ireaditsoyoudonthaveto

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

sometimes bexless writes something and i have to take a minute to be able to tell if it’s a purposeful lyric reference or not. im still not sure

Checkpoint 6: I don’t want what’s best for Frank

patrick’s characterization in this fic is soooooo unbearable. like i get it. i get it. if this were a real situation it would be like ok yeah dont trust the gay little freaks. but like OH MY GOD. his whole deal is just to get in the way of the plot and act distrustful towards mikey. im sorry i just dont care

brian momence :) 

bob bryar hasn’t made any significant appearance i’ll be real. incredible restraint on bexless’ part

I don’t want what’s best for Frank. i’ve been there buddy. you know even with all of the *waves hand vaguely* i think a lot of the dialogue in the scenes focused on private conversations is pretty realistic and also not horribly handled. does this make any sense

did bexless reference a real tragic situation when one of the FOB guys talked about knowing someone who had lukemia. if so that is kinda fucked LOL

theres one tumblr post that explains who matt cortez is explicity in context of UHV i think? and it’s the only thing i can think of when i read the parts that talk about him now. the same 3-5 images from prorev

the implication that cortez mentioned or in some way made frank feel bad for his scars makes me want to start eating drywall 

how much forehead touching and longing eye contact can you make with the homies before it’s gay

uhv!gerard is autistic and i love that for her

uhv!frank is autistic and it ruined my adolescense bc i was ALSO weirdly obsessed with the virgin mary 

#checkpoints.txt #uhv #unholyverse reread #staring through the demons

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

Checkpoint 6: The gang (minus Gerard, who goes to the hospital to investigate the fainting fans phenomenon) go out drinking with FOB and their crew. Their crew includes Matt Cortez, who seems to have his sights set on Frank, if asking Mikey about his sexuality is anything to go by. They all get completely wasted. This scene includes another line I think works best left untouched:

He found Ray and Bob drinking themselves into a stupor at the bar. Evidently Brian had embraced the 'can't beat 'em, join 'em' ethos because he was all blurry-looking too. "I thought we were only blowing off a little steam," Mikey observed, sliding onto the stool next to Ray. "Oh, loosen up," Brian replied, and then Mikey had to stare at him for like five minutes, just to freeze the moment in his mind.

Cute.

Anyway, Pete ends up covered in blood on the hotel floor. Patrick calls Mikey to come help, and after some initial panic, the gang--minus Frank--perform a quick protection ritual over him. It works, they go to bed, Frank is still nowhere to be seen.

The next morning, Frank waltzes in, far too chipper to be entering a room full of hungover people (and Gerard). Frank and Gerard get into a bitchy little bickering match over why Frank was so happy (hint: Cortez got what he wanted). Gerard yells at Frank, who storms out, and has to have a one-on-one with Mikey about jealousy. Gerard eventually apologizes to Frank and is about to confess his love, it seems, until a conveniently timed swerve in the road throws a wrench into the works.

And by "wrench" I mean macguffin, and by macguffin I mean bowling-ball-esque-necromancy-seal-for-draining-Pete-Wentz-life-force-thing-which-just-fell-out-of-the-suspicious-orphan's-bunk.

So that can't be good.

Plot synopsis for the uhv, organized by what happens per post because i hauve autism:

