flames in the wind

- permanent hiatus - This blog once belonged to a CRPS sufferer. She also suffered from asthma and was a migraineur. A bittersweet adoptee demanding equality. Won't answer messages. Don't send 'em. I'm not here anymore.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

There is nothing witty here for my final post. Nothing at all. It’s just a final text post acknowledging this is the end of my written correspondence. If you wanted to get a hold of me, you did. That’s done. However, I will not have any personal place on tumblr anymore. It’s not nearly a “safe place” as many disillusioned youth may believe it to be.

Don’t fall out of that rye field on the cliff while searching for the truth, you Caufields of the world. Someone isn’t there to catch you.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoAnswer
Geekyyyyyyyy <3333

what is this even this is not in the form of a question



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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

Fuck you, leg pain. CRPS I have no time for your shit.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText


Since the characters in Once Upon a Time will be traveling to hell in the second half of this season, and they found the the holy grail earlier this season, my daughter just suggested I write a fic where they go to heaven next. And when they get there they see Archie. Archie has been Jesus all along and they never knew. Jiminy Christ .. The holy cricket. Then Hook is like, “Crap, I’m going to hell when I die, aren’t I?”
God, my daughter has hilarious great fic ideas, but people would be offended by Jesus Archie if I wrote it, I’m sure XD

Jiminy Cricket is slang for Jesus Christ and cricket characters have served as “the voice of the holy” for many written works long before Walt Disney’s adaptation of Pinocchio or even Collodi’s Talking Cricket.

The Disney character pre OUAT can be seen as an actual representation of Jesus Christ if you pay attention to the movie. If only people can really understand there’s nothing offensive at all in the understanding that *religion class voice* Jesus Christ was a man of flesh and blood but was still the Son of God. He had emotions. He had feelings. He had a family, friends, parents… He had people he cared about. He needed time to pray. He wasn’t perfect. We read constant stories about how Jesus is not a perfect person, but he’s still teaching us to be good people anyway. It’s not about “being perfect”. It’s about “being good”. Jiminy Cricket has an eye for the ladies, he oversleeps, he gets frustrated, and he lies to try to protect Pinocchio when it comes to facing the Blue Fairy (he’d rather get in trouble instead of a child). He’s not perfect, but he’s trying to teach Pinocchio to be a good person and do the right thing. Not teaching perfection, but good. There are those loving similarities.

If they can’t see that Jiminy Cricket and Jesus Christ having those parallels and that convenient slang usage being there is a nice joke, then I can’t help them. As a Catholic, I think they’re lost and I think they’re intentionally looking for something to be angry about and that’s not a very good thing to do with a life. That’s unhealthy from a nonreligious point of view anyway.

Cause it’s just a damn fictional character who happens to have a bit in common with Jesus. It’s there. What? Want me to lie and say it’s not there? I’m not a liar. Lying sucks. Lying is that whole sin shit. I don’t do that. Makes for indigestion.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

I understand there are so many other adoptees who are “American” but we don’t feel that way.

We’re too close to another country or culture or mannerism and while there are some distinct American things about us, we’ve had other people come up to us and ask us to drop the American accent because it’s “unnatural to see an X talk like this”.

I’ve had this said to me. It’s very weird to get picked out and quietly admit that “yeah my birth mother’s parents are Scottish immigrants” but I’ve never had the chance of living with these people who I desperately wanted to meet.

It’s like wearing a mask.

“Why do you do that?”

I don’t know. Is it in my blood? Do they do that, too? Is there a whole group of them and they do it, too?

I met my birth mother’s side of the family. They’re wonderful, warm people. (Except my sister lol!)

I wanted to cry because for once, I felt understood. Like, yes! Yes, there are some things in the blood. Yes, there are some things that are just within your brain that you hone in on and that’s your group.

There are some things that are neither, though. And I feel forever lost.

I am neither.

I can’t identify with anything but “adopted”. That’s all I am. I am the neither. I don’t identify with anyone but myself and this little group. No one else understands.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoVideo

Anyone else just get really frustrated because a six-year-old looks cooler than they do?

Yeah? Yeah, I thought so.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoAnswer
Pm: Hello! I'm just starting a Once Upon A Time RP if you would like to join :)

Thank you, but no thank you. I don’t do rp groups because they get cliche-y and I will never rp with anyone who rps Regina Mills due to the intense anti-adoptee sentiment this show promotes. I don’t feel comfortable within a fandom that would lob slurs at me for being adopted or for believing that I have a choice as an adopted person to choose what relationships I want to have with the people in my life in a natural, healthy way. This fandom is a very bad place and if you haven’t read my posts on Once Upon a Time and adoption, I really don’t have a place here. If other people are to be believed, I should be aborted. But you know. Fancy fandom, right?

I already rp an original character within the OUAT universe. As a disabled rper, I’ve got that stacked against me because I’m not able to keep up with a heavy workload. Group rps are not able to accommodate people like myself, especially when we are suffering from chronic pain that may reduce us to one post per day, if not per week. I haven’t had anyone rp with me in what feels like a very long time because I can’t write up dozens of starters that never get answered.

