it only pushes you to protect the people even more! Not only that, he even found out that the hero barely does anything to help you if the crime is not big enough to take any significant credit! He can't help but feel a big need to protect you from people that are clearly taking advantage of you. This also makes him want to tear the hero down even more for taking advantage of your undeserved kindness.

❥︎ yandere! Villain who finds a lot of things in common with you and eventually hangs out with you for no reason on top of a building somewhere when nothing is happening. You were so sweet and kind! He wants to stop disguising himself because he feels bad fooling you. He's sure you'd fall in love care for who he really is anyways because it's his personality you've been hanging out with this whole time!

❥︎ yandere! Villain who finds out your real identity and where your family lives. Apparently, they live far away from the big city. Perfect! Now he has a way to get you out of the city for his master plan. You won't be there to help the hero. and you will be safe in case anything goes wrong.

❥︎ yandere! Villain who is pretending to feel sympathy for your mom who apparently got harassed by a thug and needed to be hospitalized. Oh you needed to go home for a few weeks to take care of your mom? Don't worry about it, he'll make sure to keep the city safe! tell your mom that he's sorry for beating her up

❥︎ yandere! Villain who summons a murderous demon to massacre the city! Now that you aren't here to help the hero, he's free to let loose and do as much damage he can to draw the hero out and kill him! He doesn't even have to do a thing! All he has to do is to be a vessel for the demon and he can watch under his subconscious!

❥︎ yandere! Villain who is in a panic since instead of the hero, you were the one that showed up. What were you doing here?! You're supposed to be with your mom! No no! You can't handle this yourself! Y/N GET OUT OF HERE YOU'LL DIE! PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE PERSON I LOVE!

❥︎ yandere! Villain who gains back control when it is too late. Lying on the concrete streets is the broken and bruised body of his beloved sidekick. You are covered in bruises and blood. Multiple stab wounds covered your body and you were missing a whole arm. On top of that, crimson blood oozed out of you and you were losing heat quick. He doesn't even bother to hide his true identity since he wants you to see who he actually was at least once.

❥︎ yandere! Villain who is crying while he apologizes to your unconscious body. His whole body is shaking as he tries his hardest to find any solution to fix the problem he caused.

❥︎ "Please y/n wake up! I'm so sorry! Please don't leave me alone! You've barely even met me! The real me! So please open your beautiful eyes and tell me that everything is going to be ok!"

❥︎ yandere! Villain who shoots a sharp glare to the hero and lets out a string of profanities when the hero showed up late, witnessing the villain hug the body of his sidekick; he himself can't help but stare, feeling mortified and remorse.

❥︎ yandere! Villain who takes you to his hideout where he keeps you hooked up on all sorts of machines to keep your body alive until he can fully bring your soul back from the other side.

❥︎ yandere! Villain who swears on vengeance to the hero and promised himself to properly protect you from everything including himself from then on.

❥︎ "I promise y/n. I'll save you and we'll get to know each other properly this time. When the time comes, I'll let you punish me for hurting you and I'll keep you safe from everything including me."

#yandere oc x reader #yandere oc #male yandere #yandere x y/n #yandere x oc #yandere x reader #yandere #tw: yandere #tw: stalking #angst #lovesick #male yandere x reader #yandere villain #villain x hero #yandere headcanons #yandere hcs

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notyourhetloki · 9 months

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boy doll (Ken x male Reader)

Reader: he/him

/Ken x Doll!Reader/

A/N: No one asked for this but I was inspired so here you go! I'm cringe but I'm free!! Requests are open btw

Warnings: NOT spoiler free, slightly possessive Ken

Song Rec/Mentioned: Hozier - Like Real People Do

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Just like Allan or Midge, you were one of a kind. A new doll to grace the streets of Barbieland... how exciting!

You were quickly one of the boys, getting along immediately especially with Allan and... one blondie named Ken.

Your favorite place in town was the beach, so you naturally became friends first with beach Ken (you know... the one whose job was to beach).

At the beginning he was shy, but soon warmed up to you as you seemed to get him. He even asked for advice on some personal problems.

For example, there was something about him bringing patriarchy to Barbieland and brainwashing all Barbies a few months ago... yeah, he still needed to address that. But after some help with his guilt and long apologies to each and every Barbie, he started feeling more like himself.

You liked his personality, he was funny and charming and always excited about his favorite activities. It was truly enjoyable watching him do his thing, and you weren't afraid to let him know that.

"Good job, Ken!" or "Keep going!" made part of your daily vocabulary.

And oh, he noticed that. I mean, his other Ken friends also hyped him up but... you actually felt so genuine, so... different somehow.

For whatever reason, Ken began feeling jealous of you. He hated seeing you compliment any other Kens or Barbies... He just felt possessive and he didn't know why. You were just his friend, after all...

But one day he snapped once he saw you sharing a laugh with Simu!Ken, joking around innocently. He grabbed you by the wrist and took you to his Mojo Dojo Casa House, where he could have you all by himself.

