panxramic

[panxramic]

Chayanne and the Water

One thing I feel like is forgotten or not mentioned much was how Chayanne LOVED the water. Hell, when asked what type of dragon he wanted to be he said he wanted to be a water one. He used to hang out all the time in the little pool his dads made him, floating away in the water. He also loved baths, one of the few eggs who didn’t complain and happily splashed along.

Though, that love and need to be in the water faded, quite fast. I think it also falls in line with how fast he grew up, how fast he had to mature because of Quesadilla Island. We’d get glimpses of it here and there, but never like those first couple of days.

Another time that stands out to me was when he and Tallulah went to go hang out with Bagi and Empanada for a bit. I remember this moment so well because for the first time in months we see Chayanne in the water again, floating to his own accord. He’s in a pond and he stays there for a while, Bagi watching him from a distance just smiling to herself at how cute he looked.

And then later on, when they’re on a new island, when Tubbo has died and Chayanne is in anguish… he throws himself into the pond in the back of the house and he begins to drown. He starts hurting himself. Chayanne has always found the water to be calming, as an escape. It’s always been a positive thing for him, something fun. So he slowly falls to the bottom, lost in his mind. He wants to stay here forever, in the calm serene water, and he starts to drown.

It’s why, although it seems like a small thing, I loved how Phil said they could always sit together at the dock when things got overwhelming. It’s right in front of the house, in Phil’s line of sight. It’s right on top of the water too, but not quite inside. It’s a way for Chayanne to be next to the water without hurting himself. And if he ever falls in, Phil is right next to him to keep him from drowning.

And Tallulah was there too, in the distance. She was quite far, far away to give Phil and Chayanne their own space but not far enough to where she couldn’t keep an eye on them. Phil and Tallulah will always be there to keep Chayanne from drowning.

#he’s a little duck #qsmp #marv rants #qsmp chayanne

[panxramic]

Love.

Missa isn’t possessive no… he just sometimes sees Phil talking and laughing with someone else and he feels his gut twist and jealousy crawl across his skin.

But no… he’s not possessive. And there’s no reason for him to be so jealous right? Phil loves him, he tells him all the time. Missa has no reason to doubt Phil’s love for him. In fact, there is nothing better than basking under the love and adoration that Phil casts on to him.

Phil’s love is everything to Missa. It’s so special and unique, the type of love he wants to wrap himself in and drown in. The type of love he never wants to let go of, the type he doesn’t want to share. It’s a drug he can’t get enough of.

Is he being over dramatic? Sure. But there’s no other way to describe the obsession and attachment Missa has grown to Phil. He likes to think it isn’t a problem and then he hears back what he says and mayybeeee he might be a bit insane. Or just over dramatic. Or just insecure over love.

Missa doesn’t know what it is about Phil’s love but sometimes he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. Enjoying and loving love feels wrong. Anytime he gets an “I love you” or a compliment it feels like a special treat, one he needs to hold on to because he believes it will disappear from one day to the next.

Every time he accepts Phil’s love he gets excited. That excitement is destroyed by one person: himself. He feels weird getting excited over it, he feels like it’s wrong to be this happy and excited over feeling loved. Because what did he do to deserve it? Why is he being so weird? Why is he so obsessed? Why can’t he be normal about receiving this love?

No matter how he interacts with Phil’s love it never feels right. It’s either too much or not enough.

And then it gets worse. Now he’s sitting here thinking, what if I scare him away? What if I already have?

Phil’s love feels like glass to Missa. One wrong move and he thinks he will lose it. For good.

So, Missa is careful. He tries not to get too excited about the love in front of him, tries to keep it to himself to not scare Phil away. But he also tries and returns the love enough to show he appreciates him, to show that the love isn’t taken for granted.

But he never feels like he is enough. Nothing he does feels like it is enough.

And what a fucking asshole he is.

This person is giving him the world and yet Missa can’t help but overthink it all. How could he? How could I think so little of Phil?

Why can’t he just appreciate Phil’s love for what it is like a regular person? Why does he overthink it all?

The same questions, and no answers.

Missa couldn’t tell you why he feels the way he feels. It’s a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. He doesn’t think he will ever find them and that thought terrifies him.