I Have Been All Things Unholy

Checkpoint 1: Frank has lot his dog, a rescue named Ella, and chased her to a neighborhood he’s unfamiliar with. He left his car behind to run after her and when he came back it was towed. Defeated, he begins to walk back home. That’s when he sees it— a tattoo of a woman with wings for limbs in the window of a tattoo shop that he stumbled upon like a mirage of an oasis in a desert. He knows his regular tattoo artist and coworker, Bob, will be upset with him for getting a tattoo from someone else, but he needs the dopamine rush and feels called to this tattoo in specific. He enters the store and asks for the tattoo, acknowledging that he doesn’t have an appointment. By some miracle, this is fine with the singular person working there—some overly familiar guy named Luke. Luke gives him the tattoo and he goes to work with it the next day, immediately being chastised by Bob for getting a tattoo from someone else, then by his boss, Brian, for getting them into legal trouble* and then by Ray, the shop’s hairdresser, for using Luke’s random herbal healing cream instead of something they stock at the shop. Mikey works the front desk (he’s constantly on his phone). Frank’s wrists start itching and hurting for a couple days and it begins to affect his work. Frank is already in hot water because of the legal trouble* and his tendency to get himself hurt or sick, like, all the time, and miss work because of it. Mikey’s brother Gerard comes to visit and when he shakes Frank’s hand the itching and burning in his wrists goes away.

#uhv #unholyverse reread #staring through the demons #synopsis.txt

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

i’ll be real with you i care so little about the fall out boy plotline.

Checkpoint 5: God-Hating Orphans are Getting Up to Mischeif on Fall Out Boy Tour. One Dead, Thousands Injured.

first of all i dont think i’ve acknowledged that this part is from Mikey’s perspective, which is a bit odd, but since I know where this ends up going it makes sense

also i forgot to mention that in the religious paintings opening they discuss how the worshipper’s eyes are big because they’re looking at god. sorry thats an epic fail on my part but it’s ok

bob bryar (militant tattoo artist)

did you know craig aaronson fucking died. and this is how bexless repaid him. by relentlessly making fun of him in the most famous piece of MCR fanfiction ever

gerard went on more autistic rants and frank said “i just like listening to you talk, man” and haha i do that with my autistic partners

“you’re wearing a collar” “it comes off” yeah? yeah? yeah? show me. sorr.y ... sorry. sor. ry sorry.  anytime they call it just a collar i need to be held down and spritzed with holy water

the more i re-read this the more i realize how much bexless does call-backs. like damn. was it all pre-planned or did u think of that later

something something if this was made today it would be LS Dunes instead and we’d have a miscommunication plotline about frank abandoning the group for dunes

that being said im surprised bexless teased at petekey this much when rikey is clearly endgame

something something something  raising a demon. a demon from hell

#uhv #unholyverse reread #staring through the demons #checkpoints.txt

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

Checkpoint 5: Mikey wakes up in the middle of the night and has to pee. Frank worms his way into his spot while he's up, so Mikey ends up cuddling with Ray instead. He pointedly ignores that Frank and Gerard are wrapped around each other.

The next morning the van breaks down, so they pull into a truck stop. Frank spots an arcade, so he and Mikey go over to start playing. Mikey's in the zone killing pixelated shit when Pete Wentz shows up and starts giving him unsolicited advice about what buttons to hit next. Mikey is surprised to see Pete Wentz and says, "You're Pete Wentz." See, earlier, Mikey had a weird sinking feeling wash over him when he spotted Pete on the local news, and now it's back when Pete shakes his hand. Frank sees the handshake and gets Mikey to spill the beans on what's up with his freaky visions.

The gang gets filled in, too, and they think Fall Out Boy might be connected to whatever the Cardinal wants them to investigate in Chicago (their next stop). The van conveniently blows up in the parking lot, and Pete Wentz is there to offer them a ride. The gang get confused for a band and correct Pete and Patrick, pretending to be normal, regular old personal grooming specialists, "and their priest." Patrick Stump reluctantly accepts them, telling Pete he needs to stop collecting strays.

We meet the other strays on the bus: two orphaned brothers, Danny and Mark. Mark is the eldest, he says he's 21, and Danny is supposedly 18. Mark is crazy aggressive toward Gerard when he notices his clerical collar, so the gang decide to mark him as a person of interest. Later, they meet the younger one, Danny, who seems to be incredibly uncertain about doing whatever Mark says. Danny's the one to let it slip that they'e orphans. Mark continues to act suspiciously, but Gerard says there's plenty of valid reasons to dislike priests.