You thought to yourself that maybe he was acting jealous, but you didn't want to create any expectations... You could be one of a kind but you were still a boy doll, not a Barbie...

In reality, you really liked him... and were not sure where to put so many feelings all of a sudden. You wanted to be his boyfriend, but that just felt weird, right? To want to hold his hand and walk around with matching clothes, to call him 'love' and 'baby' and even... kiss him...

NO. You couldn't think that! That was ridiculous, and it would never happen anyway... he didn't want you.

Or so you thought.

At his house, you were sitting side by side listening to music when Ken decided to look at you. Focused on the lyrics, you didn't notice him staring, looking at your perfect hair and beautiful eyes, and... inviting lips.

He felt crazy, completely out of his mind! What was going on with his feelings? A few months ago he was simping for Barbie and now... now he wanted you. He felt seen by you and that made his chest ache (weird).

The reality was, Ken liked Barbie because that was what he was made for... but now that he was free, he liked you because... because he chose you.

In an involuntary motion, he moved his hand to brush yours. The touch was swift but electric, and you both felt it.

You quickly shot a look at him, confusion and hope mixing inside you... but as soon as he touched your hand, he was up and gone.

"Ah, sorry... I-I have to... I have to go." He stumbled out of the room and ran outside, not looking back.

You were left sad and confused, did you do something wrong? Was it just a mistake? You didn't know...

After what seemed like a couple of hours, you decided to go to the beach to ease your mind a bit. The sun was setting and there shouldn't be a lot of people to disturb you.

But Ken was there, playing his guitar. You walked slowly so you didn't startle him, and gently sat by his side. He immediately stopped playing, looking at you with big blue eyes. "Hey..."

"Hey... May I?" you responded, pointing at his guitar. He nodded, handing it over to you.

You started playing a Hozier song, you figured he wouldn't know it, and you hoped he picked up on the message.

"I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask you, neither should you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do."

You looked at his eyes while singing, and immediately felt a shift in the air. His teary eyes shone while he admired your face, your voice... you were singing to him, right? He couldn't possibly be this delusional.

After you were done, you quickly got up to leave but were interrupted by a hold on your hand, pulling you down.

"(Y/N)! Don't go just yet..." You sat down again, face burning with sudden embarrassment. You couldn't believe you had played guitar to him, but you did!

Ken looked at you in awe, not knowing what to say. His head was full of a thousand things he wanted to confess but, nothing could evoke what he felt just right.

He looked down and up at your eyes again a few times before deciding... suddenly he grabbed both sides of your face and kissed you tenderly.

You were shocked at first, but not a few moments later started kissing him back, lips gently meeting each other in tandem.

When you finally parted, Ken breathed a sigh of relief, smiling while taking your hands in his. "No one has ever played the guitar for me before..."

"Well, I'm here for whatever you need me." You grinned back, squeezing his hands gently. "I've always been here..."

"I know, baby boy. I know..." You laughed a little at the way he called you, drawing a big smile from him. "You like that? Baby boy?"

"I'm fine with that, sure..." You continued to grin, holding his hands while admiring his face. He looked so beautiful when he was happy...

"Woo woo! Go get it, boys!" A sudden voice cheered from the sea, Mermaid!Barbie rising her arms in excitement as she looked at you both before disappearing again into the sea.

You and Ken laughed hysterically at the scene... and for the rest of the night, he never released your hand from his.

—

#ken #ken x reader #ken x male reader #ken x you #barbie #ryan gosling #imagine #y/n #self insert #fanfic #fanfiction #headcanon #notyourhetloki

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tacobellabeanburrito · 1 month

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hello this is Anon again. could you please direct me to your favorite Ace Attorney fics? I’ve read pretty much all the popular ones so I’m looking for some more niche ones :) thank you!!

Oh Anon… You sweet, sweet summer child. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.

I was already planning on doing an Ace Attorney fic rec list because I wanted to share some of my favorite ones (A lot of the ones I read aren’t on many of the regular fic rec lists, so I wanted to share some ones that I feel like are really good and maybe don’t get enough recognition) So I am very glad you asked Anon, gives me reason to actually continue on my fic rec list! I love sharing my favorite fics!

Most of them are Narumitsu, couple are Krisnix, and some are both. Also a couple stragglers out there without a ship as well. There will also be some smut ones (Don’t judge please lmao) (Also, just saying. There’s no good Krisnix in this fic list, all of it is seen as toxic, I ship them as Toxic Tragic Yuri and they’re not good as a real relationship. Just a disclaimer)

Some will have big blurbs about them from me explaining their plot a little and what I like about them. For others, I’ll just post them because I don’t really feel like talking about them in detail. But I promise they’re all good!

I’m not going to link them this time, cause I dunno how to do that without making a huge mess cause there’s so many and I don’t want my post to be wonky. And I’m also not going to categorize them because I’m eepy and didn’t get enough sleep last night, so you can figure it out yourself Anon lmao.

(But if you can’t find any, please tell me I’ll help)

So, without further ado… Here are my fic recs!

