impetuous-impulse
Nameless
Created on a whim. Currently on a 19th-century European history kick (including the Franco-German War and the Napoleonic era).
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The Winding Road
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Fyodor Grigorevich Gogel
[no propaganda submitted]
Auguste Frédéric Louis Viesse de Marmont
a. “He has unibrows that is kinda hot”
b. “His distinctive quasi-monobrow. Good andministrator!! Excellent at administrating Dalmatia! Sad wet little man. Got fed up with Napoleon like so many other people and got shunned for the rest of his life for the way he broke up with Naps. Poor baby,,, (literally, was the youngest of the marshals). He didn't deserve it. And he tutored Napoleon II so he wasn't all bad!”
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Josephine de Beauharnais
a. “Beautiful Empress of France who deserved better”
Alexander Alexeevich Tuchkov
a. “So sexy that a century after his death he was being singled out in poems as THE 1812 general to kiss. The prettiest of four heroic Tuchkov brothers and arguably the twinkiest of three hundred heroes of Borodino painted by George Dawe. And, I mean, just look at those eyes and curls!”
#alexander alexeeivich tuchkov#napoleonic sexyman tournament#new oomf may have... convinced me;;;#i mean josephine's probably gonna win anyway but where's the josephine propaganda amirite
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Jean-Baptiste Bessières
"Jean-Bap is the closest thing we have to a cool brooding white haired anime pretty boy here, okay? He knew the powdered hair look was a classic that made him Look Good and didn’t give into the mainstream when everyone else ditched the floppy locks and pomade. And he was a regular ice queen who still had a reputation for kindness and passion, a real kuudere as the animeheads would put it, you know in private when that ice is melted he’s got some real fire going on. He’s got genuine chivalry and politeness going on unlike a bunch of these other rough losers, and Napoleon himself compared him to the good knight Chevalier de Bayard. So vote for our sexy ice queen JB!”
Elizabeth Alexeievna
a. “Pushkin had a crush on her. She was called Psyche to Alexander's Cupid and, according to the Romanovs themselves, the most beautiful (and the most unhappy) of Russian Empresses. Noted at the Congress of Vienna for her beauty and elegance, and habitually referred to as an angel.”
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Arthur O'Connor:
a. “He was noted to be attractive when he was alive + was extremely vain about his appearance to the point where some people found it annoying. The British press was obsessed with him but even Gillray often drew him to be hot.”
Jean-Andoche Junot:
a. “Napoleon's mentally ill bestie who basically fell in love with Napoleon (please he had such a tragic life and death that he deserves to win the sexyman tournament as compensation)”
b. “THE HAIR DEAR LORD THE HAIR…”
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Almost finished AI translating the 1870s biography of Soult which has been a fun exercise in data entry/formatting and analysing how different models handle translation, and also feeding the dead frenchmen brainrot!
There's an alleged anecdote that amuses me
basically in a stagecoach there's a priest, a rowdy officer, a "gray-bearded gentleman" and a bunch of other randos
The officer starts trying to start some shit with the priest and starts singing revolutionary songs
'Do you know, my fine cavalier, that you are getting impatient with me?' suddenly exclaimed the gray-bearded man.
'Oh! Oh! Here is the papa getting angry.'
'No, it is not anger, but pity and shame for the speech you are holding.'
'Really! If your hand did not seem so feeble to me, we could break a lance together.'
'Young man, learn that if I have old hands, they still know, like the young ones, how to grasp the hilt of a sword when it comes to fighting for the homeland or giving a lesson to an insolent man.'
'In that case, Sir will kindly give me his address; here is mine.'
The gray-bearded man tore a sheet from his notebook and wrote: 'M. de Dalmatie, rue du Temple, no. 9'; then he gave it to the officer saying: 'Tomorrow morning, at nine o'clock, I will be at home.'
Only the next day did the young officer learn that he had dealt with Marshal Soult, Duke of Dalmatie. The latter received him quite paternally, and imposed on him no other obligation than to address apologies, which were very well received, to the priest he had insulted and who was called M. Affre, then Vicar General.
the fact that old guy soult literally is saying "my hands are old but i still have hands" or that challenging old people to duels is a thing or that old people accept
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Non Comprehensive List of the Nice Spanish Paintings That Mysteriously Ended Up in Marshal Soult's Collection
Sourced from the essay Seville's Artistic Heritage during the French Occupation in the book Manet/Velázquez: The French Taste for Spanish Painting, which can be downloaded for free on the Met's website which is frankly awesome but i wish someone OCRed their book
In 1852 at the sale of his collection, there were 109 paintings up for sale - 78 from the Seville School, including 15 Murillos and 15 Zurbaráns.
