naptownchris

[naptownchris]

Pretty much the story of my early life, in this paragraph.

[naptownchris]

Couldn't get a thing out of my head today. Wrote a poem about it. It's probably not a great poem, but I'm posting it in rough draft form anyway. Under a cut, because cw: suicide

Did you know That when I say I continue to live out of spite, that what I mean is I’ll never forget when you said you wished I’d hurry up and kill myself already so you could pretend I never existed? I knew then I would try to live forever.

The funny part is that if you had waited just about a month, all your dreams would have come true.

I had a plan to wait until after Dad’s birthday so he could still enjoy them.

So.

Why am I still here? Because fuck you. That’s why.

#poetry #cw sui mention

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BEATING YOURSELF UP IS NEVER A FAIR FIGHT.

-from "Truce" by Andrea Gibson

#andrea gibson #pansy

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Today I read a poem that made me put the book down, take a lap around my house, then stare out the window at the weeping cherry tree I planted for my mom before she died.

I sat down and read it again. Took another lap, and then stared out the back door at the trees in the distance where the railroad tracks used to be.

I've spent way too much of my life not reading poetry that will make me take a lap and stare out the window. Why didn't anyone tell me this was possible?

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It's like pro wrestling for me. There are certain aspects of my personality that are turned up online, but it's all in here for sure.

how much of ur online presence is performative and how much is it u being u

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Well shit, Jody. While I was sitting here at the computer contemplating that my mom's birthday is in a couple of days and god how much I miss her, I see this on Facebook. Your family donated your favorite obstacle to skate to the skatepark in the town where you were born. A skatepark you never visited because they built it after you made your great escape.

God damn, dude. I miss your smiling face and the laugh that was always in your voice when we talked. I haven't been back to North Cackalacky in years either. But maybe - just maybe - someday I'll go and fall off this bench trying a trick. I'll picture you laughing at me rolling around on the ground moaning and it'll feel like you're there.

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While you walked in to the store and I waited in the car, the young couple that was parked beside us came out. I recognized them. They work together at the grocery store across the street where we shop. They met on the job. He asked her to marry him in the dairy aisle. I was shopping that day, and they announced it over the store's PA system. They're in their 20's, but it looks like at least half of those years have been really hard.

Anyway, the rain was already falling, and apparently they were in the store on their lunch break because her car needed new wiper blades. She struggled for a few minutes, then he took over. He struggled too, until he gave up and pulled out his phone. YouTube University to the rescue, I guess. Through the crack in my window I heard her sigh and say under her breath "I'm too stupid for this car."

I rolled down my window then, and I asked her if I could give them a hand. She smiled and said she'd appreciate the help. I can see why the young man fell in love, her smile's the kind that makes your breath catch in your throat.

I popped the old blades off in just a few seconds, making sure I showed them both how it worked. She was apologetic. "I've never owned a car this new before, my old one was easier." We had the new blades on in another minute or so. They thanked me and were on their way.

God, kid. Don't ever apologize for not having been taught how to do something. Apologize for not being willing to learn when you have the chance.

Anyway, it feels like where those kids are going is absolutely better than where they've been. And maybe now they'll be able to see the road through the rain. We should all be so lucky.

[naptownchris]

Ah, Tumblr staff. I must admit, I'm a bit dubious of this new "Communities" feature, given your track record when it comes to adding new things to the site.

I guess I could applaud the effort, but let's face it. This god-forsaken corner of the internet is pretty much perfect just like it is. A bunch of weird people posting weird shit that you won't see anywhere else. We're already a community, each and every one of us.

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Emily

I finished the book of your poetry that I got from the library last week. I'm done reading it for now, but it feels like a lot of your words are going to live inside me for the rest of my life. You make me wish I was a better writer, that I could call myself a poet like you.

I'm all for granting the last requests of the dying, but I'm grateful your sister ignored yours and didn't burn the drawers full of your poems that she found after you were gone. From now on, when people ask "who would you have dinner with, living or dead," your name will be at the top of my list.

#emily dickinson #poetry month

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Now, I'm not saying that sitting outside among the blooming flowers and trees in my yard while reading the "Nature" section of The Selected Poems of Emily Dickinson was the perfect prelude to the eclipse... But holy shit it actually was.

Yesterday was among the best days I've had in years. The only thing that would have made it better was being able to spend some of it with you (yes, you).

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reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a fucking break

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Reblog to give the person you reblogged from the ability to finish their WIPs

[naptownchris]

i hope you write (i hope we both write)

[naptownchris]

Just so we're clear, nose boops are one of my actual favorite ways of showing affection. I was made for this shit.

And, for my wrestling nerd friends out there, is there a petition somewhere to get Kris Statlander to bring them back to her character?

[naptownchris]

I finished this book of Billy Collins's short poems in under 30 minutes and loved everything in it so much I'm just going to read it over and over again for the rest of the day.

I guess there's a reason he's so popular.

#poetry month #poems

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Ole BR's latest obsession, you may be wondering (no one is wondering)? Emily Dickinson. She's going to factor heavily in Poetry Month, now just over a week away from beginning.

A couple of days ago I went to the library and selected what I thought was going to be a book of her poetry about her gardens and nature... And was, instead, a book about the gardens themselves. Still, it contains a fair bit of her writing about the property where she hid from the world, and it's all so beautiful.

At first I was annoyed with myself for this mistake, but now that I've consumed it at a rapid pace for two days I'm planning my own flower gardens and wondering when I'll be able to make a pilgrimage to visit the property in person.

Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I should have pursued writing, literature, and poetry more in college and my adult life.

#Emily Dickinson #poetry #gardening