Fics:

Perfect by Sideblog: My absolute, all time favorite AA fic! Ever! Literally ever! I don't really wanna talk about the plot because that basically spoils the whole thing and I don't wanna do that to you, you just gotta read it! It is beautifully written and has an amazing concept that I would never think of in a million years! Seriously, so criminally underrated to the point of I have no idea how it doesn’t have like 15,000 hits on A3O. Even though I didn't explain much of the plot, just know that it is incredible and absolutely worth a read. I come back to it sometimes to read it because IT IS THAT GOOD. When I first saw this fic I didn’t really know what to expect because there weren’t any warnings or practically anything. Very mysterious fic. So glad I read it, though. When you get done reading this Anon, you gotta tell me what you think.

El Capo A Fine by tellezara: There’s something incredible about specialized Au fics in which you can tell that despite whatever the Au fic is about, the writer has an absolute love for the subject. This one is about musical instruments and Ace Attorney characters being part of an orchestra, and you can tell that this person has done orchestra before (Or at least thoroughly researched it and has a love for it) because they put in so many facts and interesting tidbits about instruments and the orchestra world that I never knew about and I loved learning about all of it. Fics like these are very special in my opinion because those people write it out of pure love for whatever the subject is and whatever the fandom is. Anyway, fic good. (Makes me wanna write an Ace Attorney choir fic, that’s my speciality)

The Miraculous Disappearance of Phoenix Wright by JJsADragon: Was on a road trip when I first read this and literally could NOT. STOP. READING. HAD ME GRIPPED. EDGE OF CARSEAT. The whole plot is basically a parody of "It's A Wonderful Life" where Phoenix ends up in a universe where he was never born. Which, as you can guess, causes a myriad of problems for the legal world and world in general. I had no idea where the plot was going, didn't know how it was going to end, and WAS TERRIFIED. But. I kept reading anyway. IT IS THAT GOOD.

Miles Edgeworth: The Ace Attorney by Charybdia: I SPENT AGES. AGES. Looking for a good, finished Ace Attorney roleswap fic. And when I found this one I STRUCK GOLD. SWEAR IT. Amazing, love this one. Still come back to it. IT’S GOT OBNOXIOUS THEATRE KID PHOENIX WRIGHT, HOW CAN I NOT LOVE IT? It also is accompanied by art Also, also, We get good friend Larry Butz. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?

Carpe Diem (make your lives extraordinary by Elysya): A high school Au featuring theater kid Phoenix, debate kid Miles and third wheel Larry. I loved this one. It’s also just super interesting. The developing relationship between Phoenix and Miles is one that I really like as they’re both messy teenagers and really gotta work out their flaws if they wanna be together.

Begone Dull Care by VivaRockSteady: A good Au fic surrounding patient Miles and nurse Phoenix. Goes into good detail about recovering from suicide and depression, and recovering from other mental health issues. Also check out some of the other fics by this writer. One is an Au of the Truman Show and the other is a Roman/Greek Au that I found incredibly interesting.

if you leave the light on by AngstinSpace: A very good fic. I was reading this one in my study hall and my teacher was playing calming piano music that was kinda sad/melancholic and I started tearing up in class because I was feeling all the emotions. Girl this is good, go read it.

I used to think people were good but now I just think they’re people by thebirdsandtheboxes: SEVERELY UNDERRATED. Super good and goes very in-depth into Phoenix’s disbarment period and how he and his friends and family react. Also has some good Asexual!Miles moments.

This man is not your boyfriend by its_ok_inside: AN AMAZING FIC CENTERING AROUND PHOENIX HAVING AMNESIA AND MILES HELPING HIM DEAL WITH IT. Hilarious. Super funny. I love it. Also is accompanied by some artwork. FUCK YEAH THIS FIC. A classic.

Surviving You by pantswarrior: I’m pretty sure this is an older fic that got moved, and it kinda shows that in its writing (Yk those fics that you can tell were written in the 2000s/early 2010s based on their vocabulary and thoughts on gay relationships? Kinda like that) but it’s good. Very good.

A False Start by theacegrace: A phenomenal fic centered around Bratworth!Miles meeting Feenie!Phoenix and Miles praying that Phoenix doesn’t get accused of murder when he sees Phoenix with Dahlia. Loved this one so much and came back to it a couple times.

Chicago Noel by canonlacrush: A classic. There used to be an Au a while back that everyone was obsessed with and it was a bakery/mafia Au. I wish there were more fics that catered to that Au but they’re hard to find. Anyway, this one is great.

Maybe In Time You’ll Want To Be Mine by YourAverageBystander: A time loop fic that I absolutely adore. Y’all really gotta key in on these Ace Attorney time loop/time travel fics, there’s a couple in here. THEY ARE A TREASURE.

Turnabout Sole by CollaboralDamage: An awesome bodyswap fic. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND BODY SWAP FIC IN THIS FANDOM?! And this one is good. Very good. Liked it a lot.

