#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maggot-monger · 11 months

Text

lucifer gender symbolism essay part 11: villain gender in supernatural, effects

masterpost

i feel like this is the time to start talking about what the effect is of different villain genders, since this is the last section and ostensibly the conclusion. like, bela’s role with regard to the colt could easily have been a male character’s, but they decided to not to do that; azazel could easily have been portrayed by a woman but that’s not the choice they made (there’s a topic for a different meta, right?? jeez), etc — what does it mean for a villain on supernatural to be gendered one way or another? and then, from that, what is the effect of interpreting lucifer as a female-signified character vs a male-signified character?

tbh, i’m not sure it’s my place to say a lot about that. i feel like the effects vary a LOT depending on the viewer, and i’ve mostly been trying to focus on stuff i can point to directly in canon. but…there are some trends to how it seems like the show wants us to look at male vs female villains, so…i’ll try.

one major thing is that female villains are also often potential love interests (or sexual partners) for sam and/or dean in a way that male villains usually aren’t. specifically, sam and/or dean often are attracted to female villains in ways they aren’t to male villains. male villains like alastair might sexualize interactions with the main characters somewhat, but dean acts repulsed in a way he doesn’t act repulsed with bela (who he doesn’t like, but who he is also kind of into — and who sam is very explicitly attracted to her, given that good pussy eating dream lol). mostly the differences in the mains' sexual attraction to villains of different genders is just a product of spn being the kind of show that it is, but it also maybe has the effect of making the female villains seem more appealing, and the dangers they pose more insidious. there are things that are attractive to the main characters about some of the male villains for sure (e.g. gordon giving dean interactions he doesn’t get with sam; alastair being the allure of what dean sees as the most reprehensible desires he has to hurt others), but it’s less direct: sam and dean know they think the female villains are hot, and they sometimes wrestle with internal conflict about that.

so: canon lucifer as a mostly male-faced villain registers as someone sam would be directly repulsed by despite some possible underlying appeals. lucifer as a female-faced villain would more as someone sam would be openly attracted to, even while being reviled by her. i REALLY would have loved to see a scene where lucifer appears as jess while sam KNOWS she’s lucifer, and the fact that they never showed that seems to suggest that they wanted to keep whatever appeal lucifer had for sam indirect/hidden/subtle/minimized. i expect that, had lucifer appeared as a woman more often to sam, there would have been more direct struggling built into the plot about things he might have found compelling about her even while being disturbed by himself and condemning her (i kind of wonder if they couldn’t do that because s4 put a lot of people off sam, so they wanted to bury aspect of his thoughts about lucifer to keep him more likable…idk just speculative)

male villains also often represent things the main characters dislike about themselves: alastair represents dean’s past of being torture and torturing; azazel represents sam’s monstrousness; gordon represents excessive all-or-nothing morality when it comes to hunting, etc — sam and dean tend to be openly reviled by these characters. female villains, on the other hand, often seem relatable and appealing at first: sam wanted to be friends with meg; he had a crush on bela, ruby was a straight up love interest for a whole season, etc. they also are arguably often positioned more as parallels to the mains than the male characters, who are more representative of abstract concepts: meg is also one of azazel’s “children” and she also positions herself (falsely, but optically) as also being someone trying to find a new life at a bus station; bela is also dealing with a demon deal hanging over her head like dean is and has a lot in common with the winchesters’ lifestyle; ruby (again, falsely) positions herself as having the same goals as sam to work alongside them, has various parallels to castiel and dean, and maybe gives sam some hope that demon-ness doesn’t have to mean someone is totally evil. basically, male villains often seem paradoxically more untouchable and abstract than female villains do whole also seeming more like personifications of the protagonists' fears about themselves (and tbh they're often father-coded...); female villains feel more grounded and real, almost like alternate versions of the main characters (more like sisters) (this is sooo not perfect a perfect comparison; there are various examples that don’t work like this at all, but still).

this is SUPER interesting in its own right imo, that spn does some of its most accessible character parallels with cross-gender character pairs instead of same-gender ones, but ok. to apply this to lucifer: i get why they went with man-faced lucifer to keep him more abstract; he’s in a leadership role in a way that makes him not very relatable to the main characters, similar to azazel and alastair. lucifer represents some things sam doesn’t like about himself i guess (e.g. willing to go hard in an inadvisable direction because of being convinced they’re right, mainly? idk this is shaky to me, a lot of these fall apart when i poke at them...i guess just at a basic level though sam doesn’t like being the devil’s true vessel, so close enough). so that all works. HOWEVER lucifer is also very explicitly supposed to be a parallel to sam, not a mentor to him, so in that sense i feel like it would have worked to have lucifer appear woman-faced more of the time. i think if that had happened, she probably would have felt more accessible, and more like a real parallel than an abstract piece of sam's fears

despite this, gender does also separate characters sometimes, especially when it’s played up. a lot of the more relatable female villains look like they belong in the world of hunting: they wear functional clothes they can move in, they carry weapons, they’re usually wearing a full face of makeup and have their hair perfectly styled but there’s a kind of girl-next-door vibe to a lot of that due to the plaid and jeans and boots etc. high fem female villains though…that’s a different situation. the women in white look Different from the rest of the characters. they aren’t practical; they look like they're on a pedestal, like they shouldn't be a violence risk — but that’s deceptive, and so it’s scary in a more alien way. they look like they shouldn’t be able to do they harm they can do, or at least like violence shouldn't be the thing they're doing while dressed in an all-white dress; they look like they should be beauty queens or mothers or girlfriends or brides or whatever...and they might be, but they’re also very might here to slaughter.

putting lucifer in a man’s body, in hunter chic clothing, makes him seem more similar at face value to other characters on the show — more similar to sam, dean, and john, even, than most of the other office-worker-looking angels do at that point. he’s just some guy, a hunter, who also happens to be the devil. it’s appropriate, since that’s functionally what he is: he’s a hunter, he's just classifying humans as one of the many types of monster he needs to purge from the earth. a lucifer who wore a woman’s face, and especially an impractically dressed woman, would feel more alien, like her purpose here isn’t pragmatic but ritualistic, like her violence is a point of contrast to something else core about her (e.g. her victimhood, her beauty, her nature as a sacrifice, etc). she might feel more ethereal, more like the one-time most beautiful angel, more untouchable, and more abnormal. she would be more of an obvious symbol, more distant from other characters, more artificial, more overtly a victim as well as a villain, and maybe more dangerous.

given the victimhood types of female vs male villains, the effects of those are different. female villains often seem more vicious, i suspect because of this: they’re reacting to things that happened to them, and the perceived difference in agency between “victim” and “monster” is often greater than the difference between “the loved one of a victim” and “monster” (i have psych papers to back this point up if anyone is curious), so it’s more startling to have someone like constance welch do something horrible, even disregarding how vicious she actually is about it. female-signified lucifer’s trauma would probably be more front-and-center than male-signified lucifer’s trauma was, she might address it directly more often, and she might be more reactive to reminders of it.

again, there are more effects interpreting lucifer as symbolically fem could have, but i’m looking at this more as a jumping off point. so, those are my thoughts.

thank you for reading this part, and any other parts of this essay you might also have read. i hope you found it interesting and/or entertaining!

part 10: villain gender in supernatural, comparisons masterpost

#spn thots #lucifer #meta

7 notes · View notes

roonyxx · 2 years

Text

Firefly Chapter 8: Twenty- eight years old

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : future Dean x reader ?

Summary : 40 years in Hell, but he didn’t spend all this time all alone, he had her.

Prepare to know what happened during those years Dean never talks about. To immerge yourself in Hell, only lit by the mysterious kid growing here…

And to see some of your favorite villains again : Crowley, Lilith, Lucifer… And also Sammy and Jack…

Serie Warnings : Hurt!Dean, Hell (torture, even if we tried to not give it graphic descriptions, creepy demons, blood, violence), swearing, angst, future fluff and smut.

This story is in both Reader’s POV and Dean’s POV

Wordcount : 6155

Note : This is our second collaboration. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each, like we did for Same.

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

This story will be around 10 chapters and we intend to edit it every Saturday if nothing delays it.

Firefly Masterlist

Jay’s Masterlist

Roonyxx Masterlist

———————————————————————————————————–

8. Twenty-eight years old

Dean’s Pov

There was a second, just an instant lost in this immensity of dark, when no one moved or talked. All the eyes were on her huddled form in the corner of this lost cage, only visible with the trembling flame of the torch.

Dean felt his brother’s hand try to reach for him, he probably had a hundred questions, but all Dean had was a thousand more. Without waiting another second, ignoring his brother, he threw himself at the lock of the cage.

“It’s magically closed” the demon called Merihem said.

“Open it !” the hunter almost yelled at him, his hoarse voice dying in the void around them.

“Dean” Sam tried in vain while Jack started doing something with the lock that the hunter wasn’t watching.

His eyes were on her… Desperately searching on her outline some kind of answers and the meaning of all of this.

She wasn’t an illusion. She never had been.

So the Sky Room was real, and her hands in his bloody hair, dying in her arms, running with her, crying with her, watching her fight, hearing her scream… His mind was on fire, trying to reach all the memories of her, memories he had buried so deep and never talked about to anyone, like you simply don’t talk about an old daydream.

His heart was aching but he barely noticed it in the din of his soul. He was going through his trauma all over again, wandering in the maze of endless tortures in his mind, to find every sparkle of the little lights she was.

He had said yes for nothing ?

He had given up all hope when she was trying to save him,

And maybe she was locked because of him…

He had said yes because he thought she wasn’t real.

The door at last opened in a horrible creaking that made her gasp and bang on the metal bars, ripping Dean out of his falling apart state of mind. When the lock broke, the chains also fell off her body, revealing deep wounds. Jack frowned, looking at her and muttered something about her being terrified, but Dean was already bending to enter the way too little cage.

“Dean” Sam tried again, obviously a little worried to see his brother just open and enter the cage.

But he wasn’t listening.

“Firefly…” he said carefully, kneeling in front of her in the tiny cage and offering his hand.

She looked down, taking a little step back against the bars.

“It’s me” he continued gently, now giving his two hands in peace. “I know you must be completely lost but this is real… We heard you call.”

“D-dean ?” she asked in a shaking voice, barely daring to look up.

“Yes” he nodded.

“Alastair…” she mumbled, looking around in fear.

“He’s dead” Dean answered. “Sam killed him. You remember Sam ?”

“Sammy…” she whispered, calming.

“Dean ! Who is she ?” Sam groaned, but once again, Dean didn’t answer.

He looked behind him for a second, meeting his brother questioning eyes. How could he explain to Sam who she was, not even being sure himself. The only thing he knew for sure was that he trusted her…

He felt a hesitant brush on his hand, and turned to find her looking at him with eyes almost white from not having seen the light for so long, she was thin as death and her face was scratched. Was she blind ? She really looked like a ghost.

“You changed…” she said weakly, her scrawny fingers reaching for his cheek.

She wasn’t blind…

“You changed more” he gave her a sad smile. “Come here.”

Her light seemed gone, Hell had finally put her fire out… But when the corner of her chapped lips turned into the kindest small smile he had ever seen, he knew that maybe he could revive his firefly.

He slowly opened his arms to let her lean on him. Moving her right away would certainly be too violent for her, maybe painful even ; she probably hadn’t seen anyone in years, let alone touched anyone.

Y/n hesitantly bent on Dean, wrapping her thin and weak arms around his neck.

“Lucifer…” she whined against his collarbone.

“I killed him.”

“I-impossible” she whispered after a tearless sob.

“We did” he stated. “You’re safe.”

While he was very carefully slipping his own arm under her knees to carry her bridal style, he got very surprised to meet jeans and not some fancy dress, and by her feathery weight.

How could she be alive ?

Dean managed to get out of the tight cage and to get his back straight again.

All eyes fell on her, her weak neck barely holding her head, resting on his chest with an absolute trust.

“No…” the demon behind them took a step back. “I thought she was a legend ! And… She’s supposed to be dead anyway !”

He tried to leave but Rowena made him stop with a royal sign of her hand.

“What do you mean ‘a legend’ ?” Sam turned to the demon.

Dean looked down at her with a frown. What did he miss ? Now he was certain she was real, a million questions were turning in his head. How could a child grow in Hell ? Why did demons keep her ? She… She had fought Alastair once, did she have powers ? …

“You can’t let them free her, my Queen” he turned to Rowena.

“She seems pretty inoffensive” she chuckled, putting her torch closer to the pathetic girl in the hunter’s arms.

“But, if she’s indeed Crowl-” the demon stopped, but he had said too much.

“Crowley’s what ?” Dean groaned looking up, holding her protectively. “Answer now or I swear…”

What could be Crowley’s part in all of this ? They had met him later, and had learned that he always had cards up his sleeves, but was he the one that had captured her and kept her locked outside the world ? It wasn’t impossible, he had done it later with Amara after all…

“Answer” Rowena insisted when the demon stayed silent.

She whined a little more, and Dean felt her nuzzle a little in his chest, like she was trying to hide.

“Daughter” the old looking demon said.

Dean looked down at her, her eyes were closed, eyebrows frown like she was expecting Dean to let her fall.

“Oh what now ?” Sam groaned. “He had a daughter ?”

“I have a granddaughter !” Rowena went into raptures, her accent suddenly stronger, as she raised her hands to reach the girl.

But Dean took a protective step back, making the Queen frown.

“We’re taking her out of here” he stated coldly.

“Dean…” Sam called his brother calmly. “Listen… I can see you want to protect her, a-and I clearly am missing something here. But… Demons can’t have baby demons” he swallowed, trying to speak cautiously. “That means he made her with a human… Dean, she’s a cambion, and…”

“We’re leaving Hell with her” Dean cut his brother.

__________________

Walking freely out of Hell with her in his arms made all the memories come back. Dean’s heart was racing, missing beats from time to time, sweat rolling down his back.

He would need to start thinking again, he was really aware of that. But for now all he could do was feel, the smell of Hell and her little weight in his trembling arms… And his heart breaking again and again on sharp memories he had worked so hard to bury.

So he walked, just straight in front of him to that exit he just could cross now like it was nothing, a border like any other.

He was ignoring Rowena’s negotiations to keep her granddaughter with her, her questions to Merihem, and the demon’s stammers for only answers. He was ignoring Jack’s questions to Sam and Sam’s really heavy silence…

Until there were outside.

She took a deep breath and tears started rolling on her cheeks, but he couldn’t give her time to adjust, she wouldn’t be safe until she was the furthest away possible from any of Hell’s doors.

They walked to the Impala parked less than a mile away. And he stayed silent once again.

“A-are you hurt ?” she finally talked, making him look down at her.

“I’m not” he said softly. “Alastair is dead, I was saved.”

“I heard that…” she smiled weakly, her nearly white eyes obviously hurting from the light “Did you watch the stars ?” .

“I did” his answer almost made him break. “I did.

When they reached the car, Dean hesitated, and finally threw the keys to Sam. He couldn’t let her go just now, she needed him to hold her together… Or maybe was he the one that needed it the most.

“Care to explain, Dean ?” Sam of course asked again after a few miles, taking advantage of them being stuck in the car together.

“I met her in Hell, Sam… You can’t…”

You can’t understand.

“Did you know about Crowley ?” Sam continued, his tone between worried and annoyed.

“No.”

“But you trust her ?” he asked immediately.

“Yes.”

“Do you even know her ? What are her powers ?” Dean just shook his head no, making Sam sigh. “Her name ?”

“I call her Firefly” he shrugged. “Sam, she’s an ally. She always has been when…”

He stopped, his eyes getting lost in front of him.

“When you were… tortured ?” his brother tried, careful but firm, clearly determined to get answers.

“She was… a child and then” he looked down at her, missing a thousand answers himself. “Then she grew up. She was trying to help me, to free me. She… She even fought Alastair.”

Her eyes were on him but she was silent, so weak he actually feared for her life, even if she had survived until now.

“Why did you never say a word about her” Sam sighed, looking at him in the rear-view mirror.

“Because I thought she wasn’t real” he simply admitted, seeing her ashen pupils grow in surprise. “You know pretty well how Hell messes with your head… She gave me hope” he said lower. “So they made me think…”

He stopped, unable to talk more without risking to break the dam in him.

But Sam swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bumping in his throat, and Dean knew that even if his brother would never know exactly what she meant for him… He just understood what losing her had meant : Losing hope. Saying Yes.

The rest of the drive was quiet, Jack barely dared to open his mouth, occasionally turning to catch a glimpse of the mysterious girl now unconscious in the hunter’s arms. A few times Dean caught his brother’s eyes in the rear-view mirror, but they both said nothing for now ; the words would come later.

A few miles from the bunker, she opened her eyes again and smiled. Her eyes were back to the color they always had been.

“You’re coming back” Dean smiled, pushing a strand of her hair to the side of her face.

He cupped her face, his thumb brushing over her skin, still not quite believing she was real.

“We’re almost there” he told her as he searched her face, she was no longer the little girl who wandered the depths of Hell with a headless teddy bear, she grew up, she became so beautiful…

Sam pulled the car in the garage, he looked at his brother who held the girl close to his chest and got out of the car.

“Dean, we need to talk” Sam called out to his brother.

Dean kept walking with her in his arms, he could feel she was still weak, and she was so light, like the darkness had emptied her. .

“Later Sam, just… let me put her to rest first” he turned away from his brother and walked towards his room, putting her on the bed.

Her eyes opened and looked at him. He could see she was troubled, her tired eyes were worried, anxious even.

“What is it, Firefly ?” he asked as he put a stray hair behind her ear, a kind reassuring smile on his face.

“You must hate me” she whispered, her voice so weak it broke his heart.

He watched her for a second. There was a time when he tried to hate her, because maybe hating that memory would make it easier to forget. He had built theories on maybe her being not only an illusion, but an accomplice… But none of it made sense. And while ripping souls apart, he just gave up on hating her, and started hating the whole world instead. He could never hate her, even when he thought she was a trick, she was his light in the darkest of days. She was his reason he could stay strong for all those years.

“Why do you think that ?” he frowned, slightly shaking his head in confusion.

“I’m a m-monster” she said, her eyes filling with tears, her lower lip trembling.

Dean could feel his heart ache that she could even think that of herself. She had been a mystery for so long, and now a few things started to make sense. A child in Hell… She was a child of Hell. And yet, nothing had ever managed to soil her soul, and he could only start to imagine what she had been through.

“Hey, look at me” he waited for her Y/E/C eyes to connect with his.“You’re not a monster” he said.

“I’m sorry I never told you, I-I was scared you wouldn’t want to see me anymore if you knew who my father was, if you knew I was one of them…”

He cupped her face, tilted his head to the side.

“You’re not one of them, far from it. We don’t choose our parents, it’s not your fault” his thumb stroked over her smooth skin.

He knew he had to give her time but he needed a few answers. Was she really a cambion ?

