kurocos

[kurocos]

SAME OMG I always add an extra 100-200 calories to the end of each day's total to account for any of this happening over the week.

sometimes i get so scared that the cal0r1es they are putting on the labels are fake and that they just want us people to believe them cuz like how are we going to check them anyway that i have a literal panic attack and i don’t want to eat anything anymore for my whole entire life

it may be because i’m paranoid but idk it just feels so damn terrifying to me

[kurocos]

How do you guys relapse? Every time I try I fail. I think I'm in it for real this time, but I am scared I'm going to fall out of it again. What triggers you guys?

#thinspø #tw disordered eating #st4rv1ng #ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw ana shit #tw weight #th1n$po #skiny girl #ed rant

[kurocos]

Is there anyone in the Bay Area/Silicon Valley who is pro Ed? Desperately needing an irl friend with the same struggle 🥲

#San Jose pro ana #st4rv1ng #tw disordered eating #ana trigger #tw ana shit #tw ana diary #ed rant #th1n$po #tw weight #pro a4a #skiny girl

[kurocos]

[kurocos]

I have a concert on Saturday when I will be wearing a crop top and skirt. I have let my ED go but I want it back. I just don't have motivation anymore. I feel like I'm back to before I got it when I was just thinking of doing these things unable to actually starve. I want to try and starve myself as much as I can before the concert so I at least don't look disgusting. I'm scared to weigh myself, I can feel the fat on my hips again.

[kurocos]

Every week starting now I'm going to introduce a new food rule. Rn I'm doing good on not going above 1k cals, I want to introduce a new rule of only eating 2 500 cal meals to structure it. Then eventually I'll be able to lower those and cut out specific food groups

[kurocos]

LW was 124, I'm back at 130. I was half a pound away from breaking past 17 bmi. I need it again

[kurocos]

I will reach 110 by the end of this year. It's only 20 pounds. I've done it before I'll do it again

[kurocos]

Food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross food is gross

I do not need food

Skinny is worth more the food

[kurocos]

At 200 cals, gonna not eat till dinner and allow 350 for dinner

[kurocos]

Adding to my watch list

I saw the movie "Spencer" with my sister yesterday. She asked "is it triggering? Do you want to watch another movie instead of this one?" And I said no because it was really triggering and I knew it would make me not want to eat for the rest of the day.

[kurocos]

From now on I'm only allowed coffee and a portion of yogurt a day unless I have dance then I'm allowed one small meal before hand. I'm allowing myself 100 calories per coffee, and 3/4 cup of nonfat yogurt.

[kurocos]

I have a dance performance in October. I want to be small and beautiful and dainty by then. I need to get my eating under control and stick to it. I think I'm gaining the mentality back again, feeling conscious of everything I eat and the amount in it all, so all I need to do is commit. I can do this.

[kurocos]

I have binged every night for the past month. I've gained several pounds (123-127lbs) I restrict perfectly the whole day, sometimes I even go to bed on time, then I binge. I binge and binge and binge as soon as the clock hits 10pm. I can't stop. I was so close to my goal weight and now I'm being pushed farther and farther from it

I desperately need someone to hold me accountable. Tell me how bad I am at this, tell me how shameful it is I can throw away my progress so easily. I need someone to be on my back every fucking night to remind me how much I want this and need this.

I came so close to breaking into the 16bmi range and I failed miserably.

I will never be skinny unless I can get my act together. I need a real ana boot camp. I need someone to yell at me and coach me into finally being a good anorexic who can actually hold off from binging for more than 24 hours.

[kurocos]

I miss this

I have starved myself to a degree where I'm essentially bed ridden. I can't get up and do anything I have so little energy. The feeling of the weakness in my body and the hunger pains in my stomach are so uncomfortable I can't sleep. What am I doing to myself. I'm happy my ribs are clearly showing through my skin. What is this disorder.

[kurocos]

Fuck it I need an ED coach. Someone to keep me in check, someone to be harsh and help me get myself together. I'm such a pig and I'm gaining weight at an alarming rate. I need to get back down to underweight and work on my goals of getting to 100lbs. I need to at least escape 50kgs. Treat me like how companies treat idols and diets idk. Help me know what I should be doing to get back in control.

#ana rules #an0r3xic #i want to be a skeleton #ed advice #3atingdisord3r #getting skiny #ed diet #low cal restriction #eating problems #n0t pr0

[kurocos]

That's it I'm done being a fat fuck. I'm eating as little as humanly possible starting tomorrow. I'm giving myself grace of a light lunch and a small helping of dinner tomorrow to help transition myself but I have to calorie count it so I can see how much of a pig I am if I over indulge. After that, I'll be fasting till dinner.