Shared Work Space by nerdyskeleton: I think the fic’s summary works best here “It was the best of times, it was the worst of time when Miles Edgeworth discovers he likes to be called Daddy”.

Shear Luck by TopazEstrella: One that I didn’t really know what to think of when I first kept seeing it on my search for Narumitsu fics, but I’m very glad I read it. It’s different, but I like it. Has some Krisnix in it.

The Illusion Of Control by Ekat: Amazing. Loved it. Takes place in an alternate universe where Miles died and Gregory didn’t. Has a lot of found family dynamics featuring Mr. Edgeworth, Phoenix and Ray.

Tight Lesh by Ensiy: I come back to this one often. One of the only fics that has good Kristoph and Miles interaction. They’re both catty bitches to each other. Has some Krisnix in it.

Out of Order by canolacrush: A super cute fic where Miles gets a haircut and Phoenix gets a crush. I re-read it a lot because it’s super cute and really fluffy.

With The Phases Of The Moon by Puddor: One I come back to often for a couple of moments. Really love it. One of the good Werewolf!Phoenix and Vampire!Miles fics.

You Ever Been In Love? by hechima: Loved this one a lot. We love the Wright gang trying to matchmake. A classic in terms of AA fics and for good reason.

Observe and Record by MAVEfm: An introspective Miles fic detailing him and his personal journal. I really like this one. Has some Krisnix in it.

Pressing Pursuit ~ Cornered by viviaciousbarkbeast: Love this one. I think this was one of the first AA fics I’ve read. Has some Krisnix in it.

That Man by Sunshine_And_Starlight: A really good fic. It has one of my favorite tropes and I come back to it for certain moments that I really like and wanna read again.

A Badge Of Honor by sunsmasher: Really loved this one. I also come back to re-read it cause it’s just so funny and awkward and hilarious.

Awkward Business by hechima: I’m a sucker for this trope! You’ll see what I mean when you read it. It’s all gold! I still come back to this one.

wait (they don’t love you like I love you) by Samioli: Super good fic detailing Miles finding out about all Phoenix’s past relationships.

parallelogram by zombiekittiez: Such a slay fic, has a strange premise at first BUT we get Shakespeare references so that’s a big plus.

All There Is by sunsmasher: Loved it. A really good look into Krisnix as a relationship and dealing with sexual trauma.

London, 2021 by syailendra: Has a lot of good moments. I come back to this one a lot. Has some Krisnix in it.

Sketched Memories by gen: LOVED THIS ONE. OBSESSED. You just gotta read it. It’s a recent one but VERY GOOD.

Archaeology by sunsmasher: Everyone eats pizza, and truamadumps. Just a typical day at the Wright Anything Agency.

Dancer In The Dark by klaviersimp: Ahhh, I love this fic a lot. It holds a special place in my heart. Little suggestive but I like it.

dig my nails into the wound by gavinnersworldtour: A very good Krisnix fic. Delicious. I love this one.

Temptation by crayoncompanion: An interesting one that I can’t help but really love.

Hot, Sticky, Sweet by mutxnts: A really good fic. I CRAVE a continuation but it’s a one-shot.

Sin. Eater by potatomin: A very good Demon!Miles and Angel!Phoenix fic. Makes you want more.

romance is not dead (if you keep it just yours) by Samioli: This one was just sweet. I liked it a lot.

just desserts by riskphee: YES. YES. Love this one. I still come back to read it.

Thrown Through A Loop by savitaraandsigh: Another time loop fic that I absolutely adore.

From The Top by lazynina: Another Time loop fic that I absolutely adore.

Bespoke by Demus: We love suit kinks.

That Goddamned Idiot That Is Phoenix Wright by fyrebyrd_fta

Kleptomania by Ekat

Working Hazard by lilacSkye

caught in the act by Samioli

I’ll Cover You by nerd4fandoms

my rapt heart by griffonage

Bad dream, good time by notlikelybutpossible

Series:

7 years under the bridge: A series surrounding Phoenix’s fall and his relationships with Miles and Kristoph respectively.

7 year ache: Another series surrounding Phoenix’s fall and his relationships with Miles and Kristoph respectively.

And that’s most of them! There’s definately more, but those are the ones that really made an impression on me and that I think about a lot (And also the ones I could find easily without having to check every one of my bookmarks) You can find more that way if you want though! By looking through my bookmarks on A3O that is. That’s what I do sometimes with other A3O members and it’s worked out well (Look for the Buddy Daddies fics in my bookmarks, that’s where most of them start but definitely check my bookmarks, there’s a couple good ones I can’t find at the moment that I know are in there). But I also recommend doing your own research too, it doesn’t seem like fun but when you end up finding one of the hidden gem fics it’s totally worth it.

Here’s some advice, buddy, try to start at the beginning, like go all the way down to the last folder on A3O, but maybe first search for an AA tag that you know will have a smaller fic pool and go from there. And when you find an author you like, try and check out if they have some other AA fics. Most of the writers of the fics I have recommended have more Ace Attorney fics in their arsenal that I’ve read and enjoyed and just didn’t wanna put on here, so check them out!