“Your mom is she…” he didn’t dare finish his sentence.

“I don’t know her…” she just looked passed him. “I only know she was human. Crowley probably killed her” she told him.

“I’m sorry” he said, his eyes never leaving her face. “How long were you in Hell ?” he asked carefully.

She looked up at the ceiling, he could see her swallowing hard.

“What year is it now ?” she asked, searching his face. Her eyes widened a little at his answer. “Around 10 years then, L-lucifer, he took me and he wanted to use me, but he was never there. One day he went away and never came back. I was forgotten then because only he knew where I was, hidden in the darkest place of Hell” her pupils moved like she was seeing horrible things in her head. “It was so lonely Dean…” she turned her head towards him, reaching for his hand.

He took her scrawny fingers in his, squeezing it tight.

“You’re not alone anymore, I’m here. You’re safe now” he said low.

She nodded at him with a smile before a yawn left her mouth, her eyes looked heavy as she was blinking slowly. She was exhausted, probably starving too, her survival was a miracle.

“Rest, I’m not going anywhere. I let a glass of water on the nightstand. I’ll come check on you from time to time. Yell if you need me, Firefly” he pulled the cover over her to tuck her in.

“Yeah” she sighed as she snuggled closer into his pillow a small smile formed on her face.

He hesitated a second before leaned down to kiss her forehead softly, his hand leaving her face as he watched her fall asleep. Once he was sure she was in a deep slumber, he got up from the side of the bed and closed the door of his room behind him.

He knew Sam wanted answers, he just wasn’t sure he could give them. He entered the library and found his brother there with Jack.

“She’s asleep” Dean said as he sat down with a sigh, ready for the storm of questions that was headed his way.

“She’s getting better” Jack said to break the silence.

Both brothers frowned at the young nephilim.

“I can feel her getting stronger” the boy added simply.

“How strong ?” Sam asked him right away.

Dean could hear the worry in his voice, and he understood why, but Sam didn’t know her like he did.

“Very strong” Dean answered before Jack.

His eyes met Sam’s, telling him without words to ask his questions and his brother let out a deep breath, stroking his thighs twice.

“You’ve seen her use them ?” he asked first.

“Yeah” Dean nodded. “She was strong when I knew her, when she was still a child, I can’t begin to imagine her powers now.”

Dean got up to take a drink, he filled the glass and sat back down. He needed it, having her back here was something he silently wished for ; but with her, the memories of Hell also were coming back. He had spent so much time burying them he was afraid of what would come back.

“Are you sure she is still… her ?” Sam asked carefully. “Th-the girl you knew ?”

Dean’s head turned towards his brother.

“What do you mean ?” he snapped.

“It’s been a long time since you were in Hell, Dean. People change.” Sam stated.

“She didn’t” he stated, putting his glass on the table after a sip. “She grew up in Hell, she had a shitty childhood, and despite all of that, she was risking everything to get my ass out of Hell !” his hand squeezed the glass hard and he looked down at the wood for a second before his eyes looked up and pierced his brother. “So don’t you dare talk about her like that. She never abandoned me, so I won’t leave her either. She is staying with me, end of discussion ” Dean pointed at his brother as his voice boomed in the bunker.

Dean finished his glass of whiskey and could see that Sam was taken aback by his outburst. But he wasn’t going to let her go now that he had just found her. And what were the other plans anyway ? Put her back there ? Abandon her ? Kill her ?

“Okay, sorry Dean, but you must understand my concern, she is Crowley’s daughter !” Sam countered Dean. “Crowley ! Out of all the demons.”

“She didn’t choose to be born like that Sam, she didn’t choose for him to be her father ! She has no one Sam, we can’t put her on the street, who knows what would happen if she ended up in the wrong hands.”

Dean knew Heaven would destroy her on sight… like how Cas wanted to kill Jesse. He wouldn’t let that happen. Sam turned his head to Jack.

“How does she feel Jack ? Do you know anything more about her ? How could you hear her ?” he said.

“I think” the boy looked between the brothers. “Thanks to my powers, or… because of Lucifer I always had a strong connection to Hell. She was by far the strongest power there. I just… felt her, her despair, her pain… her powers, they feel familiar to mine but still different” he said.

“Maybe it’s because you’re opposites” Sam thought out loud. “Both your mom’s were human. You’re half angel, she is half demon, opposites attract.”

“Yeah that makes sense” Dean said. “You can feel her, can you also, like read her thoughts ?” Dean asked Jack.

“No, I just feel a connection, like my powers respond to hers. It’s… kinda confusing” he frowned.

“Maybe we should ask Cas” Sam opted.

“No !” Dean held back a yell “Remember this boy, Jesse ? Cas wasn’t exactly his number one fan. Let’s make sure she is up and running first, yeah ? Then we can just ask her” Dean said.

“Ask me what ?” Everyone turned to see her standing in the doorframe.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat, she already looked so much better. Her skin wasn’t so grey, her eyes clear and bright, the shadow under it fading, and Dean could swear she even filled her clothes a little more.

She wasn’t a kid anymore, she was a woman. A woman he missed more than he dared to admit. He pushed down those feelings for now, they had more urgent matters at the moment.

Dean got up to walk to her, in case she needed help to walk. And she put her hand on his arm to get balance while he led her to the first chair at the table.

“This place is amazing” she said weakly, looking around.

The hunter smiled tenderly. Here she was : that never ending radiant enthusiasm for anything that wasn’t Hell.

Reader’s Pov

Dean helped her sit carefully and asked Jack to bring a glass of water.

She didn’t know where to look, overwhelmed by absolutely everything. The immensity of this place was vertiginous compared to the little drawer she had been hidden in for an eternity. It was bright and had a thousand details and smells : leather and wood, food, men, paper and old books, some cleaning products and…

“Are you hungry ?” Dean interrupted her thoughts.

As an answer, she just smiled and nodded slowly.

“Can you bring that sandwich I made this morning ? And pie, and everything you find actually” he added before Jack left.

…And there was Dean. His face was telling so many stories. His body proud and his back straight. Age wasn’t what had changed him the most, it was freedom. She felt her heart grow and push all the tears of her life behind her eyes. He was free and ate and ran, he was on Earth all this time, listening to music and sleeping in a bed, no demon tearing him apart, no chain, no screams…

“Are you okay ?” the tall, long-haired men in front of her asked, probably seeing her tears fill her eyes.

“I am just… overwhelmed” she answered politely. “You are Sam ?” she dared shyly.

“Yes” he answered, visibly a little surprised to see that many emotions cross her eyes.

“Dean loves you so much” she stated, making him chuckle awkwardly a little. “He talked about you every day.”

His body language changed slightly, like he relaxed for some reason. Dean sat next to her with an amused smile.

“Hey, some of what I told you back then are secrets” he searched her face with an amused look.

She lost herself in his smile completely. Was he always this beautiful ? Life suited him so perfectly. In fact he was the first thing that came to her mind about life.

His hair was a little darker, his jaw a little sharper, his eyes a little more severe… He had grown noble like a king, impressive like a wolf. Nothing seemed to be able to take him down now.

Sam cleared his throat to call her attention again. And the boy with the warm halo and the golden energy came back with food, and put it before her.

“Who are you ?” she frowned. “Your light is more powerful than the sun.”

“I’m Jack” he simply answered with an innocent look. “It’s because I’m half angel.”

“Angel…” she looked down. “You’re beautiful” she would have given anything to grow up in Heaven instead of Hell. “Are you the angel that freed Dean ?”

“No” he shook his head. “That was Castiel.”

“Firefly” Dean put a hand on her back. “Eat something and we will catch up with everything… You need strength.”

She looked around at all the faces staring at her and swallowed hard.

Taking a shy bite of bread, she sighed of relief and pleasure. She could feel every cell of her body bloom again, and every vein waking up.

Her will to live had never died. Locked in this infinite emptiness, she had forced herself to a semi coma, barely breathing, hibernating in case one day she could live again, in case there was a chance in a trillion she could feel the rain again, bite in bread…

She felt her body become lighter, and her breathing deeper, her body wasn’t crushed by weakness anymore. She took another bite, and pushed the food in the middle of the table.

“I won’t eat all your food with you watching. Are any of you hungry ?” she smiled kindly. “This is delicious.”

“It’s really just a sandwich” Dean smiled, letting her back go to grab some pie.

“It’s a delicious sandwich !” she turned her head to look at him take a fork and eat a piece of pie.

Her smile grew wide at one of her dreams coming true. Dean was alive, eating, and one of those pies he always loved so much because his mom used to bake ones for him when he was a little boy.

And the vision was beautiful, it was enough to wipe the horrors for a moment.

“Pickles” she stated. “Ham, mustard, tomatoes…” her smile grew. “Cheese.”

Dean stopped eating and put his fork down, turning to her to search her face.

“You’ve eaten a sandwich before ?”

Sam frowned, looking between them, obviously confused.

“I had eaten one when I was on Earth” she admitted.

“You were on Earth ?” his eyes were trembling now.

“I’m sorry… I was… A-around one year before Lucifer found me” tears fell off her eyes onto the table, her heart felt too big and full of tears for her chest.

She had let him down. And that is what she would never manage to forgive herself.

“Why would you be sorry, Firefly ?” his hand carefully came up to stroke her cheek.

“Because you were supposed to be with me and…”

Dean hushed her, now wrapping his arms around her, making her shiver.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to guide you” he said putting his lips on her head.

She could see his brother watching them with emotions in his beautiful eyes, but she couldn’t read them.

“Eat and rest” Dean said low. “For now it’s all that matters. I’ll prepare a room for you. You’re staying here. With me.”

“Thank you, Dean” she said as she finished her sandwich.

He got up and held out his hand for her, which she gladly took. She reached to take her plate but Sam was quick to interrupt.

“It’s okay, I’ll clean up” he said with a small smile.

She liked his eyes, they looked so kind and patient. As she stared in their golden color, she thought that they seemed to be, indeed, the kind of eyes someone could sell their soul to. She remembered the love in Dean’s voice when he talked about his little brother, the thousand times Sam had guided his choices. She was very impressed to meet him in person : Her hero’s hero.

“Thank you, Sammy” she said to him, she saw a little frown on his face before she realized her mistake.

“Oh sorry, I mean Sam” Dean had always talked about ‘Sammy’ to her, it would take some use to not call him like that.

She had the feeling she needed to earn to call him Sammy.

Dean pulled her out of the room and into the hall, after a few turns she could see many doors left and right with numbers on, and wondered how huge this place could be. But it didn’t frighten her, she was used to mazes.

“These are the rooms, I’m here in room eleven and Sam’s is around the corner in room twenty-one, and Jack he’s across Sam in twenty-two. All the rest are empty and at your service if you want” he said with a smile, his voice sounded a little excited.

She stepped away from him to room eleven, putting her hand on the door. He finally had his own room, she remembered when he talked about the stinky motels with the weird stains, how he never had his own place.

She looked at him, tears shining in her eyes, she was so happy he found a home.

“You have your own room” a smile broke through at the end of her sentence.

“Yeah, do you wanna see it ?” he stepped towards her, his hand on the doorknob.

“If I’m allowed, yes please” she stepped a little to the side to give him room to open the door.

He smiled and pushed it open, stepping inside with her in tow. Her eyes flickered to every detail inside, the guns on the wall, pictures of him and Sam on his desk, his record player… The room smelled like him and she felt grounded, this was his home, no more gore, no more blood and chains, no more pain…

Dean frowned.

“Hey” he stepped closer, cupping her face and wiping the tear that had escaped her eye “what’s wrong, Firefly ?”

“Y-you finally have a home, you deserved this years ago, Dean. I-I’m so sorry ” she said with a shaky breath.

“Sorry ? Sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for” he put his other hand on her shoulder and tried to meet her eyes, but she was looking at her feet.

“I p-promised you… I left you. I was so close and then L-Lilith she…” she started, her breathing fast.

“Lilith…” he breathed out, thinking. “You… You were there with Lilith… Of course…”

She looked up for a second, seeing a mix of fear and anger hidden deep in his dark green eyes.

“Y-yes, she locked me away and then Crowley took me to Earth, he had said you were waiting there for me. I wouldn’t have left if I knew you were still in Hell ” a single tear rolled down her cheek, he gave her a small smile and wiped the tears away with his thumb.

“It’s not your fault, I got out, I… “ he sighed, his hand never leaving her face. “They told me you weren’t real, I believed them, you seemed too good to be true” her hand came to cover his.

She looked up at him, her eyes searching his face.

“They used me to t-torture you ?” she had never wanted that, all these years he thought she was a trick, something Hell used to break his hope…

He looked down at his feet, she could see the waterline of his eye thicken as a tear threatened to form.

“Yeah… You know how Hell works…” he said, his voice breaking a little.

She tilted his head up, his eyes… filled with guilt and sorrow. She could almost see the horror’s that were no doubt flashing in front of him now.

“You broke…” she breathed out, she recognized the face, so many souls in Hell held the same expression.

He clenched his jaw and nodded.

“I-I’m sorry, I couldn’t take it anymore” tears rolled down his cheeks and she was quick to catch them with her fingers, cupping his face.

“W-when ?” she asked him, she knew it was her fault.

If only she had fought harder, looked further into a way to free him.

“Not long after I saw you for the last time… when they told me day and day again that you were just another cruel trick, giving me hope to then rip it away. I believed them… you were too good to be true, s-so I let go…” his eyes held defeat, he didn’t look like the strong warrior from before, but like the young man she often found curled up in the corner of his cell.

“I’m real. Dean” she said, her voice wavering with emotion.

Her hands slipped from his face to wrap around his middle. His arms wrapped around her in return, squeezing her tight, like he was afraid she would disappear.

“You were saved ? Lucifer told me that you were free” she angled her head back to look at him.

“Castiel saved me, about 10 years after I said yes.” a dark chuckle left his mouth. “If I had known it was only gonna be 10 years, I would have never said yes…I’m just… not strong enough I guess.”

“Dean” she called his attention and waited for his eyes to meet hers.

“You were the strongest soul I had seen in Hell, saying yes doesn’t mean you’re weak. Look at you now, I don’t know anyone who could walk away from Hell without going mad” she put her hand on his chest. “Your soul is brighter than I have ever felt, stronger. It’s like diamond Dean. You are strong enough” she gave him a reassuring smile.

He kissed her forehead and let her go, wiping his hands on the side of his thighs in what she thought was a little nervous gesture.

“You did nothing wrong, it wasn’t your fault, so don’t be sorry, sweetheart” he told her. “Now, you still have to pick a room” he went to his door and held it open for her.

She stepped out in the hall, her heart heavy in her chest.

Any room she could pick wouldn’t be as perfect as this one. It wouldn’t be his room and he wouldn’t be there to hold her like he did this time she took him on her bed in Hell…

She shook her head slightly, she was out of Hell, out of her cage, on Earth, and not even in the street. Dean was giving her a part of his home and a bed. But still, she looked back at his bedroom with a little sigh stuck in her throat before moving in the corridor.

She walked over to the door next to his, number nine. “Can I take this one ?” she asked tentatively without even opening the door to see the inside of it.

He smiled warmly and pushed his sleeve up a little before he walked to the door, opening it up for her.

“If you want it, it’s yours.”

She stepped inside, looking around, she could see it was very similar to his, simple and welcoming.

The bed was neatly made, a thin layer of dust covered most of the wooden furniture which made her wonder how long it had been untouched. It looked warm and inviting. It was nothing like her room in Hell, no chains, no princess dresses… And it was way bigger than her little room on Lincoln street, no flaky painting and there was even a sink just for her.

This was her room now and no one could decide what to do with it but her. A wide smile graced her face.

“I love it” she said sincerely.

He started explaining to her that she could find more blankets in the closet and that they would take her out to buy some more clothes and anything else she could need.

She could see him looking her over and, even if nothing in his eyes was judging, she started to feel a little uncomfortable : Her jeans were dirty and ripped, her shirt looked like it had been worn for years… which was exactly what happened. Her hair reached the back of her knees and was so messy, she couldn’t put her fingers through it.

And once again, she felt like she did so long ago on that bench, in a ripped and dirty princess dress… Just not fitting. Again.

“Wait here” he said as he left the room.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, moving up and down a little to test the firmness of it. She turned her head as she heard him enter again.

“Here” he handed her a pile of clothes, his shirt, some sweatpants and a big hoodie, everything way too large but clean and soft.

“They are mine but you can wear them, the bathroom is just down the hall if you wanna clean up a little” he looked at her sitting on the bed.

“Thank you, Dean. Thank you for everything” she said with a smile.

His lips turned upwards, showing her a peek of his white teeth.

“Don’t mention it” he said as he slowly made his way to the door.

“I’ll leave you to settle in, Firelfy” he stepped out and right before he closed the door she called him.

“Dean ?”

“Yes ?” he turned to look at her.

“My name is Y/n” she said.

“Y/n” he breathed out, like it was a relief for him, that this confirmed that she was real. “Can I still call you Firefly ?”

#Firefly #Firefly chapter 8 #collab #jay and dean #Hell #Dean in Hell #reader in Hell #Dean x reader #angst #torture #roonyxx #dean winchester #supernatural #spn fanfic #dean x reader #dean smut #dean angst #series

24 notes · View notes

scoobydoofenshmirtz · 3 years

Text

The Horny Cinematography of Seasons 4 and 5 of Supernatural

So I made this kinda silly post about how horny the late Kripke era of Supernatural was and it was mostly meant as a joke, but then it got me thinking. So I did a little bit of digging, went through some memorable scenes, and noticed some actual patterns in the way Dean and Castiel are shot versus other characters. Disclaimer: this is not exactly a scientific analysis. I didn’t rewatch the entire two seasons for this and there are probably shots with other characters that I missed that go against it, but this is just the general trend that I noticed.

Click on the images for higher resolution. Analysis is under the cut.

So the general premise of this analysis is that Cas and Dean are shot noticeably close-up, typically staring intensely into each other’s eyes. I think we all know about the whole staring thing, but the actual close-ups were way more intense then I think some people might realize, especially when compared to other interactions between different characters. Cas in particular is shot very close-up frequently whether he’s talking to someone else or by himself (there are so many gorgeous close-ups of Misha in season 4), but the intense eye contact is pretty much only with Dean.

It starts off almost immediately in 4x01 Lazarus Rising where in Dean and Castiel’s very first interaction, they stand very close and the camera focuses on their faces. First we have two close-ups, then in what is maybe my favorite shot in all of Supernatural, Castiel steps in closer to Dean and the close-ups get even tighter. He tilts his head and stares thoughtfully at Dean with those big blue eyes. Cut to Dean’s look of discomfort after being told (very accurately) “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.”

Things amp up in literally Castiel’s second appearance in 4x02 Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester with one of the horniest Destiel scenes in the show (again this is only their second interaction!) We have Castiel unexpectedly showing up at Bobby’s house, Dean sassing him, and Castiel stepping very close to Dean and saying “You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.” This is a very tense interaction with some beautiful low key lighting that pretty much went extinct after season 5. Notice how tight the frame is, even compared to 4x01. These are extreme close-ups where both Dean and Castiel’s chins and foreheads are cut out of the frame.