After performing, Pete seemed completely wiped out. He says he's been feeling super exhausted after shows for the past month or so (which just so happens to be about how long Danny and Mark have been on the road with them), and that when he saw Mikey, he felt like Mikey could help him.

Gerard thinks someone is draining Pete's life force for use in Necromancy. He mentions they could be trying to raise someone from the dead--which would be stupid--but they could also be trying to raise a demon.

Plot synopsis for the uhv, organized by what happens per post because i hauve autism:

I Have Been All Things Unholy

Checkpoint 1: Frank has lot his dog, a rescue named Ella, and chased her to a neighborhood he’s unfamiliar with. He left his car behind to run after her and when he came back it was towed. Defeated, he begins to walk back home. That’s when he sees it— a tattoo of a woman with wings for limbs in the window of a tattoo shop that he stumbled upon like a mirage of an oasis in a desert. He knows his regular tattoo artist and coworker, Bob, will be upset with him for getting a tattoo from someone else, but he needs the dopamine rush and feels called to this tattoo in specific. He enters the store and asks for the tattoo, acknowledging that he doesn’t have an appointment. By some miracle, this is fine with the singular person working there—some overly familiar guy named Luke. Luke gives him the tattoo and he goes to work with it the next day, immediately being chastised by Bob for getting a tattoo from someone else, then by his boss, Brian, for getting them into legal trouble* and then by Ray, the shop’s hairdresser, for using Luke’s random herbal healing cream instead of something they stock at the shop. Mikey works the front desk (he’s constantly on his phone). Frank’s wrists start itching and hurting for a couple days and it begins to affect his work. Frank is already in hot water because of the legal trouble* and his tendency to get himself hurt or sick, like, all the time, and miss work because of it. Mikey’s brother Gerard comes to visit and when he shakes Frank’s hand the itching and burning in his wrists goes away.

#uhv #unholyverse reread #synopsis.txt #staring through the demons

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

let’s finish this.

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

*legal trouble explaining post because this plotline is really funny.

So Frank, being Frank, is prone to illness and injury. Before the story starts, he had a bad case of food poisoning and had to take time off of work. Of course, that annoyed Brian because Frank is always sick and always taking time off of work. So Frank forced himself back to work too early into his illness and ended up having to run to the bathroom halfway through a piercing to hurl.

That piercing? Darren Haywood's balls. In piercing (I think--because everytime I go looking I either find corporate jargon or actual surgical photos) "breaching" is basically poking the piercing into something you're not supposed to. Like if a bellybutton piercing punctured the bowels, that'd be called a breach... I think (again--actual photos of real human organs). If you're a piercer and you'd like to correct me about the jargon in a mcr rpf fanfic, be my guest.

Anyway, Darren Haywood's pierced scrotum gets infected, and he slaps the shop with a lawsuit. He accuses Frank of "breaching the inner scrotum". Brian and Mikey both confront Frank about this, and he vehemently denies it even being possible--he's not a fucking amateur. They're convinced, and decide to fight the case. Ray and Mikey take Frank out drinking, as mentioned in Checkpoint 2, where they meet the Dancing Girl. Frank talks to her a bit then hands her off to Mikey. He goes to the bathroom, and is accosted by the skinheads, who are Darren Haywood's goons. They say they're going to cut off his balls, but the aforementioned head-splitting-open thing happens, which scares the skinheads away. Later, when Frank is escaping the hospital after the wrist-exploding incident, he sees the Dancing Girl again. She introduces herself as Maria, and shows him some funny pictures she has on her phone of some dumb guys--wait. Is that Darren fucking Haywood in a HOT TUB timestamped right after he got his fucking balls pierced?

He asks Maria to email him the pictures, and she agrees as long as she gets a call from Mikeyway. Frank uses Gerard's #catholicfeminism as a cudgel to get Mikey to call her, and the guilt trip eventually works. Mikey calls, Frank gets the pictures, Brian gets the pictures, and then they're home free. The case gets dropped before they go to court.

