radium1097

[radium1097]

i scream and cry

but you don’t hear me,

to you i am convenient silence.

i need you to listen to me

and understand

that i don’t want to be fine

all of the time anymore.

i want to scream and cry,

i want you to hear me,

i no longer want to be convenient silence.

-convenient silence

#autistic experiences #feelings #original poem #poetry

[radium1097]

i will no longer drink

from the mouth of the pig,

for how will i ‘learn’?

that passel

wont teach me anything.

because all i have ever tasted

is disingenuous,

and one day,

when i have strengthened

the foundation of my own bones,

i will no longer drink

from the mouth of the pig.

pigs.

-detachment from the sounder of swine

#autistic experiences #feelings #original poem #poetry

[radium1097]

throughout my life, my early years

i had neglected my soul

my true self

so much

denying it of any kind of expression,

that it had seeped

from the tips of my fingers,

into the earth below

and in its wake

a seed was planted

which eventually grew

into a tree that resembled

my body, my life

it blossomed, it never died

it was living, thriving

as if it was truly happy

being allowed to grow

without being told ‘you can’t’

every now and again

i sit

at the stump of the tree

admiring what i,

wonderful, just as i was,

had become

and hoped to myself

that one day i would have enough faith

to sit, again

and embody

what had slipped away from me

no matter hard it would be

or what it would feel like.

-literal and metaphorical growth of the soul

#autistic experiences #original poem #poetry #feelings

[radium1097]

realisation,

like ripping off a plaster

bandaged over a fresh wound,

which would sting at first

but by allowing some time to adjust

eventually allowed for

comfort, healing

realisation,

stomach sinking,

so painful, sudden

yet the relief in the aftermath

thinking,

‘maybe i didn’t deserve that.’

-‘ripping off the bandage’

#poetry #feelings #autistic experiences #original poem

[radium1097]

i blamed myself constantly

for making you leave

but im blind

you left me

dejected

alone

-you never even loved me

[radium1097]

me too

[radium1097]

theory: radiohead ‘in rainbows’ was just a fever dream.

idk maybe it did happen