Btw Anon, if you want the more… Darker fics that I like (There aren’t many, but there’s a couple) DM me because I don’t wanna give those out publicly since it just makes me sorta uncomfy and I don’t want others to be uncomfy. This also goes for smuttier fics that I don’t feel like sharing at the moment.

Sorry if this was a lot Anon, I just love fanfiction, it’s definately one of the more interesting art forms out there, and think a lot of the ones I read deserve to be shared!

(Oh, also, I write fics too Anon. Check out my AA fic if you wanna. Sorry to self-promote but I promise it’s cute!!)

Anyway, that’s all! Goodnight everybody!

#ace attorney #Narumitsu #mitsunaru #Phoenix wright #miles Edgeworth #ace attorney fic rec #fic rec #kristoph gavin #Krisnix #Wrightworth #worthwright #edgewright #kirinaru #kriswright #ace attorney fic #Phoenix wright ace attorney #ace attorney fics

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jaxangel · 6 months

Text

THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS THEORY!

Why caine does not want people venturing out into the void! And the history of the circus

What we know:

The void is a mysterious place, a vast expanse surrounding the circus with no known "purpose" all we know is that its considered dangerous

In the pilot, we see Caine talk about the void briefly. Telling Pomni:

"Not even I know whats out there"

Kind of warning Pomni to not attempt to venture into the void. When she tries to ask about the exit door he completely shuts her down, not even wanting to talk about it. Which might be for a darker reason than we might think

Eventually coming across the exit doors again, she actually ignores his warning and goes through the exit doors anyways, eventually finding her way into the void.

Caine obviously doesnt like it, and scrambles to get Pomni back to the tent where he can keep an eye on her, but this may also be a way to actually protect her along with the others

Later he admits to lying about the exit doors, that they do exist but claiming that he didn't know what to put on the other end and never finished it. Which makes the doors lead to the void instead. They all kind of accept this as fact and go about their day while Caine neve brings it back up. However this was also a lie, to protect them.

Other evidence:

During the exit doors sequence, we see in one of the rooms a Logo with the initials:

C&A

(Filter put over the screenshot to brighten the logo and make it more clear)

I theorize that the initials stand for two names

Caine & Abel

We already see how there are some references to the Bible in the pilot, one example being the feat at the end symbolizing the last supper. So it would make sense that caine was a refrence to the bible Cain and the other initial would most likely be Abel

Now there could be multiple things that could of happened, some similar to the Bible story and some different. I'm mainly gonna talk about one that strays from the original Bible story.

The Actual Theory:

I theorize that Caine and Abel both ran the digital circus. Whether they were both trapped there or were never apart of the real world to begin with, they were both in charge of everything.

The amazing digital circus was a fun website/ vr game for people of all ages to have "adventures" but then eventually leave. Caine and Abel both made NPC's and stuff for the players to do.

Eventually the players started to get "trapped" and were unable to leave. This became a big problem for Caine and Abel, they both now had the responsibility of helping this players try to "escape" and to help keep them mostly sane. However eventually they would abstract, and there is nothing they could do to help them.

They technically would have the ability to fix their bodies, but as Caine said

"The one thing I don't have control over is your mind"

They would not be able to fix their minds, anyone who got abstracted had become compeltey insane and there was nothing they could do but keep them locked away as to not hurt the others

Eventually all of this lead Abel to venture out to the void in search of an actual "exit" or some information that could help with the trapped people/ abstracted people's situation. Caine may or may of not agreed with this decision but Abel left anyways. Neither of them really knew what was out there, which really scared Caine. He didn't know what Abel would be dealing with out there. And Abel never came back

Caine slowly lost a bit of sanity himself waiting for Abel to come back with a solution to their problem. He would be happy if Abel came back at all. But after many years he never did.

Caine found other ways to distract himself and the others from their problems. Creating adventures. Giving them lots of activities, making digital food and allowing them their own personal space to process their thoughts and have the digital sensation of "sleeping"

For Caine himself, he created Bubble and possibly other npcs to distract himself. He would hang out and talk to Bubble like he used to with Abel. He made the moon fall in love with him as a fake scenario to help his sanity or possibly keep himself from abstracting

And thats what Caine has done for years. At this point anyone who even knew about Abel Has already abstracted. Everyone currently still going barley knows anything about the void and the exit. (And yes I know that they said that Kinger has been there the longest, however I think they meant that he's been there the longest out of everyone who has not abstracted yet. Kinger had not been around long anough to know Abel. There have been people before Kinger that are long gone by now)

With every new person, Caine fears that they will try to go into the void and never come back. He doesn't want that, he wants to protect them from the same fate that Abel had. So they are forever stuck on a tiny island in the middle of a vast void, with no way of escaping, fixing the abstracted minds, or even preventing people from getting trapped in the first place.