That, friends, is the tragic tale of Darren Haywood's fucked up, infected balls.

#uhv #i have been all things unholy #unholyverse reread #darren haywood's infected scrotum #uhv legal trouble

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

I lived bitch.

i am still updating this. i just don’t have time rn to post

#coming back strong 2nite lads #.txt

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

I WAS RIGHT!!! well i was kind of wrong but I WAS RIGHT!!! Checkpoint 4: Art! Tattoos! *jerma voice* Money. Got through the end of Lucy's Last Rites Annointing of the Sick.

frank gets possessed! i was right! well, i think mikey is the empath now that ive read a little, but dude. frank possession confirmed within mere minutes of starting this shit

bob bryar (is the one to splash water on frank and wake him up)

Awesome :)

bexless why are you clowning on craig so hard..... he just looks like that...... come on now............

i like that gee gets a temporary tattoo basically. always respect your friends boundaries (and phobias, i guess)

mikey getting bored and zoning out is me.

mikey judging this dead woman for her boring sins is also me.

frank and mikey agreeing that they'd beat up her husband is also me

ray toro and mikeyway,,,,, are you experiencing homosexuality symptoms?

brian's capitalist urges.....

#uhv #unholyverse reread #staring through the demons #checkpoints.txt

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

Staring Through the Demons

Checkpoint 4: We begin in an art museum(?) looking at religious art because obviously, and Gerard is doing his little autism rambles about the pieces. Everyone is rambling and ranting about money and the conversation gets louder and more disruptive, eventually gaining the attention of passers-by, one of whom may just be the sign Gerard was asking for. Craig (irl the person who signed them with warner bros) pops into the conversation asking if the boys can help him with a ghost in his house. Of course, he'd pay them handsomely.

Brian does some smooth-talking and gets half their pay upfront. They get a motel room (because Gerard made them downgrade--he feels guilty asking for money, easy thing to do as the only one who's getting paid) and Frank finally gets to shower. He gives Bob a protection tattoo which they all--excluding Gerard because needles-- have now. They discuss and research the house and ghost they may be dealing with. She's a Catholic woman named Lucy who never had her last rites annointing, so their path from here is pretty straight-forward.

And by that I mean no it's not. They have two options for how to annoint this lady and the only one that makes sense is to have Frank channel her, which takes a toll on his body and also could make his soul fuck off into death with Lucy's. They do it anyway! It works.

Craig is happy. The gang is happy. Mikey has a sense of impending doom.

Plot synopsis for the uhv, organized by what happens per post because i hauve autism:

I Have Been All Things Unholy

Checkpoint 1: Frank has lot his dog, a rescue named Ella, and chased her to a neighborhood he’s unfamiliar with. He left his car behind to run after her and when he came back it was towed. Defeated, he begins to walk back home. That’s when he sees it— a tattoo of a woman with wings for limbs in the window of a tattoo shop that he stumbled upon like a mirage of an oasis in a desert. He knows his regular tattoo artist and coworker, Bob, will be upset with him for getting a tattoo from someone else, but he needs the dopamine rush and feels called to this tattoo in specific. He enters the store and asks for the tattoo, acknowledging that he doesn’t have an appointment. By some miracle, this is fine with the singular person working there—some overly familiar guy named Luke. Luke gives him the tattoo and he goes to work with it the next day, immediately being chastised by Bob for getting a tattoo from someone else, then by his boss, Brian, for getting them into legal trouble* and then by Ray, the shop’s hairdresser, for using Luke’s random herbal healing cream instead of something they stock at the shop. Mikey works the front desk (he’s constantly on his phone). Frank’s wrists start itching and hurting for a couple days and it begins to affect his work. Frank is already in hot water because of the legal trouble* and his tendency to get himself hurt or sick, like, all the time, and miss work because of it. Mikey’s brother Gerard comes to visit and when he shakes Frank’s hand the itching and burning in his wrists goes away.