Castiel’s third appearance in 4x03 In the Beginning is a lot more prominent as he has many scenes throughout the episode instead of just one. I’m not gonna include pictures of all of them because there’s lot, but there are plenty of close-ups and intense gazes between the two (e.g. sitting on the bed, “Hello Dean. What were you dreaming about?” which according to Misha, Kim manners said was “too gay” but they did it like that anyway) and contains the first time they touch and the first time they are shot in more high key lighting. Go rewatch the episode if you want to see more lovely close-ups between Dean and Cas.

Next I would like to draw your attention to episode 4x07 It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester. This is Castiel’s fourth appearance and the first time we see him interact with a character who’s not Dean. This is where the differences between how they’re shot start to become apparent. First we have Sam’s first interaction with Castiel (greetings blood freak) that is shot with standard close-ups. Eventually, Dean comes in, conversation happens blah blah blah and we get to the more intense discussion about how the angels want to destroy the town. The discussion is between Dean, Cas, Sam, and Uriel, but Dean and Cas get most of the focus. The camera tells us that they are the main subjects in this scene. Dean and Cas are shot more close-up and tighter and they are standing closer and looking in each others eyes unlike Sam who is looking back and forth between them and standing a few steps back.

Of course this doesn’t stop in season 4. Here is a similar example from 5x02 Good God, Ya’ll! but the difference between Dean and Cas and Sam is even more obvious. This is the “I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you,” exchange which I find interesting. Some people could say here that Cas means “you” plural as in Sam and Dean but the Camera is so focused on just Dean and Cas while Sam just sorta hangs there in the background.

One thing that I think is interesting is that these types of shots-extreme close-ups with two characters looking into each other’s eyes and standing no feet apart-are not necessarily exclusive to Dean and Cas, but they are usually in a different context. Pretty much all (at least that I could remember) the other examples of this type of shot are between one character and a villain. Below we have three fairly intense confrontations between characters, Sam and Uriel in 4x07 It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester, Dean and Alastair in 4x16 On the Head of a Pin, and Dean and Cas in 4x22 Lucifer Rising. The composition is almost exactly the same with similar lighting as well, but one of these things is not like the other. Very obviously Cas is not a villain and this scene in particular is a huge moment for his character that cements his decision to fully rebel against Heaven for Dean.

Also characters that tend to be that close together looking into each other’s eyes in two shots are usually villains except for Dean and Cas. Below we have a shot of Ruby and Sam very close together right before he drinks her blood and a very close-up shot of Dean and Alastair both in 4x16 On the Head of a Pin. Compare that to the two shot from 4x02 Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester above for example. There is a certain sexual nature in these two villain scenes (and a lot of villain interactions on Supernatural in general). Obviously, Sam and Ruby are literally having sex, but Alastair is also portrayed as a villain who sexually objectifies his victims (the torture scene with Ruby, calling Dean “Daddy’s little girl, etc.) but Cas is not a villain and yet the framing is very similar.

Now I want to compare two fight scenes, one in season 4 and one in season 5. Here we have the fight scene between Ruby and Sam in 4x09 I Know What You Did Last Summer. Ruby is of course a sexy lady who Sam sleeps with in a sexy fight scene where she “proves” that she wants to help Sam by killing the other demon instead of Sam. But of course, the fight scene in 5x18 Point of No Return is shot way more close-up and Dean and Cas are inches away from each other. While I wouldn’t described this scene as “sexy” (Cas is literally beating Dean to a pulp) it is way more charged...intimate isn’t exactly the right word but there’s a similar but more intense erotic energy than in the fight scene with Ruby.

Unrelated side note: there is a great use of breaking the 180 degree rule in this scene that I think works way better in this instance at disorienting the viewer than the shaky cam does.

Next I have some random examples I noticed that show some of the different shots between characters. We have Anna in 4x10 Heaven and Hell right before she has sex with Dean. It’s fairly close-up, but still pretty loose framing compared to a lot of scenes between Dean and Cas. Anna’s entire face is still in the frame. Then we have a scene between Sam and Ruby in 4x09 I Know What You Did Last Summer that is also not as close-up as a lot of Dean and Cas scenes. On the bottom is a shot from 5x17 99 Problems which is I think the closest Sam and Cas physically get in these seasons before they ever hug. It’s more of a medium close-up than most of the scenes between Dean and Cas where they get that close. Lastly I have probably the tightest close-ups between Dean and Cas from 4x16 On the Head of a Pin. It’s similar to the shots from 4x02 but the context is pretty different with Cas trying to reassure Dean about the apocalypse. I know these don’t really have a theme but I thought they were good examples of the general pattern.

Finally I would like to point out a scene that is sort of the opposite which is the infamous staring scene in 4x21 When the Levee Breaks that goes on for like an hour. I don’t really know what to say about this scene only that I can’t believe it’s real. They literally just stand and stare at each other.

So what’s the point of all this? I honestly don’t really know. None of these observations are hard and fast rules and I’m sure there are times when other characters are shot like this. However, Dean and Cas seem to be the only ones consistently framed this way-tight close-ups, staring into each other’s eyes standing zero feet apart. What does it all mean? To me it shows that their bond is unique and special (profound you might say). It’s not even like they’re shot in a similar manner to love interests, it’s that their framing is unique, it stands out. Was it on purpose? Maybe. How shots end up looking is interesting because it really is the work of a lot of different people including the director, the cinematographer, the editors and more. I don’t think they were thinking “we should film Dean and Cas in this very intense way because they’re in love” or anything, but they obviously recognized there was something special between these two characters. And truly, the intentions don’t matter all that much to me. What’s there is there, and watching it the first time around I noticed how close Dean and Cas always were and watching it back post 15x18 all those shots stand out even more to me. There’s really no conclusion here, but I think it’s interesting to look a bit more closely at the cinematography in TV shows that we don’t always think of as having the highest quality production. There’s a lot of layers to be discovered outside of scripts and acting and things we tend to focus on more as viewers.

#destiel #spn meta #supernatural #the cinnamon tography #yes i went to film school and this is what im doing now

612 notes · View notes

jockpoetry · 3 years

Note

supernatural sees women as a tool for development and strengthening of narratives/motivation and dean sees his body as a tool. is that anything?

When I saw this ask I really made the 🥴in real life. So, yeah anon, I do think there’s something to this.

Quick Disclaimer before I actually launch into my thoughts™: A lot of my read of Dean stems from my experience as both an oldest daughter and a transman. Being the oldest daughter was an experience I lived for many years, but I am also a man. I wasn’t raised as a man, I wasn’t socialized as a man, and even though once I came out upon reflection my masculinity was obviously there. Like I was a man™ before I knew I was a man. Even when I actively tied my identity to femininity for a long time! A lot of my prideful moments were based around statements like: “I was the only girl who (fill in the blank).”

So I am just putting that out there before I launch into my spiel about Dean/Gender/Tool because they all interlock for me.

I am also going to apologize in advance because I know this has fully gone off the rails and I’m not even done writing it yet. If this is incomprehensible ! Well, happens to the best of us.

First off, most importantly I guess before we discuss womanhood and Dean and the way both are utilized on the show I need to say that I personally don’t subscribe the whole Dean is female coded thing.

It’s a read I can absolutely understand. But for me..he’s not.

He’s a hypermasculine man to the point that when (and because he is written as a punchline, as the stupid™ brother, as the whore™, as the mother/father™, as daddy’s blunt instrument™, etc) Dean deviates from the pre-accepted definition of hypermasculine it’s Wrong.

It’s Instantly Feminine.

I think the internet has made the world very black and white, or blue and pink maybe. This point, I think, colors a lot of these discussions. Dean cooks, he cleans and so therefor he’s female coded. When that really just feeds back into the whole toxic masculinity loop. You can’t be masculine and cook and clean and cry. That’s for feminine people only.

I get the argument! I do, I just think that Dean’s actions are not inherently feminine, it’s just in the vacuum of Female and in the Absence of Traditional Masculinity it makes sense to assign him female coded and move on.

IN FACT the way that Dean is the action hero of the show, the Masculine™ one on the show - but he cries, and he rages, and he cooks (Again and Again) and cleans (Again and Again). The fact he’s macho and confident but he has so little self esteem. Is frankly insane to me. You have this blaze of glory character who is so depressed that they have him kill himself. Twice. In explicitly “I hate myself, I hate hearing all the things I hate about myself, I want to destroy myself” ways.

On just a regular ol’ network show that is just ungodly bad at times. They let their Male Hero cry - all the time (if I linked every example of this the essay would be...longer than it already is, but just take my word for it). Dean tears up and grieves and shows more than just Angry Horny Violent™ (he shows plenty of that, don’t get me wrong) but he’s Emotional (Again and Again and Again). In many different ways!

I mean, beyond even just tearing up, they make their Male Hero™ face sexual violence in pretty, uniquely horrifying - and queer! - ways.

Let’s make it clear, they did a lot of this unintentionally.

Or they do it as a joke.

Off of dean for a moment to say women are plot devices in this show. I could probably count on one hand female characters who have sincere depth to them that have roles outside of progressing plot, filling a filler episode, and who are still alive. Like even characters such as Charlie who are wholly developed, and interesting, are only remembered/mentioned/utilized to progress plots or fill an episode out - and then she dies. For pain™ for plot™ for no other reason than to traumatize a character.

Which let’s also make it clear Dean’s trauma is also only used as a plot device (as is Sam’s but in a different way, and Cas’ trauma is a whole other barrel of fish we’re not gonna dive into right now). Like wholesale full stop they don’t actually care about what happened to him. Unless it’s relevant in an episode.

Oh that boys home he was left at when he was 16 for months? Sure we’ll sprinkle that in in the back half of the series. Oh he was covered in bruises and said it was from a hunt (when it’s clear contextually they were from his father but saying the fantastical but true is easier than saying the uncomfortable but true). As Dean says though the story became the story, he was sixteen. He just went along with what John said.

We only see Dean ever truly rage at John, by the way, when either Dean is dead (when he’s between life and death and he rages at John, right before John “apologizes” for traumatizing him, for putting too much on Dean’s shoulders, and fucking dying) or John is dead (the Djinn episode where Dean is straight™ and John is dead™ and he goes to his grave and just yells and rages like he should have to his father in the real world).

Dean’s trauma from being both tortured and torturer in hell? Yeah, we don’t talk about that after it’s Relevant™. Even though it’s clear - especially in the demon!dean, mark of cain era, all those years later - Alastair still has his hooks inside of Dean. I stopped watching originally after s8 ended. I was fed up with the show, and with this whole renaissance I’ve been doing a rewatch and I’m into season twelve now and it really has never come up again.

Even when he had the mark of cain and he was tasked with questioning and accused of torturing it was “the mark has changed you” and not “you were victim and victimizer in hell for forty years, which is longer than you’ve been alive on earth” (and, was about as long as he wound up living. Which is desperately sad.

Because we talk about Sam’s desire for a “normal” life but, Dean wanted out too. He was tired in the first few seasons of this show, he never had a chance to taste freedom (we don’t count the boys home, because that was a different kind of regimented life, and it was a false freedom) the way that Sam did in Flagstaff with Bones or at Stanford with Jessica. Love for Dean is sacrificing, it’s putting himself/his happiness/his well-being last.

Because Dean only knows love in the context of violence (like all of these fun examples, for starters) is a phrase that I’ve said a lot both in private chats and on here, and I absolutely think it goes to him being a tool (a blunt instrument, a plot device, so both textually and metatextually) instead of a person. Which Cas sees Dean’s shame/guilt and sees that side of Dean because he touched his soul, and saw more than just the Righteous™ man, more than just the tool, he saw A good man, not a machine.

On the other side though you have how “bad guys” view Dean: Desperate, Sloppy, Needy, Dean’s hole (Again), which is again so wildly counterintuitive to the story of a Macho Man Hero™. You’re using vocabulary that is both queering him and feminizing (and I know this a meme format, but sincerely it is done in a derogatory way it is feminizing. It’s breaking him down to bare parts, to a sloppy hole).

My whole rewatch I have been absolutely fascinated by how identity and free will is utilized/conceptualized on this show. Castiel has been my main focus, but Dean and how he is framed by himself and others is...fascinating - and frustrating. The writers inconsistency lends itself not only to this unintentionally queer character, but also one that again is incredibly easily read as a non-traditionally masculine character.

As a feminine character.

This show has so few female characters that of course it had to foist the roles/behaviors/plots that a female character might have onto a male character. Which I think is part of why reading Dean as trans (either transmasc, or transfemme) is so easily done like.

Half of these are shit posts, but you can find trans allegories/textual evidence in this show again, again, again, again, and again. And this is unintentional, they don’t want you to look at Dean and see woman, former future or present. Like a lot of these I’m sure are punchlines for them, because women/queer folk are punchlines to them.

Sometimes the only women in an episode are random witnesses who get two sentences of dialogue, and then the main guest character is a man. Who flirts with Dean, and Dean is receptive to it.

They paint themselves into a corner, there are female Rabbi. So easily could Aaron have been a woman instead of a man, but they made the choice to play up the HaHa Dean & Men card.

Because, again, Dean has filled the slot of Woman™ of Female Lead™ and the flirting would’ve been straight if Dean was a woman. It’s a plot device, they needed to have the guest character be disarming, be cute, make the main character flustered.

It’s just the main character is a man, because they’re allergic to women. But they still need those female plots, tools of femininity, to move their show forward. I mean I am a big subscriber to transmasc Jo (no idea if anyone else is with me on this one, but let me explain). Jo is in love with Dean (concept) not Dean (actuality). Which, we’ve all had our eggs cracked by someone like that. We were in love with them until we realized we just wanted to be them.

He loved her like a little sister, she loved him like a lost idol. He’s a golden calf and she dies for him, because she believed in him, she was the original character dashed at the altar of the Winchesters.

I fully believe if she had lived and if this show had a crumb of actual good writing Jo could have been a deeply compelling transmasc character. But I also think she’s a fascinating inversion of Dean. Dean is a Masculine Character who subverts Toxic Masculinity, Jo is a Tomboy™ she’s not your (if you take it straight, literally and metaphorically) average female love interest. She’s angry, she’s not soft at all, all edges and corners and thorns. She isn’t helpless, she’s stubborn but not in a “you’re going to get punished for this” way. She’s right when she’s stubborn. She’s helpful, she’s a martyr.

I could do a whole other essay just on Jo (and Ellen, and Ash, what a fucking trio!) but needless to say Jo was one of the first...plot device feminine tools sacrificed to this show. She was a regular, she was unique, she was an engaging character, and she still died (to progress the plot? no. for man pain? yeah, for like three episodes maybe, and then it’s forgotten just like the rest of Dean’s trauma, as we mentioned above).

Dean and Women and Love is a very interesting tool used too because. Boy they sure try to make Dean love women and it fails in small ways, and in big, meaningless, failed het domesticity (again) ways. Not to mention whatever Lust (in the form of a woman) having no effect upon him, when they could have used that moment to assert his Masculinity and Heterosexuality. He behaved normally? And...also...whatever the fuck the Adios thing was!

Like they have these opportunities to make him Traditionally (toxically) Masculine, but make the choice to...not? To soften him. Because it’s a tool. He’s their female lead, textually he had to take on the role of mother(/father) to Sam, but...I mean this is a million miles long already. I know, but we absolutely can’t not talk about his Paternal/Maternal behaviors. (Which appear again and again again and again, outside of his relationship with Sam even/especially). He’s the mother hen, sage, safety net, beacon, home to so many side characters they meet.

I mean in many ways Jody is also a Dean comparison. Lost her family. Found a new family. She is non-traditionally feminine, but easily flustered and Silly™ (let’s just drop the entire sex talk over family dinner scene with Alex and the boys and looking to them for help, even though she was already a mother, and she’s a cop, and a hunter and this confident no nonsense individual.... She’s not). We are meant to see her as this hard ass, but she makes extra food for the boys to take back to the bunker. She’s deadly in a fight, but also still easily overwhelmed and put into damsel mode, and she cares so much even in the face of adversity.

It’s also fun to see how Jo | Jody are reflections of Dean at different points of his life. Younger, cocky | Older, settled.

Even when the text tries to tell us that he’s not.

When it reminds us that he’s violent. That he is his father, even if he says that Sam is more like John (which was reflexive, which was angry because of Adam and how Sam was behaving like Dean in that episode, and yes there are parallels to be drawn between Sam and John, the show barely dives into them). Instead we’re told that Dean is John (Again and Again and Again and Again).

So intensely that a fanfictionalized version of the Winchester Gospels makes it an entire fucking musical number.

And yet, despite the texts insistence to make Dean Macho Man Father Reborn™ We get this Dean who is silly (and directly compared/contrasted to the female character in this scene), soft, in heels, nagging, and... Sully (you know Sam’s imaginary friend who has the same Haircut Dean has, who is a softer, shorter, friendlier, campier, version of Dean who was a replacement For Dean until the real one let Sam back in? That? Sully?) it’s hard to take them seriously.

Hell, even when he was A DEMON? What did they do? They had him sing off-key drunken karaoke, they had him doing this ! Like that’s your hero, unhinged, free to be as bad as he could be, and you put him in a cowboy hat in a romance with the king of hell.

The Female Lead, everyone. Who’s biggest betrayal(s) comes at the hands of his love interest (again, a man even though it was an angel who could’ve taken any vessel! who could’ve been recast, who canonically dies admitting his love to Dean - that one), who he tries so hard to be loyal to.

The contradictions of his character are laughable. He is so emotional, but if he is engaged about his emotions? He shuts down, or he’s exasperated about being asked about them. It really is Female Lead/Only Here For The Plot disease, because everything is more important than him. How’s he doing? Doesn’t matter outside of the context of how x character is doing or that y character is dead. Or his emotions only matter if they’re done in penance.

They also really do frame him as Pretty Boy™ in a violent way, or in a derogatory manner. They’ll give us homoerotic shots like this or these and never really acknowledge how these are gay shots. Sorry the gun scene is a a straight up sex scene, the beer sip spilling out over his mouth is oral, the scene where Cas fills up Dean’s glass with whisky is also a sex scene, they do this shit on purpose but accidentally queer it up. If Dean was a woman these scenes wouldn’t even matter. They’d be passing moments, but because he is not just a man but A Man™ they’re insane to see.

Not to mention all of these scenes and all the ones I haven’t linked where Dean dresses up. He performs masculinity, but he performs femininity too. He’s a plot device that is slotted in to whatever role they need. He’s Super Straight Butch Man™ but coaches the lesbian on how to successfully flirt with a man. He’s Action Hero™ who sits through a montage with the same lesbian and yays and nays her outfits, and enjoys himself.