Is this how it’s always going to be? Love is supposed to be beautiful, it’s supposed to be everything and more. So why does he feel like he’s suffocating? Like he’s ruining it all?

Missa wouldn’t exchange Phil’s love for the world. He’s done everything right. He’s been nothing but sweet and kind. Yet Missa’s mind always finds holes. And he knows, he KNOWS it makes no sense but he can’t stop. Because surely Phil will get sick of him. Surely Phil will find out how weirdly happy he gets with every I love you and kind remark. Surely Phil will find someone better.

Everything Phil does makes Missa’s heart flutter. It’s intoxicating. He always has a dopey smile around him, and if he could, he’d spend every moment and every second by Phil’s side. Whether it be talking, sitting, or sleeping, Phil’s presence next to his feels like the world finally makes sense.

The mere thought makes him want to claw at his arms. Every feeling he feels towards Phil makes him want to scratch at his skin and dissolve into a messy puddle. It’s too much. It’s too much on his mind and it’s too much on his heart. Missa feels so stupid. This type of over dramatic lovey dovey thought process is for teenagers in school going through hormones. He feels stupid and dumb for getting butterflies in his stomach. He feels icky and weird for the amount of love he feels.

And it’s not that loving Phil is weird, no. It’s that Missa thinks his love is too much. That whatever he returns will send Phil running. It’s why he sticks to paintings, he sticks to casual interactions and compliments. Missa doesn’t want to be too much but he doesn’t want Phil to be completely unloved. So he tries. Because Phil is everything to him, and he’ll try to show it to him in whatever way his mind allows it.

Missa will try and tell himself he’s not insecure. But the more he talks and looks back the more everything starts falling apart. He doesn’t want to be insecure. He doesn’t want to be a selfish and jealous partner and yet he always finds himself in those shoes.

Phil’s love is unique and exhilarating. Missa wishes he could keep Phil’s attention all to himself, he wishes he was the center of his world. Nothing makes Missa feel more like a selfish and entitled asshole than the jealousy that fires up in his veins when he realizes Phil is getting close with someone else, someone that’s not him.

He’s not possessive. He won’t go out of his way to control Phil, EVER. Phil can do as he pleases, and can talk to who he desires. Phil can have friends. Who the fuck is Missa to tell him who he can and can’t talk to? Missa knows, he KNOWS, how his thoughts sound but he can’t help but feel the darkness encompass his mind. It spreads and spreads infecting every inch of his brain and his heart. He feels rotten.

He’s rotten for ever thinking of looking through his things. He’s rotten for ever thinking of spying on his interactions with others. Missa is rotten for every thought he knows would violate his partners privacy like that. That’s not something you do to the person you love, he knows that. He wouldn’t want it done to himself. So no matter how insecure he feels, he won’t do it to Phil.

What would Phil think if he knew?

Phil deserves someone who isn’t so selfish and insecure. Phil deserves someone who doesn’t get their heart twisted and mushed every time he extends his love to someone else. Phil deserves someone who isn’t Missa. Anyone but Missa.

If anything he feels sorry for Phil. He’s sorry that he got stuck with someone who hides their feelings and prefers for everything to build up until they explode. Missa is sorry for feeling the way that he does. He’s sorry that he can’t love him the way he deserves to be loved.

Missa hates everything about this. He hates how miserable he feels. He hates the tightness in his throat, he hates the tightness in his heart, and he hates that he knows sooner or later he will lose Phil and he will be nothing more than someone else he was too afraid to hold tight onto. Someone else he let slip through the cracks.

Until then Missa will smile. Missa will say he is okay and that he loves Phil. Because he does. And he’ll hold onto this fantasy in his mind for as long as he can. He’ll hide all the dark and the ugly deep in his soul. He’ll cage it in the twisted parts of his heart. He’ll try to be perfect for as long as he can be.

Why can’t he just appreciate the love that has been so kindly handed to him? He has the perfect family, why can’t he be perfect for them too?