#uhv #unholyverse reread #synopsis.txt #staring through the demons

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

unholyverse predictions for part two......

I literally have no idea

is THIS the one where gerard dies???

okay i know fob is in the next part because theyre in the summary but like. why are they here

i feel like i vaguely remember frank getting possessed or at least being the member of the traveling exorcist group who always seems to get hurt the most or be used like a rag doll or something. like i think he's Punished. like an empath.

bob bryar

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hm. hm. digging deep, i guess this is also probably the bit where we learn more about the secret side of the vatican that has been hinted towards? the part where theyre like a mafia or area 51 type thing..... secret govt organization or smth

i remember there being a big compound. dont know if thats real or not. maybe it was a hospital. maybe it was a church. fuck if i know

questions for part two

do they ever end up making money somehow

or like. do they keep couch surfing. shouldnt they be paid .... members... of the... vatican.... or something. does that even mean anything. do priests get paid? i actually have no idea.

is there a scene where a vehicle gets stolen at a truck stop or am i misremembering a different fic OR a movie ive seen. we will find out!

wish me luck

#uhv #unholyverse reread #staring through the demons #predictions.txt

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

uhv bingo update for part one! i only expect one or two of these to get filled in as we progress tbh.... i forgot that uhv is competently written and doesn't fall into a lot of the more annoying tropes as far as i remember.

i think gee made coffee like once so im not counting it yet. pretty sure fob is in the next part though.

#uhv #unholyverse reread #bingo update

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

if I got the stigmata I would be soooo insufferable about it like no I’m sorry I can’t hang out it’s the— yeah the stigmata. you know from god? yeah.... no it’s fine it doesn’t even hurt that bad. yeah the holes are like gaping and whats that? yep the side wound is vaginal for sure

#sorry op #uhv #funnies

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

ooooooh ouch ow owie my heart. my fucking. oooooooh my feelings. ow owie.

Checkpoint 3: It's all ogre now :(

dude. frank. how did you not know it was luke on the phone dumbass

imagine kissing a priest. could. could no. couldnt be. couldnt be m. i want it to be me so bad

ELLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i just really like the detail in scenes where frank is Dying of Pain Disease but the like crowd laughing and anger and shit is also included. really nice use of the passion i guess. words.

okay but actually what if frank hadn't gone with them. i know this is fiction so obviously he was going to but he was kinda right that yall took away his friends his job and everything just like that!!! with no fucking warning!!! what the hell

frank disease of interpretting anyone's crisis of faith as a gay awakening specifically for him

bob bryar /hj

You're going to hell, brother. is kind of a raw line

oof ouch owie my infected balls

god i wish that were me <- gerard being choked out

#uhv #i have been all things unholy #checkpoints.txt #this took me so fucking long to write #because of the stupid fucking synopsis posts #oh my gpd #cannot wait to read the next part and put off writing about it for this long again #kill me #unholyverse reread

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

Checkpoint 3: They settle on trying to figure out a way to un-curse Frank. Everyone sleeps over at Frank's place, and Mikey pulls him aside to talk again about not seducing Gerard. Frank ignores this, again, by kissing Gerard the next morning. He apologizes profusely, and Gerard calms him down and gets him to sleep again. When Frank wakes up again, he gets a call that his dog has been found! Oh how wonderful! Surely nothing bad could happen :)

It was Luke. Obviously it was Luke. He knocks out both Gerard and Frank and takes them to his secret torture dungeon. Luckily, he was ill-prepared for Gerard to be there and ties him up poorly to a chair. Gee is able to rummage around and cut himself free and partially free Frank before Luke gets back to the room and starts beating the shit out of them. Gerard gets the upper hand for a moment before being tackled to the ground again. Right when it seems like Luke is about to choke out Gee, Brian and company bust down the door and come to the rescue! Luke is like "oh its too late its already in motion" when Frank starts feeling the cut in his side, hearing the crowd laugh at him, his mother crying. Gerard decides to do an impromptu exorcism and recruits everyone to do their own silly little part in it. They're successful, and Frank comes to when folks from the vatican pile in and take Luke away. Gerard has to leave with them.