It's interesting that Soult wanted to legitimize his ownership of these paintings via receipts and official documentation - the biography of him I was machine translating talks about the king questioning his collection and him pulling out receipts for each painting. But, well, the essay puts it like this: "The existence of an official letter can be explained by Soult's desire to dress up in legal or formal terms what was in reality theft or extortion."
I might put excerpts from the essay in a different post, but for now, let's look at the list! Modern locations of the paintings are in parentheses, and I must say, for an essay critical of historical reappropriation of artwork, a lot of these artworks are still extant. Not a dig or anything, just an observation.
I do not condone extorting or stealing priceless Spanish artworks anyway
On with the show!
Murillo
The Immaculate Conception (Museo Nacional del Prado, Madrid)
Virgin and Child (Walker Art Gallery, Liverpool)
Saint Elizabeth of Hungary Nursing the Sick (Church of the Hospital de la Caridad, Seville)
Christ Healing the Paralytic at the Pool of Bethesda (National Gallery, London)
The Return of the Prodigal Son (National Gallery of Art, Washington, D.C.)
Abraham and the Three Angels (National Gallery Of Canada, Ottawa)
The Liberation of Saint Peter (State Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg)
Saint Junipero and the Pauper (Musée du Louvre, Paris)
Saint Salvador de Horta and the Inquisitor Of Aragon (Musée Bonnat,
Bayonne)
Brother Julián de Alcalá and the Soul of Philip II (Sterling and Francine Clark Art Institute, Williamstown, Mass.)
The Angels' Kitchen (Musée du Louvre, Paris)
The Dream Of the Patrician (Museo Nacional del Prado, Madrid)
The Patrician John and His Wife (Museo Nacional del Prado, Madrid)
The Triumph of the Eucharist (Lord Farringdon Collection, Buscot Park, Farringdon, England)
Saint Augustine in Ecstasy [Not sourced from the above book, from a Christies auction actually]
Herrera the Elder
The Israelites Receiving Manna (unknown/destroyed?)
Moses Striking the Rock (unknown/destroyed?)
The Marriage at Cana (unknown/destroyed?)
The Multiplication of the Loaves and Fishes (Musée d'Amiens, destroyed in 1918)
Last Communion of Saint Bonaventure (Musée du Louvre, Paris)
Saint Basil Dictating His Doctrine (Musée du Louvre, Paris)
Zurbarán
Saint Apollonia (Musée du Louvre, Paris)
Saint Lucy Musée des Beaux-Arts, Chartres
Saint Anthony Abbot (private collection, Madrid)
Saint Lawrence (State Hermitage, St. Petersburg)
Saint Bonaventure at the Council of Lyon (Musée du Louvre, Paris)
Saint Bonaventure on His Bier (Musée du Louvre, Paris)
The Apotheosis of Saint Thomas Aquinas (Museo de Bellas Artes, Seville)
Saints Romanus and Barulas (Art Institute of Chicago)
paintings of the archangel Gabriel and Saint Agatha (both Musée de Montpellier)
Cano
Saint John with the Poisoned Chalice and Saint James the Apostle (both Musée du Louvre, Paris)
Saint John Giving Communion to the Virgin (Palazzo Bianco,
Genoa)
Saint John's Vision Of God (John and Mable Ringling Museum Of Art, Sarasota)
a Charity and Faith (present location unknown; 1852 Soult sale)
Saint Agnes (destroyed in fire in the Staatliche Museen, Berlin)
Uncertain source, thought to be Murillo at the time
A Resting Virgin (usually identified as The Holy Family with the Infant Saint John the Baptist, Wallace Collection London)
The Death Of Abel
Saint Peter
Saint Paul
Other artists in his collection whose specific works weren't named
Sebastiån de Llanos Valdés
Pedro de Camprobin
José Antolinez
Sebastiån Gomez
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Archduke Karl:
The man who handed Napoleon his first significant defeat at Aspern, which has to be sexy to someone. His equestrian portrait and the statue on the Heldenplatz are both very cool. He also the unenviable task of trying to talk about reform to Franz II/I and Metternich, so you have to feel for the guy a bit. Had seven children, so a sexyman to his wife at the very least. Definitely a much sexier man than Franz II/I, but that might not be saying very much.
