jewlibee

[jewlibee]

lion heart - stan x kyle

cross posted on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40785183

"dude."

kyle grabbed a strand of his styled red hair, and stared back at stan, annoyed.

"what? is it my hair? does it look bad?"

"no. it's just that you literally never do your hair. it's always either way too frizzy or under your stupid hat!" stan exclaimed, shaking kyle's shoulders.

kyle grabbed one of stan's arms in return, putting on the way-too-happy smile he always does before he punches someone, that stan and everyone else (sadly) knew all too well. "number one, it's not stupid, and number two, my hair is like this every passover and hannekuh. you just never pay attention to anything besides getting wendy a present every december and you never visit during passover."

"well-"

"well nothing. pay more attention to me, not wendy!" kyle almost, just almost, cried. maybe he was being stupid. it was a childish argument, he knew it. stan knew it too. everything stan said had been a half-joke. everything that he, kyle, had said before was a half-joke. now he's taking everything personal and he feels like an idiot for doing so.

he'd always been rivals with wendy, ever since preschool. wendy learned how to write her first name? kyle learned how to write his full name. wendy could read a full dr suess book in kindergraden? kyle could read how to kill a mockingbird in third grade. wendy spoke french? kyle asked his parents for hebrew lessons (with the excuse that he just wanted to read the torah in it's original form). soon enough, it had become a fight for stan. wendy started dating him the march of third grade, and kyle started seeing less of stan. stan only played with them every other recess, and instead of kyle 'tutoring' him (they only studied for thirty minutes before playing on kyle's xbox for five hours), he went over to wendy's house for "'actual' tutoring" (stan's words, not his), and that was when kyle realized he was maybe too codependent.

during the summer before sixth grade, kyle realized he like-liked stan. he remembers crying and sobbing for days, barely eating or leaving his room with only one thought left in his head.

"im a fag."

cartman had been right the entire time and it shattered his ego. he felt like he'd lost the game. he felt stupid.

"kyle!"

he shook his head and looked up at stan, whom of which had a worried expression on his face. "are you ok? your eyes are red and-"

"i'm fine." kyle said shakily, wiping his eyes and pulling the cuffs of his tux down. his mom had gotten it three months prior, and it fit him nicely then, but within the last three months, he'd grown 4 inches.

still shorter than stan.

"if you say so.. um, lets go downstairs before your mom goes crazy from not seeing you in your outfit yet." stan mumbled, playing with the hem of his shirt.

kyle grinned at him, to lighten up the mood. "a little gta won't hurt." and stan looked up, grinning back.

"bet."

tell me why
왜 맘이 맘이 자꾸 흔들리니
난 여기 여기 니 옆에 있잖니
정신 차려 lion heart

inviting eric cartman to his bar mitzvah was probably the stupidest kyle had ever had.

yet he still did it.

"your jew party isn't all that bad.. but the food is shit."

kyle rolled his eyes. "oh, shut up, fatass. not everything is about food. this celebration is about me finally becoming an adult-"

"i dont care. whats with you jews and explaining shit that no one cares about?" cartman mumbled, walking away from where kyle was standing.

'dickhead' kyle muttered under his breath, leaning back onto the snack table. he couldn't let cartman, of all people, bother him right now. this is supposed to be the most important day of kyle's life, so he can't let little things bother him. even if they were anti-semitic fatasses or his childhood best friend/crush. he should go hang with david or kenny for a bit, forget about everything else for just a few minutes. yeah, that's what he'll do.

finding david was surprisingly not hard. for once he wasn't working or translating, just sitting with jimmy and clyde, laughing at some joke jimmy told. he was wearing a worn-out red suit that was a bit too big for him, sleeves a bit over his wrists. probably his dads.

"hey david."

david whipped his head around doing that stupid smile he always does when he sees kyle or his favorite cousin. "yo, kyle! i've been wondering where you've been for the past like, thirty minutes." he said shaking his head, then looking up back at kyle and grabbing his hands, making kyle blush furiously. "i almost forgot- mazel tov, kyle!"

of course david pronounced it the english way, but kyle learned to not care about pronounciation of jewish words by non-jews, it's not like everyone spoke decent hebrew like him. plus david already speaks spanish and mazateco along with english, so more foriegn pronounciation would probably make his head pop.

"gracias, dude, it means a whole lot."

david laughed. "it's nothing, man."

"oh, of course it’s something." kyle said with a laugh, offering david a loaf of challah he brought with him from the snack table before he could get a word out. "challah? my mom made like, five hundred loaves, even though i told her that there's only gonna be a hundred or less people here."

david bit into the loaf. "your mom is an amazing cook. she should open a kosher restaurant or something."

"we're the only jews in south park, if we opened a restaurant only you and stan would go there."

"true."