The rest of the fic is a series of ending vignettes that wrap up all our loose ends, they happen over a kind of indeterminate amount of time (read: I can't be fucked to go back and check) so just assume this is all spread out. Frank gets a call that someone has found Ella for real and it turns out to be a really lovely family with two young kids. He leaves her with them after seeing that they could give her a better life than he could, and seeing how attached the kids are to her. The legal trouble* has been handled outside of court, so everything has settled down, but Frank is severely traumatized and it's making him act out. At first it seems like he wants to pretend everything is back to normal, but then it becomes obvious he can't function like that. Gerard shows up at his place. He starts talking about how Frank made him question his place in the church, his life, etc. etc. and Frank thinks he's going to say that he left the church to be with him, but obviously that's too good to be true. Gerard changed positions to basically be an exorcist and is going to help people like Frank full-time. Frank is disappointed. Gerard invites him to dinner the next night, and Frank says no out of anger before calling after him to accept. At dinner, the other shoe drops. They're ALL leaving to be traveling exorcists and Brian sold the fucking store to be able to give them a head start on their financials. Frank lashes out at everyone. Gerard puts him in his place. Everyone is pissed. Frank and Mikey have a talk, and Frank decides to go along with it. There's a flash forward to them during their exorcism van-life, but we'll get enough of that in the next part, so let's leave it at Happily Ever After for now.

Plot synopsis for the uhv, organized by what happens per post because i hauve autism:

I Have Been All Things Unholy

Checkpoint 1: Frank has lot his dog, a rescue named Ella, and chased her to a neighborhood he’s unfamiliar with. He left his car behind to run after her and when he came back it was towed. Defeated, he begins to walk back home. That’s when he sees it— a tattoo of a woman with wings for limbs in the window of a tattoo shop that he stumbled upon like a mirage of an oasis in a desert. He knows his regular tattoo artist and coworker, Bob, will be upset with him for getting a tattoo from someone else, but he needs the dopamine rush and feels called to this tattoo in specific. He enters the store and asks for the tattoo, acknowledging that he doesn’t have an appointment. By some miracle, this is fine with the singular person working there—some overly familiar guy named Luke. Luke gives him the tattoo and he goes to work with it the next day, immediately being chastised by Bob for getting a tattoo from someone else, then by his boss, Brian, for getting them into legal trouble* and then by Ray, the shop’s hairdresser, for using Luke’s random herbal healing cream instead of something they stock at the shop. Mikey works the front desk (he’s constantly on his phone). Frank’s wrists start itching and hurting for a couple days and it begins to affect his work. Frank is already in hot water because of the legal trouble* and his tendency to get himself hurt or sick, like, all the time, and miss work because of it. Mikey’s brother Gerard comes to visit and when he shakes Frank’s hand the itching and burning in his wrists goes away.

#uhv #synopsis.txt #i have been all things unholy #unholyverse reread

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

Checkpoint 2: Frank’s tattoo, which Gerard explains is a seraph, has healed completely after only a few days. Frank’s wrist pain worsens overnight. Almost entirely written off by the doctor, Frank goes home accompanied by Mikey and a prescription for pain medication. They cuddle up on Frank's bed (adorable), but soon Frank starts experiencing the flaggelation of christ (not adorable). Mikey gets him cleaned up and Frank's injuries are once again magically healing incredibly quickly. Frank's still in pain the next day and Ray invites him out for a night of drinking to get him to loosen up. Frank starts talking with one of the dancers* at the club who has a thick (russian?) accent, she ends up with Mikey while Frank is encouraged to go home after mixing pain killers and alcohol. Frank goes to the bathroom instead and is met by a bunch of skinheads ready to rough him up for the aforementioned legal trouble*. He then wigs out the skinheads by blacking out and bleeding from the forehead (crown of thorns) and his friends come to check in on him after they hear screaming. The skinheads say they didnt do it, but no one believes them because... obviously. Everyone checks in on Frank and he heads home to clean up his bloodied apartment.