Fuck he loves dressing up, he feels better in these costumes because performing a character is easier than being himself. Because who is Dean? He’s a tool, both textually and metatextually. It is exactly how the women and because of the women on the show that Dean is the way that he is. If there was a more steady female presence Dean would not be half as much of a plot device or half as camp/gay/feminine/non-traditionally masculine/queer coded as he is.

In conclusion....

#dean winchester #supernatural #spn meta #spn #gender #anon #replies #messages #my writing #ANYWAYS PHEW okay anon i don't know if i even fully got to your point but i woke up at like 3:30 to this ask and i've been fixated on it #HOPE THIS IS EVEN JUST a little bit coherent #the way i meant for this to talk so much more about transness and eldest daughter syndrome and just FORGOT #oops #oh well

376 notes · View notes

americachavez · 3 years

Note

did cas really tell dean to kneel before their new god? did that actually happen? i thought him beating the shit out of dean in that alley was the most unrestrainedly horny thing this show had ever done ACTUALLY you know what scratch that new question: top horny moments from the cw's supernatural (2005 - 2020)

getting this ask feels like my sins of the last week have been weighed against the Trials I Have Gone Through since the premier of supernatural on the wb in september of 2005 and I’m not sure if it is a punishment or reward

some notes before we begin:

the ep with dean’s male siren was like, conceptually horny but not actually that horny because the dude was uglie. I’m sorry to this man

all you sam girls out there. I respect you but I do not respect jared padalecki who is JUST tall and has zero sex appeal. but those eps where he’s like, drinking ruby’s blood and then eating her pussy are. you know. I’ll give you that

I am ONLY UP TO SEASON 10 so fair warning this is not comprehensive but the horniness does seem to drop off sharply after the mark of cain is no longer in play lol gotta love a good demon murder tattoo plot

this is easily the most insane thing I’ve ever done, including the destiel manifesto

S1 EP12: the scene where dean gets healed by the faith healer, on his knees with a hand in his hair and looking somewhere between religious ecstasy, brain death and an orgasm. starting this list off great

S1 EP22: azazel possessing john winchester. no I will not explain further if u know u know <3

S3 EP10: dean being taunted by a dream version of himself, this is where we first got the daddy’s blunt little instrument line. still burned in my hippocampus a good 13 years later thank yew

S4 EP1: dean crawling out of his own grave covered in grave dirt. hot. the HANDPRINT. HOT. also tangent but this reveal after the s3 finale was WILD back in 2008 I hollered in my dorm room after canvassing for obama. simpler times man

S4 EP 1: cas’ intro scene. the barn. the shadow wings. the hair??? getting stabbed in the chest by the man you just pulled out of hell. getting aaaallll up in that personal space. his little eyebrow. “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.” OUTRAGEOUSLY FLAMING

S4 EP02: “I dragged you out of hell I can throw you back in.” <<< this angel tops. mark dean down as scared and horny etc

S4 EP16: this ENTIRE EPISODE but specifically the part where dean tortures alastair as some kind of foreplay and then alastair kicks his ass. carved you into a new animal. jesus.

S4 EP16: wait I forgot about the part where cas also gets his ass kicked and looks all....hm. dazed and covered in blood while he’s on his knees and about to die. yeah.

S5 EP4: I mean this entire ep is unfairly horny considering everyone is dying of a zombie plague and hasn’t showered in like, 4 years but if I had to pick one hmmm. the dean/dean interrogation scene with the panty kink yeah I know it’s not original but hm. it happened. also misha collins just being able to convey that CAS IS A FLEXIBLE SLUT with a single roll of his shoulders. who SAYS this man can’t act!!!!!

S5 EP18: the ALLEY SCENE. DEAN DOESN’T FIGHT BACK. CAS HOLDS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND AND THEN THROWS HIM ACROSS THE ALLEY. WHY DID EVERYONE THINK CAS COULDN’T TOP. you all had brainworms.

S5 EP18: when cas locks dean in the panic room to stop him from saying yes to michael and “well cas not for nothing but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid” I hate this show. wait I think the blow me cas line is in this episode too what the fuck were they on here

S6 EP5: the scene where dean gets turned into a vampire. between the old dude who I think calls dean a pretty boy (??) and soulless sam....watching??? no ******* but there were just some absolutely foul energies in that scene and I still do not understand WHAT they were thinking

S6 EP20: cas doing a double smite on two demons by slamming them to the ground and then shoving another demon back in its vessel and then smiting him in the same motion. TOP. ENERGY.

S6 EP22: season 6 is possibly cas’ horniest season because he’s like, going through angel puberty after getting his first boner for dean, but the final cas eps are. whoof. cas eats a bunch of souls and proclaims himself to be a new god in order to handle said boner, and then the season ends with cas telling them to bow down and profess their love to him, their new lord, or he will destroy them. note: the way this is framed makes it look like cas is only staring at dean while he says this, even though sam and bobby are also there. the season ends with dramatic zooms on both cas and dean’s faces respectively. this made me actively regret ditching this show after s5 lol

S8 EP??: literally EVERY SINGLE PURGATORY FLASHBACK. cas dean and benny are all purgatory hot in the “pop 10 cranberry pills and risk the UTI” kind of way but also. dean being the hot girl bottom between two tops who hate each other. I really. whew. I need to go take a shower.

S8 EP17: if I get canceled for including the crypt scene on this list I blame you bud. but dean on his knees begging a brainwashed cas to stop killing him WAS sexy. how many times has dean been on his knees in this list wait there’s another one coming up next jsldjfsldkjf

S9 EP2: abaddon getting dean on his knees (YEAH) and pulling his hair and praising him for always coming when called HELLO???? the only thing that ruins this is dean says “I can’t tell if we’re gonna fight or make out” because this is the CW and they won’t let him say fuck

S9 EP6: ah. this entire episode is Emotionally Horny but the horny horny part is when they’re in the car and dean is telling cas to unbutton his shirt and. watches. I know this was on my destiel manifesto but I need it here too

S9 EP9: cas, covered in blood, slitting another angel’s throat and eating his grace after getting tortured. that shot alone made me understand why this website was so goddamn horny for misha collins for nearly a damn decade

S9 EP11: MARK OF CAIN BABEY. cain watching dean beat up a bunch of demons as an audition for taking on the mark, while crowley also is a fucking voyeur to the whole thing. cain is also a hot silver fox with daddy energies. I said what I said

S9 EP 16: dean getting the first blade. he’s chained to a pillar and being menaced by a foppish dandy who wants to add him to his “collection” (WOW). dean then kills him with the blade and whew. murder is sexy sometimes

S9 EP21: dean being pinned against a wall by abaddon’s power, then using the mark of cain to break her hold, calling the first blade to him psychically and then killing her. god the mark of cain is hot

S9 EP23: dean waking up with the demon eyes NUT

S10 EP2: demon dean beating up that dude with the boring backstory and kicking his ass. really was a go on baby I got your flower moment because I hated that dude and I love demon dean

S10 EP3: demon dean being chained up and taunting sam about how his brother is gone, then hunting sam through the bunker. demon dean in general was VERY fun for me, someone who loves trash

S10 EP9: dean going berserk and killing a bunch of pedophile rapists/child abusers. I’m sorry I know this show is trying to preach morality at me about monsters and unnecessary murder and humanity or whatever but we blew past that like 8 SEASONS AGO. also the mark of cain is sexy

S10 EP14: the rest of this list is really gonna be mark of cain stuff isn’t it look I’m here to have fun. cain and dean’s fight. cain continuously tossing his mane of hair back and taunting dean with the picture of what he’s going to become, who he’s going to kill. dean begging cain to tell him that he can stop, and then ultimately killing him. rip daddy.

S11 EP4: again I have not watched this however. every shot of this episode is PRESTIGE TELEVISION because driving a muscle car is sexy. and especially the shot of dean all beat to hell and begging his car to start and giving her a little kiss from his fingers to her dash. ugh. masculinity.

S12 EP10: the bearded salt-and-pepper daddy look returns, only it’s an angel this time and he’s wearing a vest and shirtsleeves and he swordfights with a hot redheaded lady in a suit and an eyepatch. this show is good sometimes!!! and oh fuck lol I just realized this is the same guy who played krissy’s hot hunter dad in s7 probably the first guy who’s hotter as an angel than a hunter. huh.

S12 EP 11: dean riding larry the mechanical bull to “broomstick cowboy.” I have no idea where this factors into the ep but I have seen. the youtube clip

S13 EP23: from what I can tell s13 is way more emotionally horny than boner horny, although dean burning cas’ body was sexy. but the horniest part was dean saying yes to michael and then michael taking over and saying “thanks for the suit.” we are going to ignore the silliest fight scene in existence as well as the final shot ending on a FREEZE FRAME like a goddamn tiktok

S14: not gonna pick a specific moment because I have not watched yet!!! but michael dean is hot. idk why michael is weirdly hot and I cannot stand any iteration of lucifer on this television programme. it should be the reverse but I’m forever an older sibling stan apparently. someone who is catholic could probably explain this better.

S15 EP13: genevieve padalecki and danneel ackles fight flirting as ruby and anael I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HELD OUT ON THIS TILL THE LAST SEASON

I know I am missing things but this is already an absolutely incomprehensible screed. I know I’m missing shit from the latter seasons but give me time I’m pacing myself

#reply tag #spn tag #literally no one read this lol this is insane #Anonymous

304 notes · View notes

airenyah · 3 years

Note

what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space” also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love”

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas* also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.” “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk)

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

#there is also the late s9 ep where cas chooses dean over an angel army #then i vaguely remember 11x03 being a good destiel ep #and the s12 ep with the ''i love you. i love all of you''??#i know people are still going crazy over the mix tape but i don't remember if the ep itself was very gay #oh and 13x06 - tombstone gets talked about a lot as well #when cas comes back to life at the end of the widower arc and dean goes from extremely depressed to happy af #15x09 was a pretty good one as well i think #and ofc 15x18 with the big ''i love you''#anyway this was fun #i should really continue with my spn rewatch #but the thing is that i'm actually journaling and making notes #and that requires brain #and i currently just don't have the energy to make all this effort just for a tv show #who knows if i'm ever gonna finish this project #oh well #asks #anon #destiel #spn #lmk if i've missed anything (from s4-s8 that is)

24 notes · View notes

jay-and-dean · 4 years

Text

Firefly Chapter 5 : Eighteen years old

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : future Dean x reader ?

Summary : 40 years in Hell, but he didn’t spend all this time all alone, he had her.

Prepare to know what happened during those years Dean never talks about. To immerge yourself in Hell, only lit by the mysterious kid growing here…

And to see some of your favorite villains again : Crowley, Lilith, Lucifer… And also Sammy and Jack…

Serie Warnings : Hurt!Dean, Hell (torture, even if we tried to not give it graphic descriptions, creepy demons, blood, violence), swearing, angst, future fluff and smut.

This story is in both Reader’s POV and Dean’s POV

Wordcount : 6300 (big chapter)

Note : This is our second collaboration. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each, like we did for Same.

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

This story will be around 10 chapters and we intend to edit it every Saturday if nothing delays it. The story will be on a little hiatus because both @jay-and-dean and I are on holidays. Once we come back the story will continue it’s regular weekly edit.

Firefly Chapter 1

Firefly Chapter 2

Firefly Chapter 3

Firefly Chapter 4

Jay’s Masterlist

Roonyxx Masterlist

——————————————————————————

5. Eighteen years old.

When she turned sixteen, Crowley had told her the time of being childish was over, not that she ever had time to be a child. And for once, she didn’t fight him or argue. She had understood that she would never win by being an enemy.

They had to trust her, to give her freedom and access to the secrets of Hell…

So she became his apprentice and after two long years of following his rules and pretending to care, she was getting closer and closer everyday to her goal.

Getting out of Hell.

She grew colder with age, serious, harsh, anything they wanted her to be. Some days, she barely remembered it was an act, she was getting used to give orders and look at her surroundings with always the same dark threatening eyes. She was becoming the Queen Crowley wanted her to be.

But when she visited him, the man she fell in love with years ago, she remembered who she was.

And the demons were falling right into her trap, she had to get close to them, especially her father. Crowley knew the way out, he knew everything about Hell, everything she needed to know. So she played him.

She was sitting on a chair as Crowley explained to her the importance of crossroad deals, she wasn’t really listening as she let her pencil float in circles in front of her.

She could feel the shivers on her back as the door opened, the pencil dropped to the table.

Lilith.

“Crowley, we need to talk,” her head snapped towards Y/n. “Alone.”

Crowley sighed deep.

“Y/n go finish up your work in your room” he snapped his fingers and mentioned to a demon to escort her back to her room.

She held her chin high as she walked out of the door towards her room, the demon hot on her heels.

When, she walked right past her door, the demon grasped her arm.

“Where do you think you’re going, missy.”

With the flick of her wrist she had the demon pinned against the wall, she stepped closer to him and tilted her head to the side as she could hear the creature whine under her powers.

“That’s none of your business and when you get back you’ll tell them nothing, understand ?”

She clenched her fist, making the creature crack on the inside.

“Y-yes…” it whined.

“Yes who ?” she clenched her fist harder.

“Yes… y-your majesty.”

She released the demon and watched him scramble off. She turned around and made her way to Dean’s cell.

She no longer had to sneak around, the story of her taking on Alistair had spread like fire, and her growing attitude was convincing enough, all the demons were afraid of her now. They knew she was strong, that she became stronger every day. She could feel it : the power coursing through her veins. It made her more confident, and merciless.

She reached his door and carefully pushed it open, a smile gracing her face when she saw him.

Dean.

She was just in time, he was healed and conscious.

He lifted his head, as she came near.

“Hey Firefly.”

“Hi Dean.”

Every time she was near him she could feel it, the tickling in her stomach, her cheeks heated up. As fierce as she was, she got a little nervous around him, not much but seeing him always gave her a thrill. Over the years she had noticed how handsome he was, and her thoughts wandered more and more towards him when she was alone, what if they weren’t in Hell, what if she was more his age, what if…

He sat up against the wall, letting out a deep breath.

“I could swear I heard the demons talk about you the other day.” he said.

She tilted her head in question.

“The Queen of fire they called you, they seem scared of you. Maybe I dreamed it… I get confused, and...”

She sat down in front of him, she looked down at her hands.

“And you ?” she asked him softly, she was scared of his answer.

“What ?” he frowned.

“Scared of me ?” she looked up at him, she could feel the tears threatening to spill out.

“No, I’m not.” He shook his head.

She nodded in silence, that was good, she was working hard to be scary, but couldn't bear the thought of Dean being afraid of her.

“You’re growing so fast, Firefly. How old are you ?” his voice contained some kind of disbelieve, like he didn’t realize it had already been around 18 years since he first saw her.

“18.” She said, giving him a small smile.

“Time down here, it goes so slow and so fast at the same time” he scoffed.

A silence fell among them, he seemed to be better today, he was more alert and could muster up a little smile now and then. He seemed to think hard, she noticed a frown etched upon his forehead every time he tried to focus on something, the moment he was totally there were rare, maybe even more lately.

“Your powers… what are they ?” he asked.

“I don’t know” she shrugged, she couldn’t tell him she was half demon… then he would be scared of her, hate her at least.

“You seem to be getting stronger.” he said matter of factly.

She nodded, they had to change her chains monthly now, she could break them with a snap of her fingers. Her powers were like a child going through a growth spurt where the parents couldn't keep up with buying new clothes.

Her powers weren’t the only thing changing, her body was too. She grew taller, the childish features were disappearing from her face, and her old dresses no longer fit her more curved body. She was becoming a women. A beautiful one, Crowley said, hopefully beautiful enough for their Lord.

_______________________

It was evening, at least, she had decided it was. In Hell no sunrise and no dawn, but she had found a little watch, it had belonged to her teacher’s vessel she snatched it off him, along with his arm. It was an old watch, with metal gears and little carved hands. On her desk, the ancient watch was in the center, and Y/n used it to rhythm her days.

Nine p.m. it said, so she lit up a candle and turned off the other lights. She liked to feel the time, and darkness didn’t prevent her from reading.

She turned the old pages of the huge book she was reading, a incredible boring work about Hell’s places, how many bones were in the columns of the throne room, how the corridors were never exactly the same, how only demons, reapers or angels could find their way in this maze…

She already knew all that.

But at 9:28, as she lazily turned another page, her breath got stuck in her chest. On the yellowed paper, was a painting of the Sky Room, and a title : The Exit.

She got up, with the book in her hands, reading fast in the dark, walking circle in her room, her purple lace dress flying behind her like the wind had risen.

The Sky Room had been an exit all this time. She had taken Dean so close to the goal this time ! If only she had knew. The book said no demon could use it -that’s why they didn’t really care about the key before Alastair took it from her-, as it worked only for souls that didn’t belong here, or that weren’t perverted yet ? It wasn’t easy to say, because enochian wasn’t easy to understand precisely.

Dean didn’t belong here, and he for sure wasn’t perverted. Her ? That would be a good way to find out…

With the proper spell, and the key, she could at least make sure he will escape.

She sighed. Two years, two years acting like the perfect little princess to win their trust, two years of hiding the consuming hate and smile, to have access to this kind of knowledge that was hidden from her before.

All her previous researches and tries had always lead nowhere, but that sky… It was her way out, in her excitement, she attracted the little flame of the candle that came gravitate round her like a satellite.

Alastair had taken back the key, and there was only two choices : Either he had kept it or given it to Lilith. Her heart ached a little at the idea that she walked with the key in her Teddy bear for years.

But she would find it, even if it was the last thing she did, even if she had to burn Hell down.

She took time to memorize every details of the pages about the Sky Room by heart, in case one of them remembered this one was dangerous and took it back.

Then she calmly closed it and put it on her desk, she adjusted the many muslin layers of her long and heavy dress, and started to walk out of her room, with her tiny fire star still rotating around her.

The door was locked and warded, but it opened when she came near. Outside, a huge demon in his true hideous form was guarding her door.

“You can’t go out” he grunted, drool falling at his feet.

She didn’t answer, but when he lifted his arm to stop her, the little satellite of fire grew instantly, and became a huge and threatening ring circling her, and the demon hissed and growled, watching her sink in the corridors like a raging comet, blood puddles boiling on her tracts.

Dean’s cell was quiet, she stopped before it for a second, at this time of the artificial day, she knew he would be in a bad shape. She took a breath and plunged her hand in the big ring of fire around her, and found the tiny candle flame, she put it out between her thumb and index and the ring died. Darkness falling on her again.

She pushed the door and her bare feet under the dress met blood. Dean was laying on his side in a pool of blood, even bigger than usual, but he seemed to be in one piece... His back was on her, his head limp on the cold floor.

“Dean” she said softly, like she always did, to not frighten him.

She walked to him and kneeled, soaking her majestic dress in blood, and gently took his head in her hand, to put it on her lap.