Closing thoughts:

Thank you, whoever you are, for reading all of this! I don't usually share my theories however I wanted to share this one because of how much I've thought about it! I've not seen many people talk about this, many bits and pieces based on the evidence but not a full theory!

There is not much evidence for this theory however, given how we only have one episode, so most of this is just speculation and headcanons. However I think its interesting!

Some small bits of this theory might of been talked about by others, so let me know if you see other people talking about similar things! I did briefly talk to @therearenonutsforsomeendermen about this so some ideas may of come from them

I'd also like to hear what you guys think about this so reblog or comment your thoughts, wether you agree or disagree!

I tried to keep it organized and coherent however I am typing this in the middle of the night so some parts may be confusing. Let me know if your confused about anything and I will edit this post to clarify what I mean!

Anyways please tell me your thoughts!

The amazing Digital Circus is created by @gooseworx

None of this post is meant to try to be canon, this is all this fun theories made by a fan!

#digital circus #glitch productions #gooseworx #the amazing digital circus #the amazing digital circus caine #tdac caine #caine digital circus #caine tadc #tadc caine #tadc theory #the amazing digital circus theory #digital circus theory

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rifualk · 7 days

Text

On Mental Health and Cosmic Embarrassment

I don't usually make a post in the aftermath of one of my spirals, so I bet most people see some of the vent posts I make, and assume I am just off my meds or something. I am on them but I might not be on the right ones. This is a thing that happens to me sometimes. I have psychotic episodes, where it feels like the things I am saying are completely inconsequential and I genuinely believe no one cares what I'm saying or, worst of all, that it cannot scare anyone that cares about me. I get too tired to fight my intrusive thoughts and I just ride them out. Most of my thoughts are not ones I enjoy having. I have trouble parsing what is real sometimes. For most of my life, out of a kind of primal shame and terror of being perceived or judged, I beat myself into believing that I just roleplayed as a crazy person online because I wanted attention for it, but it finally clicked for me at some point in my 20s that I was, and am, genuinely very mentally ill, maybe in ways that make me not-entirely-functional in the culture I inhabit. Also, I want attention for it.

Life is very embarrassing. I think embarrassment, shame, et al. is probably the most cosmic feeling of them all, because being embarrassed, for me anyway, leads invariably to my OCD extrapolating the embarrassment, no matter how slight, into its natural extreme, becoming a full-blown existential meltdown and often manifesting in some self-punishment. Or a lot of self-punishment. Instead of saying "everyone wants attention, it's not a big deal", my brain will overwhelm me with shame and make me vow to be quieter about the whole thing next time. Good emotions are meant to be expressed, I tell myself, and Bad ones are not. I think it's very unhealthy for people to not express their negative emotions openly. Or maybe I'm psychotic. I mean, I am psychotic. But maybe right now, too.

Ultimately this feeling peaks with the realization - again - that I'm a eukaryote. I live on a spinning ball of stardust in the aftermath of what had to have been a colossal disaster and waste of time. But it happened, and so now there's a bunch of stuff floating around, and some of that stuff started moving for reasons I don't personally understand and the implications of which scare me. And the moving stuff that moved faster got to stay moving longer. And so a chain reaction escalated, and eventually there were very large moving things whose survival adaptations had evolved in such a way that they could conceptualize and communicate complex information about the world around them, but they were also able to conceptualize themselves. This gave them a lot of grief. They wanted very badly for there to be an answer to why they were able to do that. Surely it served some purpose. But we never found one, and here we are.

I don't have a god to turn to. I have tried - earnestly, sincerely, and desperately - to reach out; I never hear back. I don't want to be an atheist, it's heartbreaking. Honestly. I want someone to be up there, or out there. Knowing there isn't, is just... cruel. It's horrifying and it wrenches my heart. Look at us, look how much we're suffering, where the fuck did you go, what the fuck is your problem? Help us!

In spite of everything, I am still not sure what I believe.

Don't you ever just cry about the world? Like, broadly? Don't you ever just have to take off your glasses and wipe the brine from them because you caught a glimpse of what people, as a species, could be capable of? And I get angry at myself, too. What am I doing about it? What even can I do? I can barely hold down a job. I am barely an adult. I am often mired in this feeling. It permeates everything. I'm living in a tragedy - not just my own, but millions and millions of others'. This is a nightmare. It's a nightmare and I'm an embarrassment, and my brain doesn't work right, and I'm living in a terrible reality that is shared by everyone, and yet somehow equally isolating and alienating to all of us. Does it have to be that way? Aren't we all lonely?

