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kyasuriin-notes · 5 years

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Maybe God is Holding the Person Back for You

Maybe you’re still single because God wants you to discover who He created you to be. Maybe He wants you to embrace the season you’re in because it’s where you have the space to mature in character and in spirit. Maybe He wants to teach you to be responsible for yourself and reach your fullest potential. Maybe He wants you to listen to Him and not to what the society tells you.

Maybe He wants to fill the emptiness you feel so that you will not need another person to make up what’s deficient in you. Maybe He wants you to realize that only God can complete you and you don’t need somebody else to constantly validate you. Maybe He doesn’t want you to invest your time, effort, and emotions on someone who doesn’t know how to handle you. Maybe He doesn’t want you to be with someone who steals your joy and ravages your peace. Maybe He doesn’t want you to be in a relationship where you make unrealistic expectations on another person and end up disappointed. Maybe He doesn’t want you to skip this season of singleness that will save you from heartache and brokenness.

Maybe He wants you to realize that what you become in this season of waiting is more important than the answer to what you’ve been praying. Maybe He wants to release you from your obsession with your own timeline so that you can trust His perfect time. And maybe God is just waiting for you to become the kind of person you want to meet so that He can finally release the blessing you want to receive. Maybe God is not holding it back ‘from’ you. Maybe He’s holding it back ‘for’ you.

#singleness #desiring god

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kyasuriin-notes · 6 years

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That Place Called Lo-debar

Life happens. Sometimes it hits you hard and leaves you broken. The kind of brokenness that’s beyond repair. The one that makes you lose the dreams and purpose you’ve been trying to live up to. The one that leaves you nothing to look forward to each new day. You just know that another day comes but you don't feel excited to face it. You feel somnolent even upon waking up. You already feel tired even if the day hasn’t started yet. You grow tired and weary. Tired of living a mundane life. Tired of yourself. Tired of everything and everybody.

One day you wake up and realize that the intractable things you’ve left unresolved have already piled up on you like a cumbersome feeling that strenuously weighs you down. You're unable to get up on your own. You need someone else to pick you up and bring you out of a desolate place you find yourself completely lost in – a place of no pasture, a place where nothing grows, a place that’s been forsaken.

It’s called Lo-debar. It’s where my redeemer brought me out of. When I was weighed down, helpless, crippled, and immersed in my own anguished misery, He came to my rescue. Just in time. It was only then that I realized I was at fault. For constantly telling people I was fine when I wasn’t. For relentlessly recollecting my past mistakes. For valuing the wrong people. For leaving my damaged areas untreated. For making bad decisions. For living a life without purpose. For chasing the things I never knew where they were headed to.

I stopped. And turned back. There and then I found I was being chased after – by the One who saves. You know, when somebody’s coming after you while you’re running after things, and you eventually stop and turn around, you’ll run to each other. Like we did. And I was rescued – from being buried in desolation, from having lost all the motivation. I was redeemed. And mended. My purpose was regained. My thoughts, recalibrated. My strength, recovered. My faith, renewed. My path, redirected.

You may be in Lo-debar right now. I completely understand you – I’d been there for so long. So believe me when I say that there's still hope. You don't have to stay there until you're on the verge of death. It's not too late to ask Him to bring you out of it and recognize that you can never save yourself. You need God. We all do. He loves you no matter what life has made you. He’ll take you shattered, devastated, severely damaged, and make you whole again. He'll take your broken pieces and glue them back together seamlessly. He'll fill in the gaps and empty spaces with His love, and you'll see how He's able to transform a damaged piece into a masterpiece.

Don't battle with depression alone. I'm here for you, and He's there with you. If He could bring me out of that deserted place, He's able to get you out of it, too.

#lo-debar #depression #faith #purpose #encouragement #motivation

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kyasuriin-notes · 6 years

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The Pain That Got Away

The stillness of this place and my emotional composure are now in equivalence, unlike the time when I came here to seek inner peace and healing.

Years ago, I wrote him a letter here. A farewell letter which I've never sent. Back on that day, I was wondering how long my brokenness would last. I was waiting for the pain to decrease to the point where I could bear it. I come back here to check how much healing I’ve had. There isn’t a gauge to determine the amount of which I want to know the measure of, but I'm certain that I’m completely healed and perfectly fine.

When I look back on those days, I can only see happiness. There isn’t a trace of pain. And I still consider them the best of my life. When I say his name or try to remember his face, it doesn't hurt the same. No more sadness. No more regret. No more thoughts of what-ifs and could-have-beens. If I see him by chance, I can honestly cast a smile without pretense. I’ve finally learned to embrace the inner peace I had long been chasing around.

There’s one thing I truly know by now – love gives someone the power to make you or break you. That someone has the choice to hurt you or protect you. And you, as the receiver of the action, have the choice to allow or restrain that person from inflicting pain on you. It’s all a matter of choice. And I chose to wallow in pain and absorb it to experience how horrible that feeling was, and to discover the vulnerability that love entails. In the end, I got the courage to choose to get out of that emotional quicksand that I found myself slowly sinking in. And I realized that this horrible feeling could turn into a wonderful thing.

