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you have to be happy

#nick.txt

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Fargo Nissim Tbakhi, “palestinian love poem”

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— the shape of a pocket by john berger

#soft tag #word weaving

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I've watched CJ the X's video about art sins and got called out once again. Since I have a constructive criticism from people I respect fetish, I'm opening my bag of skittles and sharing with the class. I hope The Void appreciates my sacrifice

#oh... oh this is so nice #the light the tenderness. so lovely #soft tag #art #the light coming from the window the curious loving expression the kindness and love this piece shows #gosh

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“…this was God incarnate and he deliberately lowered himself to the position of a servant…but what did Jesus do with all this glory, power, wisdom, and wit? what did he demonstrate that God does with his power? washing the feet of the unworthy. he claimed his power then used it to serve. if you’re a child of God with gifts and talents and individuality placed into you by your creator, it would be fucking disrespectful to God and others to deprive the world of your value. you have to take care of this body and soul you’ve been entrusted with! you’re borrowing it! there’s a piece of God in you; it’s wrong for you to keep that from other people, you have to use it to increase quality around you. you have to believe in yourself enough to know your capability and show off when required and use the best parts of you! servitude requires humility, yes, but it also requires self-esteem.”

— -CJ the X, “No Way Home Was Kind of Sexist - Video Essay”

#word weaving #anxiety help

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Eden Robinson, “Writing Prompts for the Broken-hearted”

#word weaving #soft tag

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"..she likes people,” said the witch, striding ahead. “She cares about ’em. Even the stupid, mean, drooling ones, the mothers with the runny babies and no sense, the feckless and the silly and the fools who treat her like some kind of a servant. Now that’s what I call magic—seein’ all that, dealin’ with all that, and still goin’ on. It’s sittin’ up all night with some poor old man who’s leavin’ the world, taking away such pain as you can, comfortin’ their terror, seein’ ’em safely on their way . . . and then cleanin’ ’em up, layin’ ’em out, making ’em neat for the funeral, and helpin’ the weeping widow strip the bed and wash the sheets—which is, let me tell you, no errand for the fainthearted—and stayin’ up the next night to watch over the coffin before the funeral, and then going home and sitting down for five minutes before some shouting angry man comes bangin’ on your door ’cuz his wife’s havin’ difficulty givin’ birth to their first child and the midwife’s at her wits’ end and then getting up and fetching your bag and going out again. . . . We all do that, in our own way, and she does it better’n me, if I was to put my hand on my heart. That is the root and heart and soul and center of witchcraft, that is. The soul and center!” Mistress Weatherwax smacked her fist into her hand, hammering out her words. “The . . . soul . . . and . . . center!”

Pratchett, Terry. A Hat Full of Sky (Discworld Book 32) (p. 286). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

#this paragraph punches me so good every single time #word weaving #discworld

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francis jammes, ce sont les travaux

#teo savory out here writing a whole new poem but its such a nice one im not even mad about it #word weaving #soft tag #still prefer the french one tho #the simplicity of language and image drives homes the point

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how did alec get his start adventuring?? whered he get his sweet clothes? i love him

Hi!! I'm so fucking flattered and excited that you'd want to know more about my little guy. I've been playing him for only two sessions so far and I'm already so obsessed with him so I'm gonna try to... well, no, I'm probably not gonna manage to keep this short, why lie to myself hehehe.

He was raised by his grandma, a brilliant, forest-dwelling woman named Yvonne who also studied medicine in the big city - she became nomadic shortly after Alec was born (his human dad died from illness while his mother, a wood elf, wasn't confident in her ability to raise a child). She raised him on the road, so technically he began adventuring right away! Yvonne felt that it was her duty to spread out her knowledge, acquired through her time spent in druid camps and in the city's academies; they acted as a traveling doctors and educators, especially in smaller towns and communities. Alec really internalized this, as well, becoming deeply fixated on how the body operates and developing a really special connection with wild nature and people's place in it. When his grandma passed away, he continued her work for a few years, until the plot misfortune struck him and he was kidnapped and sold to a family from a town which used forced labor to maintain their gated community. He survived there for a few years, and in the midst of the abuse he made friends with a cleric of Silvanus; over time he picked up the faith as a means to maintain his dwindling hope for escape and a connection to his life's work, using his knowledge and his developing magic to act as a hidden healer for the other prisoners.

The story of the short campaign actually picks up over a decade after their revolt and escape, and we see a very isolated Alec that's become so riddled with mental-health issues that he essentially threw himself into a self imposed exile in a little cabin in the woods; he fears he's lost himself in his struggle with trauma, his own mind becoming his captor, and hating himself for not being able to cope easily. He feels weak, pathetic, with no right to the magic he was taught or the love of his god. In an effort to not lose himself entirely, Alec began to write: he wrote books and books on medicine, taking refuge in the meticulous transmission of all his knowledge, all that his loved ones taught him, and all that he learned on the roads.

He forces himself to venture into the forest more and more, to lose himself for hours in the work of drawing leaves, plants, fungi, natural phenomena, etc, as faithfully and beautifully as possible. He hopes that, despite his own perceived brokenness and helplessness, the project may one day be useful. Gradually this work becomes the closest thing Alec has to therapy, and his meticulous books of medicine and natural guides evolve into hybrids of intimate, autobiographical, philosophical writing, intertwined with transmission of knowledge. We start with an Alec who connects with life from an observer's point of view, at a safe distance, deep self-loathing and doubt making him feel utterly unable to actually help people anymore, but still stubbornly trying to find a way to worship and help.