It’s wasted energy for me. If people haven’t noticed, I’ve reduced my time on here because I’m sick. I’m very sick. I’m tired. I can’t dedicate that energy to writing. I use it for social things and the people who tell me they want to build these bonds? It’s a lie.

Thank you very much for being nice but honestly, I can’t. It’s a bad fandom. It’s a bad place. RPers aren’t like they used to be. I’m already in the fandom as an indie OC and frankly, it sucks.

This has no reflection on you or your members. You’ll likely have wonderful adventures. You’ll enjoy yourself and succeed. You’ll find nice things to do. It’s those rest of the bunch I’m so much afraid of that I’d never say yes. They scare me. They scare me so much that the moment I go, “Hey if you could just not say that about adoptees/birth mothers because that’s offensive language to our group…” I feel like I’d start crying. Being dehumanized isn’t fun. This is just the sanitized version.

This is a reflection on our fandom as a whole. We’re just filled with more horrible people than good! 

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

raises arms above head


hands turn purple


close enough

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

I’m showering cause my arm is burning.

Like, I’m here but underwater.

Inbox is totally still open until I pass out.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoAnswer
Any advice for depressed adoptees?

Yeah, actually. I do. I always do. I have general advice. If you want specific advice, I can do that. But I can give general…

Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. That’s the worst thing you can do. I know tumblr has this whole culture where they say “OMG A PERSON SHOULD DO WHAT THEY THINK IS-”

No. Science tells me that bottling things up puts a physical strain on you and you end up exploding. You’ll explode emotionally or you’ll explode physically. I’ve done it. I’ve seen people do it for so many different reasons.

Something I can suggest is get a journal and write your feelings down. Write letters to yourself, your adoptive parents, and your birth parents. Write to people you just pass by. Address your feelings on your adoption and how people treat you. Talk about it. Keep talking until your soul feels settled. Don’t feel settled? Keep talking. Just talk.

I don’t stop talking about good times or bad times. Good times remind me of my good moments and it’ll give me a spark. Bad moments let me recognize all of those horrible things inside of me. If I can just recognize that they’re there… If I can just say, hey you’re there, you can stop talking and make my head stop spinning for five seconds!

What I can’t help you with…is the root of problems. I can’t give you directions on how to reunite with a family or how to strengthen bonds with your adoptive family. That requires a professionalism I am not skilled in. I am, however, your fellow adoptee and I can say I either understand or that I know because I understand my group’s issues and intend to always educate myself.

What I can say is talking does help. Remembering that your opinion matters A GREAT DEAL is something that’s helped me. You matter. You, the adoptee, are the biggest part of all of this. You are one of the most important stars on this map.

You are always going to be an important person. Forget all of the cheesy things they tell us about being “chosen” or all of that crap that sounds more like it’s made to make birth parents or adoptive parents feel better, alright?

We’re the heart of the matter. Everything should always be done for us in mind. Each choice is to be made for us in mind because we’re children and children are meant to be loved. If that wasn’t good enough for someone in your life? From another adoptee, I’m sorry. I’m sorry and I wish you healing because you deserve more.

If you ever need to just vent, talk to me. I understand. My two fathers were absolute slimeballs and I had two great moms. I am your adoption moderate. It’s neither good nor evil. It’s just…there. It’s what we are.

And I’m here. We’re all gonna go through some crap and cry about a lot.

And what stories we can tell.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText


Alright OUAT you’re partially forgiven for that “way too immature to even be fanfiction” tripe you passed off earlier.

omfg “Your magic is never very direct, is it?”



Yeah, partially forgiven.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

Let’s add on this scene and say Ruby was here anyway cause you know, we neglect characters all the time despite we have AT LEAST two seasons of established character development between characters that has been shelved for Regina Cries All the Time.

It feels so damn sloppy but I’ll fucking take it. I think we need to gravitate away from overusing characters like Regina so we stop running into this problem and could use more episodes like this instead of doing sloppy two hour specials.

This should have been a stand alone episode and these characters NEED to stop being shelved when there is no reason.

Adam and Eddy’s “toy box” needs less toys. Spoiled brats don’t need anymore toys. You have enough legos. Use what you have.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

Ruby has landed!

So we finally get a feminism-powered episode. Finally.

Because Regina isn’t here putting down other women for just breathing. Am I to understand this? Is this finally what it looks like?

Well people should spam and break OUAT’s shit to let them know it’s nice to finally see some actual fucking feminism for once. Like wow. Women supporting women. Holy fucking shit.

Even Zelena’s “sass” is a welcome relief compared to Regina’s brand.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

So hey, OUAT.

You could have given me Mulan and Merida pretty much um…anytime. Yeah. Anytime.


There’s a reason I’m not a fan of Regina, Rumple, Robin, and Hook.


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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

This means Mulan and Merida get to flirt now, RIIIIIIIIGHT?

Or Lancida. He’s FREE somehow and just…TADAAAAH!


Please make this two hours of shit and Regina apologism worth watching for the love of GOD.

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njgeekgirl-blog·5 years agoText

I will let you slide because the Witch reminds me of a Scottish version of Valerie, Miracle Max’s wife.


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