Admin note: the equestrian portrait:
And him with his five of those seven children:
Władysław Franciszek Jabłonowski:
[no propaganda submitted]
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LOOK Y'ALL. We are not letting old Karl go UNCONTESTED on the last day. VOTE FOR JABŁONOWSKI!!! The bastard child from an English mother and legally adopted by her Polish husband, this aristocrat led a dashing life his birth to his death at age thirty-two.
See how Jan Pachoński describes his background in the book Poland's Caribbean tragedy (1986), cw language:
Banger line from Jabłonowski Senior! He treated J Junior like his own son (very sexy of him!!!!) despite increasing prejudice against Black people, sending the boy to Brienne when he was fourteen. There, his schoolmates were, you guessed it: NAPOLEON BONAPARTE AND DAVOUT. It's a small world!!! More from the book:
Like son, like father!! Jabłonowski Junior was too delivering banger quotes at a young age. Did Karl have any banger lines? Not that I know of!! Another reason to vote for Jabłonowski!!
Not only did Jablonowski have wit and soul, but he had great determination and will. Although he had generally frail health (which led to him losing his lieutenant's commission with the Royal Allemand Regiment), he continued on the hard soldiering life. In 1794, he joined the Kościuszko Insurrection against Russia and rose to the rank of lieutenant-colonel. He was wounded in the siege of Warsaw and conspired against the invaders of Poland in Galicia. Most importantly, he joined Bonaparte's campaign against Austria as a general of the Polish Legions formed in Italy in 1797:
Say what you will, but it takes guts to drag yourself to your duty on crutches. And then complain to your superior, the First Consul, about your men's living conditions (instead of just sucking it up). Hats off to Jabłonowski's hard-headedness!
Finally, as the French army was reorganised and Jabłonowski made destitute, he requested an assignment to colonial services, as it was the only possible path for rapid advancements. Bonaparte, in a twist of sick irony (and on Berthier's advice), assigned him to Saint-Domingue. Here, Jabłonowski completes his apotheosis of Certified Romantic Sexyman, because 1) he fights for a doomed cause while the Haitian Revolution will triumph, 2) this is where yellow fever will claim him while he is young and sexy, and 3) he brings with him his morgantic lover, Anna Penot, who he has tried to marry before departing, and who he will never marry...
Here is a touching excerpt of the letter she wrote to the commander Rochambeau, asking for help after Jabłonowski's death. Her earnest love of Jabłonowski shines through every word. Alas, they were never to join in holy matrimony!
After his death, Jabłonowksi gained multiple noms-de-guerre, as his comrades tell it:
All the above proves that our tragic sexyman deserves to advance to round two. Habsburgs are dime a dozen, but there is only ONE Władysław Franciszek Jabłonowski!!
VOTE FOR JABŁONOWSKI NOW!!!
Archduke Karl:
The man who handed Napoleon his first significant defeat at Aspern, which has to be sexy to someone. His equestrian portrait and the statue on the Heldenplatz are both very cool. He also the unenviable task of trying to talk about reform to Franz II/I and Metternich, so you have to feel for the guy a bit. Had seven children, so a sexyman to his wife at the very least. Definitely a much sexier man than Franz II/I, but that might not be saying very much.
Admin note: the equestrian portrait:
And him with his five of those seven children:
Władysław Franciszek Jabłonowski:
[no propaganda submitted]
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it is alleged napoleon on saint helena said jean-de-dieu soult should have been shot for his plundering
maybe he should also have been framed and and hanged on a wall.
high resolution stills under the cut.
babby's second animation
ended up keeping dithering on because the nondithered version had better colours but also did not play nicely with my shading fuck it
thanks to @impetuous-impulse for suggesting the pun on coupable (guilty) and coup (cut)!
happy birthday soult! im going to continue drawing and writing weirder shit of fictionalised you
oh yeah the french says "Je sais ce dont ils me jugent coupable." which the machine assures me means "I know what they find me guilty of" but possibly in a stilted/formal manner, welcoming suggestions/corrections though!