“Hey…” she said, stroking his hair, but only his eyes moved and his lips were trembling a little. “You’re cold.”

A soft light started irradiating from her and his pupils dilated, heat started filling the room.

“F-firef…” he tried to say, stealing the saddest smile from her.

“Dean” she whispered. “I found it. I found our way out. Do you remember the Sky Room ?”

She felt him tense and hushed him softly, pushing a sticky bloody strand out of his face.

“No Dean, I figured it out” she reassured him. “It’s a way out, that’s why they got that mad when they found out I had the key. There is a spell… I’m so sorry I didn’t know back then.”

He looked up at her, his green eyes highlighted by the red surrounding them, his breathing fastened a little and she gave him a teary smile.

“It will be over in a few days, Dean” she bent to talk close to his ear. “That’s it, we’re going out. I will find the key or burn the door, you will see Sammy soon. In three days, they all leave to Earth, I will take you there and it will be over. Can you hold on three more days ?”

He nodded weakly, and a big tear cleaned a line in the middle of the blood on his temple.

She was watching him, his lips white, his lashes on his cheek since she had closed his eyes to pretend he was sleeping.

The blood had almost disappeared from his face and body, but she was still bathing in it, her dress was two-colored and she was wearing long gloves of his blood. It had been a few hours and her legs were sore, but no place was better.

He would wake up soon now.

She smiled down at him, thinking of him running out of Hell under the stars, of his brother’s face when he would meet him again. Would Sam be old ? Time was weird here… He would walk the streets and bathe in sun, he would eat and dance. And maybe, just maybe, she could be by his side, chose a song in one of those jukebox and turn on herself when alcohol would make her dizzy…

His grunt made the bubble of her dream pop.

“Dean” she smiled softly.

“Firefly” he hummed, grabbing her hand on his chest to give it a squeeze.

He tried to move but she shook her head slightly.

“Give yourself a minute, Dean” she whispered, seeing him struggle.

He closed his eyes again, still holding her hand.

She could see the colors fill his beautiful plumb soft lips again and wondered how it would feel to touch them. To touch them with her own… A kiss was a weird gesture, why put your lips on someone else’s ? Why not hand on hand ? Or nose on nose ?... Yet, she would have given her shitty life to know what it felt like to have his lips on hers.

When she was a little girl, she had started to dream about Life thanks to him, about nature, seeing the ocean, tasting ice cream, wandering in a city, dancing under a storm… But lately, all she could dream of was experimenting this life with him. Seeing the ocean blue reflect in those green eyes, it would make the most perfect color, eating ice cream in a theater with him, walking the streets holding his hand, kissing him under a storm…

“Did I hear correctly ?” he asked, sitting up in a grunt of effort.

“Yes, I found the way out” she nodded, remembering it might not work for her, she felt like she didn’t belong here, but she was also half demon...

“So why do you look sad ?” he frowned.

“I just don’t want them to torture you more for three days” she lied.

She just couldn’t tell him that she might be stuck. If she did, he would hesitate, and she would rather have to be Lucifer’s toy, than know Dean was being tortured forever.

“Three days…” he gave her the most tender smile. “I am damned for eternity, and you’re telling me I could go out in three days. That’s... “

He didn’t finish his sentence, his eyes fell on an invisible point on her dress, he seemed different, even more beautiful, his irises bright, his featured softer, lighter… Hope.

Hope suited him so well that she felt her heart flutter. How handsome would he be in happiness ? A wide smile appeared on her face, catching his attention.

“What will be the first thing you will do ?” she spoke, searching his face.

“I…” he frowned. “I think I will find Sammy and drink a beer.”

She didn’t answer, just looking at him in awe, imagining meeting Sam herself, tasting beer.

“Do you know where the key is ?” he asked.

“I have a few ideas, and I can open any locks lately, I got this.”

His lips turned into a smile, a thousand of expressions in his eyes and on the corner of his lips.

Dean had this way of holding her without reaching out at all, with the warm kindness in the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, with the moves of his mouth and the worried lines on his forehead. And right now, she was feeling his aura holding her. The learned coldness of her heart melt and the little girl she once was started crying in the pit of her soul.

“And you ?” he whispered. “What do you want to do more than anything ?”

Her eyes dived in the black of his pupils. What she wanted didn’t really depend on her freedom, and there was a big chance she would never be free anyway.

Pushed by an invisible force, or a new courage, she came closer to his face, her thumb coming up to graze the freckles on his cheeks, enjoying the sight of him clean of blood and terror. Very slowly, she bent a little on his face, her lips shyly met his cheek and she barely let them graze his soft skin.

He didn’t say a word, let her move on her knees to gently rub the side of her face on his. For a second, she could hear the nostalgic yet comforting music coming from the jukebox and feel his arms around her. She wondered if that pleasurable dizziness she felt was like the one caused by alcohol that Dean had described ; if it was, she sure understood why people drank all the time.

She felt like she was dancing, at least what she had imagined of dancing, without moving. And the air wasn’t sulfur and blood anymore, it smelled like what she thought a summer night would… She didn’t need more than Dean to feel all of that.

Her face turned slightly, her nose grazing his, and she hesitantly put her lips on the corner of his. She closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of that feathery touch, imagining all that setting around, with humans and warm lights, music, whiskey, wood, windows and wind, and laughs…

But the scenery shattered when Dean cupped her face with two big confident hands -like no one had ever held her- turned her just enough to line his lips with hers, and put a kiss on her lips.

A real kiss.

His lips were pressed against hers and it felt like their bodies were connected. She started shaking a little, moved by the most intense pleasure she had ever felt and waves of emotions.

He moved an inch back, his lips making a little noise on hers when leaving. So that was the famous sound of a kiss... It tickled a little, but before she could open her eyes, his lips met hers again, this time parting just a little, like he wanted, needed, to capture her own for himself. She parted her lips just enough for him to be able to cage her upper lip between his. Then again, and her bottom lip.

Her arms fell limp on his lap, and shivers roamed her entire body.

He bent his head slightly to the side and she gasped a little when she felt something wet graze her mouth. It was his tongue.

She parted her lips more, and when he opened his mouth to hungrily slipped his tongue between them to caress hers, something exploded inside her.

“Deeeaaan” the dreadful voice of Alastair threatened from the corridor with an amused tone, making him break the kiss the gasp in terror.

She wrapped her arms around him, tears immediately falling on her cheeks.

She couldn’t fight the demon, or they would find something to punish her, and he couldn’t find her with Dean, or they would watch them more… All that mattered now was the plan.

To save him, she had to abandon him now. And it was like ripping her own heart…

“Three days” she whispered and got up.

When she felt his hand slightly clinging to her in panic, she let out a silent sob.

“Dean I swear to you, look at me. I swear.”

She wiped her face and walked behind the door at the exact second the demon entered, a brush hook in his hand...

“Hello Dean, I prepared surprises for you, I’m pretty sure today will be the day you accept my offer.”

“Fuck you” Dean muttered through tears, making the demon laugh.

And she left in silence in his back, crushed by the idea that she could stop him now, but that it would ruin the plan.

Dean’s Pov

The chains made it hard to breathe, impossible even, and the pain was screaming in his ears, it was one of those days, when the demon didn’t finish Dean and he was so angry at his body for resisting like that.

Had he really kissed her ?

Snake embrace, Alastair said, and tightened the chains until they broke Dean’s ribs and his back. He just wish he could faint or die.

But tomorrow… Tomorrow his Firefly would take him away. So in his misery, through the panic of suffocation, Dean clung to the only thing he had : the little light in the middle of Hell, his hope, her.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow…

Hope made the dam break and he choked on tears, quickly silenced by the chains magically tightening more. He was going to die finally and when he will exist again… It would be tomorrow.

The door opened and she entered.

She was like a dream in the middle of a nightmare, nothing about her fitted here. Not her kind eyes, not her beauty, her innocence. And neither her wealthy look. Her long blue silky dress had a train that left a trail of the blood it wiped off the floor, the long tight sleeves were lace covered with occasional pearl…

She looked like a mirage. Her elegant silhouette entered the room, she had pomp dress and hair but her face still showed that artless expression, and for a second in his daze, he wondered how she would look in pajamas…

Did they really kiss ?

“Dean… Damn !” She came close but he couldn’t see her anymore, his eyes closing, rolling in his skull.

He felt her hands tug desperately at the chains and her soft voice groaning.

And suddenly, he could breathe. He gasped and coughed and the pain of his broken ribs hit him violently, but under them, nothing. He couldn’t feel his legs or his hips…

He blinked a few times and his eyes widened : the chains were gravitating around him like flying snakes, not touching any part of his body which rested in the air.

“Dean…” her voice came through.

The chains fell and she held him, when he slowly fell on the floor, like he was in water.

“Tomorrow” she whispered.

And he wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, how incredible. He wanted to ask her what she thought of her first kiss. She could defeat them all, and all the evil in the world… But his injuries were bad and he could feel his heart weaken.

“I know where the key is” she murmured, bending on him, her warm lips grazing on his temple.

“Y-you’re a miracle” he managed to state.

“I’m just a girl” she answered. “But you, Dean… You are everything. You are the sunshine and the starry nights, the music and the ocean. You are snow dancing in the air, and my fireplace, you are christmas and... “ he listened, his struggling heart growing even in his last beats. “You’re the moon in a summer night.”

A tear fell on his jaw and her lips pressed to his temple more, her voice broke a little.

“You are love” she almost whined.

He shakily found her hand, and grazed it with his last strength. He could feel what she was saying, her love was irradiating of her and he wondered how that kid could have grown that kind of feelings in here, and for such a wreck…

“I love you” she whispered. “I love you so much…”

His eyes stilled as his last thought, thanks to her, was a hope again : She will get out of here, and see real snow, and she will learn to love…

Reader’s POV

To see his ever so vibrant green turn cold and still, was a sight she would never get used to, no matter the fact she knew he was gonna come back. She carefully closed his eyes, and waited for him to open them again.

She held him for hours, felt how his body turned cold and stiff. She couldn’t imagine the feeling when death is permanent, because that was the only good thing in Hell, death wasn’t the end.

She had hoped to see his eyes open before she had to go back, but they didn’t. She took out her watch and she knew she had to go back to Crowley for her next lesson, she had to leave him again, or the plan would be ruined.

She placed her lips on his forehead and squeezed her eyes tightly as she felt his ice cold skin beneath them.

“I’ll be back, I promise Dean, I won’t leave you. You’ll get to see Sammy again.” She carefully wrapped her arms around his back, her hand holding the back of his head.

“I love you” she told him once more as she laid him carefully back down.

She would give everything not to have to leave now, but she couldn’t. But things would get better, tomorrow, he would feel the sun on his skin again.

Standing up, she looked back one last time from the doorframe, just to see if she could catch her favorite green one last time, but he was still inert. With a sigh she pulled the door closed behind her and went back to her room.

She stopped behind the corner of her room at the sound of Crowley’s voice.

“Why isn’t she in her room !” he snapped.

She was late…

“I swear she was here a second ago, sir” the coward demon answered him, even she could hear he was lying.

“Find her now !” Crowley yelled, she could hear the nails of the demon scraping against the floor as it hurried off.

“You know just as much as me where she is, Crowley” Lilith sighed, surprising Y/n.

She had the key.

“Why is she so interested in that Winchester, he’s no different from the rest. He’s messing her up” Crowley grunted.

They knew ! Since when ? She always had been careful about it, this was bad, but, her plan was still going, they didn’t know about that. They couldn’t.

“Maybe he is, but he also made her go after Alistair, without him she would never have grown so strong so fast” Lilith stated. “She’s becoming too strong and you know it, Crowley. Every one of my demons is scared of her, calling her the ‘Queen of fire’. I’m the Queen Crowley, she’s Lucifer’s WHORE !”

The walls trembled with her voice.

“And yet, what can we do ? I lock her, I punish her…” Crowley snapped at her.

“We’re running out of options here, we need Lucifer and we need him fast” the Queen said.

“I think we can deal with a child without our Lord” her father chuckled darkly. “Unless you too fear the Queen of Fire ?”

She heard a muffled thud followed by Crowley’s grunting.

“You might not be able to hold her back” Lilith groaned. “But she is still a long way from taking me down. So watch your tone with me, you slug.”

Maybe it was the distance or the way Lilith’s voice bounced against the walls of the corridor, but Y/n wasn't mistaking, she could hear fear.

Lilith was afraid, afraid of her.

Y/n couldn’t help the grin that formed on her face. She would get the key, Dean would be free.

She hurried around the corner to the small library to grab some books, she turned back to go to her room.

With the books grasped in her arms she passed the door. Lilith turned to her as she let Crowley drop down from where she had him pinned against the wall.

“Y/n! Where have you been ?” Crowley gasped.

She held her chin high, and looked Lilith in the eyes. The years of being terrified of the Queen of Hell were over.

“In the library.” she said as she mentioned to the books in her hands.

“You stay in your room until I tell you you can leave, that’s the rule Y/n.” Crowley took the books from her to see what she was reading.

“More crossroads lore ?” he questioned.

Y/n shrugged, crossing her arms.

“It’s interesting” she lied, hoping he would buy it.

“Whatever, you will eat dinner with me tonight” he sighed.

She frowned, that rarely happens. The only times Crowley asked her to join him, it was to introduce her to yet another monster.

“Why ?” she asked.

“Because I say so” Lilith told her coldly.

Lilith would eat with them ? Something was up, she could see it in the Queen’s horrible glare, and feel it in the shivers along her spine, but Y/n ignored it. Just a few hours from now, she would be out of here, or at least Dean would be. If anything, this gave her another opportunity to get the key.

“I look forward to it, your majesty” Y/n gave the mother of demons a sinister smile.

___________________________

They all sat down at the big table which was covered in food; a big pig with an apple in its mouth, grapes, red wine, bread and a dozen cakes, about everything you could think of was on this table.

Which was a shame, demons didn’t need to eat. Only she ate but, still, she could survive without it for longer than a normal human, and could never eat more than a fragment of this ridiculous display.

“So Y/n you’re probably wondering what all this is about ?” Lilith said as she watched her for the corner of her eye.

Y/n took her fork in her hand, making sure to keep up her pinky finger up, she had gotten enough beatings for forgetting it.

“Yes, I can’t help but do” she said, her mind was reeling with a way to get the key from Lilith.

The demons she had threatened had told her Lilith had the key, getting it from her would not be easy...

But not impossible.

“Lucifer is coming and you need to be prepared... ready” Crowley piped up.

“Prepared ? For what ?” she knew she was meant to be his slave, his wife in her father’s mind, like it could happen… but she didn’t understand why they said she wasn’t ready, prepared how ?

“Well, first, you’re not ready to talk to him, not with that tone for instance” Lilith sneered.

“Lucifer will need you, your powers to be more precise” Crowley told her.

“For what purpose does he need them ?” she frowned. “He is far more powerful than me, unless...” she looked at both of them “he is not ?”

Lilith laughed out loud, an ominous and mocking laugh that made Y/n want to drag Lilith through the halls of Hell and cast her in the deepest pit she could find.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, girl, no one is stronger than Lucifer. He will use your powers as a weapon… Or your belly” she grinned sardonically.

“A weapon” she repeated, putting her fork in her plate. “What do you mean my belly ?” she dared asking, the idea of the answer making her nauseous.

“To bring Hell upon the Earth” Lilith smiled.

No… not Earth ! That meant when she would get Dean out, it would all be for nothing ! Anger rose in her core, she could suddenly feel her ears burn with that rage she knew so well. When will they stop ? When will he be allowed to be happy ? Why soil everything ! She couldn’t let that happen.

“No” she stated, trying to hold her fury hidden deep inside of her.

Crowley’s had snapped towards Y/n.

“No ? Darling, you don’t really have a say in it” he laughed.

“I control my powers. I won’t do it !” she said, trying to weight her words.

“And why not ? You never even saw Earth, what do you care for it” Lilith got up from her chair.

It was the home of the man she loved.

“There are innocent people there. I just… I won’t do it.”

Lilith stood next to her, her hand grasped the back of her head, her fingers tangled in Y/n’s hair, pushing her down to the table, her face now in her plate. Y/n gasped, the rage inside her once again drowned by humiliation, like it had been so often in her life.

“Like daddy said,” she bent down to whisper in Y/n’s ear. “You don’t have a say in it.”

A necklace slipped out of the demon’s dress and dangled in front of her face.

The key !

Y/n was so close to grasp it… So close to freedom. Her heart started pounding in her chest and flashes of Dean in pieces came in her mind, making her more determined than she had ever been.

She started to vibrate underneath Lilith’s hand, she could almost taste her rage on her own tongue. Her body curled inwards, her breath slow and focused, her hair started to flow, she opened her eyes and could see herself light up in the reflection of the silver gravy boat that was placed on the table.

With a powerful blast of fire everything around her vaporized to dust as Crowley and Lilith flew pinned against the walls.

“I WON’T DO IT” her voice was unrecognizable, it sounded like she was speaking with a thousand voices at the once.

She was floating high in the middle of the room, she spread her arms and could feel two fiery wings erupt from her back, so big they touched each side of the room.

She would get out. She wouldn’t take any of their punches, any of their humiliations. And Dean wouldn’t spend another night in that cell. She was getting out. Now.

Her eyes focussed on the key around Lilith’s neck, with a nod of her head the chain snapped and the key flew into her hand like she was the magnet.

“YOU WON’T STOP ME” she clenched both her fist, the flames around her growing with the rage inside her as she forced the demons out of their vessels.

A force that wasn’t hers made the room colder. Her head snapped towards Lilith who seemed to be whispering something.

“L-Lilith” Crowley yelled.

Y/n felt an invisible cord wrap around her feet, it tugged her down violently to the floor with one hard pull. Her wings disappeared, Lilith ran towards Y/n and threw a small vile in front of her, it caught fire and followed a line all around her.

She felt herself growing weaker and weaker, the more she fought the heavier everything got.

“Stop trying Y/n, you’re trapped, no way you can cross that.” Crowley said as he wiped the dirt of his dress pants.

“You really thought you were gonna get out ?” Lilith sneered at her, a wicked grin on her face.“Oh and you wanted to take the Winchester boy with you ?” she was now laughing out loud.

Y/n crawled to the edge of the fire ring around her, heavy and beaten, but met an invisible wall, icy and crackling, she couldn’t pass. She used all her strength, all her rage, but the anger was just a stomachache now, and her body was a prison. She was trapped.

“Told you the spell would work.” Crowley told Lilith, with that fear hidden in his voice, the voice he had when he felt like he had to protect himself. He wouldn’t help her.

Lilith leaned closer to her, victory on her face.

“I got you now, don’t ever think you are stronger than me. It’s over.”

No… it couldn’t be, she had to get Dean out of here, she promised him… She swore. Dean was waiting for her, she couldn’t let him down…

Her ribs became too tight and a sob of supplication escaped her mouth. She lifted an arm, in a last attempt to resist, but despair was even heavier on her back, than the spell was.