내 맘이 맘이 더는 식지 않게
난 여기저기 뛰노는 너의 맘
길들일래 lion heart

crying in the bathroom during one of the most important days of his life was not something kyle thought he'd be doing.

but it seems that seeing wendy pull stan down for a kiss is a bit too much for him.

it almost felt like wendy did it on purpose, like she knew kyle was watching, like she knew this was a competition and not something kyle made up in his head.

sobbing over a toilet in the synagogue while everyone else seems to be out having fun at your bar mitzvah sounds sickening, yet there kyle is, sobbing over the god damn synagogue toilet at his bar mitzvah while half of his grade is out there, celebrating him, even though he's a fucking loser who's crying in the bathroom over his best friend/crush kissing his fucking girlfriend who he's been dating since the fucking third grade; it's not like he and stan have ever done anything even slightly romantic or sexual before, so why is he acting like a twelve year old girl who's ex found another girl a week after they ended things?

"hello?"

kyle gulps. there it is, the voice he's been trying to run away from all night. stan is here to check up on him because everyone just knows something is terribly wrong. stanley marsh. his best friend. his super-best-friend. why is he surprised? stan always checks up on him. it's not unusual.

"kyle, i know you're in here."

obviously. kyle doesn't have the balls to actually leave his bar mitzvah with all his friends and family out there, excited for him. happy that he's entered "manhood".

"go away, stan." kyle says, his words quivering, voice cracking. "i'm just- sick of toy by netta! they play it at every bar mitzvah.. it's just- so annoying, y'know?"

stan laughs. he laughs in a way that kyle would've actually believed he said something funny if it weren't the words that followed it; "you're so bad at lying. it's like when you ran to ike's room when we were watching human centipede and you said it was because the soundtrack sucked even though it was the part where the japanese guy shit into lindsey's mouth-"

"okay okay, i get it."

"so um-" stan paused, and through the small gap in the stall door, kyle saw him tap his foot against the floor and put his hands behind his back. "can you open the door? i think we should- we should talk. yeah."

kyle got up from the tiled floor, wiping his dirty hands on his tux pants, and unlocking the stall door slowly, like he was scared. was he scared? maybe. what did stan even want to talk about?

when he opened the door, he saw stan, hands in his pockets staring at the floor. though kyle was taller than stan by an inch or two when they were kids, by the summer before seventh grade stan towered over him by 3 inches. damn sheila broflovski.

"hi." is the phrase they both greeted each other with simultaneously. kyle's cheeks were red, he could feel it. stan too, was beginning to turn a warmer color, though it could be excused by the fact that kyle had turned up the heat in the bathroom because it'd been too cold.

kyle played with his hair, blushing. "so what do you wanna.. talk about?"

"listen, i'll cut straight to the chase-" that phrase already scared kyle, who knows how he'll feel after he hears what stan has to say. "it's just you've been acting really weird lately. i noticed it, david noticed it- god, even craig noticed it. everyone's worried kyle, and hearing you literally cry in the bathroom doesn't make your case any better. i just really- i really miss when you seemed genuinely happy, now everything you do feels like it's out of spite and you just seem not there? you’re just so different now.”

kyle was taken aback. he’s different now? he hasn’t changed since they were kids, he’s still the same person he was when he was eight, the same redhead who always gets in trouble, who’s the top of his grade, who’s overly conscious of his looks. nothing has changed, stan is just a stupid straight asshole who blames all his problems on everyone besides himself.

the next words out of stan’s mouth seemed like a dream, like a nightmare you can’t escape, like a horrifying realistic simulation of tusk.

“kyle, are you gay?”

and at that moment kyle wishes he were dead.

내 맘이 맘이 더는 식지 않게
난 여기저기 뛰노는 너의 맘
길들일래 lion heart

stan’s shoulder has always been a safe place to cry.

stan is the only person (who isn’t his mother or ike) who has ever seen kyle cry, considering kyle doesn’t cry often.

stan’s shoulder is warm, his hand on his back is one of the most comforting things kyle has ever felt, but considering he’s only 13 and from a wealthy and loving family, there’s not a lot of things that he’s needed comfort for.

though telling his best friend that he was gay was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done.

the thought of saying “yes” to your best friend’s question which was “are you gay?” is something kyle would never dream of doing. yet, after a quivering sob and the horrifying revelation that he literally sucks at lying, kyle had indeed said yes.

one hiccuping sob, then the next. it almost felt as if he was dying. he couldn’t stop crying, no matter how hard he tried. no words he wanted to say came out. just more sobs.

kyle just wanted to die.

“dude- it’s-“ stan’s voice was quivering, but why? was it because he was gay? was stan homophobic?

“i know what you’re probably thinking. “oh, stan hates me now, he’s homophobic and shit” but kyle trust me- it’s nothing like that because, well, i like dudes too.”

well fuck him.

kyle sat up, wiping his eyes and grabbing onto stan’s shoulders, shakily. “what?! b-but you’re dating wendy-”

“bisexuality exists, kyle.” stan said, rolling his eyes.

“maybe this night won’t be the worst night of my middle school career” kyle thinks to himself as he hugs stan tighter.

#south park #stan x kyle #style south park #fanfic #south park fanfiction #aged up characters #coming out #cross posted on ao3