quicksilver-daydreams

[quicksilver-daydreams]

been a while...

#had an incredible outing tonight and just needed to pick apart and intellectualize the experience as i do #went to dinner and a movie with a guy friend #love this guy and i don't really want anything more BUT it really got me to thinking why i cut myself off romantically with men #i firmly believe that i could be perfect for a dude emotionally and intellectually and romantically #like i could demonstrate as much (and he for me) on a date but it will always come down to how i look #again i dont like this guy friend romantically BUT if i were skinny this whole outing would be our rom com moment #maybe im full of myself #but i would just like to see this all play out exactly the same but with a skinny version of myself #and tell me my hand wouldn't have been held in that theater #that i wouldn't have been kissed at my doorstep #idk it's weird to use this specific as a case study bc he's a great guy friend #it does make me wonder if i close myself off from him romantically BECAUSE i know he would never be attracted to me physically #idk #i think every friendly relationship with a man comes into question when you look like me (fat) #i am either a cow or a sex object #they're either repulsed or horny #maybe I'm generalizing #idk i simply don't feel this way with women though in sure they can exhibit the same feelings #i hate to be so binary about this but this is just my experience #I'm simply not built to be the object of genuine romantic affection #idk man #this outing just made me realize how comfortable i long to feel with a romantic partner #and instead of driving away at the end they follow me inside

[quicksilver-daydreams]

[quicksilver-daydreams]

love older movies where the main character has a boy best friend and a female love interest and they’re all polyamorous 

[quicksilver-daydreams]

hi! bringing this around again bc I'm still struggling. Anything helps!

hey y'all, I'm currently transitioning out of my position at work and that's put me in a bit of a bind financially. If you're in a position to lend a few bucks, I would greatly appreciate the assistance. Anything helps 🙏🏼

venmo: marithemusical

cashapp: $marithemusical

#i feel so embarrassed doing this but i have no one to turn to for this #and again only if you can i thankfully have a roof over my head and food that is secure

[quicksilver-daydreams]

[quicksilver-daydreams]

†

[quicksilver-daydreams]

bro,,, to be seen as poetry???? to have someone look at you and see art?????? bro.

#i can only dream #like i crave this so bad y'all don't even know #i wish i was a moment's muse to someone

[quicksilver-daydreams]

Sometimes the small pleasures hit different. A clean house, a hot drink, making something from scratch, sitting on the porch with a loved one. Little soul-feeding activities.

[quicksilver-daydreams]

I'm just kind of in a constant state of heartbreak these days

i miss the friends i just let slip away bc of how sad I've been and now im so alone

I'm in the process of turning a new leaf but i need to mourn all the what-if's right now

#i want more friends #more people i can support and they can support me #i wanna love and be loved #hopefully i can start letting more light in

[quicksilver-daydreams]

[quicksilver-daydreams]

"men always lie" yeah, lie on their back and hold their legs up and moan

[quicksilver-daydreams]

in this new year I want you to be alright. I hope you move out. I hope you have enough money to feel safe. I hope you abandon shame and forgive yourself. I hope you get enough sleep and some good news. I hope you laugh a lot and the heaviness of the world eases a bit. I wish you to be alright.

#thank you

[quicksilver-daydreams]

onion and garlic are a handsome older couple and ginger is their sexy little 3rd.

[quicksilver-daydreams]

Cosmos. Oil on wood, 2022

[quicksilver-daydreams]

oswaldo cepeda

[quicksilver-daydreams]

just so u know everything in the entire universe is always about love and when it isn't about love it is abt the absence of love. hope this makes sense

[quicksilver-daydreams]

the future is written in the stars