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The One Time Marshal Soult Called Thiers A Little Pissant And Then It Got Into A Dictionary
Happy birthday, you grumpy asshole curmudgeon military man who I'd probably hate if I lived at the same time as you (for I am a modern day leftist) but with the distance of time I'm utterly fascinated by what is wrong with you! I'll post a weird drawing/animation of you later probably.
So I've been perusing a 1870s biography of Soult written by someone who met him with the help of very dodgy AI machine translation, getting through a chapter or two per night, and I got to this chapter called
So that translates to "A WORD ABOUT A WORD". It's about 500 words long, not a long chapter, but I laughed so hard when I discovered it's entirely and literally about one word.
And the worst part is that the author refuses to write what the word actually is.
On the occasion of dissent, real or supposed, which had determined Marshal Soult to leave the Ministry, the press hastened to indulge in the most hazardous conjectures. According to some, Mr. Thiers and his adversary had come to the most lively explanations, the most personal recriminations, the most incisive reproaches; according to others, everything would have been limited to a single word from the mouth of the old soldier, a word to which his young opponent would not have known how to respond.
This word is not that of Cambronne, but it is of an origin just as abject. Therefore, I will not write it. Its origin is linked to a low phrase, whose root is a verb not listed in the dictionary, and which has very little time. In the present indicative it serves to say: I don't care; in the future: I will put my hand on your face; in the infinitive it is only a swear word; in the past participle it energetically replaces an adjective always expressing an idea of loss, or a feeling of bad mood.
This word is familiar, trivial, dirty, common, vulgar; and if, for some time, it has been introduced into conversation, it is with the help of a Germanic ending which almost completely distorts it.
More quotation from the chapter under the cut, as well as what the word actually is.
Was this word, in the beginning, Romance, Gallic or French? One could easily attribute this first character to it, if one paid attention to the quantity of applications that have come from it. Thus, with a completely patois ending, it means simpleton, dullard, deceived husband, etc.; welded to a very respectable first name, since it appears twice each year among the saints of the Gregorian Calendar, it becomes French and applies to a man who deceives, by not keeping his promise; finally in the southern countries where the Romance language is still spoken, it produces an epithet very accurate by its expression, but very difficult to define in any other language.
This very euphonic epithet, very easy to pronounce, very expressive in its meaning, applies to any individual endowed with a certain natural wit, but using it badly, always talking a lot, but often saying very little, not fearing difficulties, but creating them, calling for the help of others, but hindering them in their exercise by a multitude of objections, having more thoughtlessness than malice, more malice than wickedness; this spirit denotes a man always ready to have his say on any question, penetrating enough to grasp its form whatever it may be, except sometimes to make light of the substance; not very moral, moreover, that is to say not attaching his feelings, his ideas, his conduct to any superior belief, to any religious dogma, to any philosophical principle; this is the developed explanation of this word attributed to Marshal Soult, and which he obviously never pronounced with the spelling and accent that disfigure it, if tradition is to be believed.
Indeed, he would never have substituted the letter r, inappropriately inserted in the second syllable, for the letter s, which ends the second syllable; above all, he would never have given the French sound to the final vowel, he who was so accustomed to expressing another sound quite particular to the patois idiom.
(1) Here, moreover, as to the authenticity of the word attributed to the Marshal, is how tradition tends to establish it. We read in fact in a newspaper of September 13, 1869:
"It was told, last night, in a circle where one likes to politicize between two cigars, that, under the July government, when a fiery Marshal of France treated Mr. Thiers as a 'little f.... iquet', Mrs. Dosne asked, the same day, to the statesman, her son-in-law:
-- 'Well! what do you intend to do?'
-- 'That's fine! but.... revenge? What do you want me to do to that animal? He is Marshal, Duke and Peer of France; he has everything he could dream of and even more....'
-- 'Well! write the history of the conquest of Algeria, and don't put his name in it once: he will burst with spite! '
Did Mr. Thiers ever begin this history-vendetta?"
It took me a little bit to find out what the word was with all this word charades and me not knowing French, but I found it in the end:
"foutriquet"
I don't need to speak french to know what that second definition is referring to. And that second screenshot is from a French dictionary website, so this word is in the dictionary, take that, biographer writer who also trips balls about Soult's daughter!
Wiktionary claims it means "weedy man", which is also very funny. I'm guessing that it used to be a much ruder word but now probably just sounds quaint/historical/dated. I'm curious about the "s" form that the author alludes to, it seems that might have been supplanted by Soult's usage of the word.