What finally gets him out of this exile is getting a letter from a small community of ex-imprisoned comrades, asking for help to both build more stable living conditions for themselves and find one of the revolt's ex-leaders, who has gone mysteriously missing. He only takes a single book with him.

Understandably, Alec doesn't have a lot of money and most of the money he has he spends on supplies (though he makes his own paper and paints, he still buys ink. and oh yeah, food too, when he remembers, sure) so actually his cute fancy clothes are mostly all hand-made by Nayab, my partner's character, who is a tailor and his best friend:-)

He's usually adorned with various trinkets he got and made from the woods. His clothes often appear well-kept at first glance - a clear effort on his part to show himself with dignity and care, because self-image comforts him and reminds him of his freedom and autonomy. On closer inspection, however, it is impossible not to notice the dirt that still clings to his trousers; the tint of moss and ink on his fingers and under his nails; the leaves in his wind-blown up-do. All those things that give him away as an agent of inescapable nature.

Fun facts! - He has a fantasy french accent that comes out when he's nervous. He's a lesbian. He was so socially incompetent when they met that the party suspected him a traitor. He tried to ease a companion's suspicions by showing him how maps work, and it worked; the companion kept poking him about his past and Alec kept trying to keep talking about maps. He's covered in scars, which he revealed to the same companion in a symbolic gesture of vulnerability, and then almost threw up afterwards from anxiety. He has gotten more hugs in three days of adventuring than he has in years. He sleeps in tree branches. He did surgery on someone in session 2 and secretly cried for 3 hours afterwards. He got treated with so much gentleness and compassion and love that he's speedrunning his character arc. He's starting to realize that maybe community and direct action are the answer, and his self-loathing is keeping him from a world that loves him and needs him there. His journal is starting to fill up, for the first time in a decade, with the faces of friends.

Also, he has a pinterest board!

Here's a little sketch of him last session:-)

#he's also trans but that's another twelve paragraph tangent hehe #he wears his name like a gift #I LOVE ALEC! I love alec im obsessed with him he deserves the world and also a prescription for like three different kinds of medication #it's okay he makes do with journaling and herbal tea for now #(<- projecting) (tho tbf im also projecting hard everywhere else what else do you tell stories) #i cant believe the campaign is prolly just gonna be like 6 sessions or so I NEED more of him #nick writes #nicholarts #nick.txt #thank you for letting me ramble!!!!!!! it's so nice #<- YO I FOUND IN MY DRAFT THE POST I THOUGHT TUMBLR HAD EATEN !!!!!! #WAHOOOO!!!!!

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2024 we’re going to read all the books and be all the people and live all the lives! to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible

#let it never give me truce! let it never give me truce #and let it not kill me just yet

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reblog if you think polyamorous people are really fucking cool actually

#hehehehe:-) #poly tag

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when death comes by Mary Oliver

#oh of course this js a mary oliver poem im gonna fucking break down #word weaving #fav #soft tag #anxiety help

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“Our culture suffers from terminal brainworms when it comes to artistic expression. We are under the impression that art is something ‘special people’ do, and to do it well makes you a genius and to do it poorly is embarrassing. This sectioning-off of ‘the art world, for artists,’ from regular life and regular people is completely artificial and it is bad for the soul of your society.

You see, for most of history and in current cultures that do not have this psychological disorder, you do not sing because you’re a singer, you sing because you’re a person—it’s fucking singing! Religious institutions are one of the last places that we still understand that singing is an innately human participatory social act, not the exclusive domain of fuckin’…Ariana Grande.

The result of removing this stigma and arbitrary qualification required to do something as simple as draw or dance isn’t just less self-hatred, less insecurity, less anxiety, better community, better connection to your body, more holistic communion with others and the world around you, and simple indulgence in your fundamental humanity—it also results in categorically better artists.”

CJ the X, 7 Deadly Art Sins

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All the stuff you learn from your attempts at healthy coping doesn't get erased the moment you relapse. And you can use that knowledge to pick yourself back up and try again when you're ready. It's not a case of starting over from scratch, it's a case of stumbling and getting back up

#its not linear and sometimes it will feel like youre back where you started but youre not #good and bad news: nothing is ever the same twice

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Tell The People You Love That You Love Them By Rachel C. Lewis, December 18th, 2013

#yesterday my partner told me she was still surprised every time i expressed my feelings #straightforwardly and intensely #after i sent her like 5 paragraphs explaining how nice it was to take the time to make her a snack #and it still warms my heart. 'i still have to get used to how you talk' do not worry mfer you #have the time #its like how sharks cant stop swimming or they die. this is part of how i keep myself alive #i love being horribly straightforward #word weaving #soft tag #anxiety help

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I watched @patricia-taxxon's "on the ethics of boinking animal people" today!

#watch this video it led me to a psychological breakthrough and i too am a dog now

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🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇 ANTI DEPRESSION BAT ATTACK 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

#AAHH BATS AAAHH thank you AAHHH BATS #heheh. fuck #i was just thinking to myself abt how wack my brain is (i had to spend an hour of preliminary hyping myself #up just to get out of bed and it sucked) #and BOOM BAT ATTACK #youre right Tumblr post im gonna work with the cards i am given and im really not doing so bad #(i mean- an hour? less than it used to be. yay!)