#deathduo #marv writes #not meant to be character analysis

[panxramic]

Missa is his moon Missa is his moon Missa is his moon Missa is his moon Missa is his moon

#missa is his moon

[panxramic]

The Pirate and the Siren

Chayanne loved the ocean, loved the feeling of the wind blowing in his hair, the taste of the salty air, and the sound of the waves splashing against the ship's side.

Out here, in the ocean, he felt free. There was nothing holding him back. The waters were HIS domain, his home.

Nothing could drive Chayanne out of the sea. Not the deathly battles, the terrible storms, or even the monsters that lurked in the water down below. From krakens to leviathans the ocean harbored dangerous creatures. Some beings even seemed harmless, like the one currently under the waves.

The ship is not moving, it’s offshore of an island as the rest of the crew went out to gather some supplies. Chayanne stayed behind on the ship, leaning against the rail lost to the sounds of the water below. His eyes are closed, taking in every bit of the calm serene ocean.

Two slitted eyes peak above the water to the lone pirate on the boat. Mischief laced in the small smirk they display. The creature dunks back below water, swimming up to the ladder on the side of the boat.

Their scaley hands grab onto the ropes, tugging harshly making sure it is secured. They smile. Sharp teeth peek out of their mouth, a small hiss of happiness escapes as they hull themselves up into one of the safety boats.

The pirate above them is still unmoving, eyes still closed and unaware of the commotion below him.

The creature picks themselves up by the ship's edge, head peeking through the bottom of the rails. They reach for his feet, but before their claws could swipe at him he is jumping over the railing and onto the safety boat as well.

Chayanne takes out his sword and points it directly at the creature's head, “Didn’t think I could hear you?”

Below his weapon was one of the most dangerous creatures Chayanne thinks you would ever find at sea. A beautiful magical being that can fog your mind and entrance you. It was almost impossible to fight off a being like this, one that could haunt your memories, lure, and bait you. A being half human half fish. Shiny shimmery scales decorated their body from head to tail fin. They were ruthless as much as they were astounding. A siren, one song and Chayanne would be done for.

This one was smaller than most, a kid around Chayanne’s age. She had dark black hair and white and purple scales. A necklace with a red flower sat on her chest and a few bits of purple coral sprouted on top of her head below her gills. She looked like she was wearing a crown, and she also looked angry.

With one swipe she swished her tail and sent Chayanne flying off the boat into the water below. The siren growled and peeked over the boat into the water where the young pirate had fallen.

A big gasp and a cough came out of him as Chayanne broke through the surface, “That was mean.”

The siren rolled her eyes, “Oh shut up you pointed a sword at me first.”

“Because you tried sneaking up on me!”

“Yeah and I was doing a great job wasn’t I?” The siren flashed her teeth with a wicked smile.

“Sure you were.”

“What’s that supposed to mean??” She huffs and crosses her arms, cheeks puffing out.

Chayanne giggled, “I missed you Tallulah.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Now can you please help me up and get off the boat? The others are going to be back soon.”

“That’s no way to treat your little sister Chay. Besides, I can take care of myself.”

He sighs, “I know you can, I’m worried about them.”

She laughs, “Hust one little song? Pleaaaaseee.”

“Lullah!” He scolds.

“Fine! You’re lucky I love you.” She gives a half hearted side eye.

“Yeah yeah whatever, love you too. Now go, I’ll meet you at the cove as always okay? Just give me a day to get some things ready.”

“Okay okay I’ll meet you there, see you hermanito!”

“See ya!”

The siren jumps down into the water and waves to her older brother. One blink and she’s gone into the water below.

Chayanne smiles down at his wrist, a bracelet with a red flower as a charm. Tallulah had given it to him a long time ago, when they first had crossed paths. He was human, she was a siren, and yet they loved and cared for each other as any regular siblings would. The sea was their home.

He should probably get out of it though.

#qsmp tallulah #qsmp chayanne #marv writes #the pirate and the siren au

[panxramic]

Death Family Villain AU

Phil of course Angel of Death, he is so swift and quick that there are rumors that with one touch he can kill you just like that.

Missa who no one has ever seen his face but if you look into the void of his eyes your soul gets sucked up and destroyed.

Tallulah whose powers can be compared more to that of a medium. She can communicate with the dead and sometimes they help her with information or with deeds.

