kianlon

[kianlon]

#ass could never stand up from the soccer bench without hitting my head on the METAL BEAM holding our lovely little sunshade #and the tallest regular Bench Bitch TM so whenever i saw my teammates jumping up like they had nothing to worry about... #bam #also i work on an ambulance and those are not kind to anyone who's over 5'4 #low-hanging obstacles #note that i am not even that tall - i just spend a lot of time in environments made for shorter people #my 5'7 #ours have the biggest possible boxes so unlike my old service my head doesn't touch the ceiling but the metal bars we use to not fall #when we gotta move around are another story #i'm sensing a pattern here maybe i'm not a klutz maybe metal bars just hate me

[kianlon]

Researchers found that some artificial intelligence (AI) systems are more likely to recommend the death penalty to a fictional defendant presenting a statement written in African American English (AAE) — a dialect spoken by millions of people in the United States that is associated with the descendants of enslaved African Americans — compared with one written in Standardized American English (SAE). The chatbots were also more likely to match AAE speakers with less-prestigious jobs.

unsurprising but still worth talking about

[kianlon]

[kianlon]

no MY culture is best known for its culinary tradition and preferred alcohol

#hm. this is fun because i'm not sure if i'd say wisconsin's preferred alcohol is beer #or 'yes'

[kianlon]

shoutout to my brother for setting me up for this

[kianlon]

wait I'm curious

I feel like this is a common enough experience but I don't know how much

#i thought it was a joke #it was not #and that time it was someone who bullied me so needless to say my response was an impolite no

[kianlon]

[as for Arthur's canon love interests: he had 4. ford unfortunately isnt counted. if you vote that but cant name all 4 youre lying lmaoo]

#crime #only locally infamous but it still counts i think

[kianlon]

someone I follow on the bird app just announced they're starting a very exclusive private fic server because they and a bunch of other people want to talk about how much they love the fics they're reading, and as an author can I just say that a really great place to talk about a fic you love is in the comments for that fic

I understand that people are trying to create safe spaces, but as the number of comments that I get on my fics dwindles with each passing year, knowing these spaces exist where my fics are being discussed, places that I am excluded from, makes me want to write fic LESS

I mean I guess who cares, right, because if I stop writing, there's 10,000 other people that will continue...but if you participate in a fic "book club" server and you say nice things there about a fic you loved, maybe copy and paste that into a comment on AO3?

the only thing fanfic writers are asking for in return for hours of hard work is attention. please don't rob us of the one thing that we hope for when we hit "post"

#y'all I'm terrified of comments #they legit give me anxiety #but i still love seeing them and they make me wanna write more #feed your writer friends lol

[kianlon]

I was talking to a friend, asking if they've ever experienced something I've been calling "night stupid", where, late in the evening, you're in the middle of working and suddenly (or, sometimes, gradually) you're unable to do things well--and stuff that usually makes sense stops making sense. Yanno...just a noticeable and frustrating down curve in your overall ability to preform the tasks you're working on. and my friend responds, "Tired. Bees, you're feeling tired."

[kianlon]

guy who is fun-ruiningly pedantic about the differences between a labyrinth and a maze

#uh oh it's me

[kianlon]

just having some fun with interesting fantasy imagery! Give it a reblog, if you play, please? And tell me WHY you picked what you picked if you want?

#squirrel #my ADHD ass can never find my own shit

[kianlon]

#Dr mid-nite erasure #and blue devil

[kianlon]

I am deceased.

[kianlon]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[kianlon]

Thanks, Anon!

-submit your poll!-

#i read the hunger games and twilight both at age 12 #(what my parents knew about) #and also many manga that i definitely shouldnt've checked out from the library (they knew but didn't check into any titles) #including BATTLE ROYALE

[kianlon]

personally i kinda of enjoy it even though i dont use they/them because it kinda implies someone has looked at me and assumed i'm not cis lol. and at least in my social circle it's more polite to go with they/them if you aren't sure

please reblog for sample size :] its research

#i don't like it because that's not my pronouns #but it's ok if it's someone like who doesn't know me not wanting to assume she/her based on looks #that being said i get he/himmed whenever i have my hair back a lot but for some reason that's more amusing to me than anything #because my voice is pretty low but it's not THAT low and my chest is pretty dang visible

[kianlon]

I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS KIND OF NEOPET ANYMORE!

happy skeith day