reallydelicatezombie

[reallydelicatezombie]

Okay, we're gonna say this ONE MORE TIME since people seem to forget this, but DISABLED PEOPLE EXIST! We walk among you, even if you're not aware. You probably know someone who's disabled. *looks at the camera* Maybe even you!

It's not as simple as saying, "Don't use the app! Use pencil and paper instead!" There are many reasons why someone might use these apps, including pregnancy, and conditions that affect the frequency of/symptoms associated with the cycle, such as endometriosis, adenomyosis, PCOS, uterine fibroids, cancer (cervical, uterine, ovarian, etc.), Nutcracker Syndrome, May-Thurner's, etc. ADHD, certain medications, etc. can affect your ability to remember to write things down, etc., and these apps also help remind users of when their cycle might be coming (many people's cycles do not occur at the same time each month, and can vary greatly from one month to the next).

Stress, environmental factors, diet, medications, exercise--all of these things can cause hormonal changes and thus affect the cycle. There is a real push to make complex biological processes (sexual orientation, periods, pregnancy, etc.) seem like straightforward, black-and-white events that have clearly defined steps and neat little beginnings and endings, and they're fucking not. This stems from ableism, which is deeply and intimately tied to racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia.

I realize people are concerned for the safety of others, but PLEASE: if you offer up a solution, make sure it's accessible to everyone.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #disabled #disability #accessibility #period tracker

[reallydelicatezombie]

[reallydelicatezombie]

Reposting on the CORRECT day this time. Y'all know how to celebrate. 🚬🌬

I am sadly a few days late with this, because 4/20 isn't the most productive day, BUT: here ya go.

[reallydelicatezombie]

[reallydelicatezombie]

NOTE TO SELF-SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

[reallydelicatezombie]

Position anon again, would you please write a NSFW alphabet for Alucard? Pretty please? 🥺

Alucard N S F W Alphabet*

I'm personally offended that I haven't done this for Lulu before. Anyway, rather than just spelling out his name, I'll give you the entire alphabet. Heh. This is LONG! Your thoughts and keyboard smashes are welcome. 🤭

P.S. I go explicit and specific; read at your own risk. I also tried my best to keep it as gender-neutral as possible, so this is [Alucard x You]. However, I did have a little self-indulgent fun with W: wild card, the only section with an obvious she/her indication. Just so you know!

A: Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Aftercare is not optional to this dhampir. It's a must. It doesn't matter if you had a quick romp or a long night, he'd still take the time to treat you right, especially if he'd been rather rough with you.

Forehead kisses, soft caresses, helping clean you up—you name it and he's got it covered. It's all about making sure you feel loved, appreciated, and cared for.

Alucard is not one to just up and leave or make you feel used. In fact, it's noticeable how much more he dotes on you after actually using you up good and fucking you raw into next week. 😏

B: Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and their partner’s)

Your neck. Let's not even pretend that Alucard doesn't gravitate towards it. As you ride him, he buries his face in the crook of your neck and nips and pecks at your throat. There's a part of him that wants to sink his fangs into you then and there and another that wants nothing more than to whisper sweet nothings against your skin as you throw your head back in bliss.

Alucard likes his hands—the way they're so large against yours; how perfectly your hands feel in his own. He likes his hands gripping your thighs or hips, his hand coming down to slap your ass, his hands caressing every inch of you. The way his hand closes around your wrist, encircling it completely as if it was made to do nothing but. The way he pushes you down with his hand on the small of your back as he prepares to take you from behind. Most of all, all of the things his hands can do to make you cum.

C: Cum (anything to do with cum)

Alucard's desire to spill his seed inside you is next to nothing sometimes. If you'd let him, he'd bury himself balls-deep and cum inside you each and every time.

He loves to make you cum, loves the way you sound—the hitching of your breath, your begging, the way you can barely keep yourself from shaking as he coaxes yet another orgasm out of you. He loves to praise you for it. "God, you're fucking beautiful," is something you hear often. It just never gets old.

D: Dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

Alucard loves when you allow him to bend you over whichever way he pleases. Loves how tiny and pliable you look underneath him, adjusting and propping your arms and legs as he sees fit. Just the sight of you like that, it's enough to push him over the edge.