And then Chayanne. Not many people know what his powers are or what he’s capable of but some say he can cheat death herself. Nothing and nobody can stop him and if they try… it doesn’t end well for them.

#marv writes #death family #death family villain au #dfvau

[panxramic]

marv you are the only person who can ever articulate my feelings about this goddamn death family and for that i thank and applaud you

thank you that means a lot :]

I always try my hardest to do them justice and I hope with my posts I do just that. I love discussing and analyzing that family sm I think atp I have essays upon essays with what I’ve written lmao

#I’m so overprotective over them #it’s why I don’t scroll through Twitter #or tumblr tags #because the things people say #q!Phil catching strays these days

[panxramic]

People bringing up Chayanne is a glass child like yeah this has been a huge thing and was one of the culminating points of the fight that happened with Chayanne and Tallulah last year. I love this family sm and I love the way q!Phil is portrayed as a flawed parent

I don’t think a lot of people realize that q!Phil is absolutely incapable of reading emotions specifically Chayanne’s. Especially when Chayanne hides them to act tougher and fine. It’s a double edge sword and it’s nothing that can be fixed if it’s not said to his face.

ex: when Chayanne said that he hated fighting q!Phil he IMMEDIATELY broke into “I’m so sorry” and apologized over and over again you can tell he felt HORRIBLE. He cracked the moment Chayanne started opening up about what he really felt.

q!Phil sucks ass at noticing when his kid feels a certain way and it’s something he KNOWS. It’s why they said they would open up to each other more because q!Phil just /cant/ read his kids minds. And Chayanne is trying his best to slowly let out his emotions and that’s GOOD.

It’s FINE. He doesn’t need to bleed right then and there. It will take time for him to process what happened and it will take time for him to open up and q!Phil will be there ready when he can.

And I know it fucking sucks to see it happen but I for one think it needs to happen.

q!Phil and Chayanne’s relationship is very unique and specific. They believe in each others abilities and trust each other to take care of themselves. Chayanne has always seen his dad as untouchable so imagine how he feels knowing that he’s not invincible?

Chayanne is a mirror image of q!Phil both in all the good and the bad. Things aren’t black and white as most people make it out to be and no q!Phil is not a horrible parent, he’s not a bad guy and no Chayanne does not think less of his father.

Having q!Phil in Chayanne’s life has been so important to his development and it’s been good. He just needs the balance that q!Missa brings. Because in all the flaws that q!Missa has q!Phil is there to pick him up and vice versa.

The death family is the most flawed, troubled, loved, imperfectly perfect family and it’s why I love them so deeply. Because through all the pain and flaws they prefer to go through it together. They love one another and support each other unconditionally.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp chayanne #death family #marv rants

[panxramic]

Tallulah looked down at her hand.

Certificate of adoption.

“Lullah!” She quickly hid the paper and sprinted back into the house.

She did want to tell her Papa Phil, but she was nervous. It wasn’t like the first time, Lullah remembers very well the day she asked Phil to take her in temporarily. He already had a kid, Chayanne, and she was just someone dropped off at his doorstep. She didn’t know what Phil would think or if he would say yes, but today she knows this will bring him glee.

So why was she nervous? Phil loved her, she was already a part of the family. Or maybe it’s excitement bundled into nerves. When Lullah first saw the certificate she couldn’t believe it. Finally, an official form to show who her family is.

Lullah knows who her family is. It’s been crystal clear ever since they’ve entered this new island. But something about the certificate makes it feel set in stone, it makes her feel secure. It feels like the last piece of the puzzle slotting into place. She gets to step back and admire the work and journey to finally get to this moment.

She gets to flaunt this certificate around, gets to be seen as Phil and Missa’s daughter by more than just the family. No more fighting for extra cookies, no more back and forth with the federation about their situation. Lullah knew in her heart she was officially part of the family, but every single reminder that technically, she’s not, felt like a prick to the heart. And now she has it, physical proof that this is her family. Something she can touch and see.

It’s silly really, it’s just a piece of paper at the end of the day. But she can’t help and read the words again and again. No one could ever doubt who her family is. Not the federation, not any outsiders, nobody. One last fuck you to everybody holding her back and tying her to her past.

