prippyrog

[prippyrog]

Age of Aquarius

seems like a good time to be a live

[prippyrog]

holding hands shuffling

i’m here, hi. my skin is soft and my blood is warm. i’m in an ecosystem. bacteria and plant and bird lives flurry around even in dark cool december.

ive had coffee and a state fair sugar donut. the sun is out. it is noon.

on the ice today the layers stacked and bubbled in large fish scale flakes under a smooth surface. ribbons flickered and slithered through the black stone surface. 

happy bodies. blue tarp sails, recumbent ice gliders with foot controlled rudders. confident little girl panting in a tee shirt, flying after a puck. 

large, slow, white haired bundled man. plodding with large coal black pointed eared dog. black eyes, black nose, paws stepping in a small awkward way. a six legged winter walking machine

i forget the virus, i think they all do

so much weight on the water, and i wonder how the world will have changed when this sheet returns to an element penetrable by air currents and scaled creatures

[prippyrog]

experiencing a window

i kept the questions inside 

painful knots and spurs

crying, dying again, push

breaking through into a new

dimension 

awake in the morning 

refreshed possibility

he sleeps away unaware 

his head on his pillow with his dreams

with the power to make me 

question anything

but i, stronger, here alone

all along undiscovered 

[prippyrog]

you wonder if there will ever be a time

to say how you feel

if its worth it right now

or more worth it to hold it inside

hope for a change

[prippyrog]

alone-ness is sacerd

[prippyrog]

Hallowsmorn / a scant cup

October 31 2020

8:13am

I just fed my little sourdough baby. I dont think i need to keep removing the recommended 113 grams a day because i have a house full of hungry friends and i feel like Plum and Bip and myself alone could put away quite a bit of bread. or you know, feed the square or other folks like Lutho does all the time.  Its is funny to me that a ubiquitous part of the sourdough recipe is to throw basically all of it away for the sole purpose of “not making too much”. 

Beginning a day with feeding my fermenting future food is a notably refreshing new practice for me. Start the day, feed the baby. Drink coffee, write. 

From my half lofted twin bed I hear but cannot understand the speakerphone announcements coming from the direction of Mercado. They come around 7:30 every Saturday morning and in all of this time living here I have never ventured out to learn what they’re about. I am curious, and shy.

In the time living at Lake and Bloomington, a bustling and kinetic hub for Latinx shops I have been able to relax enough of my social anxiety to try out my spanish and enjoy a few meaningful interactions with shop owners and clerks. Getting over the initial fear of not being understood or offending someone by crashing through a couple rough orders and having to switch back to English then back again made me feel more fluid, fluent enough. It seemed friendly and fun for both parties. We are all just people trying to communicate and navigate minutia. I am just a little passing moment in many people’s day. 

These experiences have been grounding.

Floating away:

What i woke up swallowed in last night is the feeling of dread and time closing in that i realize is mostly about Birthday’s bus and out date. And my outdate that i’ve let pass a couple times now with no real regrets or shame; reality shifts too much in this world. But i still find myself agonizing over any of the realities that do not exist yet but momentum is pushing toward. There is a rising melancholy like the starter in the jar tucked in my cupboard. a little each day. Building, intention, growing, checking. one day its going to be ready and real. bread to share or give away. A lot of thoughts and feelings surrounding this to reflect on. 

Sawdust everywhere, in his lungs. A scant cup a day, warm water. 

[prippyrog]

secret dimensions of love

Adelyn Strei

October 30 2020

[prippyrog]

[prippyrog]

Fifth Covid-19 Test

two dimensional blue 

circles with yellow text 

too close together, say one thing

do another

dots on which to place a game piece

some together in pairs, talking

i witness a young kiss through a 

pink paper mask

a nurse adjust, touch, comfort

a man succumbing, wearily, afraid

direct him to the fast track of care

a young woman with a mask down

wandering, bored, disheveled, 

eating orange cheesy popcorn 

for one hour in this room.

im called beyond, questioned

palms wet, head back against the wall

it hurts, twists, stays a while

twists again

she pulls her hand back and leaves it

twists again 

small and deep and unwelcome 

a tear bursts out the left eye

toes tapping loudly on the tile

i say thank you.

i say this doesn’t compare 

we agree

i walk through people waiting

to sun and quiet 

minneapolis downtown

[prippyrog]

The detritus of zero consequences

[prippyrog]

“songs” alive

October 30 2020 8:15 AM 

at 8:16 I almost chose “songs” by Adrienne Lenker to listen to for a second time this morning but i remembered Sam Amidon has a new record i would like to listen to, it came out the same day, October 23rd. Alec released Airplane Mode and Dexter released Lightness. 