So, you know he draws you—you are his muse after all. You've seen his sketches. But not the ones of your beautiful, naked body. Not even the tasteful pieces he draws as you sleep. Not the ones where, try as he might, he just can't replicate how utterly divine you look when he fucks you. He's a talented artist, but nothing tops the real thing.

E: Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Is he very experienced? No. Does he know what he's doing? Hell yes. His mother was a doctor and his father is a man of science. He lives in a castle full of resources. He has deep knowledge of biology—he's got the theory down pat. Sure, he fumbled a little the first few times, but he quickly learnt how you like to be pleased.

Besides, being a dhampir, Alucard is in tune with your body's responses to his ministrations. When you're intimate, he can practically feel your heart racing, dear. He knows when you're close, can tell when he's hitting it good, need I say more?

F: Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Mastery. He sits on the edge of the bed, feet flat on the floor to support you sitting on top of him with your legs bent on either side of him, your feet flat on the bed. This position allows you to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss. It lets you start off slow, very intimate—with you grinding against and riding him. Once you're a little tired (or he starts growing impatient), he simply grips your hips and pounds up into you until you're a screaming wreck. His grip on your hips and his feet securely planted on the floor allows him to rut into you fast. And the view? Fucking fantastic. He loves watching you come undone like this, seeing you throw your head back and expose your throat to him. Yes.

For a quick romp, you can't go wrong with doggy style. When you're in his study and you both get a little too distracted? He’ll bend you over his desk and have his way with you.

G: Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Oh, he's very serious about giving both of you a good time, alright. He might do something that makes you giggle, sure, but for the most part it's probably accidental and not his intention. Sex with Alucard can be intimate and sweet or downright animals humping in the undergrowth (👀), no in between. He's not here for the shits and giggles, darling.

H: Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

It does match. Maybe not all the time completely bare, but he keeps himself neat and tidy. Do you see his luxurious hair? He takes care of himself down there too.

I: Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Alucard loves to see you and hear you. He's considerate and goes out of his way to find what works for you. So much so he probably has ruined you for anyone else. You'll never find a more receptive lover; it’s time to accept that.

When you make sweet love, he whispers sweet nothings against your skin. He peppers kisses all over you and makes you feel like the most gorgeous being on the planet. He's not afraid to voice his thoughts out loud too, praising you and urging you on.

J: Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

You remember those naughty sketches of you? Yep. He has used them a couple times while you were away. You're in his thoughts whenever he touches himself.

K: Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Edging. He not-so-secretly loves it when you beg. How are you to know how much more you can take? He'll just have to show you.

When you moan his name as you grip the sheets and quake beneath him? Yeah. He loves it, especially when you can barely even make out the words for “Adrian, please, please, please.”

When you take control and ride him like your life depends on it, it does something to his brain. You on top, taking control and looking absolutely beautiful as you do so... he could cum just from the thought of it.

There is a part of him that likes the thought of cumming deep inside you and breeding you. Maybe it's that loneliness that sometimes nags at him, maybe he yearns for a family, but he can't lie this feels utterly divine.

L: Location (favourite places to do the do)

The bed is cliche, but it works and is comfortable. Your kitchen counter, desk, against the wall or a tree, table, or out at some secluded clearing by the lake... Alucard is truly not that picky, as long as you're not out in the public for other eyes to see and you’re both comfortable.

M: Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your reactions and enthusiasm. Knowing you're into it just as much as he is.

When you sashay towards him, crooking your finger at him to beckon him closer? He's right there with you in a heartbeat.

When you wear his shirt and it swallows your smaller frame? It turns him on more than he lets on.

When you moan his name and gasp and writhe in pleasure. When you beg for him to take you harder, faster, and deeper. It just about short-circuits his brain.

N: No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any form of bondage or restrictions to his movement. It brings up unnecessary trauma and makes him feel that he's not in control or safe. He is mostly a switch, sure, letting you take control and dominate too, but tying him up is just a no-go for him.

He won't transform into a wolf. It's practically bestiality, which he's not down for.

Somnophilia or any other act where consent can be dubious. He's just big on consent and trust, for obvious reasons.

O: Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves having absolute control over your pleasure, knowing it's him coaxing the sighs and moans and screams out of you. He enjoys how easily he can make you cum and drive you mad.

That said, he also loves watching you pleasure him, taking as much of his hard length as you can, especially whenever you greedily swallow his load.