This is her family, and this is where she belongs.

#qsmp tallulah #qsmp #marv writes #tallulah #death family #gonna post this to Twitter in a bit #so if you see it twice #shhhh

[panxramic]

q!Phil’s continuous rise in anger and frustration with not seeing q!Missa and him running away again is slowly chipping at him and I’m wondering if this time he will put his foot down more aggressively and be like “hey! Dickhead! Stop leaving your family!!” But also who knows if he has the strength to actually get mad and yell at q!Missa.

These two mf’s have continuously had the power to make the angstiest return but always miss each other too much for it to dissolve into anything other than hugs and “I miss you’s”

They are incapable of being anything other than lovey dovey they make me sick!!! (/lh)

(But also maybe a little anger, maybe maybe, just tiny angst, maybe this much 🤏🏻)

#q!Phil can act mad now but once #he sees q!Missa he’ll fold #marv rants #qsmp philza #death family #qsmp missa

[panxramic]

Taking Tallulah’s hair color change and inserting as much lore as I can into it. It’s just like when she got the haircut, a feeling of brand new, of moving on and changing. I love it sm

This new island has always been a new step for her, a way for her to move on. She’s left behind old memories and pictures, forgotten letters and homes. She’s finally found herself in a family, a family she’s been dreaming and hoping of. It’s not perfect, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows but it’s HERS, this is her family. She has an older brother she’d do anything for and two dads that love her endlessly. What else could she want?

So she changes her clothes, that’s the first thing she did a while ago. She matches q!Phil’s every step. And she finds things for herself.. Her mushroom beanie is one of the first things she ever got that truly felt like her own. She was made to reflect someone else, but THIS, this is her own. This is something she liked and she wanted, not something the federation threw upon her. She finds a liking to the color purple, and with that she weaves her own clothes to match q!Phil’s. It’s a mix of the person she loves and herself. Because truly who was the person that raised her? The person that has influenced her her entire life and has helped shape who she would become? It’s always been q!Phil. And that’s reflected in her clothes.

And now on this new island she also has a new dad. q!Missa. Who didn’t hesitate to take her in and call her his own. He’s been lovely, and with him she’s nurtured that side of her that’s more artistic and more creative. She also gets to tangle more into her culture and speak Spanish more. Her features match his. They have similar noses and eyes, the same moles on their cheeks. But the one thing that always stood out about Tallulah in the family has been her hair.

Tallulah’s hair has always been brown for as long as she can remember. It's been the one feature that doesn’t quite fit with the rest of the family. qPhil and Chayanne have blonde hair, qMissa has black hair. And sometimes Chayanne’s hair also reflects that of q!Missa’s.

Tallulah’s brown hair is the final tie to her past. It’s the one thing that makes her stand out, that shows the world she was destined for somebody else. It haunts her. So… as the final piece of the puzzle… it goes from brown to black.

Her hair is that final tether, and she was ready as ever to let it go, to let go of her past and let go of that pain. She’s moving on. Her hair is as black as qMissa’s, it’s as dark as the night sky. It matches every wither rose they come across. She’s part of the death family, one look at her and you can tell where she belongs.

And she does, for the first time in her life she feels like she belongs.

It’s scary, it is. Her brown hair has been such a huge defining feature of hers for so long. The black hair is a drastic change. What is everyone else gonna say? What are they gonna think? Is it going to look good at all? Who knows, we’ll see, but she’s never been so sure of herself.

This is who Tallulah is. This is who she has become. A person weaved and influenced by those around her, the people she’s spent time with. She’s taken their details and made them her own, she’s become her own person now. No longer is she the image of someone who left her to pick up the pieces no. She’s the image of those who helped her back up, of those who cared for her and watched her grow up to become the very person we see in front of our eyes.

She’s Tallulah. She likes the color purple and she loves animals. She wants to build a sanctuary for birds. She loves her brother Chayanne and she wears her heart on her sleeve. She has black hair and a purple beanie. And she’s a part of death family.