“Bring her to my cage” Lilith said, opening the door to the demons on the other side, intrigued by the noise.

“No no, please no.” Y/n started, she knew by now that Lilith intended to lock her up for good this time.

The thought of Dean waiting for her was unbearable… He would be waiting… forever. In a strangled sob, she clutched the key in her hand so hard it snapped. She looked down at her hand, it was broken…

“It’s a fake” Lilith clenched her fist and Y/n rose up, gasping for air. “You think I would walk around it with around my neck ? I’m not stupid.”

Some demons grasped Y/n by her foot to tug down to the ground so they could put new chains around her. She couldn’t move, crying like she had never cried, not even as a child. She wasn’t crying for herself, she wouldn’t mind dying.

She was crying for Dean. Every single one of his cuts would be on her from now, every one of his lonely nights, of his fears and burns… For eternity.

On her.

Once the chains were secured the demons started dragging her to her new ‘room’.

“Oh and” Lilith started, the demons stopping at the sound of her voice, she looked down at Y/n laying chained on the floor, silent tears rolling down her face.

“I’ll take care of Mr. Winchester.”

Next Chapter in @roonyxx‘s blog

_________________________________

Forever Tags : @parinarain @animegirlgeeky @mogaruke @masterof-agony @rainflowermoon @tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @roonyxx @thefaithfulwriter @vicariouslythruspn @emeow1496 @daryldixonandfrogs @holylulusworld @cocklesbelli @sandlee44 @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx @stormchasingchick32 @akshi8278 @magssteenkamp @sister-winchesters99 @neii3n @lyss-dw79 @im-a-shrub @sadwaywardkid@hopelesslydevotedtoyou1912 @slyqueenj @i-love-superhero @waywardsisterandpie @sunsetsandbooks @fangirlxwritesx67 @mrspeacem1nusone @stylesismyhubs @deanwanddamons @jawritter @peridottea91 @chelsea072498 @chocolateheart @vicmc624 @teresa-67 @jessie-michael

Firefly Tags: @waywardsistersandpie @jessica-marsh09 @teller258316

224 notes · View notes

laufire · 2 years

Note

Dean x Bela Talbot for the ship ask

It's Complicated TM xDD

I still think that, out of all the romantic options Dean ever had in the show, Deanbela would've been the superior one by far. Like, that's a ship that could've carried him through the show! That's a Batcat! And he squandered it smh. After her, you could tell the writers' hearts wasn't in it with any other woman and how could I blame them after what they'd foolishly lost?

It's compelling, is what I'm getting at. The batcat, Sherlock-Irene dynamic. The fact that Dean's usually sharp instincts are shit when it comes to her. The fact that they each see something of themselves in the other and HATE IT. The more playful cat-and-mouse moments. The chemistry. The potential was off the chart!

But damn, is Dean an asshole to her. In ways I can't stomach given how things go down. Like, I HATE HIM with her, I want to kill him on her behalf like I've wanted with a few characters from the show xD. I don't think I could've ever shipped them in a conventional way because of it even if she'd stayed or returned to the show. They wouldn't have been likeable. But they would've been interesting, which is better.

In fanon terms, when I write them... here's the thing. I have this immutable headcanon that Dean tortured her in Hell. It would've been exactly the kind of stunt Alastair would pull with them, and I believe it happened in my bones. Maybe she was the first, even, being the soul Dean tortured and broke the first seal of the Apocalypse with. I go back and forth with that one, so depending on what the story I'm writing needs, she's either the first one or just one more soul Dean tortured.

And because of this, if I'm writing a version of the story where Bela and Dean both went to Hell*, I could never see them crossing the line into shippy territory. Never. Bela couldn't do it, Dean couldn't do it, I couldn't do it. The dynamic remains fascinating to me and I love writing it, but it remains strictly platonic (and antagonistic xD) in my head because after something like that the possibility would be closed to them.

The WIP where I'm bound to write them sharing scenes the most -a lot of them already drafted- is my Belastiel AU, and that's where I let a lot of my Deanbela feels out while remaining true to this lol. They become allies by necessity, and Castiel is another tie between them (a complicated one, since now on top of everything else, they both have Castiel-rescued-me-from-Hell issues xD), but it's by no means easy. The Hell backstory is there, their previous antagonism poisons it even more, they distrust each other and lash out at each other... it's been very fun and very emotional to write lol.

*I have two stories (one Bela centric series, and one where Bela is a supporting character) where Bela never goes to Hell; once, because she and Crowley reach an alternative deal, and another because she took a desperate last-second resort. In those... I think I might veer into that territory out of curiosity, explore how it could've gone down between them; exorcise those feelings, so to speak. Again, it wouldn't be likeable, or particularly romantic, or "endgame" lol. But I do think it could be interesting. That's where I stand with these two.

Send me a ship and I’ll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

#starry sky stuff #replies #talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #deanbela #bela talbot #dean winchester #writing woes #ty!

4 notes · View notes

massivelycreepypineapple · 4 years

Text

Dreadful As Hell

Request: uh, hi ! i hope that you are doing great (i love your works !!) & i was wondering if you could write a fanfiction (dean winchester x reader) where dean finally tells the reader that he was in hell, and he breaks down saying that there was a soul that looked exactly like the reader but he still kept on torturing as he couldn't stop ? is that okay? (it is dark like my soul) if you cant that is perfectly alright ily☪️

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Warning: Angst, mentions of torture, sad Dean (caz that’s a warning)

A/N: I hope you like it!!

Feedback is welcome! :)

Word count: 1598

❅ ❅ ❅

“Dean” You called him.

No answer. Again.

“You can ignore me all you want, baby. You can hate me for forcing you. But I ain’t going anywhere until you talk to me.”

No reply still.

“It’s been nearly two weeks, Dean, since you showed up at my door step all broken. I let you be, but I’m really worried about you. I didn’t hear from you in 4 months. And suddenly you show up, no explanation, no words whatsoever. This is enough.”

He continued to stare into nothing sitting on the bed in your guest room. He didn’t move, it was like he didn’t hear you. But you knew he did. During the first couple of nights since his return he had hurt you during his nightmares and since then he had been staying in the guest bedroom much to your protest. You even offered to sleep on the floor. But he refused.

“You don’t know what you’re doing to me, Dean. You’re breaking me. You-“ You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

There was a lump forming in your throat. You couldn’t cry now. If you did, you won’t be strong enough for him to open up. But nevertheless a tear slipped down your cheek and you tried to subtly wipe it away. But Dean caught it and that seemed to bring some life into him. He looked at you for a brief second before looking away again.

“W-why won’t you look at me anymore?” You whispered in a shaky voice, doing your best to not start crying. You almost gave up. You were just about to get up and leave, when he spoke.

“I was in hell.”

You would’ve missed it had you not been looking at him. You eyes went wide and you couldn’t believe your ears. “W-what?”

“I was in hell.” He repeated, a little louder, but still not looking at you. “The actual place of the damned.”

He knew coming to you was a mistake but he had to make sure you were okay.

“What do you mean, Dean? How can you go to hell?” Your mind was spinning. The love of your life spent four months in hell and you didn’t know.

You and Dean had a very complicated relationship. You were in love with each other but never did much to get the other to stay permanently. You weren’t a hunter either, so you went back to your normal life whenever a hunt called him away. But you always waited for him and he always showed up. Your heart would always belong to him and his to you. But when he disappeared for four months without any trace you didn’t know what to do or where to start looking. So you just stayed put hoping he’d show up. And he did. Worse than he left.

“I had a free ticket, sweetheart. I made a deal.”

“Y-you made- Why Dean?” You were getting scared. He went to hell and he came back. You were scared for him, scared of the damage that you were sure was there.

“Sammy needed to be saved, and I had to do it.” He shrugged like it was the most natural thing to do. Of course it was. Sam was his baby brother and he’d do anything to keep him safe.

You didn’t say anything to that. What could you say? You shouldn’t have gone? You should’ve been selfish and stayed safe? You should’ve thought about me? A part of you wanted to say all that. But the bigger part of you that loved Sam like your own brother understood Dean.

There was silence between you two. You didn’t know what to say and Dean didn’t think he could say what he wanted to. But he supposed if he wanted to keep you in his life then he had to be honest.

“Do you know how long 4 months is in hell?” He asked his voice gruff. You didn’t answer him. You figured it was rhetorical and besides it was his turn to talk. “It’s 40 years.”

You gulped at that. 40 years in hell all by himself only monsters and demons to keep him company.

It seemed that once he started talking he couldn’t stop. A dam had opened and he was finally going to tell you what happened.

“I was tortured initially. You know typical hell stuff.” He chuckles humourlessly.

You shuffled closer to him, offering any semblance of comfort you could. But when you noticed him tense up a little, you stopped. You didn’t reach out to him, he wouldn’t welcome your touch now.

“Dean…” You whispered. Tears falling freely.

“At first I tried to brave it out. Told myself I chose this so Sammy could be safe. I toughed it out like a fucking man. But Alastair, the demon in charge of torture, got creative. He found new ways to break my spirit and at the end… He offered to stop.” He closed his eyes, a tear escaping.

You so badly wanted to reach out and wipe it away. It took all your strength not to wrap him up in your arms and keep him safe.

He took a breath before continuing, “But in return I had to torture other souls. It was the only way.”

You were stiff as a board next to him, hanging onto every word he spoke. You didn’t think Dean had it in him to torture people. You had seen him kill before when your life was threatened one time. But those were monsters who deserved it. Not human beings.

“I resisted at first. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt people. But he won, Y/N. The bastard fucking won. I took the deal.”

He was doing everything in power to not burst out crying. His body was shivering, and he was struggling to keep it together. You on the other hand went numb. Your Dean spent most of his time in hell torturing people. It pained you to even think that. But you understood that he did it because he had his limits. Who were you to judge him, you weren’t the one who went through what he did. What do you know about hellish pain?

“Dean, I’m sorry.” You said, voice cracking. “I’m so sorry you went through this, baby.”

“That’s not all, Y/N. It wasn’t just torturing those souls.”

There was another few seconds of silence, he was getting himself together to get out what he was afraid to.

“I tortured you.” He said finally looking up at you. His eyes bore into yours and you could see years of pain in them as clear as the sun. You could see how broken he truly was.

Your heart dropped into your chest as the words resounded in the room. “W-what?!” You whispered.

“That soul looked just like you. To the fucking T, and I didn’t stop. I kept hurting you in ways you couldn’t imagine.”

“D-Dean…”

“When I close my eyes, I can see you being hurt by my hands! I hear your screams as clear day!” He broke down crying.

You didn’t care about his space anymore. You immediately pulled him into your arms shushing him.

“No, Dean, no! I’m right here baby. I’m not hurt. You didn’t hurt me.” You were sobbing too.

“It’s all I can see! I’m so sorry, Y/N!” He was shaking in your arms, his face buried in the crook of your neck.

You shifted slightly, so the both of you were lying on the bed. You kept him close to you, needing comfort just as much. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. A part of you was scared. You were scared that he didn’t stop, knowing it was you. But the larger part of you was more worried about putting this beautiful man in your arms back together. He was Dean Winchester after all. The man who would protect you no matter what.

You carded your fingers through his hair. After a bit his cries reduced to sniffles. “I shouldn’t have come here. I can’t stand being here with you knowing that I hurt you there. But I had to make sure you were alive. Knowing you are here makes it better. It’s all my fault!” He said brokenly.

“Dean, no, please! You did what had to be done. There was no way out baby. Please don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to us. I love you so much. Alastair was a piece of shit who made fake me to hurt you more. And those other people, if they’re in hell, they are there for a reason, right?” You weren’t even sure about that logic, but you knew Dean. He was a gem of a man and deserved so much more.

He didn’t say anything. He just clutched you tighter and buried himself deeper into you. You had never seen him like this. He was always the protector. The man who saves people from horrible things. To see him so beaten down and broken was shattering your heart into a million pieces.

“Please don’t leave me.” His voice came out softly, almost ashamed to ask. He breathing in her scent memorising it and making sure she was right there alive.

“Never, Dean. I’m going to be right here with you.” You said kissing his head. You snuggled into him, pulling the blankets up.

This time you were the one to protect your Dean. You promised to make sure he came back from that place fully.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278

#supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural x reader #spn #spn fic #spn x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester #reader insert #female reader #angst

66 notes · View notes

drsilverfish · 5 years

Text

The Rupture/ The Rapture - Subtextual Grammar and Castiel’s Relationship to Dean in 15x03

Hey everyone,

Catching up British time and just seen the ep, so looking forward to seeing all your posts and gifs shortly! Firstly, some musings of my own.

Has Berens’ ripped everyone’s hearts out already? That’s some pretty potent symbolism right there for heartbreak huh? (Sorry Ketch):

The Rupture recalls, in subtext, through visual symbolism, Castiel’s long narrative journey in relation to Dean. So that Dean and Cas’ break-up, already foreshadowed by Chuck and Amara’s “divorce” in Reno last week, at the end of the episode (for those following the symbolism) is given extra punch.

Firstly, the title, The Rupture 15x03 deliberately recalls, following Dabb’s ouroboros (circular/ spiral) narrative structure, The Rapture 4x20. That episode was critical for Dean and Castiel’s relationship. Castiel rebelled against Heaven and entered Dean’s dreams (his intimate space) in order to try to warn him about the angels’ plans by passing him a love note:

In the subtextual grammar of the show, that pier incident, has become a symbol of Dean and Castiel’s intimate connection. For example in 14x10 Nihilism, you can see a pier at sunset with a figure standing on it in the background on the wall, behind Dean’s mind-Pamela:

And remember, mind-Pamela profoundly represents Dean’s feelings for Castiel in that episode. Recall her costume, with the winged necklace and the T-shirt symbolising Dean’s salvation from Hell by Cas? And mind-Pamela, in Rocky’s Bar, is someone Dean wants, but thinks he can’t have.

Of course, Castiel was dragged back to Heaven and punished for his disobedience in 4x20 The Rapture, yet, eventually, as we know, he rebelled again and chose to help Dean over Heaven. So, when Berens recalls The Rapture in his episode title, The Rupture, it is to remind us just how much Castiel has sacrificed for Dean.

“I rebelled, and I did it, all of it.... for you” (5x02 Good God Y’All).

As Cas said to Dean last week, in 15x02 Raising Hell, what’s “real”, despite Chuck’s machinations?: “We are.”

Cas can see (at that point) that his connection to Dean has profound meaning, at least for him (a profound bond, indeed) because Dean helped Cas finally break free of Heaven’s control. Something (we learn in 8x21 The Great Escapist) that Cas had been trying over and over to do for aeons, only to be mind-wiped and re-programmed again and again. Naomi tries to torture re-programme Cas, yet again, in 8x17 Goodbye Stranger, by getting him to murder endless Dean clones in Heaven (making it very clear that the source of Castiel’s free will and resistance is his connection to Dean specifically). BUT Cas’ bond with Dean is too strong, and he breaks free of Naomi’s conditioning when faced with the real Dean, bloodied and on his knees, telling him: “I need you.”

If anything in Chuck’s multiverse symbolises free will it is Castiel’s rebellion against Heaven for Dean.

What Cas isn’t clear on, by 15x03, is that the “profound bond” continues to have any meaning for Dean himself. As he says, bitterly to Belphegor:

Cas: “Sam and Dean are just using you. Don’t mistake that for caring about you, because I an assure you, they don’t.”

Bel: “Wow, you learn that the hard way?”

The symbolism, of Castiel’s journey in relation to Dean, continues in 15x03 in the visual grammar, as we see Cas, literally, jumping into Hell:

which of course recalls what we all know so well - that Cas fought his way into Hell and rescued Dean from Alastair’s clutches and resurrected him:

Castiel (to Dean): “When we discovered Lilith’s plan for you, we laid siege to Hell, and we fought our way to get to you...” (4x16 On the Head of a Pin).

This shot of Dean and Cas together in 15x03, literally at Hell’s mouth, with a gravestone between them, likewise symbolises that event (Castiel’s resurrection of Dean from Hell) as well as the present “death” of their relationship:

So, it’s no accident that the magical object Castiel is tricked by Belphegor into retrieving from Hell in 15x03 is Lilith’s crook. Because (as in the 4x16 quote above) Lilith was the demon who worked to ensure Dean was dragged to Hell, to be broken by Alastair (whom Belphegor re-mentioned, also not by accident, in 15x01 Back and to the Future) thus breaking the first seal to jumpstart Lucifer’s return and the apocalypse.

All these reminders of Castiel’s significance to Dean, of Castiel’s salvation of Dean, of how they averted Chuck’s apocalpyse before (in S5), together, at the very moment of their break-up....

So, when we see Castiel on his knees in Hell, reluctantly singing a praise hymn in Enochian to Lucifer in order to achieve access to Lilith’s crook, aka magic horn? (Belphegor explicitly refers to the crook as a “horn”).

Well, in subtext, the magic horn (Lilith’s crook) can be read as a sexual metaphor.

This symbolism is the juxtaposition of the sacred and the profane - an angel at prayer in Hell.

And following the shot of Cas kneeling in Hell, we get this shot of Dean, looking down into the Hell-mouth...

A visual reversal of Castiel’s rescue of Dean from Hell in S4.

Castiel passes the “magic horn” to the demon wearing the body of his beloved son, Jack:

Jack who always, in subtext, symbolised the (forbidden) love between Dean and Castiel (his adoptive parents) because, as a Nephilim, he was the product of (forbidden) human-angel congress.

Here at the start of S15, we know Castiel is losing his angelic powers after trying to heal Sam’s God-wound, and the show has previously been quite clear that becoming human entangles Cas in the world of human sexuality. We’ve seen that in 5x04 The End with Castiel and the orgies he shares with Future!Dean:

And we also saw it (crudely drawn by Bucklemming) in 9x03 I’m No Angel, when newly fallen Human!Cas has survival sex with the Reaper possessing April (yes, ugh - consent issues all round):

Belphegor pleading with Cas in Jack’s voice reminds us of everything Jack meant to Cas. Cas, after all, once towed Heaven’s party line and regarded Nephilim as “abominations”. We saw that in 8x22 Clip Show, when Metatron inveigled Cas into killing a Nephilim, in order to obtain her heart, for his (subtext-heavy) angel-fall spell, and we also saw it in the flash-back sequences in 12x10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets when Cas believed Akobel deserved to die for (supposedly) fathering a Nephilim child with Lily.

What was once profane to Cas has become sacred.

Jack, and loving Jack, represented (among other things) for Castiel, some kind of accommodation with his own secret heart. If the child of an angel (Lucifer, no less) and a human could NOT be a monster, then maybe an angel loving a human might not be monstrous either, despite Heaven’s edicts.

But then Jack (apparently) killed Mary, and the Winchester family, whose always previously shaky membership (for Cas), Jack’s co-adoption with Sam and Dean had cemented for him, was blown apart.

