reflectionfamily

[reflectionfamily]

The 4F’s: Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn

By Pete Walker

[Note: this post is very long!]

“This model elaborates four basic defensive structures that develop out of our instinctive Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn responses to severe abandonment and trauma (heretofore referred to as the 4Fs). Variances in the childhood abuse/neglect pattern, birth order, and genetic predispositions result in individuals “choosing” and specializing in narcissistic (fight), obsessive/compulsive (flight), dissociative (freeze) or codependent (fawn) defenses.”

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[reflectionfamily]

There were little drops of blood all over the floor...

[reflectionfamily]

people have got to get normaler about systems

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[reflectionfamily]

It's interesting how if you're a system and you have at least one insys couple , no matter how much you say you hate yourself , in some capacity , deep down , you do love yourself .

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me when i successfully make it as a core alter to therapy and i go to click the “join” button and a fictive pops out

#plural system #pluralgang #dissociative identities #plural posting #plural stuff #plural things #plurality #did system #dissociative alters #plural positivity #did osdd #osddid #actually did #did community #didosdd #osdd community #osdd system #actually osdd #osdd

[reflectionfamily]

Something I will never understand is why Anti-Endos will create and coin terms and flags, and then gatekeep them from Endogenic systems (and often people who support them too).

Like... You're creating a term that can benefit people, then using your bigoted platform to gatekeep said term from people that term could benefit??? All because you don't agree with someone and how they identify????

The way I look at it, you should either make a term that benefits EVERYONE, not just the people you cherrypick, or you don't make the term at all. Gatekeeping plural terms and flags is extremely rude, hurtful, and bigoted, not to mention immature, too. It's no different than a TERF coining an LGBTQ term/flag but then saying "Anyone who's Trans cannot use this term!!!!"

You're allowed to coin terms. You're allowed to disagree with people, and how they identify. But as soon as you coin a term and immediately turn around to be exclusionary with it, I'm sorry, but I consider that term fair use if you like it or not. What, you're gonna ask someone to change their identity simply because you don't like it?

[reflectionfamily]

Small Annoyances as a Polyfragmented System

There are certain patterns and events that we see in our life (mainly in system spaces) that get under our skin as a polyfrag system that smaller systems don't seem to be able to relate to. In an attempt to spread information on what it's like to be a polyfrag system – because goodness knows it's hard to find that – we've created this list of those annoyances, along with examples and explanations of why we find them annoying. Although, this turned into a vent post by the end, so... you have been warned!

Disclaimer: this post mainly applies to our personal experiences. We're sure that other polyfrag systems (and probably other large systems) may be able to relate to some of the things here, but you don't have to relate to any or all of them to be a real polyfrag system.

Polyfragmented Annoyances:

Most system tips do not work with our system because they're based in having a small member count. Anything that starts with "Have every system member..." is a no-go, because it is impossible for us to include every system member in system activities. There's a bunch of people in dormancy, whole sidesystems that we've barely explored, and even counting only the members we know could potentially participate, that's still hundreds of people to go through. It's not gonna work out. "Every system member" is not an achievable goal.

Blurring and other identity confusion happens a lot more often than you'd think, since a lot of us are fragments or otherwise not "full" headmates. When you don't check all the boxes to be a fully independent system member and constantly need at least one other member around to get even basic stuff done, it can be easy to lose track of where the line between you and another system member is.

On that note, co-fronting is a necessity and people outside the system (whether system or singlet) don't seem to understand that very often. We need to have multiple people in front – our system is not designed to have only one person alone controlling the body and aware of what's going on. Whereas most other systems experience negative side effects if they have too many headmates fronting, we more often experience negative side effects if not enough headmates front, and that can create a lot of estrangement when the former is usually the only example of fronting arrangement issues you can find. In addition, people outside the system (mostly singlets, but some systems too) don't seem to understand the implications of "We usually/almost always have a crowded front." Any interactions you have with one of us are going to be overseen, filtered through, and influenced by everyone else in front; if you're building a relationship* with one of us, you're probably building a relationship with several others, too.

Having to do so much more work to keep track of everyone. Organizing headmates by sidesystem, subsystem, etc can be a hassle, and system mapping becomes a lot more difficult when you've got a lot of people to include in your map. You not only have to frequently register new members in things such as Pluralkit and SimplyPlural, but you have to update that data as they learn more about themselves and the system develops, so we end up taking hours to just sit down and go through as many headmates as we can. Simply put, keeping any records of our system is so much more complicated because we're polyfragmented, even if it's just something basic like writing down everyone's names.