[panxramic]

The Sun’s (Phil and Chayanne) always the most overprotective over the Moon’s of the family (Missa and Tallulah)

Like today with q!Phil being extra worried for Tallulah so he saved her first and Chayanne always being the one to jump in and attack anybody who dares to hurt q!Missa.

The entire family is protective of course but those two have this flare to them where they burn like the sun and unleash on those that dare hurt the most emotional of the family. Chayanne brings out his sword and stands in front of Tallulah and q!Missa if need be and Phil will go out of his way to scold and yell, making it known that if anyone misses with his family they will mess with him too.

#I love them #sun and moon dynamic #as always #marv writes #death family #qsmp missa #qsmp tallulah #qsmp chayanne #qsmp philza #QSMP

[panxramic]

YA VINE YA ME VOY, CHAUU

Blame on Marv (aka @panxramic) for fueling this to the bone.

#OHMYGODOHMYGOD OHMYGOD #OHMYGOD #THIS IS SO ?/?/!:$ #deathduo #qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp missa

[panxramic]

Love seeing people from twitter using duo names like here we say pissa (not neg just think it’s funny)

I know people on here use the tag pissa for /r and I’ve always seen deathduo as /qpr so I refrain from using the pissa tag :)

#my work is not /r #qpr deathduo is my drug

[panxramic]

That’s HIS Missa hope you guys know that I don’t know if you didn’t catch it but he’s /his/ like the man with the purple hood and skeletal face? yeah? that guy? yeah! he’s q!Phil’s idk if you knew but it’s been said and it’s in writing q!Missa is his and only his don’t forget it! Tattoo it into your eyelids, the crow has a precious gem and damn anybody who tries to take him away.

#MY MISSA #MY #MISSA #qsmp missa #qsmp philza #deathduo #QSMP #DEATHDUO FOREVER AND ALWAYS #sorry #I can’t stop thinking abt that stream😭

[panxramic]

Lost and Found

A death family fic a part of my “The Cat and The Crow” series

Chayanne and Tallulah get separated and lost, forced to search for the other alone. That’s when a cat and a crow appear to help protect and guide the siblings back to one another.

Phil and Missa adopt two lost kids… oh, and they’re a crow and a cat.

AO3

#qsmp tallulah #tallulah #qsmp #marv writes #qsmp philza #qsmp chayanne #death family #chayanne #qsmp missa #the cat and the crow au #fanfic

[panxramic]

welcome back to:

kash’s death family moments and scenarios she comes up with!!

here’s the second one:

imagine, the family buys one of those inflatable ring pools for your backyard over the summer for the kids to play in. they start using it, it’s a fun time, all is well!

then, chayanne and tallulah get an idea; why don’t they bring it inside to have a pool party inside! (imagine it probably is about to rain or something and they can’t use it while it’s raining cause q!phil and q!missa say so)

so, cut to q!deathduo being completely distracted and unaware of what their kids are doing and chayanne and tallulah are trying their absolute hardest to hurry and sneakily bring this already inflated pool (with a tiny puddle of water still in it) through their back door and up into their shared bedroom.

after about 10-15 minutes of trying to shove the pool in through many different ways, folding it, probably switching who is on what side of the pool; they finally get it in and drag it up to their room to get the pool party started.

jump forward to a while later, q!phil and q!missa have not checked in on what their kids have been doing, and once they see the trail of water from the back door that’s heading straight up into the children’s room, they know something is up. they make their way upstairs, and once they open the bedroom door their jaws drop.

in the middle of the kids’ room, is the pool, not even filled up all the way (about a sliver of it is filled cause they only had 2 cups, a sink, and a dream to fill that pool up and they got tired and antsy fast). there’s a clearly visible trail of water running from the bathroom and to their room from where a ton of water spilt out while the kids were rushing to fill the pool. all of the toys you can possibly imagine are just sitting in the centimeter high water, and chayanne and tallulah are happily right in the middle of it all, swimsuits on fully, enjoying themselves.

q!phil and q!missa are completely shocked, because 1. what does one parent do in this scenario, and 2. their kids managed to do this without them knowing and they are genuinely impressed!

#never get on a 2 am call with us #we become delirious and invent this #I’m still giggling over it #death family

[panxramic]

Missa cubito ohmygod today’s stream was SOOO.