Anyway yeah, I'm still cracking up that Soult dunked on Thiers so hard it ended up in a dictionary. Happy birthday you fuckin asshole, I might bake a cake in your honour or something.
#jean-de-dieu soult#adolphe thiers#that's right. me and my homies all hate adolphe thiers.#thiers a foutriquet. rochefort you were real for this#giant middle finger to adolphe thiers.#happy early birthday soult
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Proclamation from His Excellency the Marshal Duke of Dalmatia Regarding Certain Recent Debates
IT has come to our attention that the qualities of certain individuals who have served in the wars of the Empire are under the subject of extreme scrutiny and debate. While the Marshal does not wish to unduly champion any particular individual based on superficial attributes, it is his wish that the merits of all competitors in such debates be considered equally, and as such, this curricular is intended to serve as a gentle reminder of the accomplishments of one Laurent de Gouvion Saint-Cyr.
In him, we find a thoughtful and methodical general who, while bearing a phlegmetic demeanour that precludes vigorous action, nevertheless was gifted with a stolid intelligence and coolness. As opposed to others who by happenstance he may be compared to and who may bear more impetuous temperaments, Saint-Cyr was the image of prudence and caution. Perhaps fittingly, he was most gifted in mountainous warfare which requires the most intricate manoeuvres and movements, as well as being one of the finest defensive commanders.
However, such things are often overlooked in favour of aesthetic qualities. Saint-Cyr was indeed very well known for his musical talents and could never be seperated from his violin. While he does seem inscrutable to many, to his wife he was by all accounts a loving and devoted husband, and if he did perhaps indulge in mistresses, he would have had the good sense not to parade them around the camp or to dally with such dramatic personalities.
One may even be tempted to point out that among the official portraits of the marshals, his official portrait stands out as being painted as if in night, befitting of his nickname as "The Owl" and casting him in a very unique luminosity.
And thus we end this curricular with a reminder that though some personalities in our ranks may be bombastic and fiery enough to command all of one's attention, there are those like the Marquis of Gouvion-Saint-Cyr who do deserve your consideration.
~~ As transcribed by ADC Brun de Villeret.
#napoleonic sexyman tournament#to give saint-cyr a fighting chance#because we all know how this will go down
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Michel Ney:
a. “handsome, brave, noble, and tragic”
Laurent de Gouvion Saint-Cyr
a. “😃😃He can paint, play violin, be methodical, complain, be cold, complain, love his wife, complain, and complain😃👍👍👍👍👍”
#napoleonic sexyman tournament#i believe ney would do better outside the marshalate circle so strategically we should vote for him (whatever we actually think)#that is#if we want a marshal to be the champion sexyman!!!
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Thomas-Alexandre Dumas:
“mustache”
“Tall! Daring! Swashbuckling! A devoted husband and father! Had a personal conflict with Napoleon! Also it was said he could, while holding onto a bar above his head, LIFT A HORSE WITH HIS THIGHS. How is he not on this list ten times already! Vote for General Dumas!”
“He was so hot that he inspired The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo, and many more books that his son, Alexandre Dumas, wrote. He definitely looked the part of a sexyman, as he son recounts in his memoirs: "My father, as already stated, was twenty-four, and as handsome a young fellow as could be found anywhere. His complexion was dark, his eyes of a rich chestnut colour [...]. His teeth were white, his lips mobile, his neck well set on his powerful shoulders, and, in spite of his height of five feet nine inches, he had the hands and feet of a woman. These feet were the envy of his mistresses, whose shoes he was very rarely able to put on." He could crush you between his thighs: "His free colonial life had developed his strength and prowess to an extraordinary degree; he was a veritable American horse-lad, a cowboy. His skill with gun or pistol was the envy of St. Georges and Junot. And his muscular strength became a proverb in the army. More than once he amused himself in the riding-school by passing under a beam, and lifting his horse between his legs." He was so badass he could beat 13 men with 4 and take all the enemy prisoner, and defend against hundreds of men on a bridge by himself. He performed these acts of valour numerous times in Italy. He was so formidable that the Austrians named him the "Schwartz Teufel", or the Black Devil, and his feat at the bridge earned him the moniker of "Horatius Cocles of Tyrol". He wasn't afraid to stand