When I am spiraling I really do think that the end is near, either for me, or for everyone, or for both. To be fair, my confidence about humanity's future is not promising even when I am at my most sane. But in this kind of emotional place, the stakes are too high for me to care that what I say might come off as upsetting. It is completely overwhelming. I see my life up to this point, and I see how long I've been alive and realize I'm very Not Normal and I look and sound different than everyone around me and I'm an embarrassment. It's embarrassing to exist. It's embarrassing to be transgender, too. It's really, really embarrassing to be mentally ill and fully aware of it all the time. It's shameful. I am ashamed of how my family likely sees me. How my peers see me. I'm just a walking disaster. I feel like this bars me from leading a happy life or finding some success in art - It doesn't seem like you're allowed to be quite this much of a problem and "get away with it", does it? There's a bit of social sanitizing at work there - you are only allowed to be a certain level of messed up and if you pass that you're sort of a pariah. I don't think I've ever done anything pariah-worthy, but I can only see things from the inside of my own head, and there's a lot of unwanted noise in here.

I painted this when I lived in Oregon. I don't know how. I could not do art like this again if asked.

I'm not in a good place, generally-speaking. It could be worse - and it was for a long time- but it's still just not great. There are two reasons for this. One is that I'm very homesick. The other is that I found - and subsequently lost - my twin. But I only want to talk about the first reason right now - I grew attached to the Pacific Northwest in a way I've never really grown attached to any other place. It had a quality that exists nowhere else. It resonated with me immediately and I knew right away from the moment I first set foot there that it was my home. I grew to be a part of it, and it's the only place I felt I somewhat-belonged... I have been away from Oregon for 2 whole years as of next month. I feel like I'm a fish out of water, or a sapling in the wrong soil. I can't and won't say that the place I live currently is a bad place, but it isn't my place, and the disconnect has been maybe the nastiest shock to my system in all my life. Finding the place I loved, and living for over 12 years there, only to be wrenched away from it so suddenly, left a shock on me that I think has yet to surface in my work. I'm excited to see what form it takes when it does. Location is very important to my mental wellbeing, more than I think it is for most people. Maybe I am a plant. It's also very important for my art. I've struggled to find inspiration since I moved here. That said, I've had the very precious opportunity to just work on myself - on my transition, as well as my personal issues. I think I'm getting better, gradually, in some way. I have a job now, at least. So it's not entirely bad. I even grew sunflowers last summer.

Around this time I got banned from twitter, but I don't feel any shame about the reason why because I believe in my message. But it forced me to be a lot less active online for a long time. It also made me lose a lot of support. That's been something I've grappled with a lot these last 2 years - that people really don't like people like me, for reasons that are mostly not our fault. I will likely always be something of an outsider for being who I am now, but I was one before anyway. It's still worth it. I like the person I'm becoming. I feel like only recently did I allow myself to feel this self-love. I was too embarrassed of myself. It took a lot of patience and a lot of de-tangling my self-worth from a lot of trauma. So it's likely I would have needed to go through all of this regardless of where I was.

I still slip up. It's an uphill climb and it's slippery. I like to be transparent about these things. It's a relief - feeling like I need to hide things is my default state and it's lovely to just let go of stuff so I don't need to keep it in my head all the time. I have a lot of hangups still. I get discouraged about my art still - I fear I'll never build myself back up to where I was before, and that there will never be a time when I can really pay the bills with it. Or worse-still, that it just isn't special enough to last. That it isn't remarkable enough to survive after I'm gone. But I think a lot of people who make stuff feel that way, and it's not our fault. There's some relief in that. I'm happy to have even a few people that care about me and my work, and something I've been trying really hard to remember in recent years is to take time to appreciate them. I'm not actually alone. I have a lot of people that love me. I'm not an outsider. I'm very lucky to know the people I do, and I hold a deep regret for all the connections I've let go of because I was just too sick. Deep down I really do wish I could love everyone. I have no ill will towards anyone, not really.

I still don't know what I'm doing. I am just doing my best, I think. I'm really, really tired. I don't want to get any older. I'm scared of the passage of time. My memory is so bad, it feels like time is taken from me without me realizing. I am 33 years old. I do not have 33 years worth of memories. There are huge leaps. Gaps where suddenly I was just older and in more pain. Being adrift in time like this is horrific - one day I will blink, and the present moment may be completely forgotten. It can't go this fast. It just can't. Something has to be wrong. I don't want to die, I don't want to miss out on so much life or be unable to remember it. I don't want to find myself on my deathbed someday way sooner than I think and be unable to string together any kind of coherent thread from my memories. What is it all for? It has to mean something right? Why am I doing anything?

I think I finally understand that love is why. I don't know much more than that. Love is real, and it's the answer. If you find love, don't take it for granted, ever. No love is perfect. Take it with all its flaws. You don't have time to bargain with it. Love like you'll never love again, love like it's your last day alive, love like it will keep you alive forever, because it will. Every year closer to death you get, you will feel the regret of all the times you did not follow your heart. Life is short. I'm finding this out entirely too late. It goes by so fast, and what you have at the end are people and memories of being loved. To be loved is to live forever. It's the thing that connects us to everything else. It's the source and the answer to everything. It makes more sense the older I get. It used to sound cheesy, but I believe it with more sincerity every day.

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I kept my last promise to you - there are no new scars on my arms, or bruises on my head or face.

