Note: I am by no means a professional in health or otherwise. This is personal experience. I made this as a metaphor to help my parents understand me better.
funny how youāll be like oh no iāve got this mental issue handled its fine & then suddenly one day you realize itās having an actual negative impact on your life
Thing is, I'm not just anti-fatphobia as in "I don't want people to be mean to fat people"
I am pro fat liberation as in "I want to dismantle the systemic biases against fat people and the diet culture and medical industrial complex that feeds into the very real systemic oppression that fat people face"
I don't see fatphobia as a mere interpersonal issue where if you are being nice to fat people or saying things in a polite way to them you're automatically free of fatphobia. I see it as essential to challenge every bit of diet culture myth that we might encounter and break the unscientific ideas of "health" as defines by weight, fat, calories, bmi, and other nonsense. I see it as essential to view fatphobia as the political issue it is and take it seriously as such, and to unlearn and help others unlearn oppressive baseless ideas we have assumed to be true and natural.
really fucking irritating how many people think theyve invented blistering new social commentary by being like "what if a kink... forms because of trauma and social violence" without ever asking that same question about the sexual desires and practices that they consider normal and therefore natural and therefore not in need of explanation or justification
one of the more valuable things Iāve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.Ā
no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.Ā
no, your brother didnāt realize his music was that loud while you were studying.Ā
no, your bff or S.O. doesnāt remember that youāre on a tight deadline right now.
no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now. Ā
a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weightā¦.itās all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.Ā
Hereās the thing: most people donāt do that. Iām not saying everyone else is oblivious, Iām saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.Ā
I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether itās really there or just me over-reading things that actually donāt mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weightā¦thatās toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.Ā
The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.Ā