up to his morals and protest against unfair treatment. When unjust executions by the guillotine were happening outside his quarters, he closed the blinds of his curtains, earning him the nickname "Mr. Humanity". When in the Vendée, he complained about the wanton indiscipline in his troops. When in Italy, Berthier wrongly reported his actions as one of "observation" in St. Antonio. Dumas wrote to General Bonaparte that if Berthier was in the same position, he would have shit his pants. Dumas abhorred plunder, never exhorted the locals, and ordered the Directory agent who had come to persuade him otherwise be shot if he dared present himself to Dumas again. Integrity and a sense of moral justice is sexy, mark my words. For Dumas' final qualifier as a sexyman, look no further than this Tumblr heritage post (https://www.tumblr.com/petermorwood/133803437020/hortensevanuppity-elodieunderglass), with 300,000 notes and counting. And I quote: "- daddy general dumas was an immense fierce french warrior who was a 6 foot plus, stunningly gorgeous and charismatic Black gentleman - he invaded egypt - the native egyptians said “is this napoleon? this must be napoleon. we for one welcome our majestic new overlord” - then napoleon showed up - napoleon has all the presence of yesterday’s plain Tesco hummus - the native egyptians were like “… no… no, we’ve thought very hard and we’ll have General Dumas actually” - this did not make napoleon happy - in fact it made him jealous - napoleon felt so emasculated that he launched a campaign of revenge against General Dumas, including taking away his pension, that probably inspired a lot of Alexandre’s rather satisfying scenes in which fathers are nobly avenged and the money-grubbing villains are rubbed in the mud" I rest my case. Tl;dr: He was so hot he inspired multiple books, he was a stronk man who could crush you between his thighs or carry you like a sack of potatoes, and he was so badass that he could take on odds of 1 to 3. He had a foul mouth but a heart of gold and his actions were never self-serving. Posts relating to him on Tumblr have had 300,000 notes and counting. He is qualitatively and quantitatively qualified to be a sexyman.”
Bon-Adrien Jeannot de Moncey
“Honesty and integrity (letter to Louis XVIII against sitting for Ney's court-martial, getting imprisoned for 3 months for it). Very sexy. Defending the capital (Paris) is also very sexy.”
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@askgeneralduroc
Or anyone else i guess!!
sometimes i wonder…
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Let's Judge The Signatures Of Dead Frenchmen - Marshals of the Empire Edition
plus some bonuses at the bottom
This is a shitpost I've just wanted to do ever since I noticed Masséna's signature.
I know signatures are not meant to be legible, god knows mine isn't, but look at it, it's all the same letter!
I'm lazy so I'm only going to judge the ones on wikimedia and a few extra from letters, sorry to Marmont and others who did not get their signatures scanned and then made transparent for osme reason who is going to forge a dead frenchman's signature
Of course Bessières has a nice one:
Berthier is also pretty nice:
Loopy! Wait as has been pointed out to me, that could be an Alex. Did anyone ever call him Alex or Al
I love Lannes' because he circles his name!
A fancy guy like Murat's gotta have a fancy one, right?
Nice but not as loopy as Berthier's, honestly not the fanciest here
Davout has a nice legible one
Let's look at Soult's-
Woah, he's taking up a bit of space there! Where are you going with that t, champ?
Augereau is nice and straight I'm in awe as someone physicalyl incapable of writing in a straight line even on lined paper
Mortier is also really nice!
but also Ed Mortier. He called himself Ed. Do you think his friends also called him Ed or perhaps Eddie
MacDonald is Massena tier
can you guess who this next one is
hint: not french
Lefebvre's goin for the loop:
Jourdan is all classical:
Cant find Bernadotte pre-kinging but dude why is your kingograph so large who transcribed it like this
@phatburd linked me St Cyr's and
Very nice!
Victor lets see
I think I see a V in there. And a treble clef.
Oudinot:
I can kinda make it out!
But anyway I've been saving the best for last.
I have no words for this artistic masterpiece by Marshal Michel Ney.
Is that an umlaut or an emoticon? What are the two lines doing - error of transcription or part of the actual signature? Why do the loops just keep on going????
Is he just self conscious of how short his name is?????
Bonus!
Eugène de Beauharnais how's your-
he just didnt know when to stop.
Junot:
circle! pretty circle! napoleon did say he has pretty handwriting
Duroc:
Man he turned that c into an underline
This was fun! Next I'll rate all their coat of arms of something
#napoleon's marshals#signatures#letters#crying at the treble clef#i'm not even sure iddle vicky knew how to write music notation...