P: Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It really depends. Sex can be whatever it needs to be in the moment. While he loves nothing more than to take his time and make sweet love to you, he also loves ravaging you and leaving you utterly spent. It's satisfying either way.

The usual case is he begins slowly and sensually, but by the end of it (and sometimes without warning), he's rutting into you like his life depends on it.

Q: Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He isn't above having a quickie if that is all time permits, but he would really much rather have his way with you properly!

R: Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Given that he's a dhampir, he knows exactly how to go unseen or unnoticed. It's likely his risk assessment is much more honed. You might think you're being risky, but he is well aware of the chances of you getting caught in the act.

As for experimenting—other than his hard reservations (the ones listed in N), he is game to experiment and try different things you may be curious about as long as you both feel safe and comfortable about them.

S: Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's a dhampir... need I say more? The chances of you exhausting him first is little. Sorry to burst your bubble. 😆 He's got stamina for days, honey.

T: Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Alucard is not above using toys to pleasure you. But what can a toy do that he can't do better? Hah. Chances are he will attempt to learn how it pleases you and try to replicate that with his own cock, mouth, and hands.

U: Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He can be such a little tease. You know the way he banters. That snark and sass can sometimes make their way inside the bedroom too.

"What was that, darling?" he'd ask, as if his amazing sense of hearing wasn't enough to register your begging as he edges you for the nth time. "Tsk. Patience, my love..." he would even dare chide you!

Alucard also loves to glide his fangs over your skin, just enough to leave a faint mark but not enough to draw blood.

V: Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not shy to let you know he’s having a good time, but he’s also not overly loud. He gasps, moans, and curses, a tight-lipped “Fuck!” slipping out once in a while.

W: Wild card (a random headcanon)

He loves to praise you. His way of talking dirty is to let you know how good you feel around him. How ethereal you are, how perfect for him, how you taste so sweet.

He encourages you as he pushes you over the limit. “Yes, yes, darling, you can take it. Cum for me,” he would say. He’d place a kiss on your open mouth as you convulse around him as he rips yet another orgasm out of you. “My sweet darling,” he would groan, wiping the sweat off your brow. “How perfect you are. Good girl.” And just like that, he’s about to do it all over again. RIP. 😫

X: X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s active and it shows. He’s well built without being overly bulky. It suits him—muscular/toned yet elegant and lean.

He’s packing a just-about-above average penis, but nothing you cannot handle. The man’s over six foot, it just fits.

Y: Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Alucard is the type to yearn and pine, so set the volume level up cause he cannot get enough of you. Enough said.

Z: Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sometimes you drift off to sleep together, but you usually fall asleep first.

He’s a night owl. He’d take you in his arms and stroke your hair as you sleep, admiring the way you glow under the moonlight, and wonder how he got so lucky to have found you. 🤍🌙

[reallydelicatezombie]

The world is better for having you in it. <3

Last Week Tonight, March 16, 2022

[reallydelicatezombie]

Horrifying.

[reallydelicatezombie]

As someone from Louisiana, it's even worse than you can imagine. We have the worst outcome for fetal and maternal deaths in the nation, and there's a shortage of not only OBGYNs, but also hospitals within driving distance for many of the states rural residents (which is A LOT of the state).

Gee, I thought these people were the ones who were like “If you don’t like it, you can just move to a blue state.”

And now they’re mad the guy is doing just that?

You can’t oppress and discriminate against someone then be mad when they take their highly useful skill elsewhere.

[reallydelicatezombie]

I feel seen.

#former Christian kid

[reallydelicatezombie]

Yep.

Always the writer, never the reader.

[reallydelicatezombie]

Omg omg omg so I am having Morpheus ideas, you and Morpheus have been dating for a while but he’s never told you he can see you daydreaming, so imagine sitting in the library with him and Lucienne as they do their work and you start daydreaming of Morpheus just bending you over a table and just rearranging your guts. He asks Lucienne to leave because that’s enough work for one night and turns to you “Oh dear, what am I going to do with you?” Flustered you’re just like hwat, and he’s like “you really wish me to take you here?” And you’re like holy shit he knows and you’re like “Why didn’t you tell me you could see what I was daydreaming about?” “You never asked” And then makes your daydream a reality

This honestly is my fav headcanon that Dream can see your daydreams

“Perhaps we can …”

“… oh yes and …”

Lucienne and Dream talked back and forth about new plans and ideas for the Dreaming. You were contributing, however, now you were left alone to your thoughts as their voices drifted off.