Firstly, I haven’t talked about this but the fact that q!Missa has finally accepted the family home as his home too makes me want to snob. The fact that he calls it HIS home too, after spending so long distancing himself and saying that he doesn’t deserve to live with them? It makes my heart spin. And yes he still has his movements of self doubt but he knows now that this is his home and this is where he will always return to no matter what.

And I adore the little things that Missa notices. Last stream he got so giddy over the barrel in the house with his name on it and got so happy that he was included with the rest of the family even if he didn’t have anything in it. And then once again today gasping and getting happy at seeing the barrel again as if it was the first time all over. Missa loves being loved and he adores the little things the family does to show it. And how does he return the favor? With drawings he can leave behind dedicated to each one of them. Because he loves his family and he will find a way to physically show it even if he can’t be awake when they are.

And ohhh today with the cakes. He struggled so much and he lost so much energy trying to make the birthday cake for Tallulah but he would not give up until he got it done for both of them because his kids deserve it. And can I also point out I don’t think he realized it was also Chayanne’s birthday but he still made him a cake because he wanted to give something to his son and not make him feel left out. And when he was making the drawing for Tallulah he would not stop and he would not let ANYTHING distract him because his daughter deserves the world and she deserves the perfect painting.

Then come the raccoons. He goes and helps them clean because maybe he can earn money for the family and help out more around the house -> something Missa has always struggled with. He always wants to provide for the family the way they have him so he goes along with these raccoons. Then it all goes to shit when Bad logs on and he finds out it was his home they were cleaning. He finds the dead bodies and he gets scared because… who is this man he’s been calling his friend? Why does he have a grave of bodies underneath his home?

Missa runs. He tries to run away from q!Bad but he always finds him. And then it gets revealed that Missa was working with the raccoons and Bad backs away from Missa because how could he betray him. And Missa does try to explain it, he doesn’t know what is going on. He’s lost and confused and no one is answering his questions. q!Bad threatens and leaves q!Missa with the racoons just for the racoons to stab Missa in the back and rob him too.

This is when he asks himself, who can he trust? q!Bad isn’t who he thought he was, and the racoons betrayed him. He has considered q!Bad a friend for a long time because he’s always on when Missa is on and is always there to help (though if you ask me I would argue the opposite). He tried finding a way to justify Bad’s behavior, even the stuff chat brings up until he can’t. So, he goes back home and prepares a letter to Phil.

Because he realizes after everything in his life, after continuously trusting and relying on the wrong people, he concludes he can only trust q!Phil.

Missa never really leaves letters. His thing has always been paintings and small gifts. But for the first time (in what might be a long time) he leaves Phil a letter. Now that he’s accepted this is his home, he sees it’s also a place people can use to hurt him, in this case q!Bad.

Notice how when q!Bad came back and said he was gonna prank q!Phil and left, q!Missa immediately ran in to check on the kids? His priority and his fear will always be losing his family. He has spent so much of his life pushing himself a way from them, he doesn’t want to lose them when they’re so so close.

But as always… Missa runs. He runs away and sleeps somewhere else for tonight.

In his defense, I will say that this time it’s different. He’s running to protect his family. Is it the best option? I don’t think so. Missa always has struggled with feeling like he isn’t enough. And in this case, his families lives could be in danger so he runs away, because it’s his fault and he isn’t enough to protect them.

I will say. Things have changed. Because this time around he warned Phil. These two have had SOOO many instances of miscommunication and not talking to one another and we finally have a moment in which Phil is hearing directly from Missa. Not some other character, not his kids, Missa.

And the last thing Missa said when he went to bed. He wasn’t sleeping on a bed, because the only bed he will ever sleep on is the one in his home. LIKE FUCK. Yes he ran, yes he left to protect his family. But that’s his home. That’s where he will ALWAYS return to for comfort and safety. It isn’t a forever. It’s just for now.

For the first time, Missa is certain he will always have a home to return to.

#sorry if this makes no sense #I love Missa cubito so much #I just had to spit this out #qsmp #marv rants #death family #qsmp missa #qsmp philza #deathduo