In 15x03 Cas is forced to kill Belphegor wearing the body of Jack:

And the death of Jack’s Nephilim (human-angel union) image, becomes, in the visual grammar, a metaphor for the death of Castiel’s hope of any continuing union between him and Dean - the death, on Dean’s part, Cas believes, of the profound bond. Hence we get a corpse-shot:

And Castiel’s tears:

Castiel echoes (having absorbed them) Dean’s unkind (grief-stricken) words to him from 14x18 Absence, “You’re dead to me!”

Cas (to Dean): “I’m dead to you.” (15x03).

After everything they’ve been through together (to Hell and back, as carefully illustrated in the visual grammar of 15x03) Castiel has utterly lost hope that he has any remaining emotional meaning for Dean; without Jack, without Mary, without his powers.

Walking away (as the Winchester family signature music plays poignantly in the background) is a huge (and ultimately positive) step for Cas, who has, over the years, more and more built his identity and his meaning around his connection to the Winchesters, following his long rebellion against (and rejection by) Heaven. After everything Cas has been through (the narrative suggests) he deserves to be his own person, to be loved for himself (not his powers) and not to be taken for granted.

And so we are left with the LOUD narrative negative space of Dean’s silence at the end.

We can see Dean’s tense body language, in the final shot, half poised as if to spring forward, half frozen to the spot, as Cas leaves:

That silence in the narrative structure, which is mirrored in the symbolism of the ghosts/ demons being temporarily re-bottled up in Hell (like Dean’s feelings) as well as in the re-death of the feminine in the form of Rowena (because the feminine in the grammar of SPN = feelings) DEMANDS words, at some point down the road.

Last time Cas was human, Dean kicked him out of the Bunker (thanks to Dean’s coercive pact with Gadreel) and we saw Cas’ broken-hearted suffering over that break-up in 9x06 Heaven Can’t Wait (Berens’ very first episode for SPN):

This time, Cas has more agency. He decides to initiate the break-up, because his heart (and how very human of you, Cas) can’t bear being treated to Dean’s silence, Dean’s anger and Dean’s (apparent) indifference any longer.

Now, we need not only to see Dean come to his own broken-hearted realisation over this (reverse) break-up (after all, we’ve seen Dean broken-hearted over losing Cas, to death, before now) but for Cas to see that realisation, in Dean.

In The Rapture (4x20) we are told the story of how Castiel the angel came to take Jimmy Novak as a vessel - how the angel we know became conjoined to the human-form we best know him in:

In The Rupture (15x03) Castiel is losing his angelic powers again, moving once more towards inhabiting Jimmy Novak’s vessel, which is now his own body (Jimmy’s soul long-gone, and indeed that body destroyed and yet resurrected AS Cas, several times), as a human.

Last time Cas was human, Dean missed his shot. How about this time?

The Ouroboros narrative is taking its final turn.

My usual disclaimer: subtextual readings do not inevitably indicate or imply that textual romantic declarations will be forthcoming between Dean and Cas. That element of the story has been told in subtext for 10 years (and that’s where it quite likely will remain, in the terrain of ambiguity). Subtext IS however, part of narrative.

Nevertheless, an emotional reconcilliation of some sort, however readable as “brotherly”, comrades-in-armsy, nebulously “familial” etc. is, by story-logic, absolutely inevitable.

That which is parted will be re-joined - Chuck to Amara, Cas to Dean.

#Supernatural #15x03 #The Rupture #SPN meta #Meta #4x20 #The Rapture #Destiel #Still subtext #But subtext IS part of narrative #Long post for TS #If anyone is still using Tumblr Savr?

782 notes · View notes

rosemariad · 3 years

Text

SPN Season 4 (Part 3)

Then a few episodes later, with the siren case, it turns into a man completely invested in Dean's own interests like his car and Led Zeppelin. One could argue that it was one of those moments where Dean's sexuality, where he was bi instead of straight. But the siren said he wanted a brother that he could trust and at this point, Sam and Dean have lost trust with each other, which is sad to see. Hopefully they make amends soon, I mean sure they said they didn’t mean the things they said in the episode but….

Anyway, I have seen other arguments though, where it wasn't about Dean's sexual desires (that certainly wasn't said in the episode, I mean its 2009 on a network show). There was an argument that Dean wanted someone devoted to him, which does make sense to me. I can see that point of view too as valid since Dean is a lonely guy who's been through a lot of shit at this point and whose a felt a sense of abandonment from his brother (like when Sam left for Stanford), Sam has always been more independent than Dean, more willing to follow the beat of his own drum. There's also been times where Dean has made himself vulnerable and been burned because of it, like when he tried to tell his ex Cassie about what he actually did for a living. I think its stuff like that, that and losing his mother so early in his life is why Dean acts the way he does, and a girl calls him out on that while he was a high school student back in the day. After she did, he looked so exposed and was completely uncomfortable by it that by the time their dad finally returned to pick them up, he was relieved to leave the school and never look back.

So much happened in the last couple of episodes - Dean runs into the reaper that tried to take him back in the season 2 premiere and admits he regrets not going with her, not moving on from the world of the living. Next episode he has to go and torture Alastair who kept taking all sorts of shit to Dean, eventually telling him that Dean is responsible for the first seal to be broken, leading to the rest of the seals to be broken subsequently. That really fucked Dean up poor thing. Meanwhile Castiel begins to change, in the beginning of episode 16, the dynamic changed between Cas and Uriel, with Uriel taking the lead when talking to the Winchesters. Cas is still being nice while Uriel is a dick and it turns out Uriel was working for Lucifer all along. Anna returns, appealing to Castiel’s own will, pushing him to think for himself for a change instead of just blindly taking someone else’s orders. I love how the whole time Dean keeps appealing to Castiel whenever they had a scene together and Uriel was trying to tell Dean what to do. And how Castiel was so sympathetic with Dean and his plight :D

#supernatural #supernatural season 4 #dean winchester #sam winchester #flashback #castiel

1 note · View note

jensenknowsdeanbetterthanyou · 4 years

Note

What are the scenes that made you really emotional about dean? Except the obvious ones (like s1e2 or ahbl etc). Scenes which are not really talked about regarding dean.

Gosh, where do I begin?

I’m afraid I can’t talk much about what’s happened in the last 5 seasons because I haven’t really watched properly, although I can say that a few emotional scenes these last few years have left me cold....dean crying over dead!Cas for example has become an overused trope and one that’s likely to be used again in episode 18.

Actually, if this counts there have been too many times to count where I’ve felt angry....about dean, or more specifically how dean’s been treated. I’ve talked already about Just My Imagination, honestly that just always makes me want to throw things.

Then there’s the whole Jack debacle, that just infuriates me...that Dean has to play nice with his mother’s killer...just thinking about it makes me see red.

In fact, the main reason why I stopped watching properly and had to create this emotional distance from the show is that so much of it angers me since Dabb and co clearly have a hate boner for Dean, and is not good for me mentally.

If you’re talking emotional in the classic sense, then there’s one scene that haunted me for a few days, and that’s the end of Swan Song where he’s sitting at Lisa’s table with a drink in his hand and he’s just sort of vacant. I wish more screentime had been given to his PTSD while he stayed with Lisa, especially in those early days immediately after the events in Swan Song. I’m sure the Sam stans would have viewed as Dean weeping over Sam only, but it was so much more than that. That year with Lisa was the first time he had space to do think and process EVERYTHING that’s happened to him, his childhood, his father’s death, his time in Hell and I’m sure it all came flooding over him, and Lisa will forever be my hero for being there for Dean back then.

Another time is when he confronts Metatron and is stabbed at the end of s9, that was too real! Jensen’s acting was so good at that moment, the way he seems to be having this sort of out of body experience and is all spaced out while Sam comes to tend to him. It’s painful to watch because it’s too lifelike so bravo to Jensen but yeah.

Just thinking, cos there’s so many times -

Dean’s time in Hell was the most horrendous thing to happen to him, so I guess that’s too obvious, although his time in Hell doesn’t get talked about enough imo, but anyway....his speech to Sam about what really happened, that took a while to process.

Maybe because Dean’s time in Hell was not a simple case of him being tortured for years and then saved but instead he actually broke and became a torturer himself is why it doesn’t get discussed enough, maybe it makes fans feel uncomfortable, or they just can’t grasp the complexity of the situation and Dean’s relationship with Alastair - which is why it SHOULD be discussed because it’s so interesting!!! I have a lot of Dean and Alastair feelings.

Then there’s the moment when Anna tells him she knew and it wasn’t his fault I love her so much for that.

I could go on, but it would mean writing a 100,000,000 word essay, in fact maybe there should be a top 100 because there have been enough times - especially when the Dean theme used to play in the background.

#replies #dean feelings #dean winchester #all the seasons #honestly there are so many moments i could be all here all night #Anonymous

15 notes · View notes

cap-winter-barnes · 4 years

Text

Not Just Friends - Dean Winchester x Reader (1/?)

A/N: This is heavily based off of episode 4x16 On the Head of a Pin. I’ve changed some of the dialogue to suit the storyline with where I want to take this. This is going to be a slow burn story and will have multiple chapters. If you would like to be added to a tag list for this one, please let me know.

Warnings: language, torture

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Double doors swing open as Dean pushes the heaving trolley through into the next room that holds Alastair, bound within a devil’s trap. He continues singing as Dean approaches and I stand, neck and back tired from hours of sitting in one place. “When I said I didn’t mind watching him, I thought it meant for two minutes, Winchester.” I walk up to the older brother, stopping on the opposite side of the cart as he removes the stained tarp. “Not three goddamn hours.” Still he does not look at me, instead keeping his gaze on the utensils in front of him. “Dean.” I see his eyes move towards me and then flicker back down to his occupied hands. Sighing with defeat, I step back and return to my seat across the room, the one directly facing the white-eyed demon.

“Your little friend here is not one to entertain her guests I have to say.” Alastair’s voice is calm despite his situation as he addresses Dean. After hours of keeping watch, he has worn my patience down to the bone. But I made a promise to Dean, that I would stay whilst he dealt with Cas and Uriel. “I’m sorry.” I glance over to Dean, still he says nothing. “This is a very serious, very emotional situation for-“ “You got one chance.” His voice sends a chill down my spine and it takes everything within me not to shiver. I’ve been on plenty of hunts with my time with the Winchesters and have heard Dean raise his voice and threaten others but never like this. This was something else entirely and it scares me. “One.” He raises a blade from the trolley, examining it under the little amount of light that filters into the room. I notice Dean quickly glance in my direction, although it was brief, it was there, concern in his eyes. “You think I’ll just see your little toys and your torture devices and spill my guts?” Alastair grins through his words, straining against the binds on his wrists. “Oh, you’ll spill your guts one way or another. But first, Y/N?” In the time I was looking towards Alastair, Dean has moved across the room towards me, standing inches behind my chair. He softly places his hand on my shoulder, involuntarily I flinch at his touch. Immediately, Dean removes his hand from my shoulder, a look of hurt crosses his face before it vanishes, leaving behind the cold expression that I had been met with when he had entered the room. “Dean, I-“ “A word?” He gestures towards the only way in or out of the room, blade still in hand. “Erm, yeah. Sure.”

Dean glances through the glass window into the room, checking that the devil’s trap is doing its job. Without looking back at me, he speaks, voice barely above a whisper. “You’re staying out here.” “Excuse me?” Even though the words are quiet, I still hear them clearly. “You’re staying out here, Y/N.” His gaze then falls on mine, unwavering. I can see the pain in his eyes, although he tries to hide it on the outside, its obvious when you know someone so well. “Dean.” “I’m not going to change my mind.” “You can’t seriously expect me to wait out here. Whilst you torture the hell out of him.” I fight the tears that threaten to pool in my eyes. “I know exactly what he did to you. I know what happened to you while you were in the pit, Dean.” I take a deep breath before continuing, eyes never leaving his. “You’re my best friend and you can think again if you really expect me to sit here and let you go through that alone.” “We’re not just friends and you know it.” His words are rushed and unexpected, Dean’s face shows that he never intended for them to leave his mouth but now that he’s said them he knows he can’t take them back. “Y/N, I-“ “Don’t.” With a shaking breath I pull his body towards me, holding him close. My arms wrap around his neck, rubbing soft circles in between his shoulder blades. “I’m sorry.” “I said don’t.” His breathing is heavy as I hold him, squeezing him tighter as his fists ball into the back of my jacket. “This is something to talk about another time, okay? But I am not going to just sit and wait Dean. I want to help.” When Dean finally lets go, he steps back, nodding his head slowly, still looking towards the ground. He raises his head to make eye contact and the pain in his eyes is evident. Clearing his throat, Dean composes himself before speaking. “You stay back and when I tell you to do something. You do it.” I nod my head, showing him that I’ll do whatever he says. “I need to hear you say it, sweetheart.” “I promise, Dean.” A tight-lipped grin, almost a grimace, makes its way across his face. “Then let’s go deal with this son of a bitch.”

Back in the room, Alastair grins as we return. “Ah, Dean and his little love have come back to torture me.” I stand back as Dean requested, staying in the shadows, away and out of reach of the demon. “Tell me who’s killing the angels. I want a name.” Dean’s words are harsh and he is back to the man I am so unfamiliar with, eyes devoid of any emotion but hate. “Or what? You’ll work me over?” The demon questions, almost mocking Dean. “Answer the question.” “Maybe you don’t want to. Maybe you’re too scared.” “I’m here aren’t I.” Dean raises his voice, gritting his teeth as he does so. “You left a part of yourself back in the pit, Dean.” I bite my tongue to prevent myself from saying anything in response. Now is not the time to be causing more damage. “Come on, you want to get a little bit of payback for everything that I did to you.” He is met with silence as Dean stands impassive, unscrewing the cap off of the holy water. “No? How about the things I did to your daddy?” Dean stills, minutely turning his head to face him. As he raises his head, he glances back to me, moving his hand behind him, ordering me silently to stay where I am. “Or, how about what I’m going to do to her.” That is when Alastair focuses his attention on me. “Has he told you?” Keeping my mouth shut, I glare at him, not giving him the satisfaction he so desires by getting a rise out of the both of us. “Told you how he tortured souls for me while he was in the pit? The best I’ve ever seen actually.” My eyes begin to pool with tears as I stand my ground. Before I can comprehend what is happening, Dean throws the holy water over his body, Alastair thrashing against his restraints, screaming in agony. Throwing the container aside, Dean moves back to the trolley, uncapping another bottle of the holy water. Alastair watches on, teasing Dean, but I see him gulp as he realises exactly what Dean plans to do with it.

It has been hours since the torturing started, Alastair still gives nothing away in regards to who is killing the angels. No amount of holy water injected into his veins or salt shoved down his throat will get him to talk. It’s obvious that he is determined to rile Dean up as much as he possibly can. Shaking salt onto the blade of Ruby’s knife, Dean ignores Alastair’s pathetic attempts of angering him. That is until he mentions John again. “You know it was supposed to be your father.” Dean falters slightly as Alastair speaks, the demon doesn’t notice, but I do. The way the muscles in his back tense make it clear that the statement has an affect on him. “He was supposed to bring it on. But in the end, it was you.” Dean continues preparing the blade, pretending not to hear what Alastair is saying. Once he has poured the holy water over it, Dean advances towards the demon, stopping inches from his face, daring him to push him further. “The first time you picked up my razor, the first time that you sliced into that weeping bitch. That was the first seal.” I take a step forward as Dean takes one back. The knife now hanging down at his side. “You’re lying.” Without thinking it through, I move to Dean, taking the blade from his hand. The look on Dean’s face is heartbreaking. Tears threaten to spill and I have never seen him look so defeated. “And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break.” Taking the blade, I quickly slash the metal across Alastair’s cheek, he screams as it breaks the skin, burning him. “You’re a liar.” “Y/N, please.” Dean’s voice cuts through the sound of Alastair groaning in pain. Turning to look at him, I drop the blade, approaching him slowly. Reaching for me, Dean pulls me to his side, pushing me behind him gently. “Believe me son, I wouldn’t lie about this. It’s kind of a religious sort of thing with me.”

Dean moves to where I was standing previously, grabbing Ruby’s knife and twirling it in his hands. He turns his back on Alastair as he pours more holy water onto the blade, his gaze set hard on his actions. “Well, you won’t be there to see it happen.” “You should really talk to your plumber about the pipes.” Both of us are confused at his words, until I notice the devil’s trap has been broken by a leaking pipe. Trusting an angel to construct a successful devil’s trap probably wasn’t the best idea in the world. The moment passes quickly as I my eyes meet Alastair’s as they flash white, a smirk plastered to his face. He lurches from his restraints and advances towards Dean. “No!” I throw myself in his way, tackling the demon to the ground as Dean turns around. He mentally kicks himself for not being more prepared for something like this to happen. Grappling each other on the floor, Alastair’s strength overcomes mine as he throws me aside, my back colliding painfully with the concrete wall. Through blurred vision, I watch as Dean raises the blade to Alastair before he delivers a punch to the side of his face, knocking him to the ground. I rest my head against the ground as unconsciousness takes over my body, the last thing I see is Dean falling to the ground after Alastair chokes him, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

#Dean Winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean Winchester imagines #dean imagines #supernatural imagines #requests are open

59 notes · View notes

postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 4 years

Text

15x11. A game of cosmic moves, heroes, and queer subtext

This was a very interesting episode that is about a game. The game being played by two cosmic forces: God and Death. The gamblers from the title refer to both the players in the pool hall, but also to the big game that is being played by Billie, who previously mentioned taking “a calculated risk” with breaking her rules. She’s playing a game and we wonder whether Chuck is realizing that.

But it’s also an episode about people handling phallic objects and playing with balls the entire time, which has a long history on the show of being associated to Dean (and men). Plus there are swords (the phallic object for excellence) and hearts, specifically hearts ripped out, which have a long history on the show of being associated to love and sex (2x17 Heart and multiple other werewolf episodes, 11x13 Love Hurts...), and it’s no coincidence Dean mentions suffering from “heartburn”: while it’s about the digestive system, the word itself evokes the heart. Of course it’s also about Sam, who’s texting Eileen at the beginning. But it’s also about Cas, who faces another soul-sucking angel, and much has been written about that kind of mirror back in the time of 10x20 Angel Heart.

So, Fortuna. And, interestingly, her son who is called Pax, which is Latin for peace, and thus drops the concept of peace/paradise in the episode. The pool hall is run by Pax, and it works a bit like heaven, especially the old way heaven was run, when the Grigori literally fed off humans’ souls. If you replace ‘luck’ with ‘soul’ you really realize what this episode is about and what it parallels to.

In fact, I think that the episode purposely blurs together callbacks to angels and demons: the pool hall Grigori torture scene is reminiscent of Alastair, for instance, there are callbacks to Crowley, to Abaddon*, to soul-selling deals (the cowboy mentions having gotten a year of extra life, the amount of time Dean got when he made his demon deal...), but also to Michael (who literally trapped Dean inside a bar, like Evie was forced to work at the bar of the pool hall) and heaven.