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VOTE DUMAS!!!!!
Okay, I'm going to come clean with you guys. I made the sole submission for Moncey and I also made a submission for Dumas. AND I AM TELLING YOU TO VOTE DUMAS!!!! Moncey was for the meme. Dumas needs to make a SWEEP!!!! Dumas truly deserves to be in the highest echelons of Napoleonic sexymen!!!!! Alex Dumas Submitter No. 3 did not write a block of text for nothing!!!
VOTE DUMAS!!!!!!!
Thomas-Alexandre Dumas:
“mustache”
“Tall! Daring! Swashbuckling! A devoted husband and father! Had a personal conflict with Napoleon! Also it was said he could, while holding onto a bar above his head, LIFT A HORSE WITH HIS THIGHS. How is he not on this list ten times already! Vote for General Dumas!”
“He was so hot that he inspired The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo, and many more books that his son, Alexandre Dumas, wrote. He definitely looked the part of a sexyman, as he son recounts in his memoirs: "My father, as already stated, was twenty-four, and as handsome a young fellow as could be found anywhere. His complexion was dark, his eyes of a rich chestnut colour [...]. His teeth were white, his lips mobile, his neck well set on his powerful shoulders, and, in spite of his height of five feet nine inches, he had the hands and feet of a woman. These feet were the envy of his mistresses, whose shoes he was very rarely able to put on." He could crush you between his thighs: "His free colonial life had developed his strength and prowess to an extraordinary degree; he was a veritable American horse-lad, a cowboy. His skill with gun or pistol was the envy of St. Georges and Junot. And his muscular strength became a proverb in the army. More than once he amused himself in the riding-school by passing under a beam, and lifting his horse between his legs." He was so badass he could beat 13 men with 4 and take all the enemy prisoner, and defend against hundreds of men on a bridge by himself. He performed these acts of valour numerous times in Italy. He was so formidable that the Austrians named him the "Schwartz Teufel", or the Black Devil, and his feat at the bridge earned him the moniker of "Horatius Cocles of Tyrol". He wasn't afraid to stand up to his morals and protest against unfair treatment. When unjust executions by the guillotine were happening outside his quarters, he closed the blinds of his curtains, earning him the nickname "Mr. Humanity". When in the Vendée, he complained about the wanton indiscipline in his troops. When in Italy, Berthier wrongly reported his actions as one of "observation" in St. Antonio. Dumas wrote to General Bonaparte that if Berthier was in the same position, he would have shit his pants. Dumas abhorred plunder, never exhorted the locals, and ordered the Directory agent who had come to persuade him otherwise be shot if he dared present himself to Dumas again. Integrity and a sense of moral justice is sexy, mark my words. For Dumas' final qualifier as a sexyman, look no further than this Tumblr heritage post (https://www.tumblr.com/petermorwood/133803437020/hortensevanuppity-elodieunderglass), with 300,000 notes and counting. And I quote: "- daddy general dumas was an immense fierce french warrior who was a 6 foot plus, stunningly gorgeous and charismatic Black gentleman - he invaded egypt - the native egyptians said “is this napoleon? this must be napoleon. we for one welcome our majestic new overlord” - then napoleon showed up - napoleon has all the presence of yesterday’s plain Tesco hummus - the native egyptians were like “… no… no, we’ve thought very hard and we’ll have General Dumas actually” - this did not make napoleon happy - in fact it made him jealous - napoleon felt so emasculated that he launched a campaign of revenge against General Dumas, including taking away his pension, that probably inspired a lot of Alexandre’s rather satisfying scenes in which fathers are nobly avenged and the money-grubbing villains are rubbed in the mud" I rest my case. Tl;dr: He was so hot he inspired multiple books, he was a stronk man who could crush you between his thighs or carry you like a sack of potatoes, and he was so badass that he could take on odds of 1 to 3. He had a foul mouth but a heart of gold and his actions were never self-serving. Posts relating to him on Tumblr have had 300,000 notes and counting. He is qualitatively and quantitatively qualified to be a sexyman.”
Bon-Adrien Jeannot de Moncey
“Honesty and integrity (letter to Louis XVIII against sitting for Ney's court-martial, getting imprisoned for 3 months for it). Very sexy. Defending the capital (Paris) is also very sexy.”
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