#mental health posting #is there a better tag for that

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factual-fantasy · 1 month

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Good evening Factual! (Or whenever you're reading this) I sincerely hope your day is going well! And in regards to my last Ask, thanks for the info and clarification regarding Larry and the General! I especially liked your idea for a more reasonable "exploding shell"!

And staying on the topic of the Koopa Troop- I have a bit of a strange question today- what would you estimate is the rough population of the entire Koopa Kingdom? And how does it compare to the Mushroom Kingdoms population? I'd assume it would be significantly larger- as the Mushroom kingdom consists purely of toads, while Bowsers Domain encompasses dozens of different species- or at least it does in the games.

And so that begs the question- do any other species other than koopas make up your AUs Koopa Kingdom? Obviously we've seen troopas and you've mentioned goombas a few times- but are there significant populations of shy guys? Spikes? Monty Moles? Boos? Piranha plants perhaps? And if there are- any idea how they all came to serve Bowser? Was it out of fear, or respect? And are any of the various "vassels" present in the command structure, like King Bob-bomb, king Womp, or everyone's favorite- Petey Piranha!?

No problem! And well, I'm doing much better today than I was yesterday at least <XD Aside from that I caught a cold. So I'm gonna have fun dealing with that for the next week- 🤣💔

As for the species that populate the koopa kingdom, its actually not what you'd think-

My Shy Guys have no alliance with Bowser. They are a species of.. strange woodland people..? That live in what is currently called "shy guy forest". No one really knows how many of them there are, but everyone considers them to be malicious creatures that you shouldn't associate with.

I'd consider Spikey's to be regarded as animals or pets, as opposed to citizens of the kingdom. Whos to say how many of them there are..

I'd also imagine Monty Moles to be regarded as animals rather than "people". And since Bowser's land is so unhealthy, I imagine that they don't live in Bowser's territory anyways..

The Boos have no alliance with Bowser whatsoever. In fact they reside closer to Peach's land then they do Bowsers. King Boo and his Boos are regarded as a small-ish community of.. faries..? Sprites..? What ever the word may be-- that live out in these big dark woods. They don't serve Bowser and don't interact with him in any way really.. other than taking some of his troops that may stumble into the forest--

Piranha plants are also held in the same value as "animals", rather than people. Though I did consider that they grow mostly in Bowsers land.. Though they probably have to be nursed in healthy soil until they are big enough to eat meat. In which.. Bowser's soil is unhealthy. Hmm.. there might not be a whole lot of them anymore-

King bom-bomb likely doesn't really.. exist..?? Yet?? The bomb-ombs are just living bombs created by Kamek. And King bomb-omb would just be a GIANT bomb-omb. But considering they want Peach's land due to how fertile it is.. they don't have any good reason to create such a weapon..

The Thwomp's are tricky.. There was supposed to be this ancient temple that was made of these HUGE stones with faces carved into them. Kamek brought the stones to life, separating them and making them do his bidding.. I considered that "King Thwomp" was a huge cluster of wall that the bricks couldn't be separated from. Making just.. one giant thwomp. What this means is, there is a limited number of thwomp's. Compared to the rest of the kingdom? Surly they'd only have a handful of thwomp's.. (You can see drawings I made of them here! :0 )

As for Petey, he's not in Bowser's kingdom anymore! :0 He grew so huge he was able to eat his way through the castle and escape. He was so big and powerful, and so fast- that no one could stop him. He scurried off in to the woodlands beyond Bowsers territory.. never to be seen by Bowser again.

That just leaves the Koopa troops and all their variants really.. including dry bones.. when it comes to their population? Its hard to say. I don't have any numbers in mind- but I can compare them to the other kingdoms a bit--

Lets use a 10 scale thing, lets say 10/10 is a completely overflowing kingdom. Way too may people to house and it just not even funny-

Peach's kingdom would be a 6/10. Her land is very healthy and their culture is big on family and generations and what not. So that number is slowly rising..

Daisy's kingdom might be closer to a 4-5/10. Less people but still, their land is healthy and that number is slowly rising.

Then there's Bowsers kingdom. I was thinking that his population is closer to 8/10. This is becuase the Koopa people have been around for many years and have had time to build up that number. I also considered that the Koopa people are a very tough species. So even though their land is unhealthy and doesn't bear much food.. they press on..

You might think that Bowser has Peach beat. I mean, its 6 (weakling toads) vs 8 (tough koopas). But actually Daisy and Peach's kingdom are in alliance. So if Bowser picks on Peach, Daisy will back her up.

So then it becomes an 8 vs 10-11. (tough koopas vs weak toads and sturdy Piantas). And now with the hero's of legend on their side? Beings capable of beating death? Its just a big lose for Bowser..

Wow. Okay I just stopped typing and realized that I kind'a flew off the rails there- I better cut it off here-- none the less I hope the answers to your questions are in that ramble somewhere or you at least enjoyed the read! <XDD

#my response #CRAZY RAMBLE MY BAD-#super mario bros #sometime I gotta talk about the twisted history of dry bones #and how their presence effects the mental stability of living koopas...😈

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