I’m thankful for that pain for I now know very well the ghastly feeling of becoming hurt. And I’d never want to hurt others insomuch that they’d experience the same pensive sadness as I did. I used that pain to fuel my desire to get better so that when the right person comes along, he no longer needs to mend what has been broken. He’ll just look at the scars and say, “Hey, you’ve had enough. It’s time for your heart to be well taken care of.”

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kyasuriin-notes · 6 years

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Answering Random Questions

What are your likes?

Nature. Books. Kittens.

What kind of personality do you have?

Melancholic-Phlegmatic.

What are your biggest pet peeves?

People who smoke in public places (or people who smoke, period). People who throw their trash anywhere. People who don't cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. People who pester me when I don’t feel like talking.

What did you dream of becoming when you were young?

To be a polyglot.

Which country would you like to visit?

Madagascar. France. The Netherlands. South Korea. New Zealand. USA (Just to watch the NBA playoffs)

What is the perfect place for you?

Anywhere safe and tranquil with the view of the stars or sunset.

What kind of weather condition do you like?

Cold and dry. (I hate hot and humid).

What are you scared of?

Heights. Cockroaches.

What sports do you play?

Chess. Badminton. Table tennis. (I'm not good at them, though).

What kind of person do you like spending most of your time with?

A person who always makes me laugh.

Who is the most important person in your life next to God?

Mom.

Are you a creative or a logical thinker?

I'd say both.

What are some things you are good at?

Arts and crafts.

What is supposed to be a secret but everybody seem to know about?

I have had a crush on RV, a physicist, since 2008.

What do you hate the most about yourself?

Being indecisive, overthinker, and pessimist.

Who was your first celebrity crush and who's the most recent one?

Hyun Bin, a Korean actor. Klay Thompson, an athlete.

What story would you like to share about your first love?

I was his first love and he was mine. He never knew I loved him, though. Back then, I was the only one whom he had his eyes on. He surely loved me and had waited for me for about four years. Most of my memories in high school were about him. But I was a man-hater for some reason and so he might have thought that for that long years of pursuing me, he didn't stand much of a chance. We were about to graduate in high school and we'd probably part ways so I decided to tell him I'd give him a chance — I was secretly falling for him anyway. It was my birthday when I came to school, ready to tell him everything but to my surprise, he and my best friend were already in a relationship that same day. Some of my friends told me that he might have done it just so he could ruin my birthday and to give a signal that he had finally given up. He had been in three succeeding relationships since then but I hadn't had one until I finished college in 2012. One of my old friends told me that he was constantly asking about me during the time I was away (I moved to Manila to study for college). I never knew that until then. I saw him just recently as I happened to be on the same public transport with him. I wasn't sure if he saw me. What I was sure of was that I had completely moved on.

What was the last thing you talked about in a deep conversation with someone?

Life. People. Relationships. Career. Self-fulfillment.

What is your biggest regret or disappointment?

When I did not enroll in any review center prior to taking the board exam. When the results were out, I saw that I lag behind top ten.

What was the most recent event that you got frustrated about?

So... I knew this person for years because he used to be the emcee in the youth fellowship I used to attend when I was in college. I was a complete stranger to him but I knew him a bit. Few months ago, I saw his instagram account by chance when I was browsing for pictures of nature (which I would spend time looking at on instagram). I browsed his gallery and I was in awe of his nature photographs. But more than that, I was captivated and moved by every caption (turned piece of writing) he had in each photo. I then hit like on each of which amazed me. Surprisingly, he sent me a follow request and a private message. He must have browsed my gallery as well because he said I had a nice ig. We went on a short conversation for a few days and then he suddenly asked me out. I was also curious about him so I did not hesitate to tell him I'd love to — firstly, because I knew he's a Christian so he won't do me any harm, and secondly, I was really interested to go out with him because I find him a perfect fit. That was actually the first time that I agreed to go out with someone I barely knew. So there... He told me one night that he was going to our place the next day and asked me to tour him around the city. I was ready and excited to meet him but then I hadn't heard from him since the night he told me he was going to visit. He obviously stood me up on that day! *insert 20 different disgruntled emojis* I didn't ask why he didn't show up. Why would I? Haha.

*What’s more frustrating is that I’m still looking forward to meeting him. LOL!*

Do you like the beach or the mountains?

I like both because I love nature. (But I prefer hiking and trekking than swimming, which I particularly dislike).

What is your biggest achievement?

I do not have much for myself. But to hear my students tell me that I am the best teacher they've ever had, I consider it as one.

Are you usually early or late?

Late. I’m not a morning person.

When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?

Relationships. Family problems. Personal struggles.

What’s the best way to start the day?

Pray and thank God that you’ve got to live another day.

Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?

RV. He’s my ultimate crush (for more than a decade now). He’s a DOST scholar and, I believe, a polymath. He’s good at English and Science and Math. He’s my batchmate. He’s a physics educator who’s already doing his PhD at 26. He had presented his academic papers abroad and had traveled to many places in and out of the country. (I know many things about him but he doesn’t even know I exist. LOL)

What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?