The first time I listened to “songs” this morning it was while I brewed coffee and 3 quarts of English Breakfast black tea with one cup of granulated sugar for my second batch of kombucha. I harvested the first batch last night. It worked, it was pretty easy, and i did it all myself so now I have an affirmation that I can start something and see it through and enjoy the benefits. It has been a real struggle to feel that for a while now.

the clawing in the mind and the stomach feeling where I lose my body is the first stage, where the ideas are all inside. all the futures. its the worst one. many  die in this non precipitous cloud state. 

then there are projects and ideas and words that make it out and swirl around. sometimes dragging and other times with fever like intensity. a lot of music ends up here, relationships, repairs, cleaning, momentums lost without feeding for lack of effort or courage to look for food. 

i have seen some things through. i finished school, i went to berlin, i went to new york, i finished three records, ive gone on the big trips. don’t dwell on the delusion of disappointment. of struggle and futility. remember how good it feels to make it happen. 

Adrienne, of course, is a current example of seeing a song through and releasing a fully formed life into the world.  A few songs on the record are about marriage, becoming a wife, making a child. Whether that is self referential or not, i wonder how many things in her life flow toward a target on a direct line and arrive like her music or if she gets caught in the other stages most of the time, like me. Brother says it reminds him of Hazeltons in a message I read yesterday in the McDonalds drive through in St. Paul. I was on the way to rehearsal with AnThor and seriously doubting I could pull of any of the parts. I hadn’t and still havent slept enough to function. a morning of full depletion. I egg sausage grease bandaid obscenely encouraged me to survive. and add some stupid levity.

i’m grateful for references to Minneapolis in music. it is something i need sometimes.

today i get tested because sister’s been reached out to by contact tracing.

i really want to sleep with Birthday tonight or tomorrow, i haven’t seen him in two weeks 

[prippyrog]

[prippyrog]

tired sung in major key

watch the days fall in line

   count them down one at a time

always when i wake up too early

  try to take a little step around

oh wheres the light gone? i fall bereft

of the ways to lose my mind

this one id like to set these ones aside

  to kiss you with or write a rhyme

kiss you wish to walk the pines with 

you were gone i thought forever and now somehow 

forever and now somehow

forever and 

forever

you’re there in an instant

disoriented still determined

train my body to love all this nothing 

  to losing the ground around

stable as a candle flame held by my hand

        like you said to this morning

[prippyrog]

chasn (the bottom of) waterfalls

truly morning, this one. up before the first natural light in this minnesota sky. up to think about who i am and when in time; a time that is both accelerating out of perceivable control and swirling like a yellow-brown maple leaf in spring water flowing south in Trimbelle Wisconsin. I will do my best to be specific. mysterious when thats appropriate. 

is there a name for the churn at the base of a waterfall? the place things disappear and are pushed down and around violently in an invisible other-world of water and chaos before buoying up, wet and shocked and staring up at an staring back sky?

i dont know what goes on down there but i can sometimes relate to what i imagine it would feel like to be pummeled by falling water while being spun around like a flesh tone soft lace bra in a washer. straps getting tangled up around the white thrusting propeller blade gnashing around in blue gray suds. twisting up underwire beyond recognition until, dismayed, theres no choice but to make a tiny slit at the end of the cup and pull it out; a fortuitous outcome for future of underboob and soft flesh of mid rib and feelings of spiritual freedom from cultural and societal oppression. 

I haven’t cut the wire out yet. i havent even been fully submerged or twisted. maybe i need to stay til the cycle is complete. thats so dramatic. he was gone and i was letting go. its not necessary about that. that isnt what i am going to write about this morning *disappears into whisp of vagueness, frustration // still quite satisfied by a first post as prippyrog*

here are the words for “waterfall” in several languages. sourced from the website collinsdictionary.com

i still do not know the name for what comes next but still thinking of the feeling

In other languageswaterfall

British English:

waterfall

/ˈwɔːtəˌfɔːl/ nounA waterfall is a place where water flows over the edge of a steep cliff or rocks and falls into a pool below.

American English: waterfall

Arabic: شَلَّال

Brazilian Portuguese: cachoeira

Chinese: 瀑布

Croatian: vodopad

Czech: vodopád

Danish: vandfald

Dutch: waterval

European Spanish: cascada

Finnish: vesiputous

French: cascade eau

German: Wasserfall

Greek: καταρράκτης

Italian: cascata

Japanese: 滝

Korean: 폭포

Norwegian: foss

Polish: wodospad

European Portuguese: cascata

Romanian: cascadă

Russian: водопад

Spanish: cascada

Swedish: vattenfall

Thai: น้ำตก

Turkish: şelale

Ukrainian: водоспад

#waterfall #wisconsin #trimbelle #confusion #autumn #patriarchy #bra #morningpages