Gerard shows up at his apartment with a mattress, hooray! Frank calls him hot, and as divine punishment Gerard chooses that moment to take off his jacket and reveal that he's a priest. Oh dear. They have a long conversation about Gerard being a priest, which reveals he's an investigator for the vatican, but this leads to one of my favorite lines (and if it's stolen wholecloth from Stigmata, I wouldn't know because it's been forever since I've seen that movie):

Gerard shook his head. "So far," he said wistfully, "It's always just been toast."

Everyone thinks Frank is self-harming because why the fuck would they jump to 'oh yes of course Frankie has stigmata" and Frank calls Mikey 'Judas', which is the only inaccuracy I'll actually point out in this, but I'll make a post on that later. Anyway, then Frank's wrists explode and he's hospitalized. Gerard reveals that he thinks Frank is a stigmatic (no shit sherlock) and explains that his injuries are historically accurate as opposed to most stigmatics. Ray and Bob agree to break Frank out of the hospital, and they run into the dancer from before. She shows Frank images that will help with the legal trouble* and tells him to get Mikey to call her. Frank leverages Mikey's catholic guilt to get him to call the girl back (using Gerard's place as Disappointed Older Sibling and Priest to really drive it home) and gets emailed the pictures he needs. Mikey warns Frank not to do anything with Gerard, and the moment Frank and Gerard are alone, Frank starts interrogating Gerard on his vow of celibacy and 'dont you miss pre-marital sex?'. Good job Frank.

The doctor leaves a message with the components of the hand-cream Luke gave Frank, remember that plotline? It has belladonna in it, which is poisonous. Gerard tells Frank about how he's kin-assigned him as Saint Francis, and then they have a gay little moment looking at Frank's hip tattoos. Bob comes over the next morning just in time to care for Frank while his feet explode. Frank asks Bob to call Gerard. Gee comes over in Normal Person Clothes and it short circuits Frank's brain long enough for him to actually tell Gerard that the pain stops when they're in contact with each other. Gerard immediately commits himself to being a teddy bear. After informing Bob and Frank that the next christ-wound Frank might recieve could be fatal, Gerard steadies the group by creating GOD'S BOOK CLUB, a failed effort which is subject to a hostile takeover by Brian. Brian forces everyone to stick to his System because they were horribly unorganized previously. The boys read through everything again while Gerard kin-assigns everyone saints (and Buffy characters) until Ray saves the day by figuring out the whole evil plan.

Basically, Luke is trying to become one with christ by cursing Frank and drinking his blood. The tattoo is some sort of mark that attaches Frank to the curse/to Luke. The boys try to tattoo over it and, when that doesn't work, almost cut Frank's hand off, but Brian stops them and gives them all a stern talking to.

Plot synopsis for the uhv, organized by what happens per post because i hauve autism:

I Have Been All Things Unholy

Checkpoint 1: Frank has lot his dog, a rescue named Ella, and chased her to a neighborhood he’s unfamiliar with. He left his car behind to run after her and when he came back it was towed. Defeated, he begins to walk back home. That’s when he sees it— a tattoo of a woman with wings for limbs in the window of a tattoo shop that he stumbled upon like a mirage of an oasis in a desert. He knows his regular tattoo artist and coworker, Bob, will be upset with him for getting a tattoo from someone else, but he needs the dopamine rush and feels called to this tattoo in specific. He enters the store and asks for the tattoo, acknowledging that he doesn’t have an appointment. By some miracle, this is fine with the singular person working there—some overly familiar guy named Luke. Luke gives him the tattoo and he goes to work with it the next day, immediately being chastised by Bob for getting a tattoo from someone else, then by his boss, Brian, for getting them into legal trouble* and then by Ray, the shop’s hairdresser, for using Luke’s random herbal healing cream instead of something they stock at the shop. Mikey works the front desk (he’s constantly on his phone). Frank’s wrists start itching and hurting for a couple days and it begins to affect his work. Frank is already in hot water because of the legal trouble* and his tendency to get himself hurt or sick, like, all the time, and miss work because of it. Mikey’s brother Gerard comes to visit and when he shakes Frank’s hand the itching and burning in his wrists goes away.