“When will you ever have a boyfriend?”

What could you give a 60-minute presentation on with absolutely no preparation?

Most topics in biology and some topics in chemistry.

What quirks do you have?

I like animals only in their cutest form; I always wish they won’t grow up lol. I hate wearing pants; it’s so uncomfortable. I've got a sense of precognition or clairvoyance or whatever that’s called as; some people (usually the ones whom I haven’t seen for ages) would cross my mind all of a sudden, with no particular reason, and shortly afterward, they either appear out of nowhere or reach out to me through SNS.

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

“Maybe there isn’t anything you can’t do well.”

Who inspires you to be better?

Jesus.

What is your biggest dream?

To be a philanthropist.

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kyasuriin-notes · 6 years

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A Journey to the Impossible

Sometimes I wish I had not set out on a journey to the impossible; that I had not started out something I’ve always been indecisive to finish; that I had not set too many unrealistic expectations of myself~ Just thinking of what I’m supposed to be and where I should be in life by now makes me wallow in despair. And I wish I had taken another path and had done the things I really wanted in life so I wouldn’t experience this incessant wavering feeling of getting across the wobbly bridge that I was ostensibly afraid of crossing from the very beginning.

The day I decided to set foot in this path was the part I agonized over. But I still managed to go on. Sometimes I would just come to a halt along the journey and morosely contemplate about life and the journey itself. I would think of the many things I missed out and wonder if I was chasing the wrong things. Then suddenly my mind would be in turmoil.

At times I would think if I could just go back and look for another path that leads to another destination. But when I looked back, I could see how far I’d gone; when I looked forward, I could see how close I already am to the end. And so at this point, it would be more reasonable to go forward than backwards. I just gathered all the courage I had to remain on the path.

But what happens after the journey? What good does it serve anybody if I reached the end? Will I ever be fulfilled? Or will I be remorseful for having invested my time and effort to something I’m not planning to sustain to the very end? If I have completed this journey, will I then have the courage to embark on an adventure that I have long been hoping to set out on? It’s frustrating – not knowing how everything would turn out. And it’s even more frustrating because I’m crossing the bridge alone. It would be nicer to have somebody walk with me and help me get across while cheering on me and encouraging me to go onwards no matter how exhausting and painfully stressful it is. Or that he may at least be waiting at the end of the bridge and wave with enthusiasm when he sees me arriving – so that the journey would be less excruciating and I would be motivated to take every step towards the end.

Nonetheless, I decided to just enjoy this journey. Things might seem to be moving along at a snail’s pace but I know I’ll finish in time.

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kyasuriin-notes · 8 years

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One True Friend

I have this friend who’s got a bright and bubbly personality. She gets overly excited about certain things and tends to overreact to it sometimes. She suddenly gets too emotional at other times for reasons she herself couldn’t understand why. She’s an open book and everybody can probably tell what she’s feeling at the moment. She has a strong personality in a way that’s not audacious. If she doesn’t like you, she’s got the weirdest reason why and that’s it. She gets easily exasperated by what her pet hate does and she’d ceaselessly rant about it. But if you become her friend, you’d understand why she’s one of the very best.

I first met her in 2008, my first year in college, and my first time in Manila. Back then, I was just a timid student who was temperamentally disinclined to talk. I wasn’t good at befriending anybody. So, to be my friend, somebody had to approach me first – which, in a way, she did.

Third day in Manila~ I came to our class and stood irresolute outside the door for a minute or two, and unconsciously stared in disbelief at the congested classroom with insufficient seats. The classroom was small and I thought it was only used for tutorial sessions so to speak. As I stood there, this person waved at me and gestured me to her chair. She was seated at the most jammed middle part of the classroom. I was walking toward her when she stood up and said, “Let’s share this seat.” She probably recognized me as one of the dormers in the dormitory we were both staying at. I was just so moved that time because she was the only person to offer me a seat that nobody in the front row ever did.

That same day after school, she came to our dormitory’s room, crying. She began telling me some sort of things that I couldn’t actually fully comprehend because she was sobbing. I comforted her and we became friends soon after. We opened up to each other about personal lives, problems, secrets, frivolities, and other stuff. Whenever exciting or depressing things came up, we would share it with each other straight away. Despite some differences and misunderstanding, we’d learned to accept each other’s flaws and correct each other’s’ mistakes.

She might not have realized it but she has a good heart. She still cares for the family she grew up in even if she had been mistreated by them many times. I wanted to make her feel like I was her sister and give her the love and care she hadn’t received from her family. But whenever we’re with our circle of friends, I would always be the one to start playing a joke on her and everybody would cooperate. I would really feel culpable after but it was just so funny because she would get mad in a weird way of rolling her eyes while holding back her laughter.

Even so, whatever anybody she values so much does, she just couldn’t help but stay as loving as she is. Others might get tired and sick of me but she never does. I’m really thankful that I have her as a friend. She’ll forever have a special spot in my life and will always be my very best friend.

Minalungao National Park, General Tinio, Nueva Ecija, PH │2016

#One True Friend #Best Friend

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