You sighed, leaning on your hand. Your eyes scanned around the library trying to find some entertainment only to land back on Dream. He and Lucienne stood side by side overlooking a large map of the Dreaming. Your eyes dropped down watching as his slender finger skimmed over the map pointing to various areas. Oh, how it stirred up your imagination.

“Just like that, my love.” Dream cooed. His fingers pumped inside of you as you laid sprawled across the table. “Moan my name.”

You shouldn’t have indulged in your little daydream, but you were exceptionally bored.

So, why not? What was the harm?

Dream flipped you around. Your chest pressed into the cool wooden table. You whined softly as Dream teased you with his cock.

“Louder.” He bent over you, and purred into your ear. “I want to hear you. I want to hear how good I make you feel.”

A lazy, blissful smile tugged on your lips at your at your delectable daydream.

Dream, on the other hand, clenched his jaw. His eyes flickered over. You had a glassy haze in your eyes. You were far too enraptured with your daydream, and he couldn’t necessarily blame you.

His own body started to react at your thoughts.

“Lucienne, I do believe this is enough for tonight. We can pick up the rest tomorrow,” Dream calmly stated. The calm before the storm you were about to experience.

Lucienne nodded and smiled. “Of course, my lord. Goodnight to the both of you.”

You flinched, snapping yourself out of your thoughts. You quickly covered up your nerves - as if you were a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar - with a warm smile then waved her Goodnight.

Dream kept his eyes directly on you, listening as Lucienne’s footsteps faded away and the resounding click of the library’s doors. He slowly stalked over to you. “My dear, what am I going to do with you?”

You blinked, looking at him. “Huh, what do you mean?”

With a single finger, he tilted your chin up. He bent down, skimming his lips over yours. “If you wanted me, you should ask rather conjure up such fantasies.”

You tensed up as your heart sunk to the bottom of your stomach. “Wait, wait, you - you saw those?”

“Oh, yes.”

You nervously swallowed. “You can see my daydreams?”

“I can see everyone’s daydreams.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You squeaked out. Your mind immediately thought back to all your daydreams, especially all those ones with Dream. Even the ones before the two of you got together.

He smirked, “You never asked.”

Your heart lurched in your chest, feeling a heat in your cheeks.

Taking your hands, he gently guided you up to your feet only to swiftly push you down on the table. A gasp left your lips. He carefully spread your legs and nestled himself between them.

Your eyes widened.

He leaned down, caging you onto the table. “Let me make your dreams come true.”

#damn

[reallydelicatezombie]

Bend me over that table, my Lord. 🙏

A blurb where reader enjoys teasing Morpheus pleaseee

Here you go, enjoy!

Warnings: not really smut but it's definitely suggestive

By now, teasing Morpheus could definitely be considered a hobby of yours.

You love how easily he reacts to your touch, your words, your lips. Especially in public when he can't do anything about it.

He's always very nonchalant when it happens and not even his siblings notice. Well, maybe Desire, judging by the grin on their face when your hand ghosts over Morpheus' thigh at the dinner table.

The others might not notice but you do. You see how his pupils widen and how his fingers start tapping on the dinner table. Almost nervous. And Morpheus doesn't do nervous.

Unless of course, in those moments were you softly place a kiss on his cheek while your hand travels higher.

"Enough," he whispers as you pull away.

"I don't know what you're talking about." You smile innocently and when you lick over your lips, a bit too slow, his eyes darken while Desires grin widens from across the table.

"Are you alright, brother?" They ask and he only glares at them.

"How do you like the wine?" Death asks you, unsuspicous of what is going on.

"It's divine," you reply warmly. "It reminds of the one we drank in Rome a few years back. Isn't that right, Morpheus?"

You didn't drink much of it then. No, instead you spilled it all over the white carpet as Morpheus bent you over the dinner table. He remembers. You see it in the glare he sends your way.

"That's right," he says, voice just a little tighter than usual. He leans over to you when you take another sip of the wine. "You will regret this later," he whispers, his hot breath against your ear causing a tug in your lower stomach.

"Oh, I hope so, my Lord."

[reallydelicatezombie]

[reallydelicatezombie]

[reallydelicatezombie]

[reallydelicatezombie]

BETTER HEALTH, PLEASE! COME TF ON, LI'L POTATO