Introjects often face a name struggle that they wouldn't if we were a smaller system. Because of how often we get multiple introjects of the same character or person, every introject is expected to take up some kind of nickname so they can be more easily identified and identity issues aren't too frequent, which is its own troublesome process. Especially when we see small systems who don't need to do this... it can make us a bit jealous at times.

It's difficult to find anything about systems of our size. Most systems on platforms like TikTok and YouTube are small, so it's hard to find videos about larger systems. Most systems in fiction, whether they're positive representation or the usual stock-horror serial killer stereotype, have a small number of members so audiences don't get lost or confused. Even within the system community in settings like on Tumblr, it can be hard to find other large systems talking about their own experiences and how they differ from smaller systems – in fact, the experiences of small systems are seen as the "right" experiences in some cases, so if a large system goes outside of that, they are seen as "faking," "promoting unhealthy behavior," etc. We just want to find posts about us that go beyond one-sentence shout-outs, c'mon.

Related to that second-to-last bit, common polyfrag experiences are treated as automatic signs of "faking." Oh, you have a lot of headmates? Faker! You have more than one introject of or from the same source? Faker! You gain new members easily? Faker! Your headmates have highly specific roles? Faker! Some headmates don't have roles because others already handle those jobs? Faker! You often have multiple people in co-front or co-con? Faker! JFC, why is my existence automatically seen as a lie?! A lot of these fakeclaimers supposedly "support" polyfrag systems, too, but then the second a polyfrag system is, y'know, polyfrag, oooohhhh noooo, time to write a call-out about how they're "obviously faking it."

*"Relationship" is used as a general term here and does not refer solely to romantic relationships.

In conclusion, being polyfragmented comes with a lot of small annoyances that aren't helped by how, even in system spaces, we're often misunderstood, mocked, and fakeclaimed. It'd be nice to find more content or resources about/for polyfrag systems, but I'm not holding my breath.

[reflectionfamily]

A PSA to younger systems who present with no/less amnesia

You may slowly develops more amnesia as you get older. A lot of systems online today do not actually understand how DID develops. People hear that DID develops before age 9ish and don't think much more about it. DID begins developing with trauma before age 9ish. When you turn the age of the cut off for trauma (wherever that exact age might be for you) your system and personality is not magically done developing. It probably doesn’t all finish developing until you are in your 20s or so and your brain is finished developing. Especially if you are still in the traumatizing environment and or do not have access to therapy to work on bringing down dissociative barriers. Your amnesia could slowly get worse over time. This could cause a system that would present without amnesia to present with amnesia by the time they are out of high school.

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when you consume an entire piece of media (a series, movie, book, game etc.) without splitting an introject from it

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sorry babe for switching out last night, the bitches in my head were throwing a smear campaign against you and trying to burn me at the stake. do you still love me

[reflectionfamily]

WHAT IS POLYFRAGMENTATION

a common misconception i see in the community is that polyfragmentation refers to having a high alter count, and id like to talk about what it actually means polyfragmentation is characterized by a complex system structure, complex splitting patterns, a large number of fragments, a lack of non-dissociative coping mechanisms, and often trauma that began at an early age and impacted all areas of life COMPLEX SYSTEM STRUCTURE - often involving layers, subsystems, or other divisions within the system that keep alters separate in groups COMPLEX SPLITTING PATTERNS - this involves splitting in groups, splitting multiple alters to hold different parts of the same trauma, etc LARGE FRAGMENT COUNT - polyfragmented systems will have a high fragment count, fragments are alters who lack a full sense of identity LACK OF NON-DISSOCIATIVE COPING MECHANISMS - where splitting would typically be a last resort for most systems, polyfragmented systems can be pushed to the point of splitting much easier, even from daily life stressors EARLY LIFE TRAUMA - according to richard p kluft, polyfragmented DID is often caused by longstanding severe abuse beginning early in life - hund

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if you've ever purposefully tried to deny your system/"turn it off" and it still keeps happening, your system can't be fake.

you can't subconsciously fake something while fighting against it.

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Host: thats it. We have like 20 alters, that's all, discovery is finished.

Subsystems in subsystems he doesn't even know about:

[reflectionfamily]

No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you.

Carl Jung

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"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”

-Carl Jung

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"I must have a dark side also if I am to be whole".

-Carl Jung