kilsblogsstuff

[kilsblogsstuff]

I feel so damn alone

[kilsblogsstuff]

Remembering the day my father drove home from work early because he thought I would have tried to off myself (I was sleeping till noon and not answering calls/texts)

They knew and still know how I feel and what I do, but they gave up and just give me disappointed looks when they see my scars

[kilsblogsstuff]

Having a "I need a hug" moment, but no one to hug me

[kilsblogsstuff]

How am I supposed to be comfortable with my scars, if even my mom's ashamed of them.

I'm looking for a dress for graduation (it's going terribly obvi), and she sends me this:

(Absolutely not my style, and she knows that because I've shown her what kind of dresses I like)

#self destruction #tw self destruction #tw sh related

[kilsblogsstuff]

why do us ana’s want to look SICK?? like where does that want come from?? ~normal~ people don’t want to look sick? but for us, looking sicker & sicker is an achievement in our game? what’s that about

[kilsblogsstuff]

🎀todays food is tomorrows body🎀

[kilsblogsstuff]

Can't even describe the state I'm in

Cutting etc doesn't help

No matter what, I can't lose weight

I've never been this fat before

and

I'm always lightheaded, and my vision is blurry (I feel like I'm about to pass out)

#self destruction #ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw self destruction #tw sh related #vent #tw ana diary #ed vent #tw disordered eating

[kilsblogsstuff]

Binging only sets you back

[kilsblogsstuff]

I'm so overwhelmed with life right now

[kilsblogsstuff]

I've been being a fucking pig!

Breaking my Fast for a week straight and not getting over 24h :,)

I thought about a new punishment:

If I eat before I plant to break my fast, I will HAVE TO puke it out.

I need to get to 55kg before June!

#self destruction #ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw self destruction #vent #tw ana diary #ed vent #tw disordered eating

[kilsblogsstuff]

"Lipstick on a pick"

#self destruction #ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw self destruction #tw sh related #tw ana diary

[kilsblogsstuff]

Every time I think there's hope for me to get clean after so many years, I so it again wtf

#self destruction #tw self destruction #tw sh related #vent

[kilsblogsstuff]

Every little bit of motivation has left my body at this point

[kilsblogsstuff]

My mom today:

I need your help with this, I can't do it alone I'm not strong enough. You know ... helped me many times and SHE IS WAY MORE DELICATE THAN YOU are...

She is way more delicate than you

New motivation

#self destruction #ana trigger #st4rv1ng #tw self destruction #tw ana diary #ed vent #tw disordered eating

[kilsblogsstuff]

The fact that I was doing better at school at the time is insane!!!

the feeling of wanting to isolate myself so i can get worse is needed rn!!!! i can’t stop myself i miss who i was at my worse

[kilsblogsstuff]

The first cut was so deep (it is small though) that it wouldn't start bleeding for solid 30sec.

I literally blaked out for a few secs :,)

This one is going to leave an ugly scar for sure :,D

#self destruction #st4rv1ng #tw self destruction #tw sh related #vent

[kilsblogsstuff]

I want to cut SO badly but school starts on Monday and I have PE, I HATE having to be all sneaky and shit

JUST LET ME CUT!!!

#self destruction #st4rv1ng #ana trigger #tw self destruction #tw sh related #vent