#uhv #i have been all things unholy #synopsis.txt #unholyverse reread

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

Plot synopsis for the uhv, organized by what happens per post because i hauve autism:

I Have Been All Things Unholy

Checkpoint 1: Frank has lot his dog, a rescue named Ella, and chased her to a neighborhood he’s unfamiliar with. He left his car behind to run after her and when he came back it was towed. Defeated, he begins to walk back home. That’s when he sees it— a tattoo of a woman with wings for limbs in the window of a tattoo shop that he stumbled upon like a mirage of an oasis in a desert. He knows his regular tattoo artist and coworker, Bob, will be upset with him for getting a tattoo from someone else, but he needs the dopamine rush and feels called to this tattoo in specific. He enters the store and asks for the tattoo, acknowledging that he doesn’t have an appointment. By some miracle, this is fine with the singular person working there—some overly familiar guy named Luke. Luke gives him the tattoo and he goes to work with it the next day, immediately being chastised by Bob for getting a tattoo from someone else, then by his boss, Brian, for getting them into legal trouble* and then by Ray, the shop’s hairdresser, for using Luke’s random herbal healing cream instead of something they stock at the shop. Mikey works the front desk (he’s constantly on his phone). Frank’s wrists start itching and hurting for a couple days and it begins to affect his work. Frank is already in hot water because of the legal trouble* and his tendency to get himself hurt or sick, like, all the time, and miss work because of it. Mikey’s brother Gerard comes to visit and when he shakes Frank’s hand the itching and burning in his wrists goes away.

#uhv #synopsis.txt #i have been all things unholy #unholyverse reread

[ireaditsoyoudonthaveto]

I really cannot remember the plot. I mean I can make inferences based on the information I have but I don’t remember anything. Which feels really weird.

Checkpoint 2: Magic’s biggest secrets revealed! We found out about Frank’s curse and have chosen not to cut off his hand, so that’s nice. Mikey is being weird.

frank incessantly asking about g’s vow to celibacy or whatever is so fucking funny to me. i forgot that happens in like every priest fic. i love being totally normal with a guy who is basically a stranger to me

i forgot about the lawsuit plot. that’s so fucking funny to me. brian moments

bob bryar

“ray’s a hairdresser!”

so the “it doesn’t hurt when he’s around” thing didn’t last as long as i thought it would, but i’m not complaining. also. “i think your brother’s hot. have i told you what it’s like when he touches me” is a fucking insane thing to say and i love your stupid ass uhv!frank

the american healthcare system /neg

“it’s the collar” kills you. kills you until you die. mcr and bexless have fried my brain so thoroughly.

i remember the buffy argument in detail. that was funnie. brian moments

gerard pouring his heart out to frank and then being like so why are you a piercer and frank solemnly saying “I was Called” to make fun of him rewired my brain and made me funny. fundamentally changed my sense of humor when i first read this

i think my favorite characterization of priest!gerard being this scholarly and against the grain kind of thinker must have originated with this fic… maybe i’ve just spent too much time seeing people use the bible for hatred on both the homophobic bible thumper side and the angry atheist side, so it’s refreshing to have someone who is like, ultimately loving and kind explain their relationship to it in such a way….. maybe i’m overanalyzing it………….. i definitely am but idc

#uhv #unholyverse reread #checkpoints.txt #i have been all things unholy #obviously i’m saying very little about quite a large swath of writing #but i think i’ll have more to say later #i just love gerard’s autistic little rants…. he just keeps fucking going dude. i love Learning #although i’m glad he didn’t go on one about supernatural