*In 9x17 Mother’s Little Helper, which also features Dean playing pool (and Misha’s unsubtle directing choices), demons stole souls to make an army for Abaddon quickly, and Sam released them. The episode also featured the concept of addiction - Dean and the First Blade, Crowley and human blood, the title of the episode itself refers to drugs - and now the pool players are unable to stop playing until their luck runs out, although the game is rigged.

Now, Fortuna is a clear parallel to Chuck; she keeps people trapped in her joint to play for her amusement or whatever, just like Chuck does with his narrative. But I mentioned before replacing ‘luck’ with ‘soul’, right? That makes Fortuna the goddess of ‘soul’. Who’s the cosmic lady that rules over souls and is also making someone play the moves of her own game? Yep, Fortuna is both a parallel to Chuck and Billie. Who are indeed the players of the cosmic game that is being played.

Fortuna “reads” the players like they were stories, just like Chuck writes people like characters, but also like Billie reads the destiny of people from the books in her office. Now, Fortuna calls Dean a “beach read” and laughs when he calls himself a Tolstoy, which is a clever bit because what really is a beach read is Chuck’s pulp novels, it’s Chuck’s narrative for them, while the real Dean (et alii) are much more complex and interesting than what Chuck’s story would reduce them to. Her dismissal of Dean and interest in Sam also mirrors Chuck in a way, and we wonder whether there’s some reason for that: Dean is better at pool than Sam, as Dean states and Sam doesn’t contradict him. Pool becomes the way they challenge the deity that is pulling the strings, and Sam loses. Is it a coincidence that the thing they were supposed to trap Chuck with in the last episode was shaped like a smooth ball...?

But I also think that this could be foreshadowing of Dean & co. also putting their foot down with Billie, because it’s pretty clear that whatever plan she has for Jack, they won’t accept to play it like she wants to. The Ma’lak box plan has already been labeled a bad idea by the narrative, and I’m sure that the story will frame Billie’s plan also not as the good thing to do, but they’ll find a third way between Chuck’s story and her plan.

Fortuna differs from Chuck in a fundamental way: she understands what makes a hero. Eventually she rewards them despite their loss -- it’s not about winning, it’s about trying despite zero chances of success. They went against the goddess of luck in her own joint, they were doomed from the start, yet they tried anyway, because they care. Reminds you of something? Death made a deal with Dean, his brother’s soul in exchange of being able to being Death for a full day. Dean lost, and yet Death rewarded him anyway, because Dean was never going to be able to succeed, but he showed something in his attempt.

Fortuna’s power outdoes Chuck’s “damage” (they indeed have an “average” luck: not because they are “normal” now but because they have wins and losses, they lost Jack and now they get him back, and so on...) because she acknowledges them as “heroes” -- not because they defeated her, but because they tried anyway. It’s not being exceptional, not being stronger or whatever, but it’s about being... very human. Trying against unsurmountable odds. People against something bigger than them. That’s why they are heroes -- because they’re human.

They’re human and they care about others, even if they’re strangers. Fortuna and her pool hall are a strong parallel (even in visuals, and, well, in the inevitable homoerotic subtext layer) to Lee’s bar. Lee's bar was based on the sacrifice of innocent victims so that he could prosper; Fortuna steals luck off the people in the pool hall, until they’re sucked dry, except of luck instead of blood. Lee, in fact, was killed with a pool stick, and the meta about the homoerotic subtext writes itself. Here, the homoeroticism is maybe less ridiculously blatant than in the episode with Lee, but, hey. Dean first plays a light match with a woman, then an intense match with a rugged man with a cowboy hat; Sam only plays with a woman. Yeah. *stares at the camera*

Last week, the episode with Garth was a manual of queer subtext, now the focus is more on other aspects, but it’s still an episode about pool, i.e. sticks and balls and shooting things inside openings. I think I don’t have to explain here. You have the history of pool in the show -- Dean and Ash, Dean and Crowley, Dean and Lee... but there’s also something that is not strictly about sexuality but in general about existing as a societal “other”, an outcast, a “freak” in the Dean side of the meaning since forever in the show.

Sam states that he learned to win at pool from his brother, and acknowledges that they had to hustle all their life to eat (a little reminder that they didn’t always rely on magical credit cards to pay for living expenses...), but Sam’s history with pool wasn’t an easy one. At the beginning of the story, he was against using that kind of things to get money. From 1x08 Bugs:

Dean: So what are you saying? That Dad was disappointed in you? Sam: Was? Is. Always has been. Dean: Why would you think that? Sam: Because I didn’t wanna bowhunt or hustle pool -- because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which, to our whacked-out family, made me the freak.

Abnormality versus normality, big theme of the show and particularly clear in season 1. Sam rejects the hunting life, the life he led with Dean and John, to seek a “normal” life. But he was always trapped in a mental trap made of the concept of “freak”, because of the life he’d led growing up and the sense of being unable to fit in with normal people. On the other hand, Dean armored himself with the claim of being “abnormal”, or not fitting with normal people; but that was a mechanism of defense because he was troubled by being different. Except that the story explored how Sam’s “difference” was tied to the supernatural (his tie to Azazel, the demon blood) while Dean’s “difference” was always framed as something fundamentally human, fundamentally tied to his relationships with people. You know what the subtext was always about.

So hustling pool was always a metonymy for a wider picture, the life the Winchesters led in the margins of society, in an underclass environment Sam rejected and took a long time to accept, and Dean embraced because he felt like he couldn’t belong anywhere but there. (“I’m a freak among normal people because I’ve been raised in an abnormal environment” versus “I’m a freak so I belong in an abnormal environment”, in substance.)

So, hustling pool doesn’t equate queerness per se. In Sam’s case it definitely doesn’t, but Sam embracing it equates him embracing being different in a class sense and in a general hunting-life sense. But in Dean’s case, his “being different” was always connected to a different set of subtextual meanings. Sam was “wrong” because of the demon blood and all that jazz, Dean was “wrong” in a sense of societal expectations.

So pool is connected to queer subtext in a stricter sense but also in a larger sense, the semantic area of otherness, of outcast, of freak, of being in the margins. And they play for the ability of going against God -- a God that, in Fortuna’s speech, is framed in opposition to other deities (non-christian deities, female deities, non-white deities) and that represents societal order.

Now about the game. In 5x07, whom this episode is obviously a big parallel to, the high-stake game was poker. Another obvious parallel is to the Ingmar Bergman movie The Seventh Seal, where a man plays a game of chess against Death.

In 5x07, Sam won, now he loses. It’s a fundamental difference that brings us back to what the current narrative is telling us about what makes a hero. All the stuff about luck and whatnot is irrelevant -- Chuck wants us weak, Dean says, and he’s probably right, Chuck is doing this to undermine their confidence, but it’s not a matter of strength/weakness or even confidence. They’re heroes because they’re human, because they’re not special. Against someone stronger than them, like a deity, they lose. But the point is that they play. That’s what matters. They’ve always faced adversaries more powerful than them, situations where they couldn’t win. But they fought anyway. And now, Fortuna is right in saying that they need to fight Chuck by their own rules, not the rules of his game: Chuck will win his own game, because he’s God and they’re just human. But if they play their own game, it will become irrelevant that they’re just human and he’s all-powerful. And, of course, their game means more players, just like Garth attacked the big vampire from behind.

The point is that Dean and Sam aren’t particularly strong or special in any way. They’re going to win because they are not alone.

#spn meta #spn 15x11 #my spn thoughts #spn spoilers #spn

157 notes · View notes

the-trashy-phoenix · 3 years

Text

Supernatural season 4 review (part 1)

Link to part 2:

Carly and I have been waiting for this season since we started watching Supernatural. She had been sending me Destiel posts and pictures and telling me about them even before we watched the very first episode, so I had a lot of expectations on this particular season, and on one particular character.

Castiel appears from the very beginning (I thought he wouldn’t come out so early) to explain Dean’s inexplicable resurrection. In fact, Dean died at the end of the third season and at the end of his last year on earth due to the deal to save Sam, but we already knew he would survive because the authors would never let him die at the third season and we are no more surprised by the fact that in Supernatural being dead permanently is more unusual than coming back to life after a while.

The first episode is happy and tragic at the same time: Dean wakes up in his coffin (that was pretty disquieting if you ask me) and he manages to come out and reach Bobby. At first he cannot believe he’s really Dean, but Dean convinces him even without knowing how he was saved from hell. Bobby’s pain for Dean’s death is comprehensible, as he considers him as his son, and so it is the confusion he feels seeing him again, but that’s nothing compared to Sam’s reaction. He’s been deeply broken by Dean’s death and, as it was predictable, tried in every way to take him back, and failed (as most of the fans have noticed, this total impossibility of the brothers to live without each other is quite toxic, but from some point of view their entire life is…). In fact he’s so surprised by Dean coming back from hell he can’t hide the fact that Ruby kind of took his brother’s place. She is an interesting character who emerges properly only in this season and develops through it in a quite complex way: I was never able to tell if she really wanted to help the Winchesters, as it seems in the first place, or if she was only following a mysterious path. By the way, thanks to her help and especially her blood, Sam, without Dean in his life to stop him, persuaded himself that the best way to keep hunting was by enhancing his demonic powers in order to kill demons. I’m quite sure he thinks it’s a good compromise between his two sides, good and evil, but I also think that something happens inside him the exact moment he sees his brother again. He’s so afraid of Dean’s judgement he tries to hide his relationship (also romantic, which is quite creepy) with Ruby, also because deep inside he knows what he’s doing is somehow wrong, even if he’s actually saving people. Of course when Dean finds out he gets mad at him, and that’s understandable considering how suspicious he’s always been about Ruby. However, he himself is never really sincere with Sam about what happened in hell, both because he doesn’t want to remember and somehow feel again all that pain and because he feels deeply guilty for having accepted to torture some souls, even after a long period of resistance. Also, Dean’s pain doesn’t end as he’s back in earth, because he meets again several times Alastair, the powerful demon who tortured him in hell and forced him to torture other souls (and I was quite happy when Dean had the chance to get a little revenge and torture him). Of course these big secrets lead to fights and misunderstandings to which we are used, but those issues could have been solved easily, if only they had spoken to each other from the beginning. After a while they finally do clarify their positions, and that’s a relief for us all. Sam tells Dean what Ruby has done saving him on a lot of occasions and partly persuades him to rely on this good demon, but even after this clarification, the problem is not completely solved because Dean can’t but think Sam has replaced him with Ruby and prefers following her advice rather than keep hunting with him. Deep inside Sam has always the same feeling towards his brother: he doesn’t want Dean to treat him like a child, and his biggest struggle is being considered as the little brother who needs protection. That’s why he wants so bad to break free from Dean. Although, he doesn’t understand that also Ruby is patronizing him and, as he acknowledges at the very end, she’s not doing it because she loves and cares about him, but because she needs him.

I’ll jump quickly to the final episode, as we’re talking about Ruby. The main villain of the previous season, Lilith, was not defeated at all: in the last episode we just get to know Sam can resist her, so she has to find another way to take over him. During all the fourth season we see Lilith breaking the so-called “seals”, which will allow her to free Lucifer from his cage down in hell. The boys struggle with that all the time and they don’t know how to stop her, apart from killing her. At the end, Sam decides to do that all by himself, helped by Ruby and by the demon blood he can’t stop drinking at this point, without knowing that’s exactly what he has to do to bring Lucifer back and Ruby has been cheating on him all the time. I do have to admit it was quite a shock, because I had started to like and trust Ruby and to think Dean was a little too paranoiac, and jealous, about her. Maybe it’s just that I liked to think that someone who’s destined to be a monster, like a demon, can actually have a choice and do the good thing. Also Sam always seems to hope that, because he himself has demon blood in his veins and tries to use his evil powers for the good. He mirrors himself in monsters all the time, as in episode 4, when he tries to convince Dean that a bad creature can really control itself if it wants to, but everything, even in this episode, seems to prove him wrong. Even his blood thirst is insatiable and, although he thinks he can control himself and choose the good side (as he thinks he’s doing when he accidentally frees the Devil), at some point in episode 21 Dean and Bobby feel the need to close him into the panic room to detoxify him from demon blood (and they would have succeeded, if he hadn’t managed to escape).

As I mentioned Bobby, I’d like to point out the fact that the boys seem to consider him only when they’re both alive, while, when one of them is (temporarily) dead, the other one is so lost he cuts every link with other human beings, especially Bobby, who in the contrary is always there for them. I just think he deserves a little more consideration and gratitude, because he loves the boys just as they love him and they don’t seem to realise he suffers so much when one of them dies or if he doesn’t know what’s happening to them.

To go back to the final episode, you may wonder what Dean was doing while Sam was freeing Lucifer and starting the apocalypse… To answer this question we have to go back to the beginning and Castiel.

As I said before, this mysterious character appears as Dean’s saver and presents himself as an “angel of the Lord”. Of course we’re as surprised as Dean is hearing that, because we’ve learnt to think the world is full of evil and there’s no such thing as a good supernatural creature, so we wonder what’s the truth. Well, there’s no contradiction: we soon also learn angels aren’t as good as the Bible teaches us (at least the ones in Supernatural). They do exist, so Castiel is not lying, but they just want to do their own good and they don’t care at all about humans (that’s quite paradoxical, that Sam and Dean care more about protecting humanity than angels, and as far as I know God himself, do). But that’s another thing we get to know as the show goes on and that reaches its apex in the last episode.

Of course I already knew something about Castiel (and his “special relationship” with Dean) as Carly told me a lot about him, but still I found his appearance and the whole angel thing quite interesting, especially because at first Cas tries to be solemn and focused on his duty, which is at first even a bit scary, then quite funny considering how his relationship with the brothers will evolve through the season and through the entire series. His character changes a lot not only in his behaviour towards the Winchesters, but also in his faith in God’s and angels’ plans, as he decides to actually do the right thing against all the odds and against his own father, which must’ve been really hard for him, knowing how blindly faithful he was at first. He decides to put himself into the hands of those two guys without knowing anything but they’re fighting to save as many people as possible, and that’s why we love him and consider him the only angel worth the name. The more the show goes on, the more we see the continuous contrast between Castiel’s attitude (at first just a little uncertain) and the other angels’. I’ll mention just two of them for now, Anna and Zacharia. Anna is a girl who’s perceived as crazy because she says she can hear angels speaking, and of course demons hunt her as a means to find out the angels’ plan. When Sam, Dean and Bobby find her and try to help her, they call Pamela, an old friend of Bobby’s who always helps the boys as best as she can (I think she’s one of the characters that help Sam and Dean more and that they never thank enough, considering she finally sacrifices her life to allow them to conclude a hunt successfully). Pamela makes Anna realise she’s a fallen angel, and that explains why she’s able to hear angels’ voices, and after some time, she can go back to heaven, the place she belongs to (only after having randomly had sex with Dean because why not…). Anna’s story is quite unusual compared to the other angels we met: most of them are just sort of powerful and incorporeal spirits, who, just like demons, need a human body to fit in. We see it in detail in episode 20, in the narration of Castiel’s story. I think this mechanism of appropriation of innocent human beings contributes to Supernatural’s evil connotation of angels, who seem to be even more sneaky than demons, because they take advantage of people’s faith to convince them to hold them in their bodies and do whatever they want once they’re into them. Of course this vision of both angels and demons as villains is clearly made to make us sympathise even more with Castiel, who rebelled, and with the brothers, who seem to be the only ones really caring about mankind.

Angels’ wickedness emerges in all its power in the final episode and in the character of Zacharia. That’s the time when the entire plot is solved: Zacharia, an important angel in heaven hierarchy, keeps Deans locked in a sumptuous room to prevent him from stopping Sam from breaking the last seal. Just as Sam doesn’t know what he’s doing while he thinks he’s saving the world from apocalypse, Dean didn’t know angels actually wanted the apocalypse to happen to purify the world and finally defeat demons and Lucifer. It’s quite shocking for him (and also for us) and, even though he had never liked and trusted angels, he’s led to hate them completely. He thought he was brought back from hell because angels wanted him to help saving the world, but he understands it’s exactly the opposite. In addition, I also think the worst feeling for Dean is feeling useless and not being able to protect someone he loves, especially Sam; that makes his situation even more painful, and Zacharia seems to know it well. At the end, he manages to escape, but he can’t stop Sam from killing Lilith and the brothers can do nothing but acknowledge together the beginning of the apocalypse, which will be the main theme of the following season.

I’ll go rapidly through the single episodes as usual, to highlight some I particularly liked.

I found the fifth episode, the one in which a monster fakes itself into Dracula, quite original and I appreciated the mixture of colored and black-and-white scenes, aimed to mark the difference between “reality” and the movie set up by our Dracula. In the sixth episode we are shown a hidden side of Dean, an uncontrolled fear which is of course aroused by something the brothers are hunting, but which is also credible imagine is actually an emotion Dean constantly feels in his dangerous life but can’t allow himself to show. One of my favourites of the season is episode 8, where all people’s wishes come true, because the scene of the little girl wishing for a giant teddy bear and actually getting it was so funny and scary at the same time. Episode 13 gives us another piece of the puzzle to reconstruct Sam and Dean’s childhood and youth, as they work a case in a school they had attended: apart from blaming John for making his sons change home and school so often they can’t even make friends or built a sort of life, these highlights from the boy’s past provide us even more information to understand how they became the men we see in the present and how they were, and still are, deeply different from one another.

I feel I have to mention a new character, who is quite important for the Winchesters and also recurrent in the show, Adam. He randomly comes out as Sam and Dean’s half-brother, son of John and a local woman he met during a hunt; of course at first the Winchesters don’t believe him, but at some point they have to face the truth and kind of feel sympathetic with him for John’s absence during his growth, because they’ve been through the same issues even if in theory their father lived with them. Moreover, Adam’s appearance testify once again Sam and Dean’s biggest weakness: even if they don’t know Adam at all, they can’t help but try to save him and give him love (especially Sam, I have to say) welcoming him into the family. That’s so cute, but that’s also what keeps bringing them troubles.

I’ll end my review with episode 14: the hunted monster is a siren, which, as you all probably already know, shapes itself as a male federal agent to seduce Dean. “Big hint of Dean’s bisexuality!!”, I can hear some of you scream. What I think is that the explanation the episode gives for it (the siren takes the shape of a man similar to Dean, in other words the type of brother Dean has always wanted) is quite convincing, and is not the strongest element to sustain Dean’s queerness. I’ll impatiently wait for other clues in the next seasons…

- Irene 💕

#Supernatural #spn #Spn season four #spn review #sam #sam winchester #dean #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #deancas #bobby #bobby singer #ruby spn #adam winchester #bi dean #first